Chapter 4

Kevin paused, his hand hovering near the doorknob. He'd spent nearly fifteen minutes debating what to do before he realized there was only one right choice. He'd swallowed his anger and pride and headed to where he knew Nick would be.

He'd rehearsed a dozen things to say to his younger brother, and they'd all sounded good in the Suite. But as he stood facing the roof access door and the scene beyond, he wasn't so sure. Chastising himself, he shook his head and forced his hand to grasp the knob. He would attempt to apologize, and leave it at that. Quietly, he opened the door and stepped through.

Nick was before him, leaning in towards the large telescope and fiddling with a knob on the side. For a moment, Kevin wanted to turn and leave, but he gathered his resolve. He took a couple of steps forward.

"Nick?" he said quietly.

The blond jumped, despite the low level of his voice. Nick turned around, but didn't speak at first. Kevin saw confusion behind his eyes.

"Kev." He turned back to his scope.

"I know the eclipse is almost happening, but can we talk for a second?" Kevin asked, crossing the distance.

"I don't know," came the soft reply as he stood. "Can we?" Nick hesitated. "I don't want to argue again."

"I don't want to argue either. I just came to apologize."

Silence.

"Nick," he continued, "I know I've been lashing out at everyone, especially you. The things I said back there, and earlier today, well… I just lost my temper. I'm sorry about that. I've been a little tense lately."

"No kidding," he said, crossing his arms.

"I know I've been difficult to be around. I admit that. But lately things have been kind of confusing for me and-"

"Kev, if I had been acting exactly like you, and treated everyone the way you have, what would you have done?"

The question caught him off guard. "Well, you can't really compare…"

"You'd ask me what was wrong," Nick interrupted bluntly.

"Yeah," Kevin answered, realizing where the conversation was going.

"And if I refused to talk about it? What then?" When no response followed, Nick continued. "Normally, most of us turn to you for help with problems. It's always been that way. But you have problems too, Kev. You should be able to talk to us, let us be there for you. Leaning on your friends, your brothers, is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength." Nick looked down. "It's one of the most important things you ever taught me," he said in a voice just above a whisper. A second later he lifted his head and stared into emerald eyes. "I know you were right when you said I couldn't relate. But that doesn't mean no one can. You got to talk to Brian or Howie or even AJ… someone, Kev. Before it's too late and it takes over everything."

Kevin was struck by his sincerity, and the truth in his words. He couldn't form a response.

"I'm worried about you, Kev. I'm scared to see you so tense and angry every day. I wanted to do something to fix it, to make it better, but I can see that's not going to happen." He looked down again, eyes filled with pain.

"Oh God," Kevin said, running a hand through his hair. "Nick, I'm sorry. I… I don’t know… what can I say? I'm really sorry."

"Apology accepted," Nick said in a hollow voice.

The moment was disrupted by a shrill ring. Kevin frowned, confused, but Nick didn't seem surprised. He reached into his coat pocket and withdrew his cell.

"Hi," he said quietly. "Hang on a second."

Kevin stared. Nick took a deep breath, then held out the phone along with a tiny headset.

"It's for you."

"What?"

"The phone call is for you. This whole thing is for you, Train. Take it."

In utter confusion the older Boy took the phone and gave a tentative 'hello'. His eyes widened considerably at the resulting response. That voice…

"Kris?" he asked, shocked.

"Enjoy," Nick said as he turned and headed for the exit.

"Wait, Nick- what's going on?" Kevin asked.

"Talk to your wife," came the reply. "Have fun." With that, Nick left the roof and shut the door behind him.

"Kev?" came a voice in his ear.

"Kris, what's going on here?"

"Didn't Nick explain things?" she asked, surprised.

"No, I'm at a complete loss."

"He was supposed to let you in on the details earlier."

Kevin sat down in the chair, still a bit dazed. "We've… we kind of had an argument. A couple, actually."

"Oh, sweetie," she sighed into his ear. "I suppose I'll have to do the explaining. First of all, are you on the roof?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Did he get a telescope like he wanted?"

"Uh, it's right here, all ready to go next to where I'm sitting. But what-"

"Shh, listen," she said softly. "Relax. I'm sitting here with a telescope next to me, too. We're going to watch the eclipse together."

"But what-"

"Shh," she repeated. "Did Nick give you a headset?"

"Yes."

"Okay, go and put it on. Your hand’s going to get tired holding the phone up after too long… plus the headset will let you adjust the scope while we talk."

He put on the gear and attached it to the phone. A second later he put the cell in his jacket pocket and told her he'd done as asked.

"Good," she said. He could hear the smile in her voice. "Now, let me explain what Nick didn't. He called me this morning, early, and we talked for a while about you. He's been so very worried about you, you know."

"I know," Kevin replied in a low voice.

"He called to ask me to participate in a surprise. He'd read some article about the lunar eclipse, and gotten the idea of you and I watching it together. He told me that even though we couldn't actually be together, we could still share the event. I thought it was such a sweet idea I agreed to it right away."

"He must have been the one on the line this morning when I couldn't get through to you," Kevin said as realization dawned.

"Yeah, we talked for about fifteen minutes. He told me what to get and when to be ready. When you called me later, I was just on my way out to the store for the telescope. I had to go to three different shops before I found one in stock."

"Nick was the 'old buddy' you were doing a favor for."

"I hated misleading you, Kev," she apologized. "I just didn't want the surprise ruined."

"That's okay," he reassured her.

"Oh, look through your telescope," she instructed. "The eclipse is about to begin. See it?"

"Yeah, but nothing's… no, wait. I see the very edge getting shadowed."

"Me too," she said with a bit of excitement. "Okay, anyway… it was Nick's idea that we watch together. He told me that it's a rare event, and special… and that maybe you would relax and enjoy it. That way," she added softly, "maybe you would feel less tense in the morning and be inclined to talk about some of your problems with someone. You know, get things off your chest a bit."

Kevin shut his eyes as he realized how wrongly he'd misjudged his youngest brother. AJ had been right at dinner… he'd severely underestimated Nick.

"Sweetheart?" Kris called.

"I’m here, hon. I… Nick thought of this all on his own?"

"Yeah, he did," she said. "He was so excited. I thought for sure he'd spill the surprise early. What on earth did you two argue about?"

"It's a long story," Kevin said quietly.

"Well, Kev, we have lots of time tonight. I want to talk to you… really talk. Take advantage of this special night."

Kevin felt a smile slowly emerge. "It is kind of unusual."

Her laugh warmed him to his heart. "Just like everything else in our lives," she said. "So talk to me, Love."

He settled back in the chair, adjusting it and the scope so he could view the eclipse with ease.

"Well," he began. "I guess it started this morning…"

*********

Nick settled himself in a lounge chair by the side of the pool, leaning back and gazing up at the night sky. He saw the faintest darkening of the moon, and drew in a deep breath. He had been surprised that Kevin had shown up when he did, and been there for Kristen's call. Somehow the plan had actually worked.

Well, the first part of it anyway.

He let out his breath and tried to relax. Kevin was up above, hopefully enjoying the view with Kris. For the next hour or so, his oldest brother would be engaged in conversation with the woman he loved. After that, Nick couldn't guess. He only hoped that Kevin had a good time; more than that he couldn't expect.

He put his hands behind his head, then crossed his feet, settling in for the duration. He knew he wouldn't be disturbed; the pool wasn't heated and it was late. That was perfectly fine with him.

As the moon became cloaked in shadow, he felt himself suppressing a yawn. He hadn't slept much the night before, and now that he was in the dark, practically lying down, he could feel the pull of sleep. He shifted, not about to allow himself to drift off. How weird would that be, to fall asleep by a pool in early October? He concentrated on recalling the facts in the magazine article. In his mind's eye he could see the image of the graphics they'd used to explain the eclipse. He remembered almost understanding it… but not quite. Although he'd never admit it, he'd finally had to line up a basketball, a baseball and a flashlight to simulate the picture. The whole thing had suddenly made sense, and he'd been kind of excited about his revelation.

He tried to think of the notes he'd taken from the other articles in the magazine. He'd seen something on mummies, always a favorite… but not the Hollywood kind, the real kind. The photos they had were awesome, and the article had mentioned a website. Howie would let him borrow his laptop, he was sure. Oh, and the sharks! He'd seen something about a new species of shark that had been discovered off the Great Barrier Reef a month ago. With a smile, he absently touched the material above where his tattoo was, wondering what it'd be like to discover something that incredible.

Nick shook his head, realizing his thoughts had drifted and wandered far too much. He focused on the moon, slightly surprised to see it over half dark. Idly he wondered what Kevin and Kris were talking about. It would be strange to be married, he decided. To finally find someone to share your life with, forever. The very idea was both exciting and scary. He'd asked Brian about it once, when it was just the two of them one night. His best friend had explained it was a lot more than always having someone waiting for you when you finally got home. He'd gone on about the security of knowing someone loved you, of the bond that was unique, about discovering things together that you never thought of alone, of two sets of dreams becoming one… Nick hadn't really followed everything his best friend had said, but he did understand that Brian was happy. Extraordinarily happy. And that's all that really mattered.

Nick wondered why Brian was happy and Kevin wasn't. Both Leigh and Kris were great women. He knew how much Kevin loved being married, and how devoted he was to his wife. He didn't think they were having problems; that was the kind of thing you couldn't hide from the rest of the group, especially on tour. Earlier that day, Kris had been both happy and excited to participate in the surprise, and he'd always known her to be honest. It was a puzzle.

His attention was snapped back by the muffled sound of a car horn from the street. He blinked, realizing he'd allowed his thoughts to meander yet again. He crossed his arms, partially for warmth, and regarded the moon. He felt a small thrill as he saw the shadow steadily devouring the last sliver of light… he held his breath as the moon went completely dark.

It seemed as if the entire universe was suspended for a few seconds. The bright moonlight had utterly vanished, and there was an eerie quality to the moment. Nick felt both awed and humbled… insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Then, the thinnest curve of light appeared on the edge of the dark. He let out the breath he'd been holding and couldn't stop a wide smile from forming. Awesome…

He settled back again, one hand behind his head and the other resting on his stomach. The hypnotizing pull of the eclipse seemed to demand his entire attention, and he set his thoughts aside as the moonlight steadily grew.

**********

"…yeah, me too, honey." Kevin smiled as he shut his eyes. "More than you'll ever know."

"Tell Nick thank you," came her soft voice. "I owe him a huge hug."

"I'll tell him thanks," he said, "but you can do the hugging yourself." He listened to her laugh, relishing the sound. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Whenever you get the chance, Kev. It's quality, not quantity, remember."

"I'll remember. Good night," he said reluctantly. "I love you."

"Good night," she echoed warmly. "And I love you too. Bye."

"Bye," he said, listening as a small click ended their call.

For a long moment he sat still, savoring the sensation of contentment. He and Kris hadn't talked like that in a long, long time. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed that part of their relationship. It was so incredibly easy to let time and opportunity slip by.

Dark green eyes looked up at the shining face of the moon, wondering how the light suddenly seemed more magical than before. He knew it was simply a matter of perspective, something he'd lost sight of recently. It was funny how blind he'd been.

Kevin got up from his chair and stretched. For a moment he wondered what to do about the telescope, but then figured that it would be safe. With one more glance at the full moon, he smiled. He doubted he'd ever look at it the same way again.

He sighed deeply. That his youngest brother had come up with the entire concept was astonishing. Nick had taken him by complete surprise: from the original idea to the arrangements and coordination, he had pulled it together in an impressive way. All that, for no other reason than he wanted to help make things better.

A sharp twinge of guilt made Kevin wince as he replayed the events of the day. He'd been so caught up in his own world he'd failed to see how Nick had been trying to help. His stubborn refusal to open up and talk had done more than hurt just himself, they'd hurt Nick as well. He shut his eyes as their argument in the Suite came back to him. A moment later he shook his head. The words couldn't be taken back, the past couldn't be changed.

However, he could do something about the present.

Kevin crossed the roof, knowing he had to talk to Nick without delay.

**********

He entered the Suite, fully expecting to hear the sounds of the television. Instead, he was greeted by silence. After a second of listening for softer sounds and finding none, he called Nick’s name. He frowned at the lack of response, then walked down the hallway. He didn’t know which room was being shared by Nick and Brian, so he chose the left and knocked loudly.

No answer.

He moved to the middle door, repeated the gesture, and was again met with silence.

Kevin shifted and ran his hand through his hair. Surely Nick wasn’t asleep, not with all the pounding. Then again, the youngest had been known to doze through the most astonishing of events. Reluctantly, he turned the knob on the door and eased it open.

His eyebrows arched high as he took in the appearance of the room… it looked as if a full scale hurricane had swept through it. He shook his head, a small smile curving his lips. Hurricane Kaos, he thought. While it was obvious the room belonged to Nick and Brian, the object of his search was nowhere to be seen. Kevin shut the door and retraced his steps to the living room.

He glanced at the time: it was a little past midnight. Where could he be? The eclipse had finished over an hour ago. The smallest twinge of worry stirred in his chest. The only places open at that hour were clubs and bars, neither of which Nick would be inclined to visit. It wouldn’t make sense for Nick to leave the hotel; he knew better than to wander off, no matter how angry or upset he was.

He shook his head, dismissing the unproductive thoughts. There was only one logical place for Nick to be at this hour, and Kevin half hoped, half prayed he was there. Without a second thought, he headed out the Suite door and crossed the short distance to the elevator. By the time the car had reached the first floor, he had convinced himself that Nick simply had to be waiting for him in the Lobby.

Confidently, he left the elevator and glanced around the large room. At that hour, activity was very low, and he had no trouble searching. To his dismay, there wasn’t a single sign of his bandmate. Just to be sure, he walked around the seating area, hoping to find Nick slumped in a chair behind a large plant, but he found nothing. The worry began to escalate. Pushing down a touch of panic, he headed towards the front desk. Surely someone there had seen a six-foot blond wearing a long black coat…

“I’m sorry, Mr. Richardson,” said the Receptionist, “Mr. Carter hasn’t been here for at least an hour. I’ve been on duty since 10:45 and I can guarantee he hasn’t come down since then.”

“What about before that?” he asked. “Before you came on duty?”

She smiled and gave a nod. “Let me check.”

The redhead walked to the end of the counter and spoke quietly to a young man, who immediately took off for the front door. Twenty seconds later he returned, shaking his head as he reported his news. The Receptionist came back to Kevin.

“Neither Sam nor the doorman saw your Mr. Carter,” she said apologetically. “They started their shifts much earlier, at nine. While Sam might have been busy elsewhere during that time, the doorman has not moved. I can guarantee that Mr. Carter did not leave through the front door.” Then she frowned. “Is there a problem? Is this a matter for the authorities?”

“Oh, no,” Kevin said hastily. “Just a case of getting our signals crossed, I guess. Thanks.”

“Good luck,” she said with a smile.

Kevin turned away and had gone a couple of paces before a thought struck him. Water…

In a curious voice, he spun around and said, “Isn’t there a pool on the hotel grounds?”

She looked confused but said, “Yes, we have an outdoor pool. But I doubt he’d be there, it’s far too cold to swim. The pool isn’t heated.”

“Can you tell me where it is?” he asked.

“Through those doors,” she said, indicating the direction with her hand, “and then left.”

“Thanks,” he said, not waiting for a reply.

He kept his stride controlled and purposeful. It would make sense, Nick being by the pool. The youngest Boy had always taken refuge near the water. He’d said something about how it cleared his mind and helped him relax. Since they were hundreds of miles from any ocean, the next best thing would be a pool.

Or so Kevin hoped.

He opened the door and held back a relief-filled sigh. There Nick was, sprawled on a lounge chair, only a few feet from the water. Quietly he crossed the concrete, not wanting to startle his brother; he took in a breath to speak when he realized something odd.

Nick was sound asleep.

He blinked, drawing near his bandmate. With one hand curled near his cheek and the other resting across his stomach, Nick looked painfully young. Memories flooded Kevin’s mind, and he easily saw the boy Nick had been. Unlike the others, the blond had done most of his growing up on the road, touring with the band. He’d been so small back then… barely a teenager… yet he’d agreed to the grueling hours and the time away from home and school and family. Thinking back, Kevin wondered how hard it had actually been for him.

He sighed. He’d been older than Nick was now when the group first got together; he clearly remembered the homesick days and the doubts along the way. He also remembered how infuriating it was when other adults treated him like a kid, as if he didn’t have a mind or a will of his own.

Exactly the way he’d been treating Nick.

Carefully he eased down in the next chair, not willing to wake the sleeping figure just yet. There was something about the peaceful look on his face that seemed… fragile. Transitory. With sadness, Kevin realized that it had been a long, long time since he’d shared a moment of peace with the youngest. He’d been blind for quite a while… Nick had become an adult, and he hadn’t even noticed. The sensitivity that had been behind the recent surprise spoke volumes concerning Nick’s maturity.

And he hadn’t even noticed.

Kevin silently chastised himself. If he’d misjudged Nick so badly, what else had he been wrong about? Maybe… maybe the others could help him with his problems. At least, they might be able to help him sort through things. It would be a start.

Reluctantly, he leaned over and gently shook Nick by the shoulder. A second later he was rewarded with a slightly confused azure stare.

“Wake up, Frack,” he said with a small smile.

“Wha- Kev?” Nick mumbled sleepily. A few seconds later he sat upright, blinking rapidly. “Must’ve fallen asleep. What, um, time is it?”

“It’s almost 12:30,” he replied. “How long have you been here?”

“I came here to watch the eclipse,” he said. His eyes seemed to clear and he looked up tentatively. “Did you have a good talk?”

Kevin smiled. “I had a fantastic time, Nick. That was one of the neatest things anyone’s ever done for me,” he declared sincerely.

Nick swung his legs over the side of the chair and gazed at the water for a moment. “As long as you enjoyed it,” he said a bit distantly.

“Kris and I haven’t talked like that in a long time,” Kevin admitted. “I had no idea how much I’d missed that. I can’t tell you what a difference it made… it was a wonderful idea.”

Nick looked up from the water and stared at his brother’s eyes until he found the sincerity he was searching for in their emerald depths. Finally a small, hopeful smile appeared on his face.

“So maybe you’re not so… upset now?”

Kevin grimaced and said, “Look, I’m really sorry about before. I had no right to go off on you the way I did-“

“That doesn’t matter,” Nick said, cutting him off with a gesture. “I was ticked too. The important thing is how you feel now.”

Kevin took a moment to gather an answer.

“I guess I feel a lot of things,” he said quietly. “Happy that I was able to share something like that with Kris, embarrassed at the way I’ve been treating you and the guys lately, regretful of the things I’ve said… and angry.”

Nick’s blue eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak when Kevin continued.

“Angry at myself. For misjudging you, for not giving you credit for being… who you are now. You’re not a kid anymore, but I never saw that until tonight.” It was Kevin’s turn to stare at the water. “I’m really sorry for that.”

“It’s okay,” came the even reply. “Sometimes it’s hard to see things when they’re up close. I do the same thing to Aaron… to me, most of the time, he’s still my bratty little five year old brother, despite the fact he’s got an album out and is doing so well on his own. It blows me away each time I think about it.” He gave a slight shrug. “It happens.”

“I always thought I was a lot more aware of things,” Kevin said regretfully.

Nick shook his head. “You’re being too hard on yourself, Kev. You have a lot to think about,” he said.

“We all have a lot to think about.”

Crossing his arms, Nick said, “Who keeps track of our schedule? Who is our direct link to management? Who makes sure we get what we need, when we need it? Who is the one who pushes us to be more creative, more unique? Who keeps everyone from killing each other on the road? Who does everyone turn to for advice?”

“Yeah, but-”

“But nothing,” Nick said. Then, dropping his voice to a low whisper he added, “You know, I think that’s your only real flaw.”

“My… flaw?”

“You forget that you’re human.”

Silence fell between the two as Kevin considered the simple but powerful statement. Nearly a minute passed before he spoke.

“Are you saying I shouldn’t do all that?”

“No,” the blond said. “What I’m saying is, I think you put so much time and energy into what we need, what we require, that you forget about what you need.” He sniffed, then shivered a bit. “At least, that’s my take on the whole thing.” He looked down at the moon-washed concrete and drew his coat tighter. “For what it’s worth,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling a lot less confident

“For what it’s worth?” Kevin echoed with a frown. “Nick…”

“It’s kinda cold out here,” he said, changing the subject rapidly. “I think it’s time to go in.”

“Okay,” Kevin said as he stood, “we can continue on with this inside.”

“You had a good time with Kris, right? That’s all I wanted,” Nick declared. “My job is over, there’s nothing more I can do.”

“I… kind of wanted to talk tonight.”

“Well, the guys aren’t back yet, and I doubt that they’ll want to chat when they arrive. You’ll have to catch them tomorrow, when they’re awake and coherent,” Nick said as he moved towards the door.

“I meant us… you and me.”

At that, Nick stopped. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I thought maybe, after all that’s happened, I could ask your opinion on some things.”

“My opinion?”

Kevin stared at puzzled blue eyes. “Yeah,” he replied. “I’d like to know what you think.”

“But… why?” Pure confusion.

“Because I realize that keeping everything to myself is stupid and destructive,” he explained. “Isn’t that what you all want me to do, to talk about things?”

“Well, yeah, but…”

Frustrated, Kevin scowled. “But what?”

“Why do you want my opinion?” Nick persisted.

“What kind of fool question is that?”

Nick stared at his older brother for several heartbeats. His internal debate as to whether to answer or not waged for a suspended moment. Then, in a quiet, deliberate voice, he spoke.

“In all the time we’ve been together, you’ve never asked me for my opinion on anything personal, Kev.”

Kevin opened his mouth to protest but realized, with a shock, that Nick was right. His gaze shot to Nick’s face, but he saw no condemnation there, no bitterness or reproach.

“I… damn,” he began, not sure what to say.

“S’okay,” Nick said with a shrug. “I never really expected you to. I mean, think about it.”

“That was wrong of me,” Kevin confessed painfully.

Nick looked down. “Don’t be so sure,” he said. “I’m not exactly known for my wisdom.”

Despite himself, Kevin smiled. “You have a unique kind of wisdom,” he said, touching his brother on the arm. When Nick met his eyes, he continued. “I’d really like to hear what you have to say. I think it’s about time I started listening, don’t you?”

“You might be sorry,” Nick warned, allowing a small smile of his own to appear.

“I asked for it, didn’t I? Come on, let’s get inside and up where it’s warmer and more comfortable.”

“Okay.”

The pair walked back into the hotel and crossed the Lobby in silence. Kevin spared a glance at the Receptionist, who acknowledged his nod and smiled at his success. Nick hit the elevator button, and soon the two were ascending. Not a word was spoken until they had entered the Suite and removed their coats.

“Want something to drink?” Kevin asked from the kitchen area.

“Sure, whatever. Nothing with caffeine, unless you plan on staying up until dawn listening to me babble.”

“One juice coming up,” came the amused reply.

Kevin handed the bottle to Nick as he sank down on the couch beside him. Opening his own drink, he took a long swallow before leaning back against the cushions.

“This has been one hell of a day,” he commented.

“Yeah.”

“You know, that plan you carried out was pretty slick,” Kevin said.

“I was lucky things fell into place.”

“There was a lot more to it than luck. I want to thank you again. I’ll never forget it. Oh, and Kristen says thanks.”

Nick smiled as he, too, leaned back and put his feet up on the table. “Tell her she’s welcome. Like I said, I’m just glad it worked out. She’s pretty cool, huh?”

Kevin grinned. “Yeah, I think so.” Then his statement sobered. “She’s a great person.”

“So why the not-so-happy look?”

“That’s part of the problem,” he answered with a sigh.

“Kris is part of the problem?” Nick asked, truly surprised. “But I thought-”

“No, that’s not what I meant. She’s terrific, and marrying her is one of the smartest things I ever did.”

“So… where does the problem fit in?”

Kevin shifted a bit. “See, Kris is great. I love being married to her… sure, we’re apart more than I’d like, but she understands that. So I’m happily married… Then there’s my music.”

“What’s wrong with your music?” Nick asked, trying hard to follow.

“Nothing. That’s part of the problem too. I’m doing what I love, and am creating more than ever.”

“Kev…”

“Hear me out,” he said. “There’s the band’s success… the ninety minutes of raw energy feedback we get during a concert is like no other rush in the world. The fans, the way they respond, makes all the hard work worth it. And our commercial success, that's nothing to sneeze at either. Every one of us has more money than we could ever need.”

When he didn’t continue, Nick sighed. “Let me get this straight. You are happily married to a terrific woman, you’re doing the job you love, branching out creatively like never before, and still get a major jolt out of performing. And you’re rich.” He cast a sidelong glance to the figure next to him. “Yeah, I can see how that would suck.”

“No, see… that’s my point. By all accounts, I should be beyond happy. I should be practically dancing in the aisles… but, I’m not. It seems I’m confused and angry at things I can’t define.” He gave a frustrated sigh. “And it just seems to be getting worse as time goes on. It doesn’t make sense.”

Nick was quiet for almost a minute. Kevin was about to check and see if the younger Boy had fallen asleep when he spoke.

“Want to play a video game?”

“What?” Kevin asked, stunned.

“A video game, you know. It’s fun.”

“No, I don’t want to play a video game,” he answered tightly. He’d just spilled his guts to Nick, and he had dismissed the entire thing like it was-

“Why not?” Nick asked offhandedly.

“What do you mean, why not? I have no interest in video games!”

“I remember you used to,” Nick pointed out.

“That was a long time ago,” Kevin grated.

“When you were my age, right?” he said, staring at the ceiling. “When we first got together.”

“Yeah…”

“Ah.” After a few seconds, Nick continued. “But how come you didn’t keep playing?”

“I guess I got into other things,” he said.

“Well, look. The guys will be back soon, but there’s probably time to set up a cool practical joke. Remember the time when you glued the entire zipper shut on Brian’s duffel bag, and he eventually had to cut it open?” Nick grinned. “That was classic. You inspired me with that one.”

“No, I don’t want to play a practical joke on anyone,” Kevin said, exasperated. “Besides, that was years ago… I don’t do that stuff any longer. It’s childish.”

“Yeah,” agreed Nick happily. “But I remember seeing you laugh so hard you started wheezing. That was fun.”

The barest smile lifted the corners of Kevin’s mouth. “Maybe it was,” he relented.

“So why don’t you do stuff like that now?” Nick asked, a hint of seriousness in his voice.

“Because… I don’t know, it’s immature. It’s not something an adult would really want to do.”

“Bingo.”

Kevin was confused at the declaration. “What do you mean, ‘bingo’?”

Nick gave a long look at his friend and said, “Remember when you were a kid, when the simplest things made you happy? Finding a weird bug crawling on the lawn, fishing in the local pond, exploring someplace you’d never been, counting the stars at night? Simple stuff. No worries, every day was pretty much full of adventure. Why did things ever change? Why does everyone give that up as they get older?”

“I guess… our world changes,” Kevin said, beginning to understand a bit of where Nick was headed.

“Not our world, Kev,” Nick corrected. “Our priorities. Suddenly, girls become more important than bugs. Sports become more important than coloring. And it keeps happening. Fitting in with your group becomes more important than being independent… then it switches, and independence makes you special. When you were my age, you liked a lot of the same stuff I do now… games, jokes, expensive toys, gadgets. But you never stop changing your priorities. Here you are now… and the things that used to be important to you, aren’t anymore.”

“But the band, and touring, and music are still important,” he pointed out.

“Sure they are,” Nick said. “But there are other priorities coming in your life. Think of Kris… having a wife is a big thing. You aren’t just part of the BSB now, you’re someone’s husband. Soon, you might even be starting a family,” he said, the slightest blush coloring his face. “Then, your priorities will change again. You’ll be a dad.” Nick shook his head in wonder. “I can’t imagine what that would be like.”

“I think that would change everything,” Kevin said slowly.

“Yeah. In a big way. You’ll still have your music, and the BSB… but man. To have someone calling you ‘Daddy’…” His voice trailed off.

Kevin tried to absorb what Nick had proposed. “So, you’re saying that the reason I’m not as happy as I once was, as I think I should be, is because my priorities are shifting again.”

“You’re not the same person you were when we started out,” Nick said. “None of us are. Because you’re the oldest, you’re hitting that point first.” He gave a slight shrug. “At least, that’s what it looks like to me.”

“You didn’t come up with this between the pool and here,” Kevin declared.

“No… I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately,” he admitted. “I dunno. Maybe it’s because I spend a lot more time alone than anyone else. When you guys go off clubbing or whatever, I have a lot of time on my hands. Games and television are only so interesting. After a while, I can’t help but start thinking of stuff like this.” His tone was half apologetic.

Kevin didn’t reply. He’d been surprised by the blond so often in the last few hours that he was at a loss for words at the latest revelation.

“Anyway,” Nick said with a sigh, “that’s how I see it. I’m probably way off base, but you did ask. I think you should talk to the other guys tomorrow… they’re a lot smarter than me about this stuff.”

“I… wouldn’t be so sure,” Kevin replied. “Damn.”

“What?” Nick asked, his azure eyes wide.

“What you said makes sense. A whole lot of sense.” He suddenly realized something else, and gave the blond a measuring stare. “That’s why you thought of Kris for tonight.”

“Huh?”

“You said you wanted to get me to relax, to have a good time so that maybe I’d feel like opening up and talking to someone.”

“Yeah…”

“That could have been done a lot of ways. But you involved Kris.”

“Oh, sure,” Nick said, settling back again. “I figured she was the biggest new priority in your life, so it just made sense to think of her. And even if my whole ‘priorities’ theory was bogus, I didn’t see anything wrong with your talking with her tonight.”

Kevin shook his head, amazed. “That’s… jeeze. I’m impressed, Frack. I really haven’t been giving you anywhere near the credit I should.” He blinked. “I really owe you an apology.”

“No you don’t,” came the reply. “It’s not like I won the Noble prize-”

“Uh, that’s Nobel…”

“See? Not like I won the No-bel prize or anything. I just… I dunno, I’ve been worried about you, and kind of set my mind to the problem. I… I hope it helps.”

“You’ve helped me a lot,” Kevin answered sincerely. “I have a lot of sorting out to do, but I think you nailed the biggest part of the problem.” He gave a short laugh. “Of course, the next question is, what to do about it?”

Nick held up a hand in surrender. “Whoa,” he said, shaking his head. “One major crisis at a time. I don’t want to strain something.”

Kevin laughed, the sound strange to his ears. “Maybe we can talk about it later, after I’ve had a chance to think it through.”

“Sounds good… as long as you don’t do a repeat of the last couple of weeks. I don’t think I could take it.”

“Me either.” Emerald eyes focused on the youngest. “Thanks,” he said softly.

“You’re welcome,” came the simple reply.

Spontaneously, Kevin reached over and ruffled Nick’s hair, surprising him. “When did you grow up, Baby?” he asked, grinning.

“Last Tuesday, at 6:23 PM,” Nick joked. “And you can’t call me Baby any more, I’m bigger than you!”

“Bigger, maybe, but not smarter or more handsome or more talented,” Kevin said archly.

“Well, I’m sure not older,” he shot back, a smile lighting up his face. “I never get mothers in the audience screaming my name, like some geezers I know…”

“You little…” He flung a pillow at a laughing Nick.

“Truth hurts, huh, Kev?” Nick said as he grabbed a pillow and fought back.

“Not as much as it’ll hurt when I get my hands on you,” Kevin promised, lunging for the blond.

Nick leaped from the couch and nearly fell over the table in his scramble for safety. Soon, a full-blown pillow fight had begun, punctuated by laughter and shouts. When Kevin managed to snatch the pillow from Nick’s grasp, the blond hesitated in panic for just a second before turning and running down the hall to his bedroom. Kevin was close behind.

“You can’t hide, you wimp!” he called through the just-slammed door.

“I’m warning you, Kev!” came the muffled reply.

“You chicken! Come on out and fight like a man!” he challenged, realizing how ludicrous it sounded and not caring a bit.

He snatched the door open, only to find Nick standing there with two large pillows in hand and an evil glint in his eyes…

It was Kevin’s turn to run.

***

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