Chapter
3
“Hello?” came the groggy voice of
Brian Littrell over the phone. He had just woken up and was about to
trudge to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
“Brian?” Howie Dorough’s voice
resounded through the connection. Brian blinked.
“Howie?” Why would Howie be
calling him? Was their vacation being cut short? Was there a
special press conference being called? What had happened? “Howie, what’s
wrong? What’s going on?”
Brian heard an unfamiliar sound that
slowly registered in his head, Howie was laughing, chuckling actually, “No
Brian. Nothing’s wrong. I just called to see how you are. You know, like
we used to do in the old days.”
Brian blinked again and rubbed his
eyes. It was too early in the morning for flashbacks. He decided to
skip his wash up for the moment and go straight into the kitchen to make
himself some coffee. He earned himself company, as Lil’ Tyke, his
Chihuahua, overheard Daddy’s footsteps to the kitchen. Breakfast, his
little mind was probably thinking.
“I’m fine Howie, how are you?” Brian
replied stifling his yawn and moving toward the pantry, “Get down Tyke!” Brian
struggled to open the pantry door with the dog jumping against it.
“I’m fine Brian,” Howie said with a
small sigh, ”now.”
“Now?” Aha! Brian
discovered his instant coffee. Leighanne always preferred the coffee
beans, but hell, who wanted to grind those things? Besides she isn’t
here, now is she? Brian thought with satisfaction. He felt a little
guilty about being glad of her departure. She would be returning in a few
days, and Brian’s temporary good mood would evaporate. It almost made him
wonder. What would he be doing to himself marrying a woman that drove him
nuts and his happiest moments were when she wasn’t there?
“Yeah, listen Brian, I had a long talk
with my mother yesterday.”
“You did,” Brian spoke with the coffee
in one hand the phone resting on his shoulder. Tyke in his other hand, and
coffee filters between his teeth. His voice was mildly interested and
telephone pleasant.
“Yes, and Brian, she made me realize
some things about myself, and the group.”
Brian set down his coffee making
materials and his dog, “Like what, Howie? What are you getting at buddy?”
“Brian, do you realize we haven’t
talked, just talked like this, as a group for months, almost a year even?”
Brian was about to try and contradict
Howie, he tried to think of a moment when he and another member of the group
had had a heart to heart sometime within the past year. Whoa, he realized
he hadn’t, not even with Nick. “No we sure haven’t Howie.”
“Brian, it’s really time that we
start. You know those rumors going around about us breaking up… Well it’s gonna
happen if we don’t start trying to do something about it. We are all
drifting farther and farther apart. Just sitting here thinking about it, I
realized that AJ’s 22nd birthday and Nick’s 20th birthday have passed and we
didn’t even acknowledge it with a happy birthday. I didn’t even realize it
until now. We’ve all been living in our
own separate bubbles and I think it’s time we popped them. We need to
talk, and get reacquainted with one another. I know you are going through
a hard time, I’ve been having hard times, Kevin, and AJ are going through hell…
And what hurts is that now that I think about it, I don’t even know what’s
going on with you guys. I know you’re hurting, but I don’t know why. I
bet you don’t know either, do you?”
Brian had paused in his coffee making
caught up in Howie’s revelation of the past year, and everyone’s apathy toward
one another. It was true. He wondered why it had happened they had
always been so close, and felt they could share anything within their circle of
friendship, but suddenly that was gone. Everyone seemed to have gotten so
caught up in their own problems that they forgot about each other. They
never looked to the help that was right in front of their faces… And now the
question in Brian’s mind is “Is it too late to start caring again?”
“No B-rok, that’s why I called.”
Brian almost jumped. He hadn’t
realized he had asked that question aloud.
“I want us to talk. I’ll tell
you what’s been bothering me all this time, and then you tell me what is up
with you and Leighanne and anything else that you need to get off your chest.
I’ll listen,” Howie’s voice came easily over the line, “I can talk all
day.”
Brian felt like he had been punched in
the stomach when told he would have to talk of Leighanne. Everything’s fine he
wanted to say, as he had done for the past year. It was just easier that
way. He really didn’t want to drag everyone down with his problems, but
he had ended up doing it anyway with his silence. He had become
withdrawn. He slid down the counter and sat on his tiled kitchen
floor as cold reality hit him. The group was falling apart, and he had
helped to contribute to that. Everything he had dreamed of and worked
hard for was about to go up in smoke, and it would be his fault, he helped
light the match. The only person who hadn’t was Nick. Nick had been
the rock. Imagine that? Brian felt the guilt hit him again.
His Frack had turned 20 years old, without him. He felt a tear
slide over his cheek, “Brian?”
“Yeah… Yeah, I’m here Howie. I’m
still here,” Brian said softly, “So, who’s first? Do you want to
tell me about you, or do you wanna know about me and Leigh first?”
Leighanne Wallace was almost thirty
years old, not married and childless. She felt confident that she had
found ‘the one’ for her in Brian Thomas Littrell. He was younger than
she, yes. But he was still a wonderful man, with excellent morals… But
Leighanne wasn’t getting any younger. She would love to be having her
first child before she was thirty, but that wasn’t going to
happen. She could still be married though. She meant well but
she was putting the pressure on Brian to pop the question. Brian was
still busy with his career, traveling back and forth over the globe. He
didn’t want to burden anyone or himself with a proposal just yet. He was
young. He loved Leighanne, and yet that wasn’t enough for her. She
was ready for something he wasn’t yet. She threatened to leave him.
She wanted a definite commitment; she needed closure. She
accused him of not loving her enough, of leading her on to believe that
there could be something more. Brian was trapped in a world where everything he
did had to be done to please Leighanne to make her stay, and eventually he
would be forced to propose. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her, and didn’t
want marriage. He just wanted to wait until the group was more stable and
the schedule wasn’t so demanding. He never wanted to have to put himself
in a position where he would have to choose between the career everyone dreamed
of having, and a wife. It was his mother’s advice to wait, and his
father’s. But Brian was afraid. He was afraid she might leave and
it was tearing him apart. His only moments where he felt he could relax
and breathe were when he was home and she was away. He hated feeling like
that, but it was the truth. Leighanne could be the greatest woman in his
life, but he would never find that out if he lost her. But he just wasn’t
ready, why he should he be punished for wanting to wait for the right
moment? He was waiting for God to tell him an answer, but that
answer just wasn’t coming fast enough, or in a form that he could read.
Howie sat stunned in the kitchen of
his house. All this had happened and was happening under Howie’s nose,
and he had never noticed. Brian’s frowns and sad eyes had replaced his
endless grins and jokes, and no one had thought it strange. Except Nick…
“Everyone seems depressed to me…”
“Brian, I am so sorry,” Howie spoke in
almost a whisper.
“Sorry for what?” Brian’s tear choked
voice asked, “For me claming up and keeping things to myself? I’m the one
who’s sorry Howie. I should have known you guys would try to listen to me. It’s
just everyone was being so… so…”
“I know,” Howie said, “But that’s
going to change. We’re already starting to change it now. I think maybe
we should arrange a meeting, you know, before tour starts again. All of
us should get together and just, have fun. We could go out to eat, and
then see a movie, go clubbin’, just spend the day together.”
Howie could hear Brian’s smile through
the telephone, “Clubbing? You know Frack would never go for that.”
“Frack...” Howie thought with a smile
himself, “I haven’t heard that nickname in a while.”
Brian chuckled, “I wonder if he’ll be
glad to hear it.”
“I just hope he’s not mad at us,”
Howie spoke truthfully, out of all the people he was going to talk to that day
he had to admit Nick made him the most nervous. He was embarrassed about
his behavior, and the fact that Nick remained unchanged. The youngest
member had turned out to be the most dependable one.
“Yeah,” Brian said, “I’ll tell ya what
I’ll call Kev.”
“Thank you Brian,” Howie said, “I’ll
get in touch with AJ.”
“See ya D, oh, and thanks for calling,
man.”
“Don’t thank me. Just call
Kevin,” Howie said simply and hesitated a moment before disconnecting.
That had gone well, extremely well. He already felt better, but he
knew he had a lot of work ahead of him. Next he would call AJ, his best
friend…
***
