Chapter
19
“Where am I?” BJ Carter asked aloud. She
looked to see her sister beside her, “Leslie?” She was in a pastel
colored room in a small bed.
“BJ?” Leslie said, ”Are you ok? How
are you feeling?”
“Fine, fine… Nick?” BJ looked
panicked, “Where is he?”
Leslie shut her eyes, “He’s in a room.
AJ came in earlier and said he was fine.”
BJ nodded, “Can I see him?”
Leslie looked over to her, “If you
feel up to it.”
BJ blinked then slowly sat up, “I feel
fine. Where is he?” Leslie stood to take her sister’s arm and helped
her to stand, “I’ll take you. He’s still asleep though.”
“And if you ever do anything like this
again, I’ll kill you,” Brian was lecturing to Nick as he slept, “No, no, can’t
say ‘kill.’” He sighed and looked to be in deep thought, he noticed BJ
and Leslie looking at him oddly through the doorway.
“Hey girls. BJ, are you feeling ok?”
he asked politely, “I was just practicing my speech to Nick for when he wakes
up.”
“Yes,” BJ nodded, “I’m fine.”
She approached the bed and peered down into her brother’s pale, lurid
face, “You idiot, what if we hadn’t been there?” She ran a tender hand
through his damp dirty blond hair. She felt her sister’s presence, “Were
you ever going to tell me?” Leslie asked quietly.
BJ glanced at her slowly, “If it was
necessary. Nick and I, liked to keep things between us.”
Leslie’s face was a slide projector of
emotions, anger, betrayal, disbelief, disappointment, finally she said, “Why
BJ? Don’t you think that if you would have told me… and Mom, that maybe
we could have done something! Mom could have made him…”
“Oh like when she sent him to
therapy?” BJ snapped nastily, “You saw what good that did! That’s why
he’s here! Mom would have Nick locked up somewhere… “
“At least he wouldn’t be able to hurt
himself with drugs Bobby Jean!” Leslie hissed, “I heard what the doctor said…
Nick doesn’t have to go to rehab unless he wants to… But after I call
Mom, and tell her what’s going on…”
BJ was cringing over the use of her
full name, then froze when Leslie said “…after I call Mom…”
“NO!!” BJ grabbed her sister’s arm,
roughly, “No parents. They only make things worse. We give Nick our
love and support now, and he’ll come around. You call Mom, and he’ll
freak out. He’ll kill himself Leslie. He threatened to before,
that’s why I never told… and also because his trust is one of the most precious
things I own.”
Leslie stood still with tears coursing
down her face, “I wouldn’t know about trust BJ, since neither one of you ever
gave yours to me.” She turned on her older sister gripping her shirt
collar, “You’ve never tried drugs before?”
BJ shook her head, “I partied and
drank, and did some things I don’t care to talk about… but I’ve never done
drugs.”
Leslie bit her lip on a sob, “God, how
did our family get so messed up? Just a few years ago we had the perfect
family. I thought everyone wanted to be us! What happened to us?”
BJ’s heart went out to her younger
sister as she sobbed and hugged herself. BJ wanted to wrap her arms
around her, but was frozen in place. She instead concentrated on brushing
stray wisps of hair out of Nick’s eyes. She left Leslie’s question
unanswered.
BJ heard the sound of the door
closing. Leslie had left, as had Brian a long time ago. BJ sighed
and recounted Leslie’s question, “What did happen to us?” She felt a stirring under her fingertips. Nick was shifting
around a bit, “Nicky?”
Nick’s eyes opened after hearing his
name being said, they were gray and cloudy. They stared at BJ
questionatively.
“Nick! How are feeling?” BJ
asked rubbing his hands.
Nick groaned a bit and gazed around
the room at his new surroundings, “Where is this place?”
BJ’s happiness left her, “You’re in a
medical clinic. You just had you stomach pumped Nick. You almost
died.”
Nick stared at her, “I did?”
BJ nodded, fresh tears falling from
her eyes retracing the tracks of the old ones, “You scared us all…”
“Us?”
“Yeah Nick, us…” Brian had poked back
into the room, followed by AJ, Howie, Kevin, Brent, and Mandy.
Nick stared at them all and licked his
dry lips, “What the hell are all of you doing here?”
Mandy rolled her eyes, “Oh excellent
‘thank you’ Nick! What are we doing here? Well gee, after saving
your stupid ass, we also wanted to make sure you’d be ok! I can’t believe you!”
She stalked towards the bed ready to slap him, “You scared the hell
out of me!”
Nick blinked, and frowned, “I’m
sorry,” he said in a quiet manner that made Mandy pause, “You’re what?”
“Sorry!” Nick repeated in a louder
voice. He winced in pain, and BJ smoothed back his hair, “You ok?”
“My stomach hurts…”
“It should, do you know what all they
had to do to get all that crap out of your system?” AJ informed him, “You’re
lucky to still have a stomach.”
Nick cringed and swallowed, “I’ll be
more careful…”
“No, you won’t… You won’t have to be,
because you’re never going to touch that stuff again,” Kevin said, “You have us
now, you don’t need any substances to fix your problems… You need us, and we
need you.”
Nick stared at Kevin oddly, “I need
you? Oh no, I don’t need anybody. And you can’t tell me what I can and cannot
do in my life! As soon as I can get out of here…”
“You’ll what Nick? You’ll go and buy
more drugs!” the familiar voice to Nick came from the door to the room.
He turned to face his younger sister Leslie. Leslie who would never
even dream of her brother being a… “Leslie?”
“Nick listen to them! Let them
help you!” Leslie yelled at him. She came to the bed and leaned over him,
“I saw you last night Nick…and I was so scared. BJ fainted. I
didn’t know what to do… Nick if I ever have to see it again, or have to go
around wondering if it’s happened again, I don’t know what I’d do. I thought
you were gonna die in the car on the way to the clinic Nick! I thought I was
going to lose you… and just the day before I thought you were better! I
thought you were happy, and eating… God Nick, please don’t do this to me…”
Leslie sobbed onto her brother’s chest.
Nick wore a horrified expression on
his face. His hands cautiously found their way into Leslie’s brown hair
and began to stroke absently, “I’m sorry Les, I’m so sorry… I didn’t know
you would come… I never wanted you to know.” He suddenly looked very ill,
“Do Aaron and Angel…?”
“No,” BJ shook her head, “Leslie found
out on accident. But Nick, what if they were here? What would you
say to them?”
Nick blinked back a few tears, “I’d
apologize to them… Sorry your big brother’s such a screw up. I can’t be
what everyone wants! It’s impossible. You guys want me to be brave
and strong, the guys want me to be mature yet playful and fun, Mandy wants
commitment, the fans want a flawless skinny image, management wants a
spokesperson, Mom and Dad want a slave. I can’t do it anymore, I
never could!” He was crying. Leslie had raised her head off his chest to
take in his testimony. She wrapped her arms around him and cried with
him, “No one asked you to do all that Nicky, no one did. You assumed too
much.”
“Nick, we want to help you. The
doctor says we can take you home with us tomorrow afternoon. We can go
back to my place, “AJ was saying, “Or Kevin’s, or Brian’s, and just chill.
We can all talk, and just hang Nicky. Please let us have that.
We won’t force you to do anything. You’d just be there with us.
Is that ok bro?”
Nick rubbed at his eyes, which were
red from crying and fatigue, “I’m not going to rehab… I don’t have a… a…” he
looked at Leslie, then BJ, “I’m not going…”
Leslie’s heart fell and she squeezed
his hand, “Please Nicky, let us help you… We’ll do everything and anything…
We’re not forcing you to go anywhere… We just want you to go home with AJ,
or Brian… Take some time off, and think.”
Nick narrowed his eyes, “What about
the tour?”
“We can’t tour when you’re sick Nick,
and that’s what you are. And we have to get you better,” Howie said, “Let
us take care of you. Please?”
“Please,” Leslie pleaded.
“Please,” BJ echoed.
Nick stared at all of the faces in the
room gathered around him. All the attention that he craved was right here
at his every beck and whim. He looked from pale face to teary face.
He lingered the longest on the faces of his sisters. He shut his
eyes briefly, then slowly opened them, he took a deep breath before he huskily
said, “Ok.”
“OK?”
“Ok,” Nick repeated. This time
he shut his eyes, and didn’t open them again. They would not open again
until the next morning. The day AJ, Kevin, Howie, and Brian were going to
get their second chances.
***
