Part V:

Forever

The end of the tour quickly came and went, and the guys were soon back home with free time. Less than they expected however, as more songs were added to their repertoire and even some simple dance routines started to come into the picture. Not a day went by when the boys didn't spend time together, whether working or just hanging out a little.

"One, two, three . . . hike." Brian passed the plush football to Nick, who threw it over to AJ. AJ caught it easily but paused mid-step.

"Wait, which side is ours?"

Before anyone from his team could even answer, Kevin came and grabbed him in his arms from behind. "You're out."

"Not fair!" AJ tried to pull away with the football.

"What's not fair about it?" Kevin laughed. He reached for the ball, keeping one arm around him. Before he could throw it over to Howie in the open, Nick jumped on his back.

"You're out now!"

"What is this, tackle football?" Kevin asked with a grin. Nick wrapped his arms around Kevin's neck to hang on as the older man tried to slide him off.

"It is now!" Brian announced, jumping in on the battle. Howie tried to save the ball, only resulting in a five-man pile on that fell to the floor. There was a moment of silence until Brian started to laugh. Nick groaned.

"Brian, get off of me . . ." he laughed.

"Only if Howie and Kevin get off of me," Brian returned with a grin. He pushed Kevin off of him.

It felt good to be back in their old rehearsal room like before the short tour. Playing games during practice time. And as usual, they never had good timing. They all looked up as they heard heavy footsteps enter the studio.

"Hey Lou!" AJ greeted cheerfully.

"That doesn't look like one of the dance routines," Lou answered, a strange expression on his pudgy face. AJ couldn't tell if it was a smile or a grimace.

"Yeah, well, we just can't get this one move down," Brian spoke up. "We keep falling," he said, laughing. Lou smirked.

"I'm not so sure about that. I was coming down to tell you all to take a break- as I see you already have- before meeting me up in my office."

"Something up?" Kevin asked, leaning back on his hands and raising his eyebrows.

"Donna's here, she has some news."

"Good, bad?" Howie looked at him.

"Good. Another step forward for my boys. So cool off and come upstairs in about ten or fifteen minutes, alright?" Lou sent them a smile before waddling out the door. They listened to his footsteps disappear down the hall.

"I wonder what's up," Howie spoke up. AJ sat up.

"We're taking over the world," came his certain answer. He pulled himself off the floor and headed over to get his water bottle.

"Maybe we're touring again," Nick spoke up in an even voice. He didn't unenthusiastic or wild about it either. Kevin tried to read his face, but shrugged it off.

"Maybe," he said. "But we just got off that so I don't think we'd go back right away."

"Yeah well, who knows. At least it's good news," Brian said. He got up from the floor and reached out his hand for Nick, who grabbed it to be pulled up.

-

"Well, the tour got mixed reviews," Donna was saying to them. "Which is good. We were pleased at the turnout of it being your first. It doesn't always go well, but you've had some luck." Howie tried to read her face. Mixed reviews? Some luck? Why didn't she just tell it to them straight off instead using euphemisms.

He glanced at Kevin and gave him a questioning look. The older man just shrugged and was quiet. Donna took a breath and continued.

"Johnny and myself are still discussing your next options. Recording new demos, branching out the tour to other states . . . We have a lot of directions we can go."

"We're ready," came AJ's quick reply. "Let's go."

"These things don't happen over night. It takes time. We doing this based on reviews," Donna said. They all knew that the New Kids had left a bad taste in America's mouth. But these guys were different and it would take a little time to spread that. "In the next six months to a year, hopefully we can even try to release a track and see how that goes," Donna continued. She watched the guys' reactions to that with a smile. "And of course there's still options besides that."

"Such as?"

Donna glanced at Kevin. "One of our best bets actually would be an overseas tour. But that's a little bit ahead of ourselves as of this moment."

Tell me about it, Kevin thought. He just nodded and smiled thinly at her. Donna started on about something else and he turned as Nick nudged his arm.

"Overseas?" the kid mouthed. He wrinkled his nose.

"Don't worry about it yet," Kevin whispered. Nick just sighed and blew his hair out of his face.

"Right."

"Don't worry," Kevin repeated softly.

" . . . And that's about it for now, guys. I just wanted you to know what the next few months may hold in store for you."

"Thanks," Howie said. She nodded.

"Keep it up," she said as she got up from her seat.

The guys all looked at each other as she exited the room. There was a moment of silence as they were all caught up with their own thoughts.

Howie wondered what the reviews were really saying.

Kevin wondered why Donna was so into rushing ahead into this overseas tour she kept bringing up. The guys were too young.

Nick worried about a tour so far away. What if he was gone so long that his family forgot about him? He was Aaron's only brother so he had to be there for him.

Brian wondered if he could still have time to play basketball. It was still late morning, right?

AJ thought McDonald's. He leaned against Howie.

"I'm hungry. Let's get lunch."

"Sounds good to me, Aje," Howie said. He looked at the other guys. "You all hungry?" They all nodded.

"Give me a sec," Kevin said. "I have to do something."

"What? What could be more important than lunch?" AJ asked.

Kevin threw him a look that made it clear that he owed no explanations.

"He's gonna make a phone call," Brian said softly. 'To Emily,' he mouthed.

"Oh. A phone call?" AJ asked loudly. "An important phone call?"

"To a girl?" Nick chimed in.

Kevin glanced at them over his shoulder at he left the room.

"We'll wait outside," Howie said. "C'mon guys."

They followed 'D out the door, down the stairs and to the front of the building. Howie took a seat on the front steps, and AJ sat next to him. Brian and Nick took the tossing the football at each other.

"Hi Em," Kevin greeted happy the guys had left him alone to speak privately. "I'm with the guys. We're on our way to lunch."

"How was the meeting?" she asked.

"Good. It was good. We didn't get that much done. You know the guys. We started playing around and, one thing led to another. But Lou gave us some pretty good news."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, but I have to break some kinda bad news to you."

"What?" she asked.

"Well, remember how we had plans for Saturday? Well, Lou wants us to record another demo, and that might take all day. I mean, I'll probably get out in time to make it to a late movie. But I don't want to make any promises."

"It's okay," she said. "Maybe Sunday?"

"Yeah," he said. "Sunday's good. But hey, we spoke to Donna from management today. She said we got mixed reviews on our tour."

"Really? I thought you guys were great."

He shrugged though he was on the phone. "She didn't say that we suck. But I guess we need more work. It wasn't all bad, though. She said that there was better stuff in store for us."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Apparently, management thinks we have a pretty good shot a doing another tour. Isn't that great?"

He was met by silence on the other side of the line.

"She mentioned something about going outside of Florida, but nothing's for sure yet."

She didn't say anything.

He laughed nervously. "It's great, isn't it? I think it's great. Nicky didn't look so thrilled, but I'm learning to deal with him. He just needs a little reassurance."

More silence.

"Em?" he finally asked. "What's wrong?"

He heard her sigh. "I don't like having to get used to not seeing you. If you leave the state, when will be together?"

That wasn't the response that he had expected.

"Um, look, there's nothing definite, Em. It's just something that we're tossing around."

"Yeah, but it's not definite now. What about later? You just got back, and you're already talking about leaving? You're locked up at rehearsal all day, and I barely get to see you unless it's late at night. I'm taking on more hours at Disney so I can make more money for college. What's gonna happen to us, Kev?"

He rubbed his eyes because he had not been ready for her to freak out like that. Up until then, he thought things were good between them.

"Kevin?"

"Emily, I..., I don't know what to say. I mean, you know I'm working to--."

"To fulfill your dream? I know. But Kevin...," she trailed off.

"What?"

She hesitated. "Nothing. I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend who doesn't understand that you have a dream to follow. But I have a dream too."

"I know," he said. "And I'm sorry. I'm trying really hard to make time for everything here. It's not easy."

"I know. I know," she said. "I'm just worried about losing you."

"You won't--!"

"What if I do? What if I lose you, and I'm already too in love with you to get over it?"

He pressed his eyes closed and leaned on the phone. "Em, that's not gonna happen. Things will work out. You have to be patient. Give me a chance. You know I love you."

She didn't answer, but he could still hear her soft breath on the phone.

Finally, she sighed loudly again. "I'm sorry. I'm just being paranoid. Go eat lunch. The guys are waiting."

"No. They can wait. I can't get off the phone if things aren't okay."

"They're fine, Kev. Really. I'm sorry," she said again.

"Listen, I'll make Brian get his food to go, then I'll take him home. I'll go pick you up, and we can have an early dinner. Okay?"

"I have to work, Kev. It's okay. We'll see each other Sunday."

"I'm so sorry, Em. I hate making you worry," he said earnestly.

"It's okay. I just miss you."

"I miss you, too," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, this is your dream," she said. "Don't apologize. And don't make the guys wait anymore. Go."

"Okay. I'll call you later. Or call me when you get off work. I'll be up," he said figuring he could forgo sleep to reassure her.

"Yeah, okay. Bye."

"Bye," he said and gently hung up the phone.

-

"If you hit me with that football again," Howie warned. "I swear, I'll--."

Of course the plush football came sailing straight to him and hit him on the head.

Nick smiled his brightest smile while Brian, who had actually thrown the football, stood next to him on step.

"You'll what?" Bri asked. "C'mon Howie. I wanna see it."

Howie looked back at AJ who had retrieved the football and now just shook his head.

"Let's get 'em, D," AJ said.

Howie tried not to laugh. He was too hungry to play around, but he couldn't just let the blondies get away with it.

"Let's go," Howie said.

Nick took a step back, but Brian held him arm to keep him still. He tried to pull away because he knew he always got stuck getting the worst of these games, but Brian didn't let him go.

"Don't move," he said. "Let's turn this around. On three. One, two..."

He didn't even get to three when AJ tossed the football, and it hit him in the face.

"Three," AJ said.

Brian took off running after AJ, and Nick made a mad dash away from Howie screaming the entire way.

"It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It WASN'T!!!!!" Nick screamed running toward the back of the building.

"Oh you owe me," Howie said. "You owe me big, Nicky!"

Brian tackled AJ under the huge tree outside the office building and began tickling him as hard as he could.

"No...no...NO!" AJ said between laughs. "Bri,... Brian...Bri, don't!"

"Hit me in the face, will you? I'll teach you to--."

"Guys!"

"Hey Brian!"

"Guys!"

He looked up to find Nick and Howie calling to them from the front steps.

"Guys, c'mere," Nick called. "Hurry up!"

Brian helped AJ up and they jogged over to them.

"Check out what we found," Nick said leading them toward the back of the building.

There, just outside the main dumpster was a huge, slightly open, plastic bag.

Nick kicked the bag with foot, and it tumbled over. Out poured empty boxes of twinkees, cupcakes, cookies and candy.

Howie chuckled. "Lou's such a pig."

"Yeah," Nick said with a pout. "He didn't even share."

"Yuck," AJ said. "You think this is his daily supply?"

"More like hourly," Brian laughed.

"Yeah, haven't you seen him standing at the front door waiting for the delivery?" AJ asked. "He needs an hourly sugar fix."

"Or else he gets cranky," Brian said. "Huh Nick? Nick?"

Nick was busy collecting the empty boxes and trying to close them back up.

"Gross. What are you doing?" AJ demanded.

He looked up at them. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm gonna play a joke on Lou."'

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Nicky, c'mon," Howie began. "Didn't Kev already tell you that you have to take things seriously?"

He stopped and looked like he was about to leave the boxes in the alley.

"Well, yeah," Nick said with a shrug. "But we're not on tour now." He continued to collect the boxes.

AJ jumped to help him, and they were able to salvage most of the boxes.

They entered the Trans Continental building through the back and hurried up the stairs to Lou's office.

"Go, D," AJ said when they reached Lou's office. "Go ask for him."

"Me?"

"Yeah," Brian said. "You go. You look honest."

"Plus, you can distract Linda," Nick said. "Make sure she doesn't see us."

"Wha--?"

He got pushed directly in front of the secretary who smiled at him.

"Hi Linda," he said tentatively. "Is Lou here?"

"No," she said. "He left right after you guys did. He had another meeting. Why? You need to see him?"

He cleared his throat. "Um well, yeah sort off. You see, my car was parked here last week, and someone dented the door. I listed him as my employer to the insurance company, and they just want to talk to him to make sure."

"Well, they can talk to me. I usually vouch for that stuff. Sorry to hear about your car."

"Yeah," Howie said. "And it's a really nice car. It's my mom's. You wanna see it?"

"Well, I really shouldn't," she said.

"Oh, c'mon," he said. "Just for a second."

She looked up at him and smiled. He was only three years younger than she, and he was kind of cute. Up until then, he hadn't said much to her at all. She wondered what she was up to.

"Please," Howie said, trying Nick's favorite tactic: an innocent smile.

"Oh okay. I was gonna get a coke anyway. Let put the answering system on."

Howie smiled watching her push the buttons. Then she followed him to the elevator.

The guys sneaked into Lou's office and quickly went through the drawers and cabinets.

"His stash has to be here somewhere," Brian said.

Nick was busy going through some files.

"Those aren't munchies," AJ said. "Get your nose out of that."

"Well, I'm curious," Nick said. "Why does he have so many meetings?"

"Let's just do this, before we get caught," AJ said, gently closing the drawer. "C'mon, where does he keep the junk food?"

"Jackpot."

They turned to Brian who had gotten the liquor cabinet open. It was full of boxes. Well, at least, he wasn't a drunk.

"C'mon, let's get all that out and put the empty boxes in," Nick directed. "Hurry."

"I'm coming. I'm coming. Geez, you take your pranks seriously," Brian said taking out an armful of boxes.

"I sure do," Nick said with a grin.

It wasn't long before they had replaced the new boxes with empty ones. The cabinet looked just as it had when they walked in.

"Let's go," AJ said when Brian locked it back up. "Hurry."

In no time, they were down the stairs and out the back door laughing like crazy.

"We should have stuck around," Nick said. "I wanted to see his face."

Brian was busy disposing of the unopened boxes of snacks in the dumpster.

"Throwing food away is a sin," AJ said snatching a box of twinkees away from him. "Especially when we're hungry."

"Yeah, don't throw it away. Give me some," Nick said tugging the box of cupcakes away from AJ.

"Guys, let's go," Brian said. "Kev's probably looking for us."

"Okay," AJ mumbled stuffing half a twinkee in his mouth and pushing the other half in Nick's. He smeared the left over filling on his face as well.

Sure enough, when they got to the front of the building, Kevin was looking around impatiently. He frowned when he saw Nick wiping Twinkees of his face and AJ shoving more in his mouth. He glanced at Brian and back at the younger boys.

"Where'd you get those?"

"We found them," Nick said through his mouthful. Kevin made a face.

"Where? And you're eating them?" Kevin shook his head. "Stuff you found on the ground?"

"Not on the ground; and it was wrapped," AJ filled in as he swallowed. He grinned at Kevin, who was giving him one of his looks. "Whatsa matter?"

"Nothing. Couldn't you wait, guys? We're going for lunch now."

"We'll still be hungry . . ."

Brian was glancing around for Howie. How exactly was he distracting Linda? Kevin caught his glance and frowned again.

"Where's D?"

"Um . . . We . . ."

As Brian struggled to find the words and not give away their scheme, he caught a glance of Howie coming around the side of the building from the parking lot, Linda in tow. He frantically motioned him to hurry up with his arms, and Kevin gave him a funny look.

"What are you guys up to?" he demanded. Could he trust these guys alone for even five minutes anymore? What was the matter with them?

"Nothing," Brian said quickly. He let out a relieved breath as Linda went back into the building through the glass doors and Howie headed over in their direction.

"Hey," he greeted, sending Kevin an innocent smile as the older man gave him a questioning look. "Ready to go?"

"Where'd you disappear to?" Kevin asked curiously.

"Uh . . . I . . . forgot my keys in the rehearsal room," Howie said slowly. "I had to go back and get them." AJ grinned. Good one, D.

"Alright, guys. What's up. What'd you do?" Kevin crossed his arms over his chest and waited for the guilty faces to confess to whatever it was that they had done.

"Do? Us?" Nick stared at him openmouthed.

"Yes. You especially," Kevin returned. Nick's mouth opened wider and he stared at Kevin incredulously. How rude.

"What makes you think that?" Brian asked matter-of-factly. "Why makes you think we weren't standing here the whole time waiting for you?"

"Because you weren't? Not when I came out, hon."

"Oh." Brian just shrugged with a small smile. Got him there.

"Look, guys I can tell when you're guilty." He paused. "Aje, what'd you do? Spill."

" . . . I'm hungry," AJ said after a pause.

"Fine. Okay? I have better things to worry about than watching every step you guys make. Just don't come crying to me when you're in trouble, got me?" He watched their surprised faces a second before shaking his head. "Let's go eat."

They guys stood in silence as Kevin started for the cars. Howie raised his eyebrows.

"Something tells me his call to Emily bombed."

Brian frowned. "You think?"

"Well, whatever it is, I'm not riding in his car," Nick stated. "I'm riding with you, Howie."

"Sure, buddy."

"I'll go with Kev," Brian offered. He knew something was up with his cousin and of course it was up to him to find out. Just lay on some baby cousin charm and that was that.

-

"What's wrong, Kev?"

"Nothing's wrong," came the short answer. Kevin kept his eyes on the road and off of his cousin's curious eyes.

"Tell me or I'll scream."

"And I'll smack you."

"You'll total the truck trying," Brian returned with a laugh. Kevin shot him a look as if to say 'Try me' and Brian rolled his eyes. "C'mon, I always tell you everything."

"No you don't . . ."

"Most of the time," Brian defended. "It's about Emily, isn't it?" He watched Kevin's jaw tighten and smiled. Bingo. "How's she doing, huh?"

"Great, thanks."

"So what's new with her?"

"Nothing much," Kevin answered. He sighed at Brian's insatiable curiosity.

"So then what's the matter?"

"Who said that anything was the matter?"

"I did. So what is it?" Silence. "She doesn't like you anymore? Is she breaking up with you?" Silence. "Is she cheating on you?"

"Brian, that's it. Shut your mouth."

"That's it, huh? Does he work at Disney?"

"I'm gonna pull over any second and you're gonna be sorry you didn't shut your mouth," Kevin growled. Brian crossed his arms. What a temper. All he wanted was for him to deny it and tell him what was really happening. But of course, Kevin didn't let anything out. He was always on the defense.

"Fine. I was just worried," Brian said with a pout. Kevin sent a look his way as they pulled into the parking lot of McDonald's.

"Look, Bri, I know. I'm sorry, okay? I just have to think about some stuff. I'm sorry."

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Because I just need to think some things over first. You'll be the first one I tell," Kevin replied, pushing his shoulder playfully. "How about you tell me what you and the boys were up to outside?"

"I don't tell you everything," Brian threw, opening the passenger door and hopping out quickly.

Kevin shook his head. Secrets.

-

"Kev? Kev? Kev? Kev?"

Kevin looked up and found Nick staring at him earnestly. "What bro?"

"We wanted to know if you wanted another soda," Nick told him, AJ beside him. "Me and AJ are getting another." Nick reached out for his cup questioningly.

"Sure, thanks."

The younger boys ran off toward the counter and Kevin returned to his thoughts. He was trying to think of something to tell Emily when he called her tonight. He knew that he was going to have to call her, that she probably wouldn't call, and he wanted to reassure her that things could work out.

"Kev? Kev?"

This time Howie was calling him. He looked across the table. "Yeah, D?"

"Are you okay?"

Kevin had to smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've just got some stuff on my mind."

"Like what?"

"Oh, you know. Just stuff."

"Kevin's thinking about joining the circus," Brian said suddenly to Howie. Howie raised an eyebrow. Nick and AJ were coming back with the sodas, Nick with one and AJ with two.

"Can I join too?" AJ placed the soda in front of Kevin with a smirk. "I wanna be the monkey trainer."

"Me too!" Nick said. He grinned.

"You'll have to ask Kevin," Brian said. "It's a traveling circus."

"You're not funny, Brian," Kevin said flatly.

"I know, but you love me anyway."

"I'm beginning to doubt that," came Kevin's reply. Brian looked hurt.

"Take it back."

"Why?"

"I'm gonna cry, that's why." Brian's voice was playful.

"Okay, I take it back," Kevin said with a laugh. He sipped his soda.

"Can we go somewhere today?" AJ asked.

"The beach!" Nick exclaimed. Howie smiled.

"But don't we still have rehearsals?"

"Yeah . . ." Kevin nodded.

"We should just cut rehearsals," AJ said. "We already rehearsed today."

"Barely," Kevin answered. "You call that rehearsals? I call it football practice."

"Same thing. I say we cut and see what Lou says."

"Haven't we done enough to Lou for one day?" Howie looked at AJ with a frown. Then he caught Kevin's look. Oops . . .

"Excuse me? Is there something you'd like to tell me here?"

"No."

"What'd you 'already do to Lou' today, hm?"

"Nothing."

"Then why'd you say it?"

"I . . ."

Brian swallowed. "He meant about not practicing and getting Lou upset, right Howie?"

"Yeah, that's what I meant."

"Why does Brian have to tell you what you meant?" Kevin asked giving Howie a look. He could always count on Howie before, now was he going to have stress over him too?

Nick laughed, and Kevin shot him a look.

"What?"

Nick shrugged and smiled. "Nothing."

"Tell me," Kevin said irritated.

The kid looked at his friends' faces. They were panicked. So, he just shrugged again. Kevin wasn't really so bad, he was finding out. He could trust him not to get mad.... maybe.

"It was nothing, Kev. We just..."

"What? Go on," Kev ordered.

"We just replaced Lou's snack stash with empty boxes, just harmless stuff," Nick said shaking his head. "Did you know that he has a liquor cabinet full of junk food? Honest. Not a wine bottle in sight, but he has more cookies than the girl scouts."

Kevin tried really hard not to laugh. He pressed his mouth into a line and looked at the little kid with the sternest expression that he could muster.

But a strange image floated into his brain. It was the image of a big, fat man opening up his liquor cabinet and pulling out a box of twinkees. The box felt lighter than it should have. He gave it a slight shake but didn't hear sound. Hurriedly, his chubby fingers got to opening the box. But he was huffing for air by the time he was done. The box was empty. He held it over his face and peeked inside. The man's expression fell in shock and disappointment.

Kevin had to laugh. The gesture felt strange for all the stress he had been dealing with. He laughed really hard imagining the disappointment Lou would feel finding no sugary snacks to munch on in the middle of the afternoon. It served Lou right for telling him not to stress over the guys. Maybe this would give him a wake up call.

The guys finally laughed as well their voices filling the restaurant.

"You guys are something else," he said wiping his eye. "You guys really are."

Nick nodded and smiled. "It was my idea."

"Yeah, but I found the snacks," Brian said.

"But I distracted Linda," Howie said.

"Well," AJ said with a sigh. "I just helped."

Kevin shook his head and glanced at his watch. "We need to get back to work."

"No!" AJ protested.

"Cuz--!"

"But I thought," Nick began.

Kevin pulled the little kid toward him by his neck. "You, need to stop thinking. Got it? We have to rehearse, and that's final. Okay?"

"Kev!" he whined.

"Nope. Let's go. Move it. All of you." He let Nick go and pushed Howie out of his seat.

"Aw......"

"I wasn't finished eating!"

"But I wanna go to the beach!"

"Cuz!"

-

Lou never mentioned anything about his snacks. They all figured that he was too embarrassed to admit he was so addicted to sweets that he needed a cabinet full of them. He didn't want to get after the guys anyway because things were suddenly looking up, way up. Disney had called asking to book the guys for a couple of weekends. And then, who knew?

Kevin had ended up having a fifteen minute conversation with Emily during which she kept saying everything was all right. He knew that it wasn't, and that he was going to have to do something special before things just fell apart right in front of him.

Brian had finally called home and his parents planned to visit them in two weeks. Maybe just in time for one of the Disney shows.

"It'll be nice to do Disney," Brian said to Kevin one evening at home. "Maybe Emily can come watch."

Kevin half laughed. "That's if she still wants to."

"That bad? You never told me what was going on," Brian reminded him. "You still don't want to?"

"It's not that," Kevin began. "It's just that I hardly know myself. She's getting kinda weird because we never see each other."

"Well, you're a busy guy."

Kevin sighed and sank deeper into the couch. "Yeah, but I really care for her, Bri. It's not like I could just pretend she never existed if she broke up with me."

"So you don't wanna lose her?"

"Nope," Kevin said. "But she thinks I'm already lost."

"Show her you're not."

"How?" Kevin asked raising his eyes to baby cousin who had never been in love, at least not that he knew of.

"Do something special. Go away with her for the weekend."

"When? When do I have time to get away for the weekend, bro? Huh?"

"Well, you're a studly guy with his own place. Plan a special weekend here."

Kevin just laughed tiredly. That was nearly impossible with--.

"Well, you can't," Brian said reading his mind. "You can't because 'D and I are always here. Hey, Nick was asking me to spend the weekend in Tampa the other day. And I'm sure 'D can something with AJ."

"No Brian."

"Yeah!" Bri said. "C'mon, it'll be fun. You know I love the little guy, and you could use some time here alone. Really. He just told me the other day that I should go over."

"Yeah, but that's him. You know his mother--."

Brian laughed. "His mother loves me. She absolutely adores me. How could she not? Look, I'll tell him tomorrow, and I'm sure it'll be fine. Me and Nicky will make a weekend out of it. And you and Em can, um, well..., like enjoy some time alone together."

Kevin smiled because it all actually made sense. He wasn't sure how or why, but Brian and Nick had become inseparable in spite of their age difference. At first, he had hoped some of Bri's good qualities would rub off in the kid. Now, he wasn't so sure the opposite wasn't happening.

And Howie would understand. He was sure about that.

"Talk to Nick, and we'll see how it goes," Kevin said feeling better than he had all week.

-

"And then we're gonna swim, and then we're gonna go sailing, and then we're gonna play army, and then we're gonna--."

"Whoa there, little guy, take a break," Brian said picking Aaron up into his arms. The four year old had been following them since they got there Friday night.

Nick rolled his eyes. "He'll get tired soon. Don't worry."

"I won't," Aaron said, defensively. "I never get tired."

"Sure you do," Nick said.

"No, I don't."

"Sure."

"No."

"Sure."

"No!"

"Sure."

"Brian, put me down," Aaron said replicating Nick's pout. "Mom! Nick said I got tired!" he cried running back toward the house.

Nick had to laugh. Brian just shook his head.

"Wanna play ball?"

"Yup," Nick said. "I just got a new basketball."

They ran toward the back of the house and grabbed Nick's basketball. Nick's game had bettered since he met Brian. He had actually become a challenge to his older friend. Well, at least he put up a fight now.

Things sure had changed, Brian thought as they sat on the rock wall that faced the Gulf. Mrs. Carter had brought out sodas and sandwiches, so the guys had taken a break from their game.

"When's your mom getting here?" Nick asked.

"Next Saturday. It'll be cool. She and my dad are cool."

He nodded. "That's great. I wanna meet them. You think they'll stick around to see us perform?"

"Definitely," Brian said. "That's the whole purpose behind their visit. My mom worries about me, so I want her to see that I'm okay."

Nick laughed. "Yeah. My mom worries too. She worries all the time about everything."

Brian shrugged. "It's a little different with me, Nick. Your mom worries about you because you're young, my mom worries because--."

"You're goofy?"

Brian gave his friend a playful shove. Years of playing on that wall allowed Nick to stay seated on his perch.

"No! Well, yeah. But you see, I have this little hole in my heart."

Nick turned to him, surprised.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I was born with it. It's not that big, but it caused me lots of problems when I was little. I almost died when I was five."

He said it with such calmness that Nick thought he was still playing.

"No, Brian," he said shaking his head.

"Yeah. It's true. I was supposed to be dead when I was around Aaron's age. Then, they said I'd be sick and weak all my life, but I wasn't. I pretty much got back on my bike, training wheels and all."

Nick just watched him, still in shock.

"Really," Brian continued. "I pretty much chucked the training wheels then. I figured, what the hell? Either I go for it or I don't."

"Well, are you okay now?"

"Yeah!" he said nodding, reassuringly. "I go to the doctor once a year, and he tells me that I'm fine. But that's why mom stresses all the time. She still remembers me as that frail little kid she almost saw die."

Nick chewed on his lower lip. "That must be hard for her. I thought my mom had it tough with me. And I'm the one who's just goofy."

"Well, it comes down to a choice, Nick," Brian said. "Either I do what I want and be happy. Or I hold back out of fear, and I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of anything. I'm afraid of not doing everything that I can. So I do everything that I want."

"But they worry," Nick said.

"All the time. Kevin does it too. And that's why I don't like to tell anyone, but I decided to tell you."

Nick felt special and worried all at once. Brian immediately recognized the look on his face and laughed.

"But I'm okay. Really. It's like Kev's always stressing over you because you're so silly. I think inside, you know what you're doing. It's the same with me. Inside, I'm strong."

Nick nodded and tried hard to smile. He never had any friends. He didn't know what it was like for people to trust him with things about themselves. It was strange to have Brian do it.

Brian laughed again and stood up on the wall. The gulf breeze was cooler than it had been all day. Somewhere, there were a bunch of crickets making a huge racket. He looked down at Nick who still seemed to be mulling things over. It was time to liven things up.

He nudged him with his foot. "If you beat me to the court, I'll give you a ten point head start."

Nick looked up and saw the challenge in Brian's eyes.

"I'll even count to five. One. Two."

Nick hurried off the wall.

Brian jumped down as well and ran toward the court.

"Three, four, five!" he counted as he ran.

"Hey!" Nick protested.

"I didn't say I was gonna stay the wall as I counted!"

They got to the court in a dead heat.

-

"This way, my lady . . ."

Emily stared at Kevin a minute before a small smile slowly spread on her lips. She glanced around the his small abode, taking in the dimmed lights and the small table set up with two elegant candles. She took his offered hand and smiled. "Kevin . . ."

"Sh . . ." He led her easily to the table and pulled out a chair, pushing it in after she sat. He lit the two candles and sat in the chair across from her, his green eyes sparkling.

"We need to talk," Emily started.

"I know, not now . . . Let's just have a good time, okay?" Kevin gave her an almost pleading look. "Please?"

"Sounds good to me," Emily agreed. She played with the napkin at the corner of her plate. "What'd you do with Brian?"

"He's at Nick's," Kevin answered. "Those two are inseparable now, you should see them."

Emily laughed. "They're cute. How are the other guys doing?"

"They're good. Everybody's doing great," Kevin said. "You should come to another show. We're gonna have one coming up at Disney, you know." He cursed himself the second he said it. She didn't want to hear about the shows, the job, anything.

"Really. I'll have to get some time off so I can drop by," was all Emily said, a mixed expression on her face. He couldn't interpret it.

"That'd be great."

"Yeah. Look, Kev, I-"

"Are you hungry? I have a surprise." He jumped up from his chair before she could finish and headed for the kitchen. Why did she keep trying to bring up their relationship? He wanted to be the one to start that conversation, and not until later. He wanted them to just share some time together first.

"Our special tonight . . ." Kevin started, coming out the kitchen with a covered tray. He uncovered it with a flair at the table and watched her face. "Homemade lasagna."

"Aw . . ." The smile spread across her face involuntarily. "My favorite. You remembered. Thanks, Kevin."

"Anything for you, Em."

Her smile this time was genuine. He was being so sweet and she almost felt bad about what she wanted to tell him. That maybe they should be seeing other people.

She didn't know how to tell him.

"Kevin."

"Okay, I didn't want to start this until later, but I know you wanna talk now. So that's okay."

"We have a lot to talk about," Emily admitted. "But let's not ruin this. We have all night."

Kevin nodded and tried to smile. "Good." But inside he was dying. Ruin the night? What was it exactly was it that she wanted to say? Maybe Brian was right and she was seeing someone else . . . Damn that kid for even getting the idea in his head.

"Kev?"

"Yeah, hon?"

"Do you wanna serve us some?" She laughed at him and the distracted expression on his face.

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that." He put some on her plate and gave himself some. He thought for a second and then jumped back up. "Whoops, forgot something," he said, disappearing into the kitchen again.

Emily smiled. He was so cute. She raised her eyebrows as he came out with a bottle of champagne and two wineglasses. "Fancy, shmancy. I could get used to this, Kevin."

"Me too." He smiled and uncorked the bottle, letting it bubble over before pouring her some, then himself. "Bon appetite."

-

"What are we doing tonight?"

Howie glanced at AJ on the other side of the couch. "What do you want to do?"

"Crash Kevin's little party."

"Um, no?"

The two sat in AJ's house in front of the TV where a basketball game was playing, but neither was paying attention. Howie had agreed to stay away from the place he shared with Kevin and Brian tonight as a favor to Kev. The big guy deserved it anyway, Howie figured. And AJ could use the company too.

"How about we go see a movie? Or go to the mall? Or go mini-golfing? Or Disney? Or-"

"Aje, it's like nine o'clock."

"So?"

"And at what time does your mom want you in the house?" Howie asked. He figured the kid must be in bed at some time or another.

"I don't have a curfew," AJ disagreed, sounding disgusted at the idea. Howie knew quite well that Denise had given him some sort of curfew, as much as AJ would object.

"Well, I'm too tired to go out with you anyway," he said.

"Well then." AJ crossed his arms. "That's great."

"Aw, AJ, stop. It's too late, buddy."

"But we never get to go anywhere anymore, D. We're always in the studio practicing." He paused. "Don't get me wrong, that's fun. Not as much as on stage, but still. We just never do anything different."

"Well, that's just kinda the way that things are gonna be." Howie shrugged. "You have to sacrifice some things if you're gonna be in this."

"I know that."

"I mean, look at Kevin. You think he likes telling Emily that he honestly can't fit her into his schedule? Sometimes you have to decide if it's worth it to yourself. 'Cause that's this whole life we're in."

"Is it? Worth it I mean. I think it is." Suddenly AJ's confidence was back. Howie shrugged.

"Sometimes I don't know. But I think in the long run, it is." He paused and wrapped an arm around AJ. "And we're in it together, right?"

"Right, man." AJ grinned.

-

The guys had all camped out down stairs, and Angel had invented some game where she would run in and try to kiss one of the three on the cheek. The only one she could catch was Brian, and that was only because he let her. She was so cute. Aaron had insisted on staying with them. And everyone had to agree after the enormous fit he had thrown when Nick had initially said no. He saw so little of him lately, that the last thing he needed was to make him mad.

"But go to sleep," he told his little brother as he padded back toward his sleeping bag and jumped in next to him.

"Okay, I'm trying. I had to pee."

Brian chuckled. "You drank too much Kool-Aid, munchkin."

"I did not," Aaron defended.

"You did," Brian said.

"I did not."

"You--."

Nick cut him off. "Don't Bri, you'll never win with him."

"I could if I wanted," Bri said.

"Could not," the Carter brothers answered in unison.

Brian laughed. They were something else. He realized then why he had felt so comfortable in Nick's house. His house was full of kids who left dirty tennis shoes on the porch or on the stairs. His brother and sisters had immediately embraced him as one of their own. Leslie was quiet around him, but always found a second to raise her shy eyes toward him and smile. Aaron and Angel were busy competing for his attention, desperately out-doing each other with cuteness. BJ had adored him from day one, but her heart belonged to Kevin. Brian made it a point not to mention Emily to her.

And Nick. God, he was so funny. Brian was used to him being silly and helpless. Around his siblings, he became the model big brother who always worried about where they were and what they were doing. Kevin would have a good laugh.

Brian had always had a huge, supportive family and extended family. That was why the Carters felt familiar.

He closed his eyes wondering what his mother would say about all of it.

"What do you think Kev's doing?" Nick whispered.

"None of your business."

"No really. You think they'll stay together? I mean forever."

He chuckled. "Forever's a long way away, Nick. Go to sleep."

"Okay."

-

"I won't be gone forever," Kevin heard himself say. He sounded like he was pleading, like a child.

Emily bit her lip and looked down at her almost full plate. They hadn't taken but a couple of bites when the words came tumbling out of her mouth as if she had no control over them. 'I think we should see other people,' she had said. She had always thought that it was just better to be honest.

"What's the difference between forever and all of our free time, Kev?" she asked.

He looked confused.

"Even if you're not gone forever, if you're gone when I can see you, what's the point? It might as well be forever."

"Emily, it's not that bad," he said. "We still see each other a couple of times a week. If we were in college--.

"If we were in college, then there would be a graduation date. When do you think you'll be graduating from the group? I know it's not any time soon. I know that you don't want it to be, and that's the whole problem. You've committed yourself to something that leaves you with no free time and no foreseeable ending date," she said.

He narrowed his eyes. "Babe, you're more positive than we are about this, then. And what's wrong with not having an ending date? I mean, I still get breaks."

"When? When have you had a break since you quit Disney. Not once. Now you're saying that you're taking off on tour again? Kevin, we're only twenty. We're not supposed to be miserable in our relationships."

He looked down at his food and noticed that it had stopped steaming. "I'm not miserable," he said. "I'm sorry that you are."

She reached over and touched his arm. "It's not your fault. I can't blame you. I can't blame you for being happy and following your dreams. I wish that I could do that. At least then I wouldn't feel like such a failure. I need to go back to college. You need to concentrate on the group and the guys. They really need you."

He bit his lip. "I really need you."

He heard her sigh. "I really need you too. But I need you to be around, not off God knows where. I'm sorry, Kevin. Really."

Finally, he looked back up. "I know. It's okay. I guess you're doing it for my own good?"

She shook her head. "My own good. I already told you that I couldn't bear the thought of missing you all the time."

He tried to smile because as hard as he tried it just didn't make sense. She missed him so much that she was breaking up with him?

She noted the disappointment in his eyes and pushed away from the table.

"I'd better go. Thanks for the dinner."

"But you didn't eat--."

"Well, thanks for trying. Save it for Brian. I'm sure he'll come home hungry."

He stood up and followed her to the door.

"I'm sorry, Em," he said as she reached for the door knob. "I never wanted to--."

She turned and stopped the words from exiting his mouth with her hand.

"Don't be sorry, Kev. Just make it really big, so that I feel like a real ass for letting you go."

He would have laughed if his stomach wasn't twisting in knots.

She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

"Bye," she said.

"Bye. Be careful going home."

He closed the door behind her and sighed not even wanting to think about what else he'd lose to his career choice.

-

"And this is AJ, Howie, Nick and--," Brian laughed. "Oh yeah! You already know Kevin."

"Nice to meet ya," AJ said with a grin.

"Hi. Welcome to Orlando," Howie smiled.

Nick just smiled and tried to think of something smart to say. He settled for, "Hi."

Brian laughed. "He nothing without his first gallon of coffee in the mornings."

His mother smiled with pride, happiness and affection in her eyes. The guys were all that Brian had described.

Kevin pulled her into an embrace. "You ready to take your seats? The show's about to start."

She nodded. "Yeah. I can't wait."

"Bye ma," Brian said kissing her on the cheek. "Clap real loud, okay? You and dad might be the only ones."

She laughed and went to give each of the other three a hug.

"Good luck, boys."

"Thanks!"

"Thank you."

"Um-huh. Thanks."

She smiled at the shy blonde kid Brian always spoke so much about.

"He's so cute," she told Kevin. "I can't wait to see you guys perform."

"Neither can I," Kevin smiled. "You'll be so proud of Brian."

"I'm proud of both of you," she said as they walked toward the stands. "Thanks for taking such good care of Brian."

He smiled. "I love him, you know that. He's a handful sometimes, but we manage."

"Let me know when he's out of hand, and I'll set him straight," she said with a laugh. "I can still put him over my knee..."

Kevin laughed with sincerity for the first time since his break up with Emily.

She searched his sad eyes. "Is everything all right, Kevin?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Everything's great. I can't wait until you hear us sing. It's gonna be--."

She pulled his large hand into hers. "I mean with you, honey. Is everything okay with you? You've got that worried, quiet look in your eyes that your mother gets when she doesn't want to talk about what's going on. Is it anything I can help with?"

He looked at the ground and shook his head. Family. His family just knew him too well.

"It's just...," he began not really wanting to tell her, but not wanting to exclude her.

"A girl?"

He half laughed and nodded. "Yeah. It was a great, wonderful, beautiful girl."

She squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry. But just have faith that things will work out the way that they're supposed to."

He finally raised his eyes to her and smiled. "Yeah. I know. Listen, I'd better get back there and make sure the guys are ready."

She pulled him down to her and kissed his cheek. "We're all proud," she said. "Every one."

He shot her a smile as he hurried backstage.

-

"-wearing the monkey suit!" Nick was yelling. "I thought we had agreed that we were done with those things!"

"Lou said--," Howie tried to begin.

"Lou Shmoo Shamu! Where the hell is he anyway?!?" Nick continued. "He's never anywhere! Look, there' s Kevin."

Kevin winced. Not now, he thought, as the kid ran up to him.

"Kevin! Why are we wearing the suits!?! I thought we were wearing the denim. This is freaking Disney, not--."

Kevin took the kid by the arm and pulled him away from the backstage crowd.

"Hey. Hey, you calm down. You calm down right now."

Nick looked up at him, another whine caught in his throat. "But Kev-IN!"

"No. No, but Kevin's. If there's a problem, you don't stand there whining and arguing like a big baby. Got it?"

"But Kev-IN!"

"Got it?"

The older guys' stern expression finally shut him up.

"Yeah, okay. I got it. But I thought that--."

Kevin glanced back at the other three who were in various states of dress.

"Guys, c'mere," he said.

They slowly made their way over to them.

"What did Lou say about wardrobe today?" he asked.

"Nothing," Brian said.

"The denim," AJ said assuredly. "He said for us to wear the blue denim shirts, with the black jeans and vests. We're supposed to be casual."

Howie shrugged. "He said this was big show, so I assumed the suits."

"Well, I have no clue, guys," Kevin admitted. "What do you want to wear?"

He got various responses.

"... as long as I'm not out there in the buff, I don't give a f--."

"AJ," Kevin scolded. "Hold it down. Let's vote. Everyone who wants to wear the suits, raise your hand."

No one did.

"Okay. Denim it is." He looked back at Nick. "Are you happy? All we had to do was discuss it."

He smiled and nodded. "Yes Kevin. That's what I told them, but Howie--."

"Howie nothing," Kevin said.

He couldn't believe this was how badly they needed him around all the time. Maybe Emily was right in letting him go.

They got themselves ready and were waiting backstage waiting for their cue.

It was strange to back there, AJ was thinking. This was where it had all begun. Though he'd known Howie for so long, this was where decided to pair up and take their chances. He never imagined he would have gone so far in such little time. He remembered when his only fan was Angie, now there was a good crowd out there. Some of them actually knew the group from local performances and their school/mall tour.

Howie scanned the crowd for his family, and there they were. Just like they always were. It wasn't that long ago that he had watched AJ perform solo thinking about how good he really was. Boy, he used to doubt himself then. Why was it that he felt so good now?

Kevin found himself actually looking around for Emily then stopped himself. Things were over it. Accept it. He was thrilled to see in aunt and his uncle smiling in the front row. Even more satisfactory was the smile on his baby cousin's face. He knew this would bring him the comfort and parental approval he needed so much.

Brian smiled wide. Wow. There they were, and here he was. Not so long ago, he was talking out the trash wondering what Kevin was doing out in Florida. Now, he was in Florida, performing at Disney of all places. Things couldn't get any better. He hardly remembered when he felt so at ease, so trusted, so confident. No one was looking at him like he was weak or frail. Nick hadn't even given a second thought to his story. It was the first time he'd ever been around someone who didn't freak out because of the fact that he had a minor heart condition. That was cool.

Nick watched the crowd and smiled. He looked behind him at Howie, AJ, Kevin and Brian. He used to be loner. He used to stand up on that stage alone and sing, then go home alone and do homework. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd been alone. It felt good. Everything felt good. He never, ever wanted things to change.

The End

***

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