Chapter
36
“He’s asleep,” Howie whispered to the others
as they entered. Nick lie flat on his back with his eyes tightly shut.
Brian frowned and fingered the IV. He looked at it’s place of insertion
with a little concern at the redness of the area. He sighed and ran
a hand through Nick’s damp hair, “This is the worst it’s gonna get kid. After
we get you out of this one, there will be nowhere else to go but up. We’ll get
out of this state, go somewhere fun that you’ll like. You‘ve always liked
Spain, we can go there Frack. We can bring BJ with us, and if your parents
agree, then maybe even Aaron or Leslie.”
“Hey Brian, care to make
out-of-country plans with the rest of us first?” AJ cracked a grin at Brian.
Brian shrugged, “I’ll take him if you guys can’t...”
“Hold on Brian,” AJ raised a hand, “I
didn’t say we couldn’t. I said you hadn’t talked to us first. It sounds like a
good idea bro. A change of scenery... company...”
“Yeah,” both Kevin and Howie agreed.
“Leighanne won’t mind,” Brian said to
Nick, “In fact, she may even come along, and maybe Kevin can bring Kristen and
you can meet her. Brent and Mandy may want to come. They’re your friends
Nick. They called us a lot to ask about you.” Brian took a seat beside
the bed and took Nick’s hand as he continued to talk.
Howie ran his hand over his face,
“Sheesh Brian, he’s not in a coma. If you really want to make all those plans,
give him a shake and wake him up.”
“Shut up Howie,” Brian said with a sly
smile.
“He’s right cuz,” Kevin laughed,
“Sounds like you got a whole vacation planned. Did you already call the travel
agent?”
Brian rolled his eyes, “I will.” Brian
turned to face the others his blue eyes serious, “We have to get him out of
here and away from his parents. If we have to leave the state or the country,
I’ll do it, we’ll do it. He’s gonna slip away from us if we stay guys... we’re
gonna lose him.”
There was a silence. Everyone knew
that was true. “When do you guys wanna schedule this trip?” Kevin asked softly,
“They’ll probably discharge Nick in a few days, maybe be we can do it then.
I’ll have to call Kristen and ask her today, and Brian you’ll have to let
Leighanne know.”
Brian was nodding.
“And I can put in the call to Mandy
and Brent,” AJ was saying with a nod.
“Are we gonna tell the Carters what
we’re doing?” Howie asked.
“No way,” AJ said, “They’ll ruin
everything. We’ll just go. BJ’s legal, and she has a passport, she can
come with no problem. We’ll just have to break the news to Aaron and
Leslie that they can’t come with us.”
“They’re gonna be pissed,” Brian said
with a groan, “but there’s no other way.” He slouched in the chair looking much
older than his twenty-five years, his weariness showing clearly in his posture.
“I guess we should start making the
plans now. I’m gonna get to a phone and find out about the traveling fees and
hotels and things,” Kevin was already trying to make a list of things to do.
He yawned, but tried to stifle it. He didn’t want anyone to see just how
tired he really was, or how scared...
Plans and things to do seemed to be
buzzing around or rather above Howie’s head. He snickered slightly and
watched as his friends all crowded to the door. They were halfway out
before they stopped and turned to see Howie, “I’ll stay and watch over Nicky.
You guys go on.”
Brian smiled, “We’ll be back in
a little while D, get some rest.”
Howie smiled tiredly back and
collapsed in the chair Brian had pulled up beside Nick’s bed, “That is what I
am gonna do Bri. Nicky’s not the only one that needs a nap.” Howie sighed and
stood up over Nick for a minute, pulling up his blanket and pushing his hair
out of his pale face, “We’re gonna take care of you bro, don’t worry.” He
sat back down and settled into the chair. He took Nick’s hand in his and
massaged it until he fell asleep. The first real sleep he had had in the past
two weeks; he didn’t know just how exhausted he really was.
Nick opened one eye and then the
other. They were all gone, except Howie... but Howie slept like a
damn rock. Nick smirked a bit. Spain...they wanted a vacation, a
vacation on him. They cared, Nick knew, they cared a lot. Nick
actually felt a little regret as he thought about how they may feel after...
well afterwards. But the pleasurable thoughts of his parents in pain, blaming
each other, maybe even crying, feeling sorry about what they had done,
overwhelmed any sorrow he felt for his friends, his brothers... his siblings.
He scoped his IV cord and fingered it again. He needed something sharp.
He would think in a hospital he could find something sharp enough to... He
spied Howie sleeping in the chair beside his bed. He sat up slowly and
leaned towards Howie. Howie always kept his keys chained to his belt, or his
pockets... Keys could be sharp. Nick’s eyes searched Howie and quickly
spotted the gleam of Howie’s gold and silver keys. He carefully removed
then from Howie’s belt. He sorted through the keys trying to find one
with ridges sharp enough to.. Hello? What’s this? He pulled up a
miniature keychain with a peculiar design, it looked like a... a, “A
pocket-knife nail file,” Nick chuckled, “Howie, you’re the greatest.” He
felt the blade, it would cut. He carefully brought his left arm into his
lap toying with the IV wire. This was it... this was his moment. He felt
the tears running down his face, all his pain and troubles... all the hell of
his life would be left behind. The mistake will be corrected. Sure
the guys, his brothers and sisters would be sad for a while... but they’d get
over it. They’ll know it wasn’t their fault... he knew they knew that. But his
parents, he felt his hands ball into fists, how he hated them, and if they had
their way he’d be locked away somewhere. His father already had the police
in the matter. He couldn’t let them continue making him feel like shit...
he had to do this. To prove a point to them....to get back at them, make them
sorry.. Oh he would make them sorry alright.... His shaky right hand took the
file and began its work sawing the IV cord. The work was tedious and time
consuming. Come on, someone could come in at any moment.. He shot a
nervous glance at Howie and continued on feverishly with his work. After
twenty minutes he lie back, there. It was done. He sat up again slowly
after his little rest to examine his work. A nice puncture had been made
in his cord. Clear fluid ran over the edges and spilled onto the bed
creating a wet stain on his thigh... he giggled, in death people may think he
had been experiencing a wet dream. Funny how he could joke about death
this way... He wondered what would happen to him, where he may go. He heard
that suicides never made it to Heaven... but right now he wasn’t sure he
believed in Heaven... and the only Hell he knew of was the one he was in now.
Whatever other Hell that could be in store for him couldn’t be much
worse. He shuddered, thinking about a place worse than here. He took a
deep breath, “God if you’re up there, please forgive me... and... and let my
brothers and sisters always know that I love them. And take of them for me
please...” More tears escaped his eyes, his moment of freedom, also became his
moment of judgment. What are you gonna do Nick? Can you do this?
Can you? Are you afraid? Are you a....?
“Shut up!” Nick hissed, “I’m not afraid...”
and in that instant he passed his judgment, he made his decision. He
raised the cord to his lips and took a breath, here goes. He pressed his
lips to the tube, and blew hard, he lie back wondering how long would it
take.... how long would it...
Howie woke up to the wail of a heart
monitor, and the noises of doctors and nurses bustling into the room. They
knocked Howie out of the way and surrounded Nick’s bed. They were trying
to resuscitate him... Howie gasped, “Oh my God.... Please God this is not
happening, I am not losing him!” Howie tried to fight through the doctors
and nurses to throw himself on Nick and protect him... if the doctors couldn’t
do anything Howie would save him... someone save him. He’s 20, he’s only
20! “DO SOMETHING!” Howie was shrieking, “WHY AREN’T YOU DOING SOMETHING!”
The monitor continued to wail and
Howie could see nothing through the thicket of medical personnel. “Oh God...”
Howie was hyperventilating, he couldn’t see straight. The floor was
getting closer and closer to his face. He felt a hand on his
shoulder, people trying to help him. He felt himself being sat down and
his shirt collar being unbuttoned. He heard more screaming, it sounded
like AJ... AJ, help Nick, the doctors are stupid... Why won’t they turn the
machine off, the one making that horrible noise?
“What the hell happened?” AJ was
screaming, “Howie! Howie what happened?! What the hell happened?!”
“Sir we have to ask you to...”
“NO! YOU TELL ME WHATS GOING ON! HE’S
NOT DEAD, HE’S NOT!”
Howie’s eyes opened and for a brief
second he could see clearly... and he saw Nicky... his little brother... lying
perfectly still on the bed, and then a doctor pulling the white sheet over his
head, covering his body.
God no, no, no, no....
***
