Chapter
17:
Brian's Song
I was angry. Simple as that, there was no other way to describe it. As I sat
and listened to Nick ramble on and on, I got angry. Then he said he was
quitting and my anger took a turn to dismay which is where it has been sitting
ever since. I didn't mean for things to get as out of hand as it did. I thought
he would understand where we were coming from but I was floored to say the
least. When Nick had finished his speech and left the room we all sat
dumbfounded. None of us even said a word, just took turns staring at each other
like a pack of morons.
The thing that I am most ashamed of, is that we let him go. We let him walk out
of the room and leave without so much as a peep from any of us. I should've run
after him, brought him back into the room and apologized. That didn't happen.
We didn't mean it too but his words took us all by surprise and no one could
move.
After about ten minutes of complete silence, J was the first one to
speak."What the Fuck was that all about? He needs to learn how to take a little
constructive criticism." I know he was trying to be funny but none of us
were laughing. I looked over at Kevin and he seemed lost.
"Do you think that was
true?" He asked me. I had no idea what he was talking about so I just
nodded. Kevin picking that up continued "You know, did he really want to
go to college that badly and did someone actually tell him he couldn't?" I
thought it was odd that of all the things Nick said, Kev chose that to fixate
on, but I figured it was shock. "Yeah, he had filled out an application to
Florida State, he even got as far as searching for some of his old teachers for
recommendations but Johnnie told him he shouldn't pursue that just yet. Lou had
told him he was being selfish and that he needed to put the band first."
As the words were flowing from my mouth it started to dawn on me how much of a
sacrifice that was for Nick. I wanted to cry, "So, he did give it
up." I made eye contact with AJ as I finished "For us."
"I wish I had known that" Kev said as he sighed and took a sip of his
now cold coffee. I looked over at Howie to see him shaking his head.
"What are you thinking D?" I
asked him.
He stood up and looked out the window,
"I'm thinking that I don't know how to fix this. Not this time. I'm
thinking I should have stepped in and said something before it escalated to him
quitting and I'm thinking that we've lost him for good. I never thought I
could make someone feel that bad ever! I'm beside myself. How bad are we when
we can't even convince a kid we have known forever that we care about what he
has to say? I'm beside myself. I'm so tired of this." He never took his
eyes off of the window when he said that. That told me how much truth there was
to what he was saying. D didn't like to show his emotions and when he was
bothered by something, he would rarely look at any of us.
"Well, what do we do now?" AJ asked no one in particular. Kev spoke
up after thinking about the answer to that question. "We talk to him"
he then nodded and repeated what he just said "we talk to him,"
almost to make sure it was the right choice. "Who should talk to
him?" Howie asked and I instantly caught everyone staring at me. "I
think we ALL need to do this" J said "Not just Brian." I was
relieved when he said that. I knew I needed to talk to Nick but our
conversation would have to be just the two of us.
The right words were going to be so hard to come by. I wanted to say so much to
him. Maybe if I wrote it in the form of a song, it might be easier.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when something fell in my lap. I looked down to
see a sheet of newspaper. "Huh, where did that come from?" I asked
Kev as he was clearing the plates. He picked up the paper, looked at it and
then handed it back to me. "I have no idea but it's not mine." He
then continued to pick up plates from the table. That's odd I then pushed the
paper from my thoughts and drifted back to Nick.
How do I even begin to make things better between the two of us? I have been
such a bad friend. seeing the hurt in his eyes was awful. Hurt that MY words
caused. Like Howie said, I don't know how to make things right between us. So
much time has passed with us being estranged. I'm almost too embarrassed to
apologize to him. I looked down at the floor trying to make sense of all this.
"Guys, I think I should go see Nick alone. If we all show up he might
think we were ganging up on him" Kevin said as he got up to leave. "I
want to come too" Howie said as the two made their way out of the dining
room.
"Don't you think we should all go together Rok? I mean it was you and me
that really attacked him today, not them." I heard J but I was still
trying to calm myself down. When I didn't answer him, he turned his attention
to the newspaper that had been under my plate. He picked it up and was making
an airplane out of it while talking, "Brian, if he hadn't quit would you
be second guessing our decision" That was such a good question. Everything
J and I had said was true, but I still think I would maybe do it differently
now.
"Yup, I would as a matter of fact as the words were coming out of my mouth
I already did" He looked at me and I could tell he felt the same way.
"Holy shit, man did you write this on here?" he asked me as I saw him
really examining the paper now. "Write what?" He than pointed to what
he was talking about. Right above a missing person, was the word MIZPAH written
very small in red ink.
"Oh my gosh, I didn't notice that
before" I then looked at the article that the word was on top of to see
that it was a guy about AJ's age who had been missing for a year before turning
up dead. "J this is creepy. How did it get in here?" Just than, J's
cell phone rang making us both jump. "Hello?...hello?" before hanging
up he looked over at me and I knew it was the psycho. AJ hung up the phone and
looked distressed. "Whatever this son of a bitch is going to do it's going
to happen soon because he never called me before."
Those words chilled me to the bone. I looked back down at the newspaper and saw
in the corner in very small print he's mine. I decided not to tell AJ about
that one.
"Why do you think he wants me
anyway?" he asked while getting up to stretch his legs. "I don't know
J, you just seem to attract all the strange homicidal types"
"It's funny that he would say I
want J to you and say to D that he wants his younger brother. It makes no
sense." I froze in my tracks. Did he ever mention J's name?
"What's wrong Rok?" J asked
seeing the stressed look on my face. I just shrugged him off but now too many
thoughts were going through my mind. Did he say I want AJ or did he say I want
your younger brother? than suddenly everything started to fall into place. The
phone calls to MYcell phone. MY best friend. MY little brother. My heart
started to race and all I said when I looked at J was "Nick"
***
