Chapter 23

By Danielle

Nick's View

"I can't take much more waiting," I mumbled slumping back in my hospital chair.

"I know really, we're just sitting here waiting for her to die," Josh said.

"Don't say it like that, it's creepy," Dawn slapped Josh.

"Sorry but it's the truth, you and I both know they aren't going to find that cure. It's impossible," he said.

"Stop thinking so negatively, you're the one that's supposed to keep everyone going," Dawn said looking over at him.

"Well, can you blame me? My best friend is dying Dawn, she's our sister, wouldn't you think negatively? Don't say you wouldn't because you know you would," he snapped.

"OK, calm down, the last thing Mel would want is for you two to start fighting. It's not a good time for it," I said looking at the both of them sternly.

"At least we're worried about her," Dawn mumbled.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked defensively.

"You're her boyfriend and you don't seem to care that she only has a couple days to live," she said.

"Shut up Dawn," Josh said looking at her with an angry expression.

"What? He hasn't cried once!"

"I'm trying to be strong for everyone, breaking down and crying doesn't help anything," I said.

She looked at me and then leaned back in her chair.

"You guys really shouldn't fight at a time like this," Melissa's mother said walking into the room. She looked horrible, as did everyone else, but she looked the worst. Her brown hair was up in a pony tail, but strands had gone loose and were hanging over her face, her face was pale and her eyes were red from crying. I don't blame her for being so upset, her daughter is on her death bed.

"Sorry Mom," Dawn apologized. Hannah, Mel's Mom, sat next to her and sighed deeply.

"Are you alright?" I asked. She looked over at me and gave me a small smile, "No, not really Nick."

"Is there anything I can do? Is there anything I can get you?" I offered.

"No, it's all right, thank you though, you're being very kind," she said. Man she needs to get some sleep, but there was no point in sending her home to get some rest, she wouldn't go and even if she did, she wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that her daughter could die any minute.

"Are you doing OK Nickolas?" she asked. I looked up and found her eyes looking at me softly. I frowned and sat up in my chair, leaning forward. I finally shook my head, "No."

"You really care for her don't you?"

I nodded my head and said, "I do, I really do."

Hannah smiled and said, "She's one lucky girl to have someone like you by her side for her last months."

"Thank you, it's really hard to deal with though. I mean we haven't been together long but I just feel like I'm losing someone I've known all my life. I think it's really shitty how all the bad things happen to the good people and Melissa is one great person. She doesn't deserve any of this. If I could, I would switch places with her in a second, no doubt about that."

"Why don't you go and see her? You haven't yet have you?" she asked. I shook my head and said, "No, I haven't, but I'm scared to."

She frowned and said, "She's awake and I'm sure she wants you to go visit her. Do it for her, if not for yourself."

I stared at her thoughtfully and nodded my head, "All right."

I got up and walked out into the doctor and nurse filled hallway. Phones were ringing off the hook and everyone's voices were rather loud. Tonight was a busy one, it was calm earlier but now it's chaotic.

I made my way down the hall, dodging nurses concentrating so much on their charts that they didn't even see me walking straight at them. I finally got to Melissa's room and nervously stood in front of it. I hesitated but slowly opened the door, knocking on it lightly. The room was rather dark except for
a small lamp and the TV being on. Melissa turned her head very slowly and looked over at me. It looked like she was in a lot of pain.

I walked in and closed the door behind me. I stood there for a few moments, unsure of where I was supposed to sit or what I was supposed to say. In the end, I made my way around her bed, grabbing a chair and pulling it up next to her. I sat down and gently took her hand in mind.

"Hey Mel," I softly said. She looked up at me and the corners of her mouth told me that she was smiling. She had a tube in her throat to help her breathe, so she really couldn't speak to me.

"I can see that you can't talk with that thing in your mouth," I slightly smiled. I could tell she was smiling by the corners of her mouth as she shook her head.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. It was a stupid question because she had no way of actually telling me how she felt. I knew though that it couldn't have been good. My thoughts were proved true when she shifted her eyes away from mine. They were filling up with tears.

I squeezed her hand gently and said, "I'm here for you all right? You aren't alone in this."

She looked over at me once more and I could tell that she was desperately wanting to speak.

"Here, lets try this, why don't you squeeze my hand once for a 'yes' and squeeze it twice for a 'no'. Does that sound good?" I asked. She nodded her head.

"All right, are you in pain?"

She gently squeezed my hand once. I frowned and asked softly, "A lot?"

She squeezed my hand once again. Her pain water filled eyes looked into mine. I wanted to cry as I looked at her. She was so hopeless, she couldn't do anything, the doctors couldn't do anything, and I couldn't do anything. I was so angry, not at anyone in particular, just angry about how she has to go through this. It wasn't her fault that she ended up with Aids so why was she being punished?

"Pretty soon, you won't need to feel anymore pain honey," I said softly. My eyes were filled with tears just waiting to overflow. I didn't want to break down in front of her, it would only make things worse.

She closed her eyes tightly and a couple of tear drops dripped from her eyes and traveled down her pale face.

"Are you scared?" I asked.

She gently squeezed my hand once. My lip trembled as I looked at her. God, there had to be something that I could do.

"You know I'm here for you right?"

One squeeze.

"You know what I care right?"

Another squeeze.

"Is there anything that I could do?"

Another light squeeze. I was a little startled, I was expecting two squeezes.

"What can I do?"

She looked up at me as if I were stupid.

"Oh, right, hang on," I said looking around me for a pen and paper. Near the bed on a table, was a pen and blank piece of paper. I gently slipped them into her hands and asked, "Do you think you could write it down?"

She nodded her head lightly and began to write. After she was done, she handed them over to me and stared.

I set the pen aside and looked down at the paper. Tears then fell out of my eyes as much as I didn't want them to. It read: Please don't forget me.

"I could never forget you," I cried as I took her hand. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I love you OK? I love you, I want you to know that, I NEED you to know that," I said. She motioned for the pen and paper again. When she was done writing, I looked at the paper and smiled.

"You do?"

She nodded her head slowly. I got to my feet and gently kissed her forehead.

"I'm glad the feeling is mutual," I smiled through my tears.

***

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