Miracles

 

By Sarah

 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Howie looked up to find Brian standing in his doorway, glaring daggers at him.  Frowning, he looked back at the stack of paperwork in front of him and read the next line in the contract for the condos he wanted to develop.

 

“Hello?” Brian pushed away from the door and stepped into the room.  “Didn’t you hear me?” When Howie still didn’t answer, Brian sighed exaggeratedly.  “Howard, it’s Christmas Eve, and you are holed up in your office going over what looks like” he leaned across the desk “a housing contract.” He shook his head.  “Man, that’s bad, even for you.”

 

Howie knew he’d never get anything done with Brian hanging around, so he set the pen down and raised calm, brown eyes to amused blue ones.

 

“I know it’s Christmas Eve, Brian,” he spoke evenly.  “I have work to get done that needs to be done as soon as possible.  What I want to know is what you’re doing in LA when you know your family is in Atlanta, right now.”

 

Brian edged a hip onto the desk and raised a brow.  “Actually, Leigh and I decided to bring Baylee and Kayla here to celebrate Christmas where it’s warm.  You know, Baylee’s never really had a Christmas above forty degrees.”

 

Howie rolled his eyes.  “Please.  You’re not going to”

 

“Not going to what?” Brian asked, cutting him off.  “Not tell you that I came to see how you were doing? Not tell you that, at this moment, Kevin, AJ, Nick, Kris, Leigh, and my kids are at your place decorating your tree and playing with your attention-deprived daughter?” He shook his head and made a sound like a game show buzzer.  “You’re wrong! Because that’s exactly what I’m going to tell you, buddy.”

 

Howie pressed a hand to his forehead, hoping the pressure building would disappear soon.  “Look, I get it.  You guys are worried about me”

 

“Wrong again!” Brian interrupted him.  “We could care less about you, D.  We care a he—oops! Christmas Eve means no cursing!” Howie rolled his eyes.  “Anyway, what I was going to say is that we don’t care about you so much as we care about the little girl that you’ve decided to abandon.  Howard.” Howie met Brian’s eyes again, knowing that the new tone meant that Brian was serious now.  “Ariella is a very unhappy, confused four year old.  Her mother left seven months ago for no reason, and now her father refuses to be home during one of the most magical times of the year.  Please tell me that when Rosalie left, she didn’t take your heart with her.”

 

Damn, Howie thought.  Brian was good at the guilt trip deal.  He’d pulled it on everyone for almost the last two decades, so Howie shouldn’t have been surprised when the successful guilt began to layer itself over the feelings of despair and heartbreak that had filled him since the day he’d come home to find his wife gone. 

 

Brian was right.  He knew it, Howie knew it—heck, the entire world knew it, too.  His wife may have walked out to God only knew where seven months before, but Howie had a little girl at home who did not deserve to lose everything on Christmas.

 

“Okay.” He stood, stacking the papers and shoving them into a drawer.  “I have a daughter, one I would do anything for, and it’s absolutely not right that I leave her alone on what’s supposed to be a special holiday.  So let’s go.”

 

Brian cheered, then stopped.  The silence stopped Howie at the doorway.  “What, Brian?”

 

“Do you know what tomorrow is?” Brian asked in hushed tones.

 

Howie resisted the urge to roll his eyes again.  “Christmas?” he asked in a tone that said “Well, duh!”

 

Brian shook his head.  “Nope.  Try again.”

 

Impatience beginning to simmer, he shrugged.  “I don’t know, B.  Why don’t you just save us both the guessing game and tell me?”

 

Brian stomped his foot.  “Dang, D! You’re no fun!” Knowing Howie would only tolerate so much, his expression turned serious again.  “Ella’s fifth birthday is tomorrow.  Did you forget that your daughter was born on Christmas?”

 

Howie knew he was wrong, so wrong.  He just hadn’t known the degree to which he’d royally screwed up.  His baby was going to be five years old, and he’d completely spaced on her because the woman he loved had walked out without so much as a forwarding address or phone number.  She’d even canceled her email and cell phone accounts.  It was no wonder—Howie stopped himself in mid-thought.  Why the hell was he worrying over a woman who’d walked away when the other love of his life had a birthday coming up that he’d forgotten?

 

“Guess you forgot?”

 

Howie looked over at his friend again and smiled sadly.  “Guess I did.  I bought a bunch of Christmas presents for her, but I completely spaced on the birthday part of the holiday.  Brian, I’m a terrible father,” he murmured.

 

Brian crossed the room and slung an arm around Howie’s shoulder.  “You’re not a bad father, you’re just going through a rough patch right now.  Besides, you’re going to be with your little girl soon, so I think that’ll make up for something.  Seriously, D,” he added, seeing Howie’s doubtful expression.  “You going home and being with her is going to mean the whole world for her.  Kids are easy at the age Ella’s at because they trust you to make the sun shine for them.  Trust me, here.  When she gets to be Baylee’s age,” he continued, referring to his nine-year-old son, “that’s when they start to doubt everything.”

 

“You think Ella won’t mind that I don’t have a cake or anything for her tomorrow? That it’ll just be me and her…unless you guys want to hang out with us?” he asked, sending Brian a hopeful glance.

 

Brian shook his head.  “I’m spending the day with my wife and kids.  You and Ella need quality father-daughter time.  Now, let’s get a move on, man! We’ve got a Christmas to save!”

 

Chuckling, Howie closed up his office and followed Brian back from downtown LA to his home on the outskirts of the city.  When they pulled into his driveway, Howie noted that there were fairy lights strung around the door, a wreath on the doorway, and, getting out of the car, he could hear music, laughter, and the loud voices.

 

“Dude, even I know not to stuff all the outlets!” AJ was saying.  “Come on, Nicky.  How angry do you want D to be if his electricity short circuits?”

 

“I didn’t know!” Nick whined.  Howie shook his head.  Somehow, at the age of thirty-two, Nick Carter was still as much of a twelve year old as he’d ever been.

 

Brian bounced into the living room where Kevin, Leighanne, and Kristin were working on a tree, while Ariella solemnly handed the three adults ornaments from a large box.  Baylee was giggling at Nick and AJ’s arguments, while his nine-month-old sister, Kayla, slept on peacefully in her carrier. 

 

Howie couldn’t help but smile at the scene.  Here he was, acting like a jackass, and his friends still found it in their hearts to be with him and his child during the holidays. 

 

“Guess who I found holed up behind his desk?” Brian announced, and Howie noted Ariella’s eyes shoot to the doorway. 

 

When she saw her father, her gray eyes lit with joy, and she dashed over to him.  “Daddy! I knew you’d come home!”

 

Lifting his daughter in his arms, Howie pressed his face to her brown curls and closed his eyes.  He could remember when she’d been born and how thrilled he and Rosa had been. Now, here he was, five years later, with no Rosa, but a beautiful child he couldn’t imagine living without.  How could he have been stupid enough to leave her alone for so long? 

 

Brushing those thoughts aside, Howie shifted her in his arms and looked over at his friends.  “Hey guys.  Thanks for being here! I guess I should add a Merry Christmas, too,” he smiled.

 

Kristin sidestepped the ornaments and presents strewn across the floor and gave him a hug.  “It’s about time you came home,” she murmured so only he could hear her.  “I was afraid you’d break her heart.”

 

Howie smiled again.  “Never.  Thanks for taking care of her,” he added, referring to the fact that Kristin had been caring for Ariella for the past several weeks.

 

Kristin shook her head.  “It wasn’t a problem.  She’s fantastic, aren’t you?” she turned to Ariella.

 

The little girl smiled shyly.  “It was fun to be hang out with you, Aunt Kris.”

 

“That’s why I’m here,” Kristin grinned back.  When they heard a wail from somewhere else in the house, she stepped back and sighed.  “You know, when you learn to keep your voices down,” she glared at Nick and AJ, “I will finally stop threatening to kill you for waking my kid up all the time.”

 

Kevin started for the door, but Kristin cut him off.  “I’ll get him, hon.”

 

“You sure?”

 

When his wife nodded again, Kevin shrugged and let her tend to their five-month-old son.  There were days when he was still amazed that they’d managed to have a child at the late age that they were at.  Fortunately, after years of trying, praying, and countless treatments, they’d managed to have a healthy baby boy.  The things he had to be thankful for, Kevin thought as he watched Howie greet the others in the room, all the while his daughter stuck securely in his arms.

 

Kevin couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for Howie to come home and find out that his wife had left.  She’d taken all of her belongings and walked out for no apparent reason.  At least, there wasn’t any reason that Howie had been able to provide for himself or anyone else as to why his wife would leave him and his daughter.  There had been no note, and, when he’d tried to contact her, Howie had discovered that she no longer had the same cell phone number or email account.  Because Rosalie had been an only child whose parents had died years earlier and left her with no other family, that had been a dead end, also.  Finally, just as Howie had geared up to go to the police, Rosa’s best friend had assured him that his wife was perfectly fine and most certainly did not need Howie trying to find her.  At that, Howie had given up, and given up far worse than Kevin had ever seen him.

 

Shoving those thoughts out of his mind, Kevin grinned as Howie sat on a couch and talked to his daughter—both father and daughter wearing a solemn expression on their faces.  When he heard her laugh and Howie smile, Kevin figured things would be all right.

 

“So, what’s for dinner?” Brian wondered as he passed Leighanne a star-shaped ornament.  She smacked him with it.

 

“Why are you always hungry? We ate four hours ago,” she reminded him.

 

Brian rubbed his arm where she’d hit him.  “Jeez, woman.  It’s Christmas Eve, and you’re supposed to care for your family, not abuse them.  Same goes for food,” he added.

 

Leighanne arched a brow and lifted the ornament threateningly again.  “Unless you want another bruise, I suggest you go make dinner.  I haven’t seen you doing anything productive around here anyway,” she added nonchalantly.

 

Brian’s eyebrows shot up.  “What? What?” He turned to Howie and AJ, who were closest to him.  “Did you hear that?” He pointed to Leighanne.  “She said I hadn’t been productive here! How could she say that?” he whined.

 

AJ shook his head.  “Because it’s simple.  You haven’t done anything.  Right, Leigh?”

 

Leighanne grinned.  “I told you, baby.  Go make your own dinner.”

 

Brian’s jaw dropped.  “Don’t you love me anymore? Do you want our children and our friends to die of starvation? Because that’s what’s gonna happen if I cook,” he threatened, feigning seriousness.

 

Baylee giggled at his parents’ antics.  “Dad, you’re crazy! You know you can cook, and, sometimes,” his voice lowered, and Brian leaned in, pretending to be a co-conspirator.  “Sometimes, you cook better than Mom.”

 

“I heard that,” Leighanne called out from the other side of the tree.

 

Rolling his eyes, Howie headed out of the room with Ariella following him.  Brian and Leighanne would mock argue for a couple more minutes, and Brian would get her to relent enough to do whatever he wanted.  It always worked, and Leighanne knew it, too.

 

Howie tried not to think of his own wife and concentrated instead on his daughter as she settled into the porch swing next to him.  They watched the city blinking its lights to rival the stars above, both of them quiet for a few moments.  When he felt her shiver a little, Howie scooted her closer to him.

 

“Daddy?” Her voice hung in the air hesitantly.

 

Howie smiled a little.  “Yeah, sweet pea?”

 

There was a short silence before she spoke again.  “Is Mama going to be home for Christmas?”

 

***

 

She should go home.  She knew, in her heart of hearts, that she should be at home with her husband and her daughter.  The two people she loved most in the world.  But she wasn’t going home, at least not right now.  She wasn’t ready, and when Rosalie Callahan Dorough was not ready to do something, she refused to do it.  Even if her heart was telling her otherwise.

 

Rosa lay on the bed and stared at the stars she could see through the skylight of the darkened room in the apartment she’d rented seven months ago.  She’d been camped out five miles away from where the man she loved and their daughter were, and now, on Christmas Eve, she desperately wanted to be with them.

 

“Remember why you’re doing this, Rosa,” she told herself.  “You’re not doing this for you, you’re doing this for the man you love, the man who loves you,” she whispered as she felt tears threatening to spill again.

 

She’d been crying for the past seven months whenever she thought of what she’d left behind, but she refused to go back.  Her best friend had called and told her that she’d told Howie to back down from involving the police, but he was still searching for her.  Of course, he would be, Rosa thought.  He was in love with her, and he would worry about her until she went back to their home.

 

She lay a hand on her belly and sighed.  If she hadn’t known that he would be unhappy with what she’d tell him, she would never have left.  But things happened, and some things were more difficult to fix than others.  However, no matter how much she needed to be home, she wouldn’t go back.  Not until she’d taken care of what she had to fix.

 

***

 

They sat around the now lit evergreen with mugs of eggnog and watched Howie.  He knew they were watching him and refused to acknowledge it.  Instead, he stared at the tree, hoping that if he wished hard enough it would turn into something fascinating.

 

“My mom and Polly were ready to fly out here, you know,” he began.  “I told them not to bother, that I would be perfectly fine.” He looked up at his friends now.  “I guess I was wrong.”

 

AJ leaned forward and met Howie’s gaze.  “We want to help you, so stop pushing us away.  Rosalie leaving was bad, but suffering on your own and neglecting your kid? That’s even worse.  Don’t shut us out, D.  You can’t get through this alone.”

 

Blinking back the tears he felt pricking the back of his eyes, he smiled.  “I love you guys.  All of you,” he added, smiling at Kristin and Leighanne.  “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He paused.  “Okay, I know what I’d do.  I’d go absolutely insane.”  He tried to grin, but ended up burying his face in his hands.  “She asked me if Rosa was coming home for Christmas.” His voice was muffled, but they understood him.

 

“What did you tell her?” Kevin asked.

 

Howie lifted his face.  “That Rosa was on the other side of the world and couldn’t make it home in less than three hours.”

 

Brian sighed.  “You lied to your kid, Howie.  That’s not the best way to go about it, you know.  She’s gonna end up hurting worse when she finds out that you don’t know where Rosalie is or when, if ever, she’ll be home.”

 

“Lecturing him isn’t going to work,” Leighanne told her husband before turning to Howie.  “You want to protect Ella, and I can understand that.  A four year old is not going to understand why her mother left for no reason because children at that age are full of questions.  They have to know why things happen the way they do, and, Howie, it would have killed you to be unable to explain why.”

 

“So you’re telling him it’s okay to lie to his kid?” Brian wondered.

 

Kristin shook her head now.  “Ella is too young to understand, and I agree with that, Leigh.  However, if Rosa doesn’t come home ever, there will come a time when Ella is going to ask, and you’re going to have to answer her.”

 

Howie looked at her.  “So what am I supposed to say?  ‘Sorry, honey.  Your mom left for no reason, and she’s probably not coming back’?  Somehow, I don’t think that’s going to work.”

 

“Look, I think for the time being, you don’t have to worry about what to tell Ella,” Kevin began.  “I think you should just focus on spending time with her and filling in the gap that Rosa left in Ella’s life.  If and when it’s absolutely clear that Rosa’s not coming back, then you can start coming up with ways to break it to your daughter.”

 

Nick nodded.  “I agree with that.”

 

Brian lifted a brow.  “Pal, you agree with everything.  It’s why you’re still single.”

 

“Oh, yeah? Well, if I’m single because I agree with everything, then why is AJ single?  I mean, he goes out of his way to be disagreeable,” Nick retorted.

 

“AJ’s not human,” Brian explained, jokingly.  “Women know he’s not real, so they stay away from him.”

 

“Hey!”

 

At AJ’s protest, the room was full of laughter, and Howie was glad the tension he’d been feeling for months felt as though it were lifted.  This, he knew, was what this time of the year was about.  Even if he didn’t have his wife, he still had his daughter and his closest friends.  What more could he possibly want?

 

Refusing to answer the question, he ignored it and joined in on making fun of AJ’s growing baldness and crazy lifestyle.

 

***

 

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you,” Howie sang as he set the cake down in front of a glowing Ariella.  “Happy Birthday, my darling Ella, Happy Birthday to you!”

 

She clapped her hands as he finished and smiled so wide that Howie was sure he’d have to pull out his sunglasses.  His friends were right.  Who needed anything else when his whole world was wrapped up in this child?

 

“I love you, Daddy!”

 

He smiled.  “I love you, too.  Did you think I’d forget?”

 

She nodded sheepishly.  “A little.”

 

“I could never forget you birthday as long as it’s still on Christmas, you know,” he told her.  “But if you go and change your birthday, then I might have a hard time remembering it.  My old head can’t keep track of everything.”

 

She giggled.  “You don’t have an old head, Daddy.  You don’t even have white hair like Uncle Kevin’s getting.”

 

Howie leaned in conspiratorially.  “Don’t tell Uncle Kevin he has white hair, okay?  He likes to pretend he’s still twenty.”

 

She giggled again.  “He’s not twenty! Uncle Kev’s silly sometimes.”

 

“I know,” Howie agreed.  “So sweet pea, why don’t you make a wish and blow out your candles.  And don’t forget, your birthday wishes will always come true because you make them on Christmas…”

 

“So it’s a double miracle,” she finished.  “Okay, I remember.” She squeezed her eyes shut and mumbled something Howie couldn’t understand.  Finally, after what had to be the longest wish that he could ever remember anyone making, she opened her eyes and blew out the candles.

 

“Great! So I guess we’ll see if it comes true, huh?”  When she nodded, Howie grinned.  “So, who wants some cake?”

 

***

 

“I wonder if everything’s okay over there,” Kevin wondered aloud as he watched Kristin feed Trevor.

 

She rolled her eyes.  “Kevin, you’re on break right now.  You don’t have to be his father all the damn time.  Howie can take care of himself.”

 

He sighed.  “I know, but I still worry.  It’s not a normal occurrence, you know, when your wife walks out on you and doesn’t tell you why or where she’s going.  Plus, it’s Ella’s first Christmas and birthday without her mother.”

 

“I know, Kev.  We all know that.  The thing is,” she began, patting Trevor’s back, “Howie’s not a child.  He can and will get himself and his child through this.  As long as they’re together, I can’t imagine Ella wanting for anything.”

 

“Still,” Kevin began, but she cut him off.

 

“Do you believe in miracles, hon?”

 

Kevin frowned.  “Of course I do, but I think this is going to take more than a miracle to fix.”

 

“Maybe,” Kristin replied and frowned when the phone rang.  “I thought we called all the family already.  Did we miss someone?”

 

Kevin shook his head.  “I don’t think so.” He picked up.  “Hello? Oh, hey.  We were just…What? When? Where?…Yeah, okay.  No, we’ll be there.  Do you want me to call anyone else?…No problem.  We’ll be there in a few.”

 

When he hung up and turned back to Kristin, she saw the frown had deepened.  “What’s going on, Kevin?”

 

He looked up at her and sighed.  “It’s Howie.  Rosa’s in the hospital.”

 

“What?!”

 

“I know.  She was brought in to Cedars-Sinai, but Howie doesn’t know why.  He said the hospital called him to tell him she was there, but they wouldn’t give him anymore information.  He’s on his way there,” Kevin explained.

 

Kristin stood and shifted the baby.  “Well, what are we waiting for? We should be there, too.  You know, to make sure he and Ella are going to be okay.”

 

Kevin raised a brow.  “Now who’s mothering him?”

 

“Let’s go, Kevin.”

 

He felt a grin break out on his face.  “Yes, ma’am.”

 

***

 

“Does D know why she’s here?” Nick whispered to AJ as they sat in the waiting room and watched Howie pace.

 

AJ shrugged.  “I don’t think so.  I mean, if he knew what was wrong, wouldn’t he be in the doctors’ faces finding out what would fix her?”

 

Nick sighed.  “I can’t believe he’s still in love with her even after everything she’s put him through in the past year.”

 

“I know,” AJ murmured.  “If Rosalie doesn’t believe in what’s between them after this, I think D should definitely kick her to the curb.”

 

Nick nodded.  If he’d been with a woman who put him through hell, he didn’t know if he would still put up with her. Howie was definitely a stronger man than he.

 

Next to Nick, Brian leaned over to Leighanne.  “If I didn’t believe in Christmas miracles before now, I’d definitely be a believer after this.”

 

She smiled and looked down at Ariella, who was curled up in a chair between her and Kristin.  “I think Ella’s dreams might come true.  You know all she wants is her parents together on Christmas.”

 

Brian smiled, too.  “Yeah.  Well, let’s hope Rosa doesn’t screw this one up.”

 

Howie couldn’t imagine what was going on with Rosa.  Where had she been all this time? Still in the city?  Why had she left and what had landed her in the hospital? The doctors hadn’t told him anything as yet, except that Rosalie was being worked on.  And what the hell did that mean?

 

Kevin placed a hand on his shoulder.  “D, calm down.  I think you’re scaring Ella more than she needs to be scared.  The doctors will tell you what’s going on soon.”

 

Howie bit his lip, trying not to scream in frustration.  Kevin was right.  He needed to stay calm for Ariella.  She was scared enough as it was without him going ballistic, too.

 

“Okay,” he murmured.  “Calming down, starting now.”

 

As he turned to check on his daughter, a nurse stepped into the waiting room and brought his attention to her.

 

“Mr. Dorough, come with me, please,” she gestured towards the down the hallway.

 

Howie nodded and turned to Kevin.  “Take care of Ella.”

 

Kevin opened his mouth to reassure his friend, but Howie was already gone.  “Good luck, man.”

 

Howie followed the nurse and tried to find out where they were going and what was wrong with Rosa, but the nurse kept telling him that he’d soon see.  They took the elevator up to the fourth floor, Howie noted.

 

When the nurse directed him to a room six doors down from the nurses’ station, he hurried towards it all the while hoping that whatever he found behind the door didn’t include the woman he loved dying.

 

Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door and felt his breath catch. 

 

“Rosa?” he whispered.

 

She didn’t hear him so much as she sensed that he was there.  Despite the tremendous amounts of pain and pressure her body was feeling, she knew she would always know when he was near.  Rosa turned her head to give him a small smile.

 

“Hi.”

 

He didn’t know what to say.  Didn’t know if he could say anything.  His heart was lodged somewhere in the vicinity of his throat, and he was wondering if he would have a heart attack from the way his heart was racing.

 

Managing to smile back, he stepped closer to the hospital bed.  “Hello.”

 

Rosa shifted a little and rubbed circles over her belly, all the while watching him.  “I-aren’t you going to yell?” she whispered. 

 

He shook his head.  “I couldn’t…I just—what’s going on?” His gaze was glued to her.

 

Before she could speak, another contraction hit her, and she fought to breathe through it.  Seeing her in pain shot Howie out of his dazed state, and, taking her hand, he counted for her, helping her to breathe through it.  It had been five years to the day since they’d last done this, but it came back to him.

 

When the pain had passed and the doctor had determined that there was still a ways to go before she was fully dilated, Rosa looked at her husband again.  She couldn’t help but want to cry at the fact that his eyes showed not one ounce of disappointment, anger, or sadness as he watched her.  Just love.

 

“Howie, tell me you’re angry.  Tell me you’re pissed as hell at the fact that I left,” she begged, not wanting him to forgive her.

 

Bewildered, he frowned.  “I can’t be mad.  You’re here now, but I just…why? Why, Rosa? Why’d you leave?”

 

She glanced down at her swollen belly and back into his eyes.  “We talked about this, Howie.  Don’t you remember?”

 

“Remember what? I can’t quite recall ever talking about you leaving,” he replied.

 

She shook her head.  “You said that it was probably best that we not have any more children after Ellie.  That our hectic lives wouldn’t be the best environment to raise children in.  That you were hoping that we’d do a good job with Ellie, but you didn’t want to take a chance that we’d fail with another child.”

 

As much as he wanted to deny he’d ever said those words, he knew she was right.  He could remember saying that as he watched Ariella sleeping in her crib when she was a year old.  How he was praying that he’d never fail her as a father, but his uncertainties that he would be able to be a father to more children were haunting him.  He loved his career and he loved his family.  He’d done well enough with one child and a career, but he didn’t think his luck would hold out if he and Rosa had any more.

 

He was snapped out of those thoughts as she struggled through another contraction.  He wiped her forehead with a cool, wet cloth a nurse handed him and waited for her to catch her breath.

 

Finally, she looked up at him with cautious gray eyes.  “Was I wrong?” she whispered.  “Did I imagine you saying that?”

 

Howie sighed and shook his head.  “I did say that, but it was four years ago, Rosa! I was worried that I’d mess up, but the last few years have proven that it wouldn’t be difficult to have more kids.” He stopped, frightening thoughts flooding his mind.  “What were you planning on doing, Rosalie? You found out you were pregnant, so you left.  What were you going to do? Were you going to come back?”

 

She swallowed the lump in her throat.  “I love you and Ellie.  I was absolutely coming back.”

 

“What about the baby?”

 

She laid a hand over her belly again.  “I was going to make sure it was okay, and then I’d come home.”

 

“You were going to give up our child?” He didn’t know what scared him more, the fact that she hadn’t trusted him or the fact that she had been willing to give up their child.

 

She could feel the tears gathering in her eyes.  “Howie, I didn’t want to disappoint you.  I didn’t want you to feel burdened”

 

He cut her off.  “How could you ever think our child would be a burden? Did you think so little of me that you didn’t believe I’d be able to love another child as much as I love Ella?”

 

Another contraction hit her, and she squeezed her eyes shut so she wouldn’t be able to see the sorrow and hurt on his face.  Even when the pain had passed, she kept her eyes shut.  She’d rather die than hurt him, and she’d gone and done it anyway.  The best intentions, she thought.

 

“Lead to hell?”

 

Her eyes popped open.  “Did I say that out loud?”

 

He nodded, an unreadable expression on his face.  “You did.”

 

“Oh, okay.” She couldn’t think of anything to say, so she focused instead on the doctor kneeling between her legs to examine her.

 

Seconds of silence turned into minutes.  Two hours later, Rosa tried to keep herself from pushing while Howie knelt behind her.  The pressure was becoming unbearable, both from the baby and from Howie.  She knew she’d have to say something soon or explode.  She loved him too much to see all the love he’d had for her turn to hate.

 

They’d met when she had been working at Jive during the summer of 2004.  She’d been interning while working on a Master’s for her business degree, and he’d been the Backstreet Boy recording a fifth album.  She’d been allowed to sit in on meetings where their contractual obligations had been discussed and taken copious notes on the ins and outs of it all.  After one of those meetings, Howie had approached her and asked if she wanted to help him with a contract he’d been working on at the time.

 

As a twenty-three year old business student, the opportunity had thrilled her.  As a Backstreet fan, she’d nearly passed out.  The rest of the summer had passed with her learning more than she’d thought she’d ever learn about business from time with a popstar.  He was intelligent, though, and, despite the nearly decade of difference between them, she’d fallen in love with him.  Three months later, he’d shown up at her doorstep on Christmas and told her he wanted to try dating.  Dating had turned into so much more, she thought now.  They’d married after the Never Gone tour, and Ariella had been born months later.  She’d been so lucky and then screwed everything up on her own.

 

Panting the shallow breaths she was instructed to do, she laced her fingers with Howie’s. 

 

“I…had…them…call…you,” she breathed.

 

He raised a brow and continued to rub her belly with his free hand.  “Why?”

 

“Because…when…I…felt the contractions…I knew…I couldn’t…have…the baby…without you…here…with me.  I couldn’t…give it…up…I…tore…up…the contract…with the…agency…I…was wrong,” she managed to breathe out before the pain became too much.

 

Minutes later, when he knew she would be able to speak again, he spoke.  “Why did you do all that? If you thought I’d be angry at another child, why would you decide to let me know and keep the baby, too?”

 

Rosa turned her head to look into his eyes.  “Because I knew that, no matter what, you would love our child and never be able to turn away from it.” She turned away again.  “Regardless of whether or not you still loved me.”

 

He tightened his grip on her hand.  She’d wanted him there.  She had, in some twisted way, believed in him despite his words.  And she believed he didn’t love her.  The forgiveness was eking its way from his heart to his tongue.

 

“I can’t stop loving you, Rosa.  Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.  I feel the same way about Ella and this baby that’s fighting its way into the world.”

 

She turned her head again and met his eyes with tears clouding the smoky hue of hers.  “I don’t deserve you, Howie.  God, I love you so much.”

 

He laid his lips on hers and took in the taste he’d missed for months.  Pulling back, he brushed his lips over the tears on her cheeks.  “I love you, Rosa.  Now, let’s try to get this baby into the world.  I’m dying to see our child.”

 

***

 

“So, it was a miracle,” Kristin murmured as she watched Howie hold his newborn son.  Love, joy, and relief was imminent on his glowing face as he spotted his friends in the window and grinned.

 

“It’s a Christmas miracle,” Brian announced next to her as he bounced his own daughter, turning her cries into happy gurgles.

 

Nick shook his head.  “I think Ella got what she wished for on her birthday candles.  I mean, Howie told her last year that whatever wish she made on her birthday was doubly important because it was a Christmas and birthday wish.  Betcha she decided to wish for her mother back.”

 

Brian turned to Leighanne.  “Promise me that you won’t ever walk out on me if I say something stupid like Howie did.”

 

She rolled her eyes.  “I’m still here, aren’t I?”

 

He grinned and leaned in to kiss her.  “It’s why I fell in love with you,” he murmured as his lips met her curved ones.

 

AJ moaned.  “Please, get a room! There are children here!” he added, covering Baylee’s eyes.

 

“Uncle Alex, I’ve seen my parents kiss before!”

 

AJ shook his head.  “Doesn’t matter.  No one needs to see that.”

 

Kevin rested his head against Kristin’s as they watched Howie talk to his son.  “I’m glad it all worked out well.  Both of them did something stupid, but at least they worked it out.”

 

“It’s the miracle,” Kristin insisted.

 

Kevin watched Howie a bit longer.  “Yeah, you’re right.  It’s a miracle.”

 

***

 

“It’s Ella’s miracle,” Howie admitted as he watched his daughter sleep curled up by her mother’s side.

 

Rosa smoothed her daughter’s dark hair, so different from her own fiery curls, and smiled.  “I’m glad you stopped me from doing something so stupid.  All this time, I felt like I was dying inside without you and Ellie.”

 

Howie pressed a kiss to Jacob Michael Dorough’s forehead and placed the baby in the bassinet.

 

“It’s a partnership,” he told Rosa, turning back to her.  “I do something idiotic, you fix it, and vice versa.” He took her hand.  “I love you, Rosa.”

 

She smiled and stifled a yawn.  “I love you, too.”

 

Howie looked around them at their children then back at her.  “Merry Christmas, darling. And good night.”

 

“What? Why?” She struggled to keep her eyes open.

 

He kissed her lightly.  “Because you’ve had a crazy day, and you need to rest.”

 

She sighed.  “Okay.” And within seconds, he knew she was fast asleep.

 

Ariella’s wish had come true, and she’d announced it when she’d hugged her mother after months of being apart.  As the tears had rolled down Rosalie’s cheeks, Ariella had announced that the Christmas miracle was true.  Whatever was wished for would always come true.

 

Howie smiled again at his family.  Miracles did happen, and his family was living proof.

 

 

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