Mistakes

 

By Pat

 

 

I try to blame him for introducing you to me.

I feel horrible, dirty, and yet I feel loved.

This isn’t going to work, why, was I so blind I couldn’t see?

If we wouldn’t of met

I would have nothing to regret

I’m confused I love him not you

What am I going to do?

Should I go through with this wedding?

 

Pamela hadn’t written in a long time and there she was writing trying to concentrate on that instead of what she had done. She betrayed her morals and beliefs, but most of all she betrayed Victor her love. Some how she was trying to blame him for it, since he was the one that introduced them two years ago! She stopped writing and closed her eyes remembering that day at the newspaper when he told her about who he was interviewing...

 

~~~

 

I hate myself for being fool by my heart

Made me feel apart

I love Victor with all my soul

But, Alex makes me feel free

I am a foul

I made the biggest mistake of my life

Now I am a tainted future wife

I need to know what to do

 

Pamela stopped her writing again and walked to the mirror on her wall. There she saw the low life scum she was, she had cheated on Victor with a Backstreet boy. A total opposite of what Victor is, a man who loves her and waited patiently to be with her just because her wish was that, waiting till marriage. Now there she was a total fraud. It only took one of Alex’s kiss to give in to him, she couldn’t stop, she just let go. They were friends only right? He never showed her that he was interested in her right? But, then last night while they talked he looked at her straight in the eyes and told her things that made her heart skip beats and then it happened they kissed. It was delicate kiss yet passionate and sweet, which led to this hard decision. She left his hotel room before he woke up; left him a note to let him know it was mistake. A mistake that felt good? Was she star struck or was she really falling for him? NO! She loved Victor she couldn’t handle it anymore she had to find a solution this.

 

~~~

 

I’m in love with two men

One I want to start a family with

The other one is a sin

I am torn in two

Who should I choose, who?

I can’t it’s to hard to tell

who I love more, I prefer to go to hell

 

That was it she preferred to be alone without both of them. She was going to end this pain with pain she was going to choose neither. She stood up, grabbed her most personal belongings, and put them in a suitcase. She phoned the airlines with a one way ticket to Madison Wisconsin, she was leaving for good. As she opened her closet there hanging was her beautiful white gown she was to wear today. She started to cry again she wasn’t worthy of that dress. She quickly got what she wanted and closed her closet. It was 6:30 AM she needed to hurry up she didn’t want to be there when her family and friends arrived to help get dressed. But, most of all she couldn’t go through with this false she had deceived Victor. HE didn’t deserve that. She finished getting ready and then wrote the last part of her poem.

 

I found the solution to this

What I feel for Victor is sweet and lovely

What I had with Alex is wrong and yet is was bliss

I can’t handle to marry Victor with only half loving him

While my other have yearns for him…(Alex)

So with this poem I hope I can explain my abandonment

You both will meet someone who will love you the right way

I sorry if I hurt, but let me tell, I will pay

For what I did both of you

I am sorry and hope that somewhere in your heart you’ll find…

Forgiveness towards me

 

Love Pamela

 

After she finished her poem, she quickly wrote to different letters and put them in separate envelopes. Then she left them on the living room table with two names written in bold. She walked out the apartment she shared with her cousin for good and headed to her new miserable life.

 

~~~

 

(Victor’s Side)

 

ANGER, that’s what he felt how could she do this to him? He felt like going after the man who took his love away from him. He trusted her and him; when he found out about their friendship he thought it was great for her. Now she was gone no one knew where she went not even her sister. How could she, he loved her so much. To think that she wanted to blame him for her actions, he sighed looked around the reception room beautifully decorated with white and lavender and the cake was beautiful. All this was going to waste and he knew who had the fault AJ or Alex who cares what his real name was. He wanted to get a hold of him and, well kill him he took away the best thing he had. Didn’t he already have fame, fortune, and he could get any woman he wanted. Then why did he choose his woman? And why did Pamela accept, didn’t she loved him? He couldn’t handle this anymore and he started tearing down the decorations and made a mess in the reception room.

 

After all the commotion he sighed, he had made a clear decision he didn’t need this drama. He was going to survive this and he going to get over HER. Hopefully someday he could forgive her too just like she asked in her letter. Maybe and maybe he would never forgive her, but, one thing was for sure he wasn’t going to stop his life because of this he going to continue on. Maybe he could find someone who would love him back completely.

 

~~~

 

(AJ’s Side)

 

Ok, this was no mistake it was real and he never had felt like this before. He had to tell her how he felt about her before she married Victor! If she didn’t felt the same towards him, he wouldn’t have well done what he did. But, she didn’t resist his approach, she LET GO! What happened, why was she now telling him in this stupid letter that is was a mistake? He was so stupid to think that just maybe she would runaway with him and forget about Victor. After all she didn’t complain last night she kissed him back. SO, they slept together but that was because they felt the same about each other right? YES, that’s right. Then why was he feeling guilty about what had happen? Because, she left with out saying a thing to him, not even a chance for him to tell her how he felt.

 

How since when he saw her he felt his heart skip a beat. How when they talked on the phone he would hide from everyone’s view and just listen to her sweet voice. How little by little he started to feel like he liked her for more than just friends. That’s why last week when she called him to invite him to her wedding, he felt his heart sink. After thinking of ways to tell her how he felt, he decided not tell her because he was afraid she didn’t feel the same towards him. But then last night when they were talking he felt the urge to kiss her and when he did she returned the kiss. The best kiss he had since his last real love Sarah. He wanted to hire someone to look for her. But why did she think it was all a mistake?

 

He looked at himself in the mirror he looked like he was going to cry, god he needed a drink. Five years sober and he was going to break that today? He put the glass filled with his favorite ex-friend Jack Daniels to his mouth, letting the smell of alcohol fill his nostrils and just as he was about to take a sip he saw his grandma’s face. He couldn’t do it he threw the glass to the wall and instead ran to the bathroom to throw up. After throwing out his only meal he had that day. He had come to a conclusion, that maybe he was making this to much of a big deal. That maybe she was just another one of his adventures except it was his close friend. Now he had ruined a great friendship and the plans of marriage she had for an urge he felt towards her? He couldn’t blame it on the coke it didn’t have one bit of alcohol. It was confusion that had to be it. He is about to be 30 and was probably having early stages of a mid-life crisis right? After confusing himself more he made arrangements to go back to his home in California. Think it through while on his break and then if it was real what he felt that night he would hire the best detective to find her. If not he would continue with his career and maybe just maybe one day he would see her again and apologize to her for being such a lousy friend. Now he had to apologize to Victor, he needed to so at least some of his guilt would go away. He knew how much he loved her; he told him the day he proposed to her. He had asked him to sing for him when he proposed.

So after grabbing his phone and keys he walked out to the city. He searched a while, got a cab and drove to his now ex-friends house to tell how much he was sorry.  Hopefully it would go well…..

 

~~~

 

3 months later… in Wisconsin:

 

Corina was shocked she couldn’t believe what she just heard the doctor tell her friend. She was pregnant, was that why she had shown up a few months ago on her doorstep crying? She also asked her if she could stay there with her for a while. She had also made her promise to never tell anyone where she was. If by any chance Corina spoke to anyone in her family or the circle of friends. She promised to explain it to her later and now the “Later” was here on the ride to the house….

Pamela stared out the window, looking to no where in specific. She had just told Corina what had happened. Even though she promised to help her and be on her side she couldn’t do this to her. She took a deep breath; she had come to a decision. She would leave for good and she knew just the place to go. She was going to raise her child and be the father and mother figure, to her baby. After a while of thinking she walked down stairs and told Corina her decision of leaving again. It took a lot of convincing but Corina agreed to keep her where about a secret. As long as she contacted her, to let her how everything went her and the baby. That same week Corina helped Pamela pack her belongings the essentials ones and booked her flight.

 

~~~

 

6 months later… in Mexico City:

 

AN: I will write some Spanish but will put in parenthesis the meaning in English

 

She had been in labor for 12 hours already and she was angry she wanted to get up and fly to the U.S. and kill the person who did this to her!

 

But after 4 more hours the she heard the doctor say; Es una linda Nina señora (It’s a beautiful baby girl ma’am)! After they cleaned the baby they handed her to her to Pamela. She was indeed gorgeous, she held her close to her until the nurse told she had to take her. She also promised to bring her back later so she could feed her. For the first time she did not feel so guilty about what she had done. Now she had a beautiful daughter that would fill her emptiness and keep her mind away from everything else.

 

She was interrupted with a nurse asking her; Como le va poner a la niña señora Fernández? (What are you going to name your daughter Mrs. Fernandez?) After thinking it through she told the nurse; Se llamara Amber Jade M. Fernández (her name will be Amber Jade M. Fernandez). She had thought of so many names. But, now she had made a choice her baby’s name was Amber.

 

~~~

 

Three days later Pamela left the hospital with her healthy little girl. As she opened the door to her apartment she realized she was now a single mother. Another one added to this epidemic of single mothers around the world. She put her sleeping Amber into her new crib. She smiled after realizing that Amber was going to have his eyelashes.

 

“It’s just you and me Amber”, was all she said to her sleeping baby as she also drifted asleep in her bed…

 

 

Check out the sequel to this story, Mistakes Have Consequences.

 

 

Webmistress’s Note:  Pat has requested that her email address not be posted here, but if you have any feedback, you can send it to me at rokofages75@dreamers-sanctuary.com, and I will forward it to her.