Nothing Wrong With Being Lonely

 

By Amy

 

 

It hadn’t taken long to see through her, like he did with every one of them in the end. People had told him, but as always he had failed to listen what his head was telling him and went with the ever misleading heart. Being with her had been better than being lonely though or had it?

 

“Hey buddy, you’re up.” He glanced up from his chair by the side of the stage in the smoky club. Lugging his guitar, or Helga, as he liked to call her he moved towards the stool on the centre of the stage, staring out at the crowd of college students. A lot different from being in front of the thousands of screaming fans he was used to and the biggest difference of all? He was by himself no Howie to blame it on if things went wrong.

 

He fumbled at first, and fidgeted to get comfortable on the stool provided. It was unbelievable how nervous he was. With eyes closed he started strumming, thinking back over the past few months of his life with her.

 

“In well fell swoop it became clear to me,

That I despise you entirely,

The good news is I’m gonna’ keep you around

And so your lust is just convenient now.”

 

How many times had they been out this week? It had been six out of seven and the week was not over yet, he knew she would have plans for them to be out tomorrow. Was it to much to have a night in? Maybe watch some movies?

  

He pulled himself up in search of her, she had been on the dance floor last and there she was still there, dancing a little too closely to that guy for his liking. Was that her hand on his crotch? She had to be kidding; he knew she played away when she had been in Australia but to do it when he was barely ten feet away that was when he knew the fairytale ending was not going to be with her. But being with her for the moment had to be better than being lonely.

 

“Crack open a bottle of red,

Let’s toast to this here dead

Offer up your head like a white knight

Take a freakish stand.”

 

“And all at once it became clear to me

That you’re a virgin to honesty

And you don’t even have a friend around

And so my lust is just convenient now.”

 

“I think its time to go” He snarled into her ear, grabbing her arm, his eyes cold and angry.

 

“Nick I’m having fun here.” She shrugged his hand away and carried on flirting with the guy in front of her. He was right there behind her and she was flirting with some guy like he didn’t even exist.

 

“Know what Paris, I’m outta here, see you later” he shouted as he walked off. He reached the valet before she caught up with him. She pulled roughly on his shoulder so that he had to turn and face her.

 

“What the hell is your problem?” She spat, but then smiled as she noticed the photographer behind him, she was unbelievable.

 

“My problem, my problem is that I was blatantly behind you and you were flirting with that guy, god damn Paris it was more than flirting you had your hand on his dick!” he said as he opened the car door and got in. She walked around to the other side and got in, slamming the door shut.

 

“Jesus, it was flirting where is the harm in that?” She sighed as she flipped the visor down to stare at herself in the mirror, could she be anymore vain ands why hadn’t it bothered him before?

 

“We all know where harmless flirting got you in Australia don’t we or wasn’t I supposed to know about that?” He asked waiting for her reaction. Her face remained calm no trace of guilt anywhere.

 

“Nick we have had this discussion nothing happened, god you are so jealous all the time.” She was blatantly lying and he should have had the balls to kick her out of the car but being with her had to be better than being lonely.

 

“On my knees

So are you

Unfortunately for the wrong reasons

Keep incessantly believing that you’re pure

But you know it’s not true”

 

“Nick it’ Kevin, er … I’ve just seen the paper and buddy no one is gona believe her for a second, we all know that’s just not you and she has some fucking nerve. Call me ok? Bye.”

 

He listened as Kevin clicked off, his head resting in his hands at the breakfast bar staring at the photos of her bruised face that covered the majority of the papers. Kev believed he didn’t do but what were the rest of the world going to think? Truth is he wished he had done it now make her feel how she made him feel, inadequate and humiliated.

 

He sighed swiping the paper off the side and watched as it flew aimlessly to the floor. Why was it always him? He deserved happiness like everyone else.

It was definitely over with her, he didn’t need her shit anymore and then he realised…

 

“There’s nothing wrong being lonely.”

 

 

“There’s Nothing Wrong With Being Lonely” – The Spill Canvas

 

 

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