Chapter 23
He stepped out of the bathroom
carefully buttoning up his dress shirt and walked over to the dresser to grab
his tie. I walked up beside him and took it in my hands.
"Turn around, I'll tie this for
you." I said as I turned him to face me and wrapped the tie carefully
around his neck.
"Are you sure you don't want to
come with us?" He asked me for about the 8th time in the last hour. I was
positive.
"I'm sure Nick."
"I can stay here with you if you
want me to."
"No. You go with them... fill in
for me this year. Please go."
He nodded and stood patiently as I
finished tying the tie and then stood back to take in the full view.
"You look very sexy." I said
winking at him and smiling. He smiled back and danced goofily over to me taking
me in his arms and kissing me long and hard.
"You look sexy too." I
laughed and smacked him playfully on the back of his head. I was still in my
pajamas.
"No... really you do. I mean, I
probably have five minutes before we need to leave if you wanna, you
know..." And with those words he hopped on the bed and hummed the first
few notes of Barry White's Let's Get it On.
I rolled my eyes at him as I walked
over and grabbed a pair of black pants and a dressy shirt from my closet. I
carried it into the bathroom and hung it on the towel rack.
"So... you're going?" Nick
asked watching as I came back out of the bathroom.
"What? Oh... no. I'll be meeting
you guys at mom and dad's house after the service."
He sighed and hopped up off the bed
coming over to where I stood and taking me in his arms. "I love you
sexy."
I rolled my eyes at him again and
pushed him playfully away. "I love you too... horny."
He laughed and opened the bedroom door
just as Baylee Littrell came bounding down the hall into in the room followed
in quick pursuit by Kahlua Carter who could be heard from a mile away with the
bell she had tied around her neck. Nick caught Baylee in his arms and threw him
up in the air as Kahlua barked loudly at his feet and jumped up onto Nick's
legs.
"Good grief!" Nick said
pushing Kahlua down and setting Baylee upright on the floor, "that dog's
gotten as big as you kiddo."
Baylee laughed and gave Kahlua a
gentle pat on the head.
"Hey uncle Nick," he said a
very serious expression crossing his face.
"Yeah little man?"
"Is aunt Gracie not coming to
church with us?"
Nick looked over at me and I nodded as
I walked over to where Baylee stood and picked him up. He gave me a huge hug
and looked back at Nick waiting for an answer to his question.
"No little man, she's not. She's
going to stay home and get things ready for Christmas tomorrow... but I'm going
with you."
Baylee's eyes lit up at the idea and
he high fived Nick as he took off back out of the room. He'd only been gone a
few seconds when he reappeard.
"Oh yeah." He said as if
he'd forgotten something very important. "Daddy said it's time to
go."
Nick laughed and gave me a quick kiss.
"I'll see you in a couple of hours."
I hugged him and walked out to the
landing with them to watch them leave. Brian and Leighanne were standing at the
bottom of the stairs waiting to go and they waved up at me.
"See you at mom's." Brian
said as he scooped Baylee up into his arms followed Leighanne out the door.
"You'll be okay?" Nick asked
looking up at me with concern in his eyes.
"I'll be fine."
He smiled as he waved and headed out
the door with the others.
It was Christmas Eve and they were all
headed off to church. I had thought about going for days, but I just didn't
have it in me. Ever since the doctor had told me the cancer was still there,
that it hadn't changed, I'd been angry with God. I hadn't lost faith nor had I
stopped believing in miracles... but I knew in my heart that I needed to be
angry for a while. I knew that I needed to hold this cancer against someone and
after thinking carefully on it I had decided that if anyone was strong enough
take the anger... it was God.
I'd spent the past two weeks trying my
best to take my mind off of that visit to my doctor's office. Nick and I had
spent several evenings discussing my options and we'd come to the agreement
that I wouldn't do chemotherapy again. If radiation treatments were an option I
may consider it, but chemo was out. I just couldn't stand the thought. Other
than those few talks we hadn't discussed my cancer. I had done a lot of last
minute Christmas shopping now that my blood counts were high enough and Nick
and I spent a lot of time decorating the house. I hadn't even wanted to do that
at first. I hadn't really been in the mood to celebrate the holiday at all, but
then I'd remembered that Brian and Leighanne were going to be staying with us
for Christmas with Baylee and I knew that I had to make this Christmas special
for him... especially if it was to be my last Christmas with him. We'd bought a
couple of trees for around the house and a bunch of new ornaments and my mom
and dad had given me some of my childhood ones. Nick had hung lights on the
outside of the house and we'd bought one of those goofy blow up snoglobes for
the back deck. We'd listened to Christmas music and I'd made dozens of
Christmas cookies. I had actually enjoyed myself. I allowed myself a few
moments of every day to grieve and feel sorry and to be angry and then I made a
promise to myself that I would move on.
Our wedding was less than a week away
and that was what was really keeping me going. We'd spend Christmas here with
my family and then all of us would fly out on December 29th for California. We
would spend the night in LA with Howie and Leigh and then fly out to Hawaii on
the 30th. Our wedding was planned for New Year's Day.
There were so many times in the past
few months that I didn't know if I'd make it this far. I looked at the calender
now and couldn't believe that it was all happening so fast. I smiled as I
touched my engagement ring on my finger. I couldn't wait to make it official.
I wrapped a few last minute presents
and then jumped in the shower. I was dressed and headed out the door to my
parent's house by the time they should have been leaving church. I was actually
excited now. I was excited to be spending Christmas with my family. Excited
that no matter how sick I was at least for the moment I was feeling good.
***
