Chapter
15
“Disconnected? Are you sure you dialed
the right number?” Kevin asked taking the phone and redialing the number.
After receiving the same message he hung up.
“Nick’s family moved again,” Brian
said, “I bet the move isn’t recent either… I feel like slime. I wonder if
he tried to tell me about it.”
Kevin shrugged, “I wonder where we can
get the new number. I’m gonna call information.”
“Mandy!” AJ snapped his fingers
suddenly, “If Nick’s still with her, then maybe she knows where his parents
are!”
“AJ, why would Mandy still be with
Nick? Unlike us, she probably noticed Nick’s… drug abuse,” Brian said
bitterly.
“I’m still gonna give her a call…
there’s a chance she may know something,” AJ muttered, “I’m gonna go get
the band directory.” The band directory, the official phone book that
held every number deemed important. Nick had added Mandy’s cell phone and
home number with a goofy smile not more than two years ago, back when
everything and everybody had been normal. It seemed like decades had gone
by since they had all been normal.
Her home phone rang and rang. AJ
hung up when the answering machine answered,” No luck, I’m gonna try
calling her…”
A voice in the hall, no two voices
speaking very animatedly, and one of those voice could be identified as Nick
Carter.
“He’s back,” Brian said dreadfully,
“and we’re on. Lights, camera, and does anybody have a gun so I can shoot
myself?”
“Relax Cuz,” Kevin sat. He came
to join the others on the bed. They would all be sitting on
it, facing the door, ready to confront Nick.
“And here’s where I sleep,” Nick was
chattering to someone in a rush. His voice sounding excited. Noises
of bodies hitting the wall could be heard, and a girl’s husky laugh penetrated
the airwaves. Fumbling. Somebody was trying to fit the keycard in
the hole and failing miserably. It was all Kevin could do not to stand up
and rip that door open. He wanted to shake Nick until his teeth rattled.
He wasn’t aware of how angry he was until he sensed Nick’s presence.
That stupid idiot, kid! He had everything going for him, money,
looks, good family, friends, fame… But hey, Kevin had had that too, and
even then he had felt depressed. But he never started putting pills down his
throat! He had never even thought about it, “Kevin calm down, we agreed there
would be no yelling.”
“I’m not gonna yell,” Kevin said
through clenched teeth, “Hurry up and open the damn door, Nickolas.”
They shot wary glances at Kevin.
“Got it!” was the exclamation of
triumph from outside. The door opened, and they heard a shush, “Now we
gotta be quiet, ya see I got these four old guys who hang around like they’re
my parents. Well, no, not exactly like them…” he was silenced as the girl
was opening his shirt and beginning to get very physical, he giggled, then
turned…
“OH MY GOD!!!”
Both Nick and the girl he was with
shrieked and jumped back crashing back into the hallway on the floor.
Kevin stalked toward him like a cat, grabbing him by the arms and yanking
him up. He almost threw him inside the room, “Get out of here!” He barked
at the girl. He slammed the door closed and yelped as Nick jumped on his
back from behind punching him in every place that was visible to him.
He even bit him, and he was yelling something indecipherable. Kevin
struggled to get Nick off his back. Brian, AJ, and Howie had seized hold
of his limbs and were pulling him off. They held him pinned to the bed.
“How DARE you? What the hell are
you doing in MY room?! Get the HELL out! How DARE you?” They held
him until he quit thrashing. AJ was sitting on his back, Brian and Howie
each held an arm and a leg.
“What are these Nick?” Kevin tossed
the bottle after bottle of tranquilizers and antidepressants on the bed
beside Nick’s face. Nick grunted and rolled his eyes to see what had
landed beside him. “Well gee they look like bottles Kev, little orange
bottles.”
Kevin controlled his rage, “Yes, but
what’s in them Nick?”
“Well hell, it seems you’ve already
gone through my stuff thoroughly enough to find them, I would think you had the
sense to read the labels to see what they are!”
“Nick why? You don’t need that
stuff…” Brian was saying.
“How the hell would you know what I
need? Get the hell off me!” Nick shouted struggling to get up again.
He was pressed more firmly into the mattress, “Damn it!”
“Nickolas, where’d you get this stuff?
Who did you pay for these?”
“GET OFF YOU’RE CRUSHING ME!”
“Where’d you get it?” Kevin pressed.
“Dr. Sears, my psychiatrist!” Nick
screamed, “He gave them to me! Get off me!”
“Just calm down Nicky, we’re not here
to hurt you, we want to help,” Howie spoke calmly, rubbing Nick’s back in small
circles as he was held down on the bed.
“Well you’re HURTING me!” Nick
shrieked, he was whimpering. Brian eased up on his grip, and AJ climbed
off his legs. Nick raised up slowly, his face was flushed and wet with
tears.
“When did you start seeing a
psychiatrist Nick?” Brian asked softly. He tried to touch his face, but
Nick flinched away.
“A few months ago,” he said bitterly,
“My mom thought it would be a good idea….” He laughed colorlessly. He sat
up and wiped his face roughly.
“Why Nick?” asked Howie, Brian lost
his nerve and had sat back after Nick wouldn’t let him touch him.
“To make me perfect Howie. Isn’t
that what everybody wants from me?” Nick asked looking sour but sincere.
“Nick, abusing medication doesn’t make
you perfect,” Kevin said harshly, “It makes you stupid. Haven’t you seen
what happens to people who abuse…”
“SHUT UP!” Nick covered his ears, “How
can you be so hypocritical of me! YOU WANTED PERFECTION YOU GOT IT! Oh Nick you
were so perfect! Nick you were so mature, the best one of us. You’re the
reason the group stuck together. You were our glue. I WANTED TO
SCREAM!”
“Nicky, we didn’t know…” Brian began.
“THERE’S A LOT YOU DON’T! BUT YOU
DIDN’T CARE! You just wanted me to be… to be Nicky… Nicky’s gone. I’m
here, but nobody wanted to accept me. I’m too quiet. I’m too moody.
Not as fun as Nicky! So I found a way to bring him back, and when I
was him… no one complained. No one said anything, but good job, Nick,”
Nick had pulled his knees to his chest and buried his head in them, “Good job
Nick.”
Kevin sat on the bed, and leaned next
to him. He tried to catch his chin, raise his head, but Nick jerked away.
“Nick, if we had known that you felt that way…”
“How were you to know? You all
were too busy with your heads stuck up own asses to notice I wasn’t happy.
The pressure from it all nearly burst my eardrums. I had to be what
you guys needed, what the fans wanted…” Nick rubbed his nose, and swallowed.
“That’s when you discovered cocaine?”
AJ asked, Brian shot him a withering glare, he was going to apologize to Nick
for AJ, when Nick nodded.
“God Nicky,” Kevin’s voice broke, and
he reached to hold Nick, he just wanted to touch him in some way, but Nick
moved even further away, to the corner of the bed. He was just
out-of-reach, as he had been, Kevin realized, for many months. He just
hadn’t known it. “If you came to us about this, we would have listened…”
“My own parents didn’t listen, why
should you?!” Nick cried, he stood and began to pace. He knocked small
objects off the dressers. He opened and slammed doors to the closet and
bathroom, “Why should I? I went to my Mom, and she sent me to a shrink.
She couldn’t help me, and neither could he... cause he didn’t care
either. He just wrote me a prescription to get me something to shut me
up. If I’m quiet, then I’m fine…”
“What about your Dad, did he agree to
that?” Bob Carter has always struck Howie as a person who liked to deal
with things at home. He certainly wouldn’t have paid anyone to drug his
son.
“My Dad,” Nick was choking
incredulously, he began to laugh hysterically. It was a cynical sound.
“Nick stop it,” Brian begged.
“Nick stop it,” Nick mocked him, “My
Dad was too busy screwing my brother’s vocal coach!” He punched the wall and
leaned his head against it, “He was still too pissed at me for not lying for
him to my mother!”
“What?” four head jerked to stare at
him.
“Oh Nick,” Brian sobbed, “I’m so
sorry, I should have been there. I would have…”
“You would have… but you didn’t
Brian!” Nick yelled through his tears, his body shook with his sobs, “I
didn’t have anyone on my side, but… but Mandy, and sometimes Brent. But
they’re so far away, and it got too hard.”
“Nicky we’re here now,” Howie offered,
“None of us were there for each other. Everyone was going through hell….
And we were wrong for thinking that you wouldn’t be too. We’re sorry, I’m
sorry, for pressuring you to believe that you had to… to do this shit, because
we wanted to believe that you were ok. None of us wanted to think that we
may have hurt you, or ignored you, cause it would have killed us Nick.
You’re our little brother, and we didn’t want anything to be wrong with
you, because then it would be our fault,” Howie was close to touching Nick
then, he could feel his shivers, “None of us wanted to face it, our worst
fear.”
“Me?” Nick asked in a shaky voice.
“Yeah, Nicky, you,” Howie said, he
took a breath and moved his hand to Nick’s shoulder, “Nick, now is the time.
It’s not too late.” He was feeling empowered now, Nick hadn’t moved when
he touched him, “Just tell us what you’ve been taking. Tell us all that’s
been going wrong. We’ll help you. We won’t send you away to
anyone…”
Nick slid out of Howie’s hold and
stalked towards the closet, ”If you’d said that a few months ago I might have
been ecstatic. Just bubbling with joy, they noticed me! God, how I
wanted attention… in fact, that’s why Dr. Sears said I did half the crazy
things I did.” His whole demeanor had changed. He had visibly
straightened up. He had wiped his eyes and ran a hand through his hair,
“What have I been taking? Why Howie, you wanna try? It’ll make ya feel so
good, and make the sex so…” he paused, “sensual… when you’re high. Food
tastes better; air smells sweeter. And you’re perfect!” Nick tossed his
head back and laughed, “Virtually perfect.” He sorted through his closet
searching for something. He paused on a jacket he took it off the rack
and threw it over his bony shoulders. He tossed a plastic baggy on the
bed beside Brian and AJ. AJ was the one who made the move to touch it,
“That’s a sample. You guys want some more I can get you in touch
with a guy who can supply you with the best…” Nick headed for the door.
“Where the hell do you think you’re
going?” Kevin asked, his voice sounding tired, drained, but purposeful.
“Oh you care now Kevin? You
would probably freak if you knew all the places I’ve been. Being on
tour helps, I made the best connections in Europe,” Nick spoke quite honestly,
his eyes clear and shining.
“Sit down,” Kevin said.
Nick’s eyes narrowed, but he smiled,
“Ok…” He moved closer to them, relaxing them a bit, but then he suddenly
turned and bolted for the door. AJ and Kevin were up in a flash bounding
after him. Brian and Howie sat stunned for a few seconds before they went
in pursuit.
AJ cursed as he saw Nick jump into the
passenger seat of a black car, and the car speeding away. “DAMN IT!”
Kevin screamed behind him, “Who the hell’s driving that car?”
“I don’t know,” AJ said, “God, where
is he going? Where would he go?”
“Where’s Nick?” Brian demanded leaning
on the brick walls breathing hard, “Where’d he go?”
“That’s what we have to find out,” AJ
said in a soft voice.
“Oh God please let him be safe,” Brian
prayed, “Please protect him, and forgive me for being a bad friend…”
“Brian, you’re not a bad friend,”
Kevin began.
“Shut the hell up! I thought we
agreed to no yelling at him? What happened to that Kev?”
“Brian...”
“Don’t touch me,” Brian snapped, “I’m
going back to my room. I’m gonna find Nick.”
He turned and disappeared inside the
hotel leaving Howie, AJ, and Kevin staring after him.
***
