Nothing Wrong With Being Lonely
By Amy
It hadn’t taken long
to see through her, like he did with every one of them in the end. People had
told him, but as always he had failed to listen what his head was telling him
and went with the ever misleading heart. Being with her had been better than
being lonely though or had it?
“Hey buddy, you’re
up.” He glanced up from his chair by the side of the stage in the smoky club.
Lugging his guitar, or Helga, as he liked to call her he moved towards the
stool on the centre of the stage, staring out at the crowd of college students.
A lot different from being in front of the thousands of screaming fans he was
used to and the biggest difference of all? He was by himself no Howie to blame
it on if things went wrong.
He fumbled at
first, and fidgeted to get comfortable on the stool provided. It was
unbelievable how nervous he was. With eyes closed he started strumming,
thinking back over the past few months of his life with her.
“In well fell swoop it became clear to me,
That I despise you entirely,
The good news is I’m gonna’ keep you around
And so your lust is just convenient now.”
How many times had
they been out this week? It had been six out of seven and the week was not over
yet, he knew she would have plans for them to be out tomorrow. Was it to much to
have a night in? Maybe watch some movies?
He pulled himself
up in search of her, she had been on the dance floor last and there she was
still there, dancing a little too closely to that guy for his liking. Was that
her hand on his crotch? She had to be kidding; he knew she played away when she
had been in Australia but to do it when he was barely ten feet away that was
when he knew the fairytale ending was not going to be with her. But being with
her for the moment had to be better than being lonely.
“Crack open a bottle of red,
Let’s toast to this here dead
Offer up your head like a white knight
Take a freakish stand.”
“And all at once it became clear to me
That you’re a virgin to honesty
And you don’t even have a friend around
And so my lust is just convenient now.”
“I think its time
to go” He snarled into her ear, grabbing her arm, his eyes cold and angry.
“Nick I’m having
fun here.” She shrugged his hand away and carried on flirting with the guy in
front of her. He was right there behind her and she was flirting with some guy
like he didn’t even exist.
“Know what Paris,
I’m outta here, see you later” he shouted as he walked off. He reached the
valet before she caught up with him. She pulled roughly on his shoulder so that
he had to turn and face her.
“What the hell is
your problem?” She spat, but then smiled as she noticed the photographer behind
him, she was unbelievable.
“My problem, my
problem is that I was blatantly behind you and you were flirting with that guy,
god damn Paris it was more than flirting you had your hand on his dick!” he
said as he opened the car door and got in. She walked around to the other side
and got in, slamming the door shut.
“Jesus, it was
flirting where is the harm in that?” She sighed as she flipped the visor down
to stare at herself in the mirror, could she be anymore vain ands why hadn’t it
bothered him before?
“We all know where
harmless flirting got you in Australia don’t we or wasn’t I supposed to know
about that?” He asked waiting for her reaction. Her face remained calm no trace
of guilt anywhere.
“Nick we have had
this discussion nothing happened, god you are so jealous all the time.” She was
blatantly lying and he should have had the balls to kick her out of the car but
being with her had to be better than being lonely.
“On my knees
So are you
Unfortunately for the wrong reasons
Keep incessantly believing that you’re pure
But you know it’s not true”
“Nick it’ Kevin,
er … I’ve just seen the paper and buddy no one is gona
believe her for a second, we all know that’s just not you and she has some
fucking nerve. Call me ok? Bye.”
He listened as
Kevin clicked off, his head resting in his hands at the breakfast bar staring
at the photos of her bruised face that covered the majority of the papers. Kev
believed he didn’t do but what were the rest of the world going to think? Truth
is he wished he had done it now make her feel how she made him feel, inadequate
and humiliated.
He sighed swiping
the paper off the side and watched as it flew aimlessly to the floor. Why was
it always him? He deserved happiness like everyone else.
It was definitely
over with her, he didn’t need her shit anymore and then he realised…
“There’s nothing wrong being lonely.”
“There’s Nothing
Wrong With Being Lonely” – The Spill Canvas