I
Wanted to Say Goodbye
By Anna
The
companion to A Fan Mourns
"Think he
read my letter?" A young man asked an older man with green eyes. I stared at
them blankly, who are these people? I thought. I must have been loved by them,
and I certainly must have known them - for my memory still hadn't set in yet
about anything, even my death. I stared at my casket and atop of it was a piece
of lined paper. Scribbled on the top of it was "Brian." I picked it
up gently and unfolded its creases delicately.
Brian,
I still can't believe you are gone, bro. You were loved by so many people.
I looked at you as the strongest person I knew, always there to protect
me, now who am I going to look up to? I hope you read this because it
came strait from my heart. The fans are very crushed and I know it will
take a while for everyone to hinge our lives back together. Leighanne
almost had a nervous breakdown and is in denial that you ever died.
Poor girl. She loves you so much, Bri. If only she could hold you.
Anyway, we're having a press conference tomorrow to announce
that the Backstreet Boys are not going to break up. It isn't going to be
the same without you, but we couldn't bear to see the fans suffer more.
See ya soon hopefully,
~ Nick
p.s. ~ we never finished our Mario Kart game, man! =D
The green-eyed man's face softened at the blonde boy's
question.
"I don't know, Nick." He said. "But I know he will always be
there for all of us. After all, he was my cousin and your best friend." My
cousin? I noticed we didn't look a thing alike but I looked closer and noticed
we had the same jaw. Oh gosh, it's all coming back to me! Nick! Buddy! Nick
sighed and walked away from the casket. He walked to one of the pews in the
back of the room. He hadn't done this in a while; since we were on tour he
didn't have time to do anything. He kneeled down on the step they had in the
back of the other pew, folded his hands together, and began praying.
"God, I know I haven't done this in a while, but can you please still
answer me prayer? Please, just let me talk to Brian. He was my best
friend." He took a moment to sniffle. "I never got to say good-bye.
Just tell him I love him. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior,
amen."
"Ready?" Kevin asked. Nick shook his head.
"No, I think I'm gonna ride home by myself."
"Are you sure?" Kevin asked.
"Sure I'm sure." He reassured. Kevin nodded his head and walked out
of the church. Nick walked back to the casket. I hugged him but he went right
through me.
"Please, no." I whispered and closed my eyes stressfully. I opened
them again and I wasn't in the church anymore.
"Where am I?" I asked myself. I was actually in front of a store. It
said "Ralph’s" above the doorway and leaning against it was Nick. He
was in the exact same outfit so I figured it was the same day. Thank God. I
walked up to him.
"N-nick? What are you doing, bud?" I looked closer to find him
holding a box of Camel cigarettes.
"What? NICK! DON'T!" He couldn't hear me! He took one out, lit it,
and blew into it, exhaling smoke into my eyes.
"NICK!" I yelled. He looked up.
"Brian?" I gasped. "Brian, is that you?"
"Nick!"
"Where are you?"
"In front of you. Reach out your arm and you'll be touching my
chest." He dropped the cigarette, stepped on it, and extended his arm.
"Oh my god." I heard him say.
"Okay, reach your hand up a little and you'll be feeling my hair." He
messed up my hair a little.
"I feel it!"
"Okay, now imagine that I'm here and you'll see me." He closed his
eyes tightly and murmured a few words. He opened his eyes.
"Oh..my..god.. are you real?" I nodded.
"Poke me." He obeyed.
"BRIAN!" He hugged me. I supposed people were looking but who cares.
"Nick, do me a favor, okay."
"Anything."
"Don't smoke."
"I figured it'd make me one day closer to you."
"Nick, that's a terrible way to think. A lot of people love you and two
dead Backstreet boys would crush the fans. I'll see you sooner or later. And I
can talk to you. You know the wind rustling against the trees? Or the way sun
shines down on you when you feel sad? That's me." I smiled reassuringly at
him. Nick's eyes were glazed over with a shine, a shine of tears, along with
mine.
"I'll quit."
"Promise?"
"I promise with all my heart."
"Please don't deceive me, bud, okay? I don't want you to get hurt, okay? I
have to go."
"No, just for one more minute!"
"I can't.. bye. Remember what I said!" Nick nodded and hugged me
again, but I slowly faded away.
"I love you!" He said. The wind rustled and disappeared. Nick smirked
at it and threw the pack of cigarettes in the garbage can. I watched over him,
and he never smoked another day in his life.
