Not So Bad
By Kaz Falcon
Webmistress’ Note:
This story was written for Bianca’s “So Far Away” fanfic challenge over at The
Backstreet Market. The story
had to have Brian as a main character, use the lyrics to “So Far Away” by Staind, contain a snow globe, and have the emotion of
sadness or loneliness.
Three words. Three… Why is
it always three words that are the
most dramatic? You’d be forgiven for thinking of the infamous ‘I love you’, but
not this time. No, this time it was something quite different. They were AJ’s
three words, spoken in a rush of anger. Sitting on the windowsill of the hotel
room, that conversation a week ago was still imprinted on my mind.
“Oh, come on! This comeback tour wasn’t much of a comeback,
was it?”
“Look, just because we didn’t sell as many tickets as we
thought…”
“As many? We had to cancel three,
Kev!”
“Kev’s right not to just assume stuff, AJ. We have been out of the loop for a long time.”
“What difference should that make, D? The group doesn’t stop
existing when we aren’t performing.”
“AJ, stop being arrogant! The industry doesn’t stand still
for us.”
“Arrogant? You-”
“Will you three cut it out for a minute?”
“Well, what do you think, then, Bri?”
“We haven’t really developed our music much since the last
album. Maybe if we…”
“Change it, Rok? That what you think? ‘Cause then it won’t
be ‘us’ anymore! We did well in the past
by keeping to our own style.”
“Is that what it’s
all about now, Nick? How well we do; how much money we make? Are we all forgetting
the band is supposed to be about the music? If that’s the case, then maybe we
should quit!”
We had all looked away, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. It sunk in
then – we had all been thinking it. AJ was the brave one, being the only one
with the guts to say it out loud. ‘We should quit’… it was an option I never
wanted to submit to. My eyes drifted to the night beyond the window.
A curtain of rain hung over the city streets, flooding the roads with
deluge, while the sickly orange glow of the streetlights reflected off the
relentless water. Below, a lone figure trailed along the street, mute and
solitary, throwing a menacing shadow across the wall. Like a crashing wave,
thunder threw itself, growling, at the sleeping world around me.
Strange, I pondered, how the weather seemed to mirror me. I was angry.
Angry at AJ’s harsh verdict. Angry with myself for having no protest to his
suggestion. I was upset. After living with the band and the music for so long,
I had wept at the prospect of its loss. Or perhaps the universe was just
mocking me, with its rain of tears and its bellowing voice?
Sighing, I turned my gaze aside. Quitting. For the last few years, I
had refused to kid myself and knew deep down that it was inevitable. After all,
nothing lasts forever. Either through death, age, family or losing sight of
what is important, I knew it would end one day. Yet, for all my
reasoning, when it came to it I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want it to
happen. It was too important to me, to Kevin, to AJ, Nick and Howie.
The snowglobe sat by my foot. I picked it
up. This trinket always seemed to help me think as I watched the tiny flakes
swirl, dance and flutter. I shook it, wanting to organise
my thoughts now. I couldn’t remember where it was from, or who had given it to me.
Family? A friend? A fan? I’d lost track over the years.
I spotted the comical snowman standing in the center of the snowglobe, grinning at me with oversized teeth.
Immediately, my head faced the window again. For all of the sinister rumblings
of the weather, it was somehow better than the faked cheeriness of that small
character. There was no faking anything now – it was over.
Unprepared for the revelation, my soul felt isolated. Perhaps the
existence of the band had cemented the brotherly bond the five of us shared, or
maybe the band was the bond itself. Whatever it was, its absence was
chilling. Those three words had been like a sharpened knife, cutting us all
off. I was totally and inexplicably… alone…
Yet, as I kept thinking, I reminisced on the positive. The devoted
fans, the understanding and appreciation, the atmosphere of the concerts,
hanging out with the guys… they’d lasted a long time in the business. ‘Boy
bands’ were only supposed to last two years, and we’d long surpassed that
total. We’d …sort of forged our own legacy.
Taking a deep breath, I softly poured out my sudden thoughts into
vocal form, despite the heavyhearted mood I had begun the day with:
“…Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am
today…”*
The last note hung in the placid air, and I looked back to the slowglobe. It was finally settling back down again. Looking
at it in this new light, it didnt seem too different
from my life after all. Just like the miniature flakes within the glass, things
had fallen into place quite nicely.
Back inside the golden glow of the cosy
hotel room, my cell phone sat patiently on the bed, waiting to be used. Of
course, I had planned to phone Leigh, to tell her what was happening, and that
I would be heading back to her, and our three-year-old son, the next day.
Well, maybe I wasn’t all that alone… even though the troubles…
I suppose life’s not so bad…
* Lyrics taken from “So Far Away” by Staind
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