Chapter 4
Nick walked
down the hall blindly, trying desperately to resist the tears that threatened.
With each step he berated himself for his weakness, his ridiculous behavior
first at the accident scene and then in Howie’s room. He nearly collided with
someone as he cleared a corner; quick reflexes saved them both from a mishap.
He mumbled an apology, not even looking the person in the eye, and ducked into
an open elevator. He didn’t know where he was going, he only wanted to get away.
He sniffed
back the threat of tears and bit the inside of his lip, determined not to have
yet another embarrassing public display. The other two occupants, a woman and a
small girl, barely glanced his way, a fact he was deeply grateful for. When the
elevator stopped at their floor, he exited as well. He had walked down the
corridor a fair distance before he saw the sign hung above: Neonatal Care.
He paused for a second, not quite sure what that meant, then realized he was on
the ‘baby’ floor. He needed time and solitude to get his thoughts sorted, and
he seriously doubted AJ or Brian would think to look for him in that particular
ward. He figured that until someone told him to leave, he’d hang out there for
a while.
There was a
small alcove that fit his needs perfectly. Surrounded by windows that looked
out across the hospital grounds, the seating area was comfortable and, more importantly,
empty. He chose a chair facing the central window and sank down gracelessly. He
rubbed his eyes tiredly, and took a few deep breaths as he settled down to
think.
The
horrifying image of Kevin bleeding onto the wet, black pavement sprang to mind
almost instantly, and he choked back a sob. He shook his head in defiance,
willing the vision to fade. He’d never seen his oldest brother so helpless, so…
vulnerable. For some reason, the idea that Kevin could be hurt, seriously hurt,
didn’t seem possible. He was one of the strongest people he knew. For the life
of him, Nick couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that Kevin was… that he
might…
That he
might die.
The thought
sent a terrified chill through his soul. How could it have happened that
quickly? Not twenty minutes before the accident, they had all been joking and
making plans for the next day. He’d never seen an accident scene up close; it
was a million times worse than anything he’d imagined, anything he’d seen at
the movies or on television. He wished he could go back and erase the images,
change what had happened, but he knew he couldn’t.
He didn’t
understand how the others were staying so together. Didn’t they realize how bad
things were? AJ said that Kevin had asked for his father, called out like he
could see him. That was the most terrifying part of all: his father had died
years ago, and that could only mean that Kevin was just on the edge of death
itself.
Nick wiped
away the traitorous wetness on his cheek and drew his knees up, wrapping his
arms around them and lowering his head. He simply couldn’t imagine Kevin not
being in his life any more. Who would he turn to when he needed advice or
answers? Who could he go to with problems about his career or love life? It was
Kevin who had helped him overcome homesickness, loneliness, and a few broken
hearts over the years. Kevin who had taken care of him when he was sick and
needing comfort; Kevin who helped him believe in his dreams and to strive for
more. There were some new issues he’d wanted opinions on, some really big
stuff; now, he wasn’t sure Kevin would be around to ask. And what would happen
to the BSB? He didn’t even know what life would be like without the group, had
never seriously considered it. He wasn’t sure he could do anything else.
He couldn’t
help the tears that slipped past his resolve. How long he sat like that he had
no clue, but eventually the pounding in his head grew too intense to ignore. He
unfolded, stretched, and leaned forward toward the windows and the night
beyond.
His
thoughts were interrupted by a rather pronounced growl from his stomach. He
glanced at his watch, dully noting that it was past midnight. His headache
hitched up a degree and he decided that finding a soda machine would be his
best bet.
First,
though, he found a restroom so he could splash some cold water on his face. He
stared in shock when he caught his reflection in the mirror: he looked like
hell. His eyes were red and swollen; tear tracks were easily visible on his
overly pale face. It took a few minutes and a lot of cold water to make himself
minimally presentable. He resumed his quest, looking -if not feeling- somewhat
better.
There was a
row of snack machines not too far away and he quickly made a selection. He had
no appetite, but the soda was cold and sweet, and the bubbles seemed to calm
his stomach a bit. He walked back to the alcove and resumed his seat, lost in
thought once again.
A
reflection in the glass broke him out of his mental wanderings. He turned
around out of mild curiosity; he was met by a pair of weary, dark eyes. It was
a girl… no, a woman… about his age, her extended tummy evidence of her advanced
pregnancy. She looked worn out, as if she hadn’t rested in days. She managed a
thin smile.
“Hi,” she
said as she rubbed her lower back with one hand.
“Hi there,”
he replied uncertainly.
“Am I
intruding?” she asked tiredly.
“No, here…
sit down,” he said, quickly getting up and offering his seat.
“There’s
plenty of chairs,” she said with a vague look of puzzlement.
“This one
has the best view,” he provided. “Are you… okay?”
She lowered
herself awkwardly onto the chair and let out a large breath. “I will be as soon
as Junior here decides to stop faking me out and make his debut.”
“Huh?”
“I’ve been
in labor all day,” she said unhappily. At his alarmed look, she gave him a
truer smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not about to give birth during the next ten
minutes. You’re safe.”
He ran a
hand through his hair and relaxed a bit. “Is this, um, your first baby?”
“Yeah,” she
said, patting her stomach. “Might be my last if he doesn’t get the ball
rolling. Don’t believe that ‘joys of motherhood’ story for a second.”
Nick didn’t
know how to reply, so he remained silent.
“My name’s
Jeannie,” she said.
“I’m Nick,”
he answered.
“I know,”
she said, surprising him. “I recognized your face. It figures that I’d meet
someone famous when I look my absolute worst.”
“I think
you look great,” he blurted before he could stop himself.
She
laughed. “You’re being kind, but thanks. How come you’re here? Girlfriend
having a baby?”
“Oh, no,”
he said, blushing a bit. “No, my… someone I know was in an accident earlier. I
kinda needed to get away for a while, you know?”
“And here I
am bothering you.” She struggled to rise, accepting his hand when offered. “I’m
sorry. I should be walking anyway.”
“No, I… do
you mind if I walk with you? Ah, my legs need stretching.” He hovered close, a
slight look of apprehension on his face.
She
grinned. “Nick, trust me, I’m not about to become a mother yet. But if you want
to walk, sure. Come on.”
They walked
slowly down the corridor, past the vending machines and on to a large
glassed-in viewing area. There, behind the windows, were eleven tiny babies dressed
in blues and pinks. Jeannie touched the cool surface of the glass and smiled.
“Beautiful,
aren’t they?” she said in a soft voice. “But not as beautiful as my baby will
be. I know it."
Nick gazed
at all the new life before them. He looked at Jeannie’s face and saw a tired
but joyful smile there.
“I bet
you’re right,” he said. “Do you know if it will be a boy or a girl?”
“I chose to
be surprised. All I really want is a healthy baby.”
“What names
have you picked out?”
“I like
Lauren Renee for a girl… but a boy, hmm. I’ve always liked Nickolas Gene.”
Azure eyes
grew wide; he couldn’t tell if she were teasing or not. “Uh, wouldn’t that
bother your husband… er, or boyfriend… whatever?”
At that,
she smiled and gave a resolved sigh. “Nope, he’s out of the picture. It’s me
and Junior, just the two of us.” She sighed and stretched a little. “You know,”
she said quietly, “I never expected it to be like this. All of a sudden, my
life will shift from being ‘me, me, me’ to ‘him’ or ‘her’. I won’t be the most
important person in my world any longer. That sounds strange, but I think it’s
the best thing to ever happen to me. A year ago I was so self-centered it was
pathetic. But now, it’s my turn to give, my turn to offer comfort and love and
caring.” She gave another sigh and winced. “Sorry, chalk it up to pregnancy
hormones. I’m sure you don’t need to hear me go on and on about my personal
philosophy on life.”
“No, it’s
okay,” he replied. “It’s something I never had to think about.”
“Well, I
better get back to my room before they send out the search parties,” Jeannie
said. “Thanks for talking, and good luck with your friend.”
“Thanks,
and good luck with the baby.” He watched as she shuffled away, thinking over
her words as they echoed in his head.
…A year
ago I was so self-centered it was pathetic. But now, it’s my turn to give, my
turn to offer comfort and love and caring…
Nick
realized, in a sudden burst of clarity, that he had been acting incredibly
selfish. Not an hour ago, he had been agonizing about how much his life
was going to change if something happened to Kevin. About how it all would
affect him, Nick Carter. How self-centered was that? Jeannie was facing
something so huge, yet she had figured it out. Instead of thinking about
himself, he shoud be focusing on Kevin, on how to help him. And not only Kevin,
the rest of his brothers, and Kristen when she got there.
He blinked
at the thought. Yes, Kevin needed him, now more than ever. No matter what
happened, he had to stop thinking about himself. He only hoped he would be
equal to the task.
***