Chapter 1
"Damn, that was some performance, huh?" Kevin asked tiredly,
collapsing onto his bed. They had just finished performing in front of 50,000
fans in NY. Despite the fact that they had all been through the routine before,
(running off stage into the dressing room, out the window, and into the tour
bus conveniently parked outside the window,) Kevin was tired. He panted
heavily, pulling his shirt on and off, his chest heaving. Howie came and
collapsed beside him, saying, "Yeah, I never get used to all this
excitement." Silence.
AJ paced quickly into the room, and frantically went around the room, gathering
up his things, and they watched intently, helplessly.
Nick was last to emerge into the hotel room, closing the door behind them
quietly. He was the least energetic of them all, moping around since they left
stage. AJ was really going to miss it all. All the excitement.
That was AJ's last performance. Why? Because they were gradually breaking
apart, and everyone of them knew it. Sure, the smiles and the happy energetic
faces could fool the wittiest of them; it was all a cover up. They knew well
within their hearts that the group was going to break apart.
A few years ago, in 1999, Aaron Carter joined the group. That's when the
trouble begun. All the attention had gone completely to his head, and as far as
he was concerned, Nick had absolutely no authority over him anymore. He was the
baby of the group now, all the attention, all the girls, and all the money. At
first, it was as they all dreamed.
They were hot, and Aaron only brought them more publicity. Until Aaron became
the biggest asshole in the group. He was constantly complaining if things
didn't go as planned. He was easily agitated, and the slightest thing ticked
him off. Everything he said went. The manager of the group, Johnny Wright, MADE
him head honcho. With all this Aaron publicity sweeping the world, his paycheck
became fatter and fatter. He didn't care that the boys were drifting further
and further apart.
Brian and Nick's friendship had deceased because of Aaron, he always and
forever needed constant attention to keep him happy. It was, " No Brian,
we can't chill tonight. Aaron wants to see Barney in concert," or some
lame excuse. Nick was so afraid to admit that Aaron was the cause of the group
breaking apart, because he felt complete to blame. The boys weren't as
comfortable when Aaron was around. They couldn't be themselves.
AJ was the one who really couldn't
stand him. Aaron made him so mad, he would unleash his anger on everyone else.
Just a few weeks back, he ripped apart the tour bus in such a rage, the cops
had to handcuff him. " I'll kill that little bastard! I hate him! I hate
him!" He bellowed, struggling with the cop to let him go. The tears he
held in for so many years were continuously rolling down his cheeks onto the
hood of the cop car. And Aaron stood by, innocently, glaring wide eyed as if he
didn't know WHY AJ was acting that way.
That incident was all over the news
and in papers everywhere within 24 hours. That hurt the group's ego. The
ratings suddenly dropped, and their rivals, 98 Degrees, 'NSYNC and Five shot to
the top of the U.S. charts.
That same day of his arrest was also when AJ decided he had to leave the group
before he really did kill Aaron.
He got the group together one evening, when Aaron was out signing autographs,
and told them he was leaving after the concert in NY. Which was today.
It hurt him to make such a decision, but he just couldn't tolerate the
conflicts, the fighting, and the arguing anymore.
All was quiet for the sake of the thought.
Howie was completely silent, staring blurry eyed up at the ceiling. He
honestly didn't want AJ to leave. Hoping not to be detected, he wiped a tear
out of his eye and
continued to stare.
Brian frowned, looking at AJ as he gathered his belongings. He was wasting no
time in doing so, he wanted to leave before Aaron got back. Brian was leaned up
against the wall, sadly, watching his friend leaving for good, right before his
eyes. And it was because of Aaron. He wanted to beg him to stay, but he knew he
had to leave. Aaron had ruined his life. The incident with the cops, and the
fact that AJ couldn't stand it any longer. He had tolerated enough.
The nights he spent awake, listening
to himself crying over AJ's decision. He loved him like a brother, but leaving
was the best thing AJ could do. AJ was on continuous prescription medication
because of Aaron. Medication to get him to sleep, stay awake, lower his blood
pressure, maintain his temper. And secretly, they managed to keep AJ's trips to
the mental institution a secret.
His problem was that he'd let Aaron
get into his head, and he couldn't take it. He'd had a total of 6 nervous
breakdowns since Aaron joined, nine years ago. At times, when reporters were
caked outside their tour bus, all they could do was hold AJ down during these
nervous breakdowns until he fell asleep, and talk to him, tell him to calm
down, because they didn't want the public to know about AJ's problem. And they
kept it a secret for nine years. Nine.
AJ didn't want to leave the group either, but he knew he'd kill either himself
or Aaron by accident one of these days, or even worse, one of the guys. He
stifled tears, not even bothering to act hard. His chest was heaving on and off
his body as he picked up the remainder of his bags. Slowly, he glanced up at
the guys, staring at him helplessly. Kevin was staring blindly out the window
at Aaron, signing autographs downstairs.
Suddenly, Nick, overwhelmingly filled with guilt, dropped to his knees crying
shamelessly into his hands. "AJ!! No! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's all my
fault!" He jerked once and fell over on his side, knees tucked under his
chest whimpering. Brian went over to him to help him up. " No Nick, let
him go, he has to go," Brian said, grabbing him under his arms. AJ stared
blankly into Nick's blood-shot eyes.
The group was falling apart. Nick was
next to go insane, and AJ knew it. He couldn't stand his brother much longer.
Howie rolled off the bed and threw his arms around AJ, grasping him tight.
"Take care of yourself, orright man?" He begged. AJ sniffed in
response. He let him go and Kevin came up to him,
patted his shoulder. He had done his crying already. "Bye Boner," he
whispered hoarsely, before turning to go into the bathroom, so not to make the
others see him cry. He was the oldest, if he lost it, the others would have no
one to turn to.
Brian was next to say goodbye. He dragged Nick over to the wall and propped his
back up against it. "AJ?? I dunno what to say," he stuttered, hugging
him for the last time.
Expressionless, wordless, AJ approached the door, Brian opening it because his
hands were full. He looked down at Nick, lying limply on the floor, red eyed
and exhausted. He gently kicked his shoe to get his attention. Nick looked up
sadly, trembling each time he breathed. AJ turned away from him, a sad,
depressing sight, almost upsetting to see NICK, of all people like that. He
walked out the door into the dimly lighted hallway and turned to face the
remainders of the group. "I'll call when I get in," he rasped, not
making eye contact.
Quickly, he turned around and headed
out the back way of the hotel, so no one would see him make his exit. He made
his way down the elevator and into the sidewalk. Once outside, he signaled a
cab. Looking back once at the room he had just come from, he sighed and entered
the cab. There, he sulked like he'd never done before. There was no turning
back, his career was over. AJ cried until he couldn't cry anymore, until there
were no tears left to cry. He was just wasting salt, his body trembling with
sadness.
***
Back inside the hotel room now, the
boys hadn't said a word to one another. Howie was sitting at the edge of the
bed, head hung. Nick was still sprawled across the floor, feeling just as
guilty as ever. It was his idea to have Aaron join the group. But how was he to
know it was going to turn out like this? His head was spinning, that last
performance with AJ wasn't his best. He had forgotten words and messed up on
some dance moves once or twice. He was surprised to see some front row fans
actually booing him. His jaw dropped and he stared startled at his supposed
fans. Then Aaron came to the rescue and just made up for him, as if he was
nothing. Like what he was feeling now, like a nothing.
Brian was still leaning against the
wall, face covered with his hands. The atmosphere was heavy and still in the
hotel room, no one saying anything to anyone. They were still shaken up about
the entire situation.
Kevin sprawled open the bathroom door,
eyes red and cracked, cheeks stained with tears. " What are we going to do
now?" he asked, " What the hell are we going to do now??" He
slammed the door shut and kicked over his luggage.
Brian shook his head, says, "I
dunno, Kevin?."
Kevin raised his arms in protest and
paced angrily across the room. "THINK about it guys. What are we going to
tell the public?? AJ just left, and..and??we don't know where the hell he
went??" Howie looked up at Kevin, who had a point. The enraged expression
on Kevin's face didn't make him feel any better. "Johnny is gonna kick our
asses, ?..and it's because of your damn brother!!" Kevin exclaimed,
suddenly turning on Nick. He grabbed up the nearest object he could find, a TV
remote control and heaved it at Nick. Nick held up his hands to protect his
face, but it missed anyway and bounced off the wall, clattering to the floor.
Nick looked at the remote, then at Kevin, and continued to lie there
carelessly. Kevin narrowed his brows and charged at Nick. "You don't even
care!!"
Brian leapt off the wall to intercept
Kevin's charge. He didn't bother to be reluctant. Brian shoved him down on the
bed and begged him to stop. Howie scooted out of the way, the usual peacemaker,
he didn't interrupt them.
"I'm sorry," Nick mumbled
pitifully.
"I hate you. I hate you and your
damn brother," Kevin growled through clenched teeth.
The door opened again, and their heads turned in that direction hoping it to be
AJ. Instead it was Aaron and their manager, grinning widely, talking to someone
on his cellular. "I love being loved," Aaron gloated, stepping over
Nick as if he was barely in existence. Howie turned his head away from them.
Aaron was just as tall as Nick now, and just as handsome. His hair was slicked
back with so much gel it had begun to flake. He frowned when he saw the state
of the room. "What the hell happened in here?" He asked, looking
around. His voice had matured for sure, but it was a little sore from singing.
"Get some rest guys, concert tomorrow night-?" Johnny caught his
breath. He searched around the room suspiciously. "Where's AJ?" he
asked, puzzlement in his voice. "He's gone," Howie mumbled. Aaron
raised his brows surprised. "Really? Aww," he said, but you could
clearly detect no signs of compassion in his voice.
"Gone? Where?" Johnny asked, confused. "He's gone dammit! What
part of that don't you understand?? He's left the group!" Kevin yelled in
an outrage, directing the statement to Aaron. Aaron seemed startled.
"WHAT? He's what??" Johnny asked, face turning red with anger.
"You gotta be kiddin' me?"
"Good, I don't care, that crazy
bastard is better off by himself. He wasn't cut out for this," Aaron
scowled.
"Shut-up Aaron! What the fuck are
we gonna tell the public?! Huh? Did you lazy bitches know about this?"
They didn't answer him, they stood by
taking the abuse, and the abuse they had received since Aaron joined. The
verbal, sometimes physical abuse. He swore violently and repeatedly kicked the
bed, mattress bouncing up with each kick. He marched over to Nick, still laying
and punted him in the ribs. "And you, what the hell was wrong with you out
there? If it wasn't for Aaron?.."
" Please, you KNOW AJ had to
leave, he couldn't take it anymore," Brian interrupted, "you
don't know how hard he had it. You don't know how hard it was for us to keep
him a secret," Brain explained, trying to rationalize.
He turned to Brian angrily and pointed
at him. "Your so damn smart Brian, why don't YOU go out there and tell the
reporters and fans, where the hell AJ went? Huh? Do you even know?" Brian
shook his head. "Howie?"
"No."
"Kevin?"
Kevin shook his head.
"Do you know what this is going
to do to you guys?" he asked.
Aaron yelled, "Forget them! Are
you guys trying to ruin me?" he asked selfishly.
Their manager released a sigh of
anguish. "C' mon Aaron, let's go." He said plainly, heading for the
door. Aaron followed him out then turned around to face the guys, staring
glumly at him. He shook his head and flashed them the bird before slamming the
door shut.
"That asshole AJ," he
mumbled loudly, from the hall.
***
AJ was moving silently through the
subway, like any other shadow, creeping, attempting to maintain a low profile.
Hat pulled down low over his eyes, jacket collar turned up and head bent
downwards. He reached a stray into his pocket and pulled out the last paycheck
he had received, crumpled, and barely legible handwriting scribbled on it.
While waiting for the train to pull up
to the station, he briefly recollected all the good times he had being a
Backstreet Boy. He smiled, remembering the experiences they had, the trips they
took, and music videos they made. The CD's that went multi-platinum in a matter
of days, and he'd especially miss all the attention.
Then he remembered Aaron, and he
frowned. The cops, the mental institution, the fights. He shuddered at the thought.
How did they ever manage to keep all that away from the public? The behavior
reminded him of New Kids on the Block. Come to think of it, the guys were
really good friends. They had done so much for him already. Keeping him
together, lying to the reporters for his sake. Now he was leaving them.
He didn't know exactly what he was
going to do, when he was going to get where he was going, and how long he had
to keep a low profile. He could go just about anywhere with that paycheck. He
had already planned out his escape. From here, he would cab to the airport, and
from there, Florida. Back home, where Howie had successfully built and reserved
condos for them all. God bless Howie.
To his left, were some fans that had
obviously attended the concert. They were raving on and on about Aaron, the
last name he wanted to hear at that moment.
The train screeched to a stop and he
decided to get into a compartment without them, the last thing he wanted was to
be recognized.
***
Johnny sat disgruntled in his hotel room, loosening his tie. Aaron was sleeping
in the bed next to his. He glanced at him out the corner of his eyes and shook
his head pitifully. He didn't really give a crap about the others anymore,
Aaron was the one everyone loved now. He had absolutely no idea the hell Aaron
put them through, especially AJ. He just thought that suddenly AJ lost his head
in a jealous rage, and wasn't getting as much attention as he used to. But he
wasn't there when Aaron would throw his fits, bitch at everyone and boss
everyone under him around.
Nick couldn't even stand him anymore,
he had completely turned the group around. He had made the group so much
publicity, they were convinced that they wouldn't make it without him. Even at
eighteen years old, Aaron was still making Johnny more money than he'd ever
imagined. Forget the others, they weren't his main concern anymore. Still, he
had been with AJ since he was only 15 years old, and it hurt a little bit to
see him gone.
He shrugged it off. Oh well, one less
person to worry about. But what would he tell the world? This was really going
to screw him back. "Damn you, AJ," he mumbled, running his hands
through his hair. "Damn you."
***
The boys were huddled in their dark
hotel room together, dreading the thought of facing their fans tomorrow without
AJ. What would they tell them?
What would they think? When the public
finally knew, would there be a nation wide search to find AJ? Where did
AJ go? When would they see him again?
These questions they wished they had
the answers to.
"You know what?" Nick asked,
shattering silence. He was wrapped up in bed sheets up to his neck. No one
responded. "We're not going to last."
They thought about his statement,
which was indeed, true. What, in actuality, was holding them together? The
bondly feeling, the tightness, it was missing. The love wasn't there anymore.
It was, the love of MUSIC that kept them a group. "I dunno, I'm thinking
of hanging up the towel myself," Kevin said, in a low, rather regretful
tone. No one really took him seriously. Howie sighed deeply. He knew everything
from that point was going to go downhill. Without the group, they were nothing.
They would soon be a memory in- in everyone's head. There and gone with each
breath. All because of Aaron. Aaron was still young, he would cut his own album
and continue to be a somebody. But jeez, would he miss AJ. Wherever he was.
***