Chapter 1:
Prodigal
Son
I
was so tired that all I wanted to do was go to sleep. Management had been
running me into the ground getting ready for the release of my solo album and I
can honestly say it was finally catching up to me. Jive had gone back and forth
with which album should come out first. Mine or the boys. They decided that
mine would be first so I have been out on the town as "Nick the solo
artist." I have to admit that at first it felt very foreign to me but now
it's starting to feel a little more comfortable. The great part about working on
the album was mainly the artistic freedom I enjoyed. I didn't have to argue
with four other people to get my point across. It was nice. I feel like I have
grown up in the last six months. Now I am going into this meeting with the
boys. Pretty much the first time I am really getting together with them since I
started work on my solo stuff. I'm a little apprehensive about it because I
know things have changed between us. What I didn't realize at the time was how
much things were about to change. I went into my hotel bathroom and splashed
some water on my face and headed out to the studio to meet my long lost
brothers.
I
couldn't believe how fast my heart was beating in my chest. God you idiot, why
are you so nervous? These people are your friends. Actually, more than your
friends. They'll be happy to have you back with them again. There were those
rumors though. Stupid press people, I hate picking up a magazine or hearing
radio stations talk about how much the guys hate me and resent me for doing my
solo thing. I try to block all of that out of my mind. The guys have never said
anything bad about my decision to my face. True they weren't happy that I went
a little off schedule but I had my reasons. Kevin had called me in Mid June
when I failed to show up for a group meeting. "Where the hell are you
Nickolas? We've been waiting here for two hours for you to show up. A bit
inconsiderate don't you think?" I didn't know what exactly to say to him
at the time so I was a little pissy. "Jesus Kev, I'm a little busy and I
couldn't make it out. What the hell is so important anyway?" "Oh only
our album asshole! but you know what, screw you, you never give any good input
anyway. We'll send you a transcript." Then he hung up on me. I felt bad
after that
and
wanted to call him back and apologize but the thing is, with Kev, you need to
give him time to cool down. Luckily later that evening he called back and
apologized to me. That was pretty much the last time I talked to him or any of
the guys. It's not like we don't want to talk it's just that everyone's busy.
Me included.
I
walked down the hall to hear a familiar laugh. Brain could guffaw with the best
of them. I wasn't sure if I should knock before I entered the control room but
it seemed so loud in there I decided to just let myself in.
"Hi
guys" The laughter suddenly stopped and my greeting was met with a dead
silence.
'Well,
look who's here, the prodigal son has returned!!" way to be sarcastic A.
J.
"Hi,
Nick...your late!"
'I
know sorry about that but the traffic was bad."
"That's
funny, we came from the same area as you and we got here in time."
After
making his comment Kevin glared at me and then continued to look at notes
written on the console. I stood there awkwardly not quite sure what to do next.
Howie must have picked up on the fact that I felt lost, because he came up to
me and gave me a hug.
"Come
on over here and listen to the track we have been working on." He then led
me over to the console and pressed a few buttons and the song come out blaring
in the control room. It had a great dance beat but also a pretty heavy guitar
groove and I was immediately pleased with what I heard.
"That's
a great song, man I love the guitar riffs you put in there."
"Thanks
Nick, Bri wrote that one. It was A.J's idea to use rock guitar"
I was
impressed so I went over to Brian where he seemed to be in a heated discussion
with A.J "Hi guys, great song." I then gave Brian a friendly pat on
the back only to be met with a look of disgust.
"Thanks.
A.J and I spent a lot of time on that one." He then grabbed A.J by the arm
and the two of them walked out of the room.
That
was my big welcome back. The guys pretty much distanced themselves from me for
the rest of the session which luckily didn't last too long. When we were ready
to leave for the night, I heard Brian making plans with the rest of the guys to
go to dinner and then head back to his place. I sat there waiting like a ten
year old anticipating that at any moment I would get invited over to the
popular kids house for a birthday party, but just like those scenarios, I was
disappointed to see I was left out of the mix. The four of them then left
together and I was left alone, staring at my feet. I left the studio, tracked
down, my bodyguard Joe and headed back to my hotel room.
I
sat in my hotel room that night with the lights out just thinking. When I was
upset as a child, I used to like to be alone. Growing up in a house occupied by
seven people, it was very hard to be alone let
alone finding a quiet spot. I used to go into the bathroom, lock the door, sit
on the floor and cry, occasionally stopping long enough to sort out my thoughts
as to why I was upset in the first place. Now, here I was a grown man of 22,
heading to the bathroom and doing the same thing. I locked myself in the
bathroom and rocked back and forth trying to sort out what happened earlier
that day.
I felt left out, but should I? I mean
after all it was my idea to go solo right? I chose to leave them not; the other
way around. I tried to make sense of the situation finally deciding that maybe
this was something they had planned out for months. Brian was just in a pissy
mood. Maybe they all were. I was just jumping to conclusions. Just like always.
I finally decided to leave the
bathroom and figure out what to do tonight. I knew that if I stayed in the
hotel all I would do is dwell on the guys. The problem is Joe wasn't going to
let me leave, not after what's been happening....
***
