Chapter 4:
Learning to Stand
Nick gripped the
bars tightly and pretended he was back in his elementary school gym class
during the gymnastics unit. These bars
sure felt like parallel bars, he mused. Then,
he looked down at where his feet sat limply on the ground beneath him.
His entire weight
was resting on his hands—and on Kate, who had her arms hooked under his. He wasn’t at all certain that his skinny,
spindly-looking legs would hold him up at all if she were to let go, but this
had to be done.
It had been two
months since the last surgery on his back.
He and Kate had waited until the swelling had subsided and the last
scans had come back clean.
“Okay, Nick.” Kate
gave him an encouraging smile. “Are you
ready for this?”
He looked down at
his feet again then up at her. “Are you
sure about this?”
One dark brow
arched. “Did you or did you not hire the
best damn physical therapist around? I know what I’m talking about when I say
that you’re ready.”
True, he
mused. She’d come with the best
recommendations and glowing reviews from the top hospitals in the state. If anyone could get him back on his feet, he
knew it would be Kate Callahan.
Besides, he’d
given her an offer she couldn’t refuse and had hired her on for an indefinite
period of time to help him and only him.
Hers was the first face he saw each day, and she was the one person who
knew all of his issues.
She’d become the
older sister he’d never known he’d wanted, and his new best friend. If there was anyone whose word he knew he
could trust, it was Kate’s.
Nick blew out a
breath and rolled his shoulders to rid himself of nerves. When he met Kate’s eyes, he saw the amusement
in them. “What? What’s so funny?”
“Is that how you
got yourself ready to go onstage and perform?” she asked with a chuckle. “It’s like you’re getting ready to box
someone.”
He cracked a small
smile. “I guess. I don’t know.
I don’t really remember.” The smile fell away. “It feels like that Nick was a different
person. He’s gone now.”
She shook her head
and tapped his chest. “He’s hiding in
here. For now. Today is the first step to bringing him back. So,” she gave him a stern look, “are you
ready for this, Nick?”
“I guess I am.” He
felt a flutter of nerves and tried not to look down at his legs again. “What do I do?”
Kate shot him an
encouraging smile. “Make sure you have a
good grip on the bars, okay? When you do, when you’re sure, I’m going to slowly
ease myself away, so that you’ll have all of your weight resting on your
arms. Make sure you breathe during this
because I want to see you stand on your own and not pass out on me, okay?”
Nick just stuck
his tongue out at her.
She ignored
him. “When you think you’re ready, slowly place a little bit of your weight
on your legs. Don’t rush yourself, and,
if I think you are, I will grab hold of you again. If you overdo it, you might end up damaging
muscle that you’ve worked really hard to strengthen over the past few months.”
He grimaced as he
remembered the grueling exercises that she’d put his legs through. So why his legs still looked skinnier than
Brian’s, he wasn’t sure. At the thought
of Brian, a sharp pang shot through him, and he focused on Kate’s voice with
gritted teeth.
“Tell me when
you’re ready for me to step away, okay?”
Nodding, he
started counting his breaths, using an old breathing exercise from scuba
diving. He could feel how all of his
upper body weight was currently being distributed, more than half rested on his
arms and the rest on Kate’s petite, but surprisingly strong, frame.
When he felt
ready, he took a deep breath, let it out.
“You can let go, Kate.”
She studied him
for a moment before nodding and, what felt like an inch at a time, eased
herself away. “Make sure you’ve got all
of your weight evenly distributed between both arms. Hold tight to the bars,” she instructed even
as her eyes rushed over him, assessing.
“I got it, I got
it.” Nick rolled his eyes at her, even as he felt a trickle of sweat seep down
his back. “Now what?”
“Okay, when you’re
ready, picture putting two pounds of your scrawny weight on your legs. Imagine how those two pounds will rest.”
Nick concentrated
on the mental image. “Uh…okay. I’m good.”
“So are your
legs,” Kate told him with a smile. “Go
ahead and add two more.”
Sweat was pearling
on his forehead and upper lip by the time she guided him through placing all of
his weight—which was barely 160 pounds these days—onto his legs. He’d squeezed his eyes shut by this point and
was nervous about the wobbly, spaghetti-like feeling in his legs.
“Are you sure
they’re supposed to feel this way?” he asked Kate. “I think I’m gonna break them.”
“Don’t be
silly. You haven’t walked on them in over
two years. Of course, they’re going to
feel weak,” she assured him briskly. “If
you hadn’t spent months exercising them, you wouldn’t even be standing right
now.”
His eyes shot
open. “I’m standing?” He looked down at
his legs and realized that he was no longer placing his weight on his
arms. “Holy shit!” He shot Kate a
dazzling smile. “I’m standing!”
Two years of
surgery, therapy, and more surgeries had brought him to this moment. Nick felt strong enough to do anything now
that he knew he could stand. Surely,
with standing would come walking, then running, dancing, everything.
His life was
finally getting itself back on track.
“Holy shit, Kate!
You did it, we did it!” Nick lifted
his arms up in a victory pose. “I’m
sta-”
And he fell.
***
Luckily, Kate had
been close enough to catch him before he broke his nose. “Honestly, I don’t know why you’re surprised
that you fell,” she told him as she helped him back into the wheelchair. “Your legs haven’t held your weight in two
years, and, even though we’ve been building up your muscles again, it’s going
to take time. You’re learning to walk
again, Nick. Babies don’t just stand up
and stay standing the first time. It
takes practice.”
“So now you’re
calling me a baby?” he asked sullenly.
Kate rolled her
eyes. “No, I’m telling you not to give
up. That was just the first try. Believe it or not, walking is going to be a
hundred times worse than that. I fully
expect you to fall flat on your face after taking the first step.”
“Gee, thanks for the
vote of confidence.”
She opened her
mouth to retort when the doorbell rang.
They both frowned and checked the clock on the wall of Nick’s physical
therapy room, which had once been his home gym.
“Were you
expecting anyone?”
Nick shook his
head. “Nope.”
Kate sighed and
shook her head. “I’ll go see who it is,
and then we’ll have lunch. Extra protein
today because you’re going to stand again—after we do some more leg exercises.”
Nick scrubbed his
hands over his face as she left the room.
It had been the worst feeling to go from invincible to being as helpless
as a baby. For those five seconds, he’d
been king of the world. Now, he was just
the cripple in a wheelchair.
He heard the
voices before he saw them, and his eyes widened, a smile already growing on his
face, when his youngest sister bounded into the room ahead of Kate.
“Angel!”
“Big bro!” She
launched herself at him, clearly not caring about the wheelchair, and squeezed
him hard.
He patted her back
awkwardly as she was cutting off his circulation and air. “Ange—can’t—breathe. Get—off!”
“Oh!” She let go
of him and grinned unabashedly. “Oops!
I’m just so excited to see you because it’s been forever, you know? They’ve got
me so busy with all of these shows, but I got a couple days of vacay and headed
straight here to see my favorite brother!” She punched his arm lightly. “You look good!”
“So do you.” Nick couldn’t help but smile back at
her. “I’m glad you’re here. Really.
I’ve missed you.” He pursed his lips.
“How’s Aaron?”
The sparkle in her
eyes dimmed a little. “He’s…well, he’s
Aaron. Same shit, different day. I’m just glad I have one brother who’s got
his head screwed on strai—oh!” She clapped her hands. “I almost forgot! Look who I found outside
your house, trying to decide whether she should ring the doorbell or not?”
Angel stepped away
with a sweeping gesture, and Nick found himself face to face with the woman
he’d once believed was the love of his life.
“Lauren.”
Tucking her hair
behind her ear, Lauren Kitt shifted nervously and sent him a small smile. “Hi, Nick.” Her eyes flitted over the
wheelchair before returning to his face.
“How are you?”
He took a moment
to study her. She’d always had the best
body Nick had ever laid eyes on, but something seemed different about her. And it wasn’t just that she seemed a bit
scared to see him.
“Uh, I’m good,” he
managed to say, his eyes flicking up to meet hers for a moment before shifting
away. He saw the frown on Kate’s face
and nearly smiled. She’d never liked Lauren. Not from the first moment they’d met
twenty-two months earlier. “So…what’s
up? What are you doing here?”
Lauren nibbled her
lip. “Do you think we could talk? In
private,” she added with a glance at Angel and Kate.
Nick
shrugged. He couldn’t think of what she
might possibly want to talk to him about, since they’d gone their separate ways
a year and a half ago, but he shot a look at his sister and Kate. “Guys, do you mind giving Lauren and me a
few?”
Angel scrutinized
Lauren’s face for several long seconds before shrugging and bounding out of the
room, her dark hair streaming behind her.
Kate folded her arms, shot him a look, and marched out.
“So.” Nick spread
his arms. “Have a seat. What did you want to talk about?”
Lauren moved
towards a chair but didn’t sit, her fingers curled over the top of it. “You look good, Nick. Better.
I hope—I hope you’ll get to walk soon.”
“Yeah, Kate’s
working on it. She’s pretty determined
to see me walk.” He sighed a little. “I
just hope she can do it because I don’t want to be stuck in a fucking
wheelchair for the rest of my life.” Not
that it wasn’t just what he deserved, he thought sadly. He should be grateful that he’d at least
walked away with his life. Baylee
hadn’t.
She nodded and
gave him an encouraging smile. “I’m sure
you’ll walk. I believe you will.”
“So why’d you walk
away from me? Why’d you give up on me if you thought I’d recover?” Nick
demanded, irritation beginning to seep under his skin. She’d told him that she wasn’t strong enough
to help him through his recovery, that he deserved to have people around him
who would give him strength and courage.
That was why she’d left, right?
Her knuckles
turned white on the back of the chair.
“Nick, I loved you, but I couldn’t handle everything that was happening
because of the accident. I just wanted a
normal life, and helping you do everything
wasn’t part of that normal life. And
yes,” she continued when she saw the anger on his face, “that was mean and
downright selfish, but I was freaking out.
I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know that I did that, but I’m looking at
you and I can see that you’re doing really well now.”
“You know
jackshit,” he told her bitterly but had no desire to tell her about how
miserable his life really was. “Just say
what you came to say and then leave.” He
couldn’t believe that this was the woman he’d wanted to spend the rest of his
life with. Where was the courage and
spine that he’d always admired?
Lauren’s eyes were
glassy, but Nick had to give her credit for not letting a single tear
spill. “I’m sorry, Nick. I…” She trailed off and pushed a hand through
her hair. Nick’s eyes latched onto the
sparkle on her third finger, and her eyes widened when she realized what he was
looking at. “Um, that’s what I came to
tell you about,” she nearly whispered.
“You’re getting
married?” His voice sounded disbelieving, and he knew it. How many times had she told him that she was
just fine with keeping their relationship the way it was? How many times had
she said she didn’t need marriage? And now…
“That’s, uh,
that’s not all.” She wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself as she
met Nick’s icy stare. “I’m pregnant,
too. The engagement happened before we
found out about the baby,” she added quickly, “but we’re excited about both.”
She paused. “I wanted to tell you
because, even though it doesn’t seem like it now, you will always have a piece
of my heart, Nick. I’m always going to
care about you, and I wanted you to hear this news from me and not through the
grapevine or anything.”
Nick just stared
at her, his insides feeling like they’d been coated with ice. This wasn’t as bad as hearing that he was
dead to Brian, but it ranked close. What
the hell was his life? he wondered. How
could everything have gone so wrong? How had he managed to screw up his world
with one mistake? One single, horrible mistake.
He looked up at
her. “Congratulations. I hope you, your future husband, and baby will
be very happy together.” His voice was hollow and frozen, but he didn’t
care. “Thank you for telling me. You can go now.”
“Nick.” His name
was a shocked whisper, but he didn’t care.
Turning his
wheelchair away, Nick scooted over to the sliding door that led out to the
wraparound deck. “Goodbye, Lauren.”
***
Angel didn’t say
anything about Lauren’s visit or the horrible mood that Nick had descended into
following her departure, but Kate had no qualms about pushing him to his limits
with her torturous muscle training. She
ignored the barrage of curses that filled the air and got him back onto the
bars to stand again.
With Angel leading
a one-woman cheer squad for him, Nick managed to stand for twenty seconds this
time before his legs decided enough was enough.
The smile on
Kate’s face and his sister’s excited shrieks helped clear off most of his dark
mood, and he found himself beaming, too.
Later, as Kate
packed up to leave for the night, Nick pulled her aside. “Hey, Kate? Thanks for everything today. I know I sucked to be around, but-”
“You know, when I
took this job, Nick,” she interrupted him, “my colleagues thought I was
insane. Yeah, your injuries were
challenging and helping you walk again will get me written up and given
accolades I can only dream of, but that’s not why I took this job.”
“Why’d you do it?
The money?”
She rolled her
eyes. “My little girl used to love your
music, and she was ecstatic when I took her to see your tour once. You were her favorite, and she believed that
you held the sun, moon, and stars in your hands. That you could do anything.” Kate smiled a
little. “So when I saw the extent of
your injuries and thought of what Maggie would say if she saw you, I knew I had
to take the job.” She patted his shoulder comfortingly. “My daughter believed in you, and I do,
too. You’re going to get out of that
wheelchair and dance onstage again. I
promise. Even if I have to go kick that
Brian guy’s ass to get your group back together,” she added.
Nick stared at
her, his jaw nearly sweeping the ground.
He’d never known she had a daughter or really much about her life other
than what little she’d shared about her life over the last two years. Her bombshell had him stunned.
She was nearly to
the front door when he called out to her.
“Can I meet her? Your daughter? Can I meet her?”
Kate’s expression
dimmed. “She died six months before your
accident. She’s gone.”
***
Before Nick knew
it, the weekend had arrived, and Angel’s visit was over. He watched as she got into a cab and blew him
a thousand kisses before it drove away.
The week had gone quickly, and he was now able to stand for nearly three
minutes at a time. Kate had promised him
that he could try to push himself out of his chair and into standing the
following week.
They hadn’t
mentioned her daughter again, but Nick was determined to walk again, even if it
was more for Kate and her kid than for himself.
He’d tried calling
Brian again, left a dozen messages, sent emails, tweets, and Facebook messages
to no avail. Leighanne had been
sympathetic when she’d come for her weekly visits, but she hadn’t been able to
help.
The chasm between
Brian and him was so wide that he was on the verge of finally giving up.
AJ showed up one
day and waved a plane ticket in Nick’s face.
“Can you take your physical therapy stuff on the road?” he asked Kate,
ignoring Nick’s attempts to snatch the ticket from him.
Kate frowned at
AJ. “Where, exactly, does this road go?”
“Los Angeles.” Nick
stopped reaching and stared at AJ, but AJ ignored him and leaned close to Kate,
lowering his voice so only she could hear.
“This shit has got to end. It’s
time for an intervention.”
***