After Howie and Kevin left the room, I stood and stared at the door in
disbelief. I couldn't believe what Kevin had told me. It was everything that I
needed to hear. Even the best script writer couldn't have told it better. It was
almost too good to be real. In the land of show business, you have to be Leary
when things start to fall your way. It was almost as if now I was waiting for
the ax to fall.
I figured that the "ax" in my case would take the form of Brian. I
never bothered to ask Kevin or Howie why Brian and AJ didn't bother to come
with them to see me. I figured they had their reasons. I was surprised when
Brian called me but I didn't want to get too excited about it. I did hang up on
him rather abruptly and I'm sure any second thoughts he may have had about his
little speech, was laid to rest by my abrupt attitude with him on the phone.
I made my way over to the bed and sat down trying to remember the exact words
Kevin had used to describe how they reacted to my song. I know it was
ridiculous of me to act that way, but I really was a sap at heart. It's funny
how you never really understand how important someone's opinion is to you until
the moment when they stop giving it. That's how I realized how much the guys
meant to me. That very day in fact, is when I figured it all out...
The phone ringing pulled me out of my thoughts. I reluctantly came back to
reality long enough to answer. Ready to embrace anything that Brian or anybody
else was ready to say to me.
"Hello Nick speaking..."
I heard a few clicks, then a song
started to play. It sounded very far away. Like a recording made from an old
record player. I listened to it until the person on the other end hung up the
phone. Entranced by every word of the ballad I tried to make out some kind of
connection between me and the song. Yet none came.
After I hung up, I found myself humming it and trying to coax the words back
into my memory. "there's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he,
turns out to be..."
Someone To Watch Over Me. That was the
name of the song. Watchpost, watch over me maybe they were related in some way.
Maybe... I took out the journal the Mizpah lady gave to me and started to write
down my thoughts. It was the first time I ever had written anything in a
journal. The first but not the last.
Just then, someone knocked on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked
"It's me" He said and even
though it was rather cryptic, I recognized Brian's voice. It seemed hesitant
and nervous. I opened the door to meet his gaze.
"Hey" I said as we just
stood there devoid of any emotions.
"Hey, can I come in?" He
asked. I moved out of the way to let him into my roomHe came in and sat down in
a chair close to the window. I felt odd, I wasn't sure who should speak first.
Luckily only after a few moments of silence Brian started some friendly banter.
"So, this is a pretty good view
of the city. You can really see for miles from here." He then turned his
attention to my bed where my journal was sitting. He picked it up but didn't
open it.
"Cool, since when did you start
writing in a journal? This is a nice one" I walked over to him and gently
took it out of his hands.
"Thanks" I said as I placed
it on my dresser. I sat across from him as I continued, "It was given to
me by a fan. I haven't written in it yet but I plan on it." Fan? more like
stalking psychopath I thought to myself.
"So..you just missed Kevin and
Howie. They just left "He looked up at me.
"I know, they were coming out of
the elevator as we were getting in. They said that J and I shouldn't bother you
because you had a lot to think about but I thought I would come up
anyway." When he didn't get a reaction from me he hesitantly said "If
that's okay with you." I decided to move down to the floor and fiddle with
my video games.
"Whatever dude, so does that mean
that J is here too?" Brian sunk down next to me on the floor.
"Yeah he came too but I told him
to wait downstairs." I laughed
"Since when does AJ do anything
he is told to do?" Brian just looked at me with a small smile on his lips.
"So..um Kevin told me what you
guys did in the studio. Toasting me and all.
He said it was your idea. Thanks"
"It was no problem. You sounded
happy Nick. I liked the song too." He said as he gently tousled my hair.
"Brian, why are you here?" I
didn't want to ruin the moment we were having but I was curious.
"To be honest with you, I don't
really know." That wasn't the answer I was looking for. I didn't know what
I was looking for. We both kind of just stared ahead.
"What happened Bri? We used to be
so close than one day suddenly it all went away." He looked over at me and
shrugged, "I don't know Nick, sometimes things change, people change. It's
just a natural progression."
"It didn't feel natural though..I
mean did it? To you?" His silence was my answer.
I suddenly felt restless and stood up
to head for the window and admire the view Brian had talked about.
"What do you want me to do Brian?
Do YOU want me to quit?" I asked him never letting my gaze leave the window.
I heard him make his way next to me.
"That's not my decision to make Nick. It's yours. But..no, I don't want
you to quit." I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders when he said that.
"I don't know what I'm gonna do
yet. Trish seems to think Jive wouldn't let me quit anyway. Who knows? I'm just
confused I guess." Brian placed his hand on my shoulder,
"Hey, I'm sorry for coming on too
strong at the meeting. I didn't want to hurt you"
"Well you did hurt me." I
said rather curtly not really meaning to.
"I know and I'm sorry," I
looked over at him and he looked sincere.
"That's okay. No harm done,"
I found myself saying. We just stood there two silent forms staring out the
window. Both in deep thought but neither one of us saying anything.
"Do you think we will ever be
back to normal? You and me?" I asked sounding eerily like a thirteen year
old boy I used to know. I could tell by the look on his face that he was
searching for something witty to say.
"Depends, you were NEVER normal
in the first place." Well, it wasn't exactly witty but I'll take it.
I started to feel like maybe everything was going to be okay with us. All of
us. While I continued to reassure myself of this Brian made his way back over
towards the bed. Yup maybe things will all work out I'm finally feeling
relieved and...
I froze in my tracks and felt a chill run down my spine as Brian suddenly
started to hum a song. The song. I quickly turned around to face him.
"Why are you humming that?"
I asked him. He suddenly had this strange expression on his face.
"What? I love this song, it's
always been one of my favorites. Someone to Watch Over Me is a classic." I
just looked at him in horror. I had this urge to get him out of my room as soon
as possible.
"Well, Bri, uh thanks for coming,
but um I've got things to do" He looked at me with a suspicious look on
his face.
"Are you kicking me out? I just
got here!" I was afraid to make him mad at me but him singing that song
totally creeped me out.
"Um no but I really do have some
stuff to do with Trish so, if you don't mind.." I started to walk over to
the front door to let him out. I opened the door for him and was unprepared for
what came out of his mouth.
"Mizpah Nick"
I stood there my back to Brian with
the door open unable to breathe or scream....
***