Chapter 13:
Fate
Howie didn’t actually make love to me in the
middle of the lake that day, although that would have been fucking awesome. No,
he was the perfect gentleman. We laid there for quite some time before swimming
back to the real world, but it didn’t matter. For me the “real world” wasn’t
going to be the “real world” any more.
Howie was really sweet. As I drove him
back to town he asked if I wanted to go have dinner with him in Lexington.
After all those hours at the lake, he still wanted to spend time with me. As
much as I wanted to say yes, I couldn’t. I had to work and I couldn’t miss it.
I was already down to only one job and if I wanted to get out of town I was
going to need some money to do it. It almost hurt to have to drop him off. “So,
if you live in Florida, what are you doing in Kentucky?” I asked as we drove
toward Brian’s house.
“Actually Nick AJ and I all just came
for the Charity dinner but decided to come a week early to help Brian and Leigh
move.” He said and then chuckled, “But I don’t think we’ve actually been any
help.” After that, his smirk faded. “We’re all flying back on Thursday.”
I nodded but couldn’t help the frown
on my face. In a couple of days he would go back home and be gone from my life
forever. “That doesn’t have to mean goodbye.” He said when he saw my pout.
I forced a smile but I was so
confused. I didn’t respond but I couldn’t help the nervous side-glances I kept
throwing his direction. As we pulled up Brian’s drive Howie began to stare at
me. I was nervous so I focused my attention on the beautiful old house in front
of me. “It’s gorgeous isn’t it?” I said with a nervous laugh.
Howie didn’t respond to the obvious
small talk but he did continue to fucking stare at me. I looked over at him
nervously and there was a hint of sadness behind his sweet smile. “I know what
your thinking.” He said. “I know I sound a little crazy but I meant what I said
about taking you back with me. But if you want you could just come check it out
for a week or something and see if it’s a possibility.”
Yup, he did know what I was thinking.
I was so nervous I could fucking puke. A fucking stranger had asked me to come
to Florida with him. And more than anything I wanted to go, but I was trying to
be realistic. Was that really a possibility? Did I really know him well enough
to do something like that? He’s charming for sure and I get fucking weak at his
touch, but mom once thought the same thing about dad and look where that got
her. I sat searching for the right words and Howie took one of my hands in his.
“I’m nervous too,” he said, “But this…” He leaned over the console pressing his
lips to mine.
His manner was soft at first and when
I gave in to his touch he rested his hand on the side of my face and pulled me
closer to deepen the kiss. I’ve kissed a number of guys in my days but never
has one of them been able to stop time the way Howie did when he touched me.
Who knows how long he actually held the kiss but it felt like forever and yet
not long enough at the same time. When he finally released my lips he stared
intensely into my eyes. I was breathing heavily and shaking all over. “I know
you feel that.” He whispered, “That’s something worth exploring.”
He’s goddamned right I felt that! How
could I fucking not? The fucking bastard is good! “I’ve never been in love
before,” he continued, “So I don’t how it’s supposed to feel, but I’d bet it
starts out a lot like this.”
He had to have heard that line in a
movie somewhere. People don’t fucking talk like that for real. Do they? Aw
hell, line or not, I didn’t care. Howie waited for me to respond but I just
didn’t know what to say. My head was a fucking mess. I had so much hitting me
all at once. My father, Howie, Danny, and my own fucking hormones… I needed
some time to get a grip on it all. “I need a fucking drink!” I replied.
From the look on his face, I’m not
sure Howie liked that response all that much. Fuck! A man like him’s probably
used to getting everything he wants. Part of me wanted to tell him to toughen
up a little and call him crazy. How could he be talking about love? Sure, the
thought had crossed my mind once or twice, but I wasn’t about to say it out
loud. I only fucking met the guy a few days ago. But I didn’t tell him he was
crazy, in fact I had quite the soft spot for his overly dramatic speech.
I finally smiled at the poor man who
had just thrown his heart out on his fucking sleeve for me, “Howie.” I began,
“You’re this rich, handsome, stranger who treats me better than anyone ever has
and every time you touch me I just want to fucking die, but you’re too fucking
perfect. It’s like you really are the prince fucking charming that this
Cinderella’s been dreaming about her entire life. It’s all just a little too
overwhelming.”
“Sometimes dreams come true.”
“Not for me they don’t.”
Howie sighed and slumped back in his
seat. The man had to understand my hesitation, at least a little. I’m not
totally crazy, right? I mean I wasn’t exactly saying no, I just couldn’t help
but think that this was all too fucking good to be true. “Someone once told me
not to let fear get in the way of my dreams.” Howie said and then gripped the
handle of the door. “So you take some time and think about it and tomorrow
night this prince charming will be at the ball waiting for Cinderella to show
up and make all his dreams come true.”
He leaned over and kissed me again.
Not fucking fair! How the hell was I supposed to think clearly when he kept
doing that? He pulled away and opened the door finally ready to get out of the
car. “Goodnight Cindy.” He whispered. He flashed me one last intoxicating smile
and then made his way to the front door.
“Fuck me.” I sighed as I watched him
disappear inside the house. Leighanne waved enthusiastically at me from the
door and gave me a thumbs up when Howie was out of sight. I laughed to myself
and then waved back as I pulled out of the drive.
When I got to the bar that night, I
was glad to see it was slow. Normally I fucking hate slow nights but tonight I
really needed the peace. I kept replaying the day’s events over and over in my
head. There was really a lot to think about, today had been fucking eventful,
but the part that seemed to stick out the most was the lake. Not just the fact
that Howie kissed me, but everything, everything that it represented. I must
have been pretty deep in thought because I didn’t hear Hal calling my name
until he was fucking snapping his fingers in front of my face. “What’s on your
mind kiddo?” he chuckled.
Hal was surprised with my answer. “You
still have that picture of my mom? The one at the lake.”
“My god Cindy! What on Earth made you
think of that?”
“Do you?”
Hal gave me a peculiar look but then
disappeared into the back. Moments later he returned with a worn copy of an old
photograph. He handed it to me and my eyes glistened at the sight. It’d been so
long since I’d seen it that I’d almost forgotten what it looked like. I studied
the picture closely and couldn’t believe the resemblance between us. “You look
just like her you know.” Hal said taking a trip down memory lane.
I looked at the smile on my mom’s
face. That was exactly the way I remembered it. Hal sighed. “Your momma used to
be so lively; always the hit of the party. God she was beautiful.”
I found myself trying to imagine the
girl in the photograph exciting and full of life. She really was beautiful. I’m
sure she had her pick of all the guys. I thought about the woman who was no
doubt at home in some self induced coma. She was so pathetic now. She was angry
and bitter. Her spirit was fucking dead. “I can’t understand how a person can
change so much.” I said feeling more sorry for her than angry.
“Life’s not always fair. I hated
watching your father slowly strip her of her soul until he’d finally broken her
all together. I knew what he was doing. I used to try and convince her to get
out, but she’d never listen.”
“God she was so stupid! How could she
do that to herself?”
Hal looked at me just then in a way I
can’t describe but I’ll never forget and I knew I was about to get a serious
slap in the face. “You tell me Cindy.” He said making my eyes grow wide from
shock. “You’re headed down that same path.”
I don’t know if I was in denial or
just fucking shock. How could he say that? How? If there was one thing I’ve
said my entire life, it’s that no matter what, I was not going to end up like
my fucking mother. My father was not going to destroy me. I wasn’t going to let
the bastard win. Hell, knowing that was the only thing that kept me going all
these years. I shook my head slowly back and forth and I was fucking
speechless. “It’s the truth Cindy, I swear to God.”
“No.” I whispered.
“I’m not going to sit here and tell
you that you need to get out, I’ve had that conversation with your momma too
many times and you are every bit as stubborn as she was. But God Cin, I know
you’ve noticed it lately. Why do you think you’ve been acting so crazy. You’re
fighting it. You’ve always been a fighter but if you don’t do something this
town in gonna get ya the same way it got your momma.”
“Well you don’t have to worry about
me. There’s no fucking way I’m gonna let that happen. I’m leaving.”
“You’re what?” Hal said, sure he’d
heard wrong.
“I’m sick of all the bullshit and I’m
getting the fuck out of Hanley.”
I expected Hal to be surprised or not
believe me or something. I woulda guessed he might try and persuade me to stay
before saying what he said. “Good for you Cin.” He said as a proud grin slid
across his face. “I hope to God you’re serious.”
“I have to.” I said with my emotions
finally getting the better of me. Tears began to prick my eyes. I immediately
felt like a complete idiot for fucking crying again and as I wiped away the
evidence Hal fucking told me how proud of me he was. “You haven’t been acting
crazy lately, you just been growin up. Whatever it is that’s inspired this
change, honey you make sure to hang on to it.”
I blushed at his last statement
thinking that I knew exactly what had inspired me. Hal read it on my face and
smiled. “Love’s a powerful thing.” He said, “If you found it, you have to grab
it by the balls and not let it get away, cause there ain’t nothing worse than
knowing you could have had it.”
Hal looked at the picture of my mom
again and the color seemed to leave his eyes. I’d never seen this side of him
before, but I’ll be damned if that man wasn’t completely in love with my
fucking mother. “I’ll be damned, Hal! I never knew.”
Hal sighed. “I should have fought for
her. Sure I kicked Hank’s ass once but after that I gave up and I’ve spent the
rest of my life regretting it. Now I’m gonna die some lonely old fuck in a bar
someday. And there ain’t gonna be a goddamned soul at my funeral that gives a
shit.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
The fucking John Wayne wannabe was talking about love and life’s regrets. “God
Hal.”
“This town gets ya Cin. Get the fuck
out while you still can.”
I’ve never really been much of a
dreamer but that night my brain skipped from one dream to the next. All night
long visions of Howie clouded my thoughts. I dreamed I went with Leighanne and
Brian to the ball and when we got there everyone looked like they were from
another time. Howie sat upon a big throne with a huge crown on his head. When I
entered the room a spotlight hit me and Howie got up. The crowd parted to let
him threw and when he took my hand all the sudden he was twirling me around the
fucking clouds. All the people were gone and it was just us floating up to the
sky. Then we were at the lake again and I was in a wedding dress if you can
fucking believe that. Howie and I were on the raft in the middle of the lake
and all of our friends and family were sitting in rowboats. A preacher
announced us man and wife and when Howie went to kiss the bride I heard the
angry voice of my mother calling out from the crowd.
That’s when I woke up. I was so
fucking surprised that I was dreaming about my fucking wedding. I’ve never done
that before. What did it mean? I mean it wasn’t a nightmare or anything. It was
actually kind of a sweet dream. It even kind of put me in a good mood. The only
thing that didn’t seem to make sense was the angry voice of my mother. Well, it
didn’t make sense until two seconds later when her bitter raspy voice called
for me again. “Cinderella!” she hollered, “There’s somebody at the fucking
door!”
There were only two people who could
have possibly been at my door at 8:30 in the fucking morning. There are only
three people in the world who ever come to my house to begin with and dad sure
as hell wouldn’t bother to knock anymore than he would be awake this early. So,
Danny and John had come to hall my ass in when I didn’t show up this morning.
Well I wasn’t fucking kidding about never wanting to see Danny again or
quitting and I was ready to tell them that.
I opened the door having pushed the
thoughts of my dream to the back of my mind and my anger was beginning to rise
to the surface. I was about to yell when I realized who was standing there.
“Leighanne!” I gasped, “What the fuck are you doing here?”
Leighanne looked nervous for only a
second but then she smiled. “We have a busy day today so I thought I’d bring
you a wake up call.”
How can anyone be so fucking happy
that they need to be giggling first thing in the morning? I don’t know, but
that’s what she did as she held up coffee and what looked like fucking bran
muffins. “Can I come in?” she asked when I just stood in the doorway staring at
her crazy ass.
I stepped aside and she waltzed right
into my own little personal piece of hell. She was brave. “How’d you know where
I live?”
“Small town.” She giggled as she set
the cups on the counter. “I hope you like bran, because all they had were these
and some scones and I don’t know about you but if I eat one of those I won’t be
able to fit into my dress tonight.”
“What the fuck is this Cinderella?”
Oh God! My mother. I couldn’t wait to
see what would happen next. My mom could eat a woman like Leighanne alive in a
matter of seconds. I gotta give Leigh credit though, I told her all about my
mother and she marched right up the bitch and fucking hugged her. I cringed as
I waited for the explosion but none came. Apparently momma’s still able to be
surprised. I smirked when I saw how fucking stunned she was. “You must be
Clair!” Leighanne said in that petite giddy voice of hers. “Cindy’s told me so
much about you. It’s wonderful to finally meet you.”
Here it comes. Leighanne stepped back
flashing her perfect smile at mom and she looked at me. “Is she crazy or
something?” momma asked referring to Leigh, “Are you running some psycho
ex-cheerleader outreach program?”
I figured momma’s insults hadn’t hurt
Leigh’s feelings, at least not yet anyway, but I never expected her to laugh.
“How’d you know I used to be a cheerleader?” she said.
Momma looked at me, and fuck it all,
there was a smile on her face. It may have been a sarcastic smirk, but still, a
fucking smile none the less. “Shit Cinderella, where the hell’d you find Barbie
and what the fuck is she doing with your sorry ass. You ain’t a fucking lesbian
are ya?”
I didn’t know what to say. How the
hell was I supposed to explain Leighanne to momma? I just stood there like a
fucking dumbass and watched the scene play out in front of me feeling powerless
to stop it. Whatever happened now was up to fate and fate alone. “We’re having
breakfast.” Leighanne answered cheerfully and handed momma a cup of coffee. “I
brought some for you too.”
Momma looked at the paper cup in her
hand and laughed. “Fucking city folk and their coffee.” She smirked and then
held the cup out to Leighanne, “Shit woman I need something with a little more
kick in it to wake me up.”
Leighanne giggled and from where I was
standing it seemed as if she were enjoying herself. Leighanne reached into her
purse with a wicked grin. “I can fix that.” She giggled as she retrieved a
silver flask. Momma’s face perked up as Leighanne poured alcohol into momma’s
coffee.
“Now you’re speaking my language
honey.” Momma said and then fucking laughed. “That shit ain’t bad.” She said
tasting the coffee.
“A close friend of mine used to love that
recipe.” Leighanne said and then she and Momma fucking laughed together.
For the next fucking half an hour I
watch Leighanne chat with my mom over fucking bran muffins and spiked coffee. I
was beyond trying to find logic in the situation. We had long since stepped out
of the realm of possibility and into the fucking Twilight Zone. They were
exchanging stories and fucking laughing hysterically. I hardly said two words
the whole time. I even started to believe that I hadn’t wakened from my dream,
but rather stepped into a new one. But what the fuck did this one mean?
Marrying Howie is one thing but Momma laughing and smiling? What the hell was
that? Finally Leighanne ordered me to go get dressed. She said I had to have my
dress fitted incase it needed altering or something. I was hesitant to leave
her alone with momma but she seemed to be a lot better off with her than I was.
“Fuck it.” I said and went to enjoy a hot relaxing shower.
Momma was actually in a fucking decent
mood when we left. She still didn’t believe Leighanne that I was going to get
all dressed up and go to a fucking ball. Even though she told Leighanne it
would be impossible to transform me into a fucking princess she still wished
her luck and told her to find me a fucking decent man so that I would get out
of the fucking house already. And I can’t be sure because I was still in shock
and she was still drunk, but she might have said something about wanting
fucking grandbabies.
As if that morning wasn’t crazy enough
already, as Leighanne and I stepped out onto the front steps of my trailer, Hal
pulled up in his truck. “What the fuck is going on around here?” I said feeling
almost faint.
Hal introduced himself to Leighanne
and then smiled at me. He held up a fucking bouquet of flowers and with a wink
said, “You’ve inspired me kiddo.”
My jaw fucking dropped to the ground
and I had to sit the fuck down. Leighanne and Hal helped me into the fucking
passenger seat of Leigh’s car before I fucking passed out. Hal and Leighanne
chatted for a minute and then he waved us on our merry fucking way. As we
pulled away and Hal stepped into my house I took a deep breath, it seemed
fucking fate was taking its course.
***