Chapter 2:
Time to Let Go
The number of people who came for
Kate’s funeral was overwhelming. It proved how special Kate was, and she was
loved by everyone. She touched so many lives in her own little ways in the
short span of her life. On my right were Kate’s mother and her younger sister,
behind them were relatives, friends, neighbours, and Kate’s co-workers. On my
left was my Backstreet Family whose presence and support were more than enough
for me. Apparently, my own family were too busy to pay their last respect to
Kate. I was damn sure that they liked Kate, if not loved, at one point.
My father couldn’t get a flight here
to Los Angeles and called me earlier to say he would be thinking of me. My
mother didn’t even bother to tell me her reasons, if there was any. My sisters,
except for Leslie, had prior commitments they couldn’t cancel. My little
brother was too busy recording his new album that he couldn’t take even an hour
break to be here. Leslie would have been here, her plane would have touched
down last night, but I told her I’d be fine. She just gave birth to my
beautiful niece Alyssa, and I didn’t want to put her in a stressful situation.
I looked at my Backstreet Family for
support; I didn’t know giving my last words for Kate was this hard. Kevin and
his wife Kristin flew from Kentucky to be here with me. Kevin didn’t have to
say anything; he just looked me in the eye and pulled me into hug, and I know
what he meant. Kristin, the older sister I’ve always wanted but never had,
kissed me in the cheek and whispered how much she loved me and Kate.
Howie, who had been in the same
situation when his sister and father died, offered comforting words to me and
promised he would always be with me on this difficult time. Kate absolutely
adored Leigh because of her strong and sweet personality, and I was grateful
for her presence.
AJ never left my side since Kate’s
accident, he hasn’t said anything but I could see in his eyes that he was
hurting for me and he was saddened by Kate’s death. Rochelle came in a simple
black dress, her hair nicely tied up and wearing no make-up. I loved her more
for not sporting any crazy outfit and respecting Kate’s funeral. Her eyes were
already swollen from crying, she just lost a great friend and one of her
bridesmaid.
My best friend Brian was with me every
step of the way. He became the strong wall that I could lean on anytime. I had
never been this weak in my entire life. Leighanne was crying non-stop, too.
Kate became one of her good friends. If there was anyone who bridged the gap
between Leighanne and me, it was Kate.
Fans were also mourning for Kate; she
was well loved by them. Kate was the first girlfriend of mine that every
Backstreet Boys fans accepted wholeheartedly. No hate site was created for her,
there was no name bashing in the internet; well, some might have called her
names but with every one fan throwing a bad comment about her, thousand fans
were ready to defend her.
I swallowed the big lump that begun to
form in my throat.
“I had so many failed relationships
before I met Kate, and I always thought I was in love. But I realized I was
wrong when I finally met Kate. She
showed me what true love means, she taught me how to love unconditionally, and
she made me feel how to be truly loved. She was the love of my life, my one
true love. She was the perfect fan and the grace of my life. She was my world
and my everything. I love you, baby; Always have and always will. Please wait
for me sweetheart, we’ll see each other soon.”
Mrs. Harris, Kate’s mother, walked up
to me and hugged me tightly. We cried together as we watched Kate’s casket
being lowered into the ground. I tossed a peach rose, Kate’s favorite flower,
into the ground.
“I love you.” I’d never get tired of
telling her that.
The ceremony was over and it was time
for us to go, but the idea of leaving Kate was unbearable. I put on my
sunglasses, slid my hands into my pocket, and wore a Do-not-disturb-me kind of
look in my face. I wanted everyone to be gone before I go home. I didn’t feel
like talking to anybody; I’ve had enough of the ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’
bullshit. No one would ever understand how I feel unless they had lost the
person they loved the most.
“Nick,” Kate’s mom took a deep breath
before she spoke again “I know people grieve differently , but if ever you need
someone to talk to, you know where to find me. I will be strong for you, son.”
My heart seemed to burst with
overwhelming emotions; that was a very sweet message. I looked at the woman who
would have been my mother-in-law in two months time, and couldn’t help but
wonder how the hell she cared for me more than my real mother. Wasn’t it my
mother’s job to make sure I was doing ok?
“Thank you, Ana,” I sincerely answered
“You know I’d do the same for you. I love you.”
She hugged me “I will always be a
mother to you, Nickolas. I love you, too.”
She let go of me and joined Kyla,
Kate’s younger sister, who gave me a sincere smile. She guided her mother into
the car. With a heavy heart I gave one last look at Kate’s grave, whispered how
much I loved her, and walked away with a promise that I’d be back soon.
I wasn’t surprised to see Leila
sitting on the passenger seat of my car. She, together with other souls,
attended Kate’s funeral. They kept their distance to me, though, and I
appreciated it big time. I was relieved to know that no one would bother me
until Leila’s case was finished. Not all the souls wanted my help; some of them
wanted to stay here on earth forever and ran away from the light that would
take them to heaven.
“Why can’t she stay here for a while
like you? Why did she have to go so soon?”
“What are you talking about?”
“She could have stayed, Leila, and
helped me move on. Just what Chelsey did, she didn’t go until she was sure her
husband would be fine without her.” I was referring to one of the souls I
helped.
“Do you hear yourself, Nick? You’d
rather want her to be here so you could see her and talk to her than be happy
in heaven?” There was a hint of anger and disappointment in Leila’s voice.
“She’d have a second chance with the
light.” I sighed
Based on my experience, people who did
not cross over the first time they saw the light would have a second
chance. If they missed the two chances,
they would most likely be earth bound spirits forever.
“When? Ten years or twenty years from
now? You have no idea how much we are suffering here on earth. You really think
we are enjoying our stay here, don’t you?”
“Isn’t that the reason why some of you
chose to stay?” I answered nonchalantly
“Those people doesn’t even represent
five percent of our population.” Leila studied me for a second, and continued
talking when I didn’t respond “You are one selfish bastard! You should be happy
that she saw the light the moment she died. She didn’t have to suffer like me.”
Leila disappeared the moment she was
done talking. One thing I hate about these freaking ghosts, they had the
ability to disappear just like that. They could decide whether they wanted you
to see them or not. Leila could still be around here but I didn’t have a damn
clue. I hit the steering wheel to release my frustration.
I almost jumped out of the car when I
heard the loud knocks on the window. I saw Brian standing outside, and he
motioned if he could get inside and talk to me. I nodded.
“What’s up, Nick? You look pretty
frustrated.”
“A ghost just walked out on me.” I
answered without thinking. Brian was horrified while he threw uneasy glances on
the car’s door and to the spot where he stood outside. I smiled. “Not really
walked out on me, she just disappeared. You’re safe, she didn’t walk through
you.”
Brian let out a soft chuckle “Nick,
I’d like to spend a couple of days on your house. Hope it’s ok.” Brian looked
at me expectantly.
“What about Leighanne and Baylee? I’d
be fine Brian, I am not suicidal.” That was meant to be a joke, but I could
barely smile.
“They’ll be staying at the condo, we’d
fly home next weekend. I just thought you might want someone to talk to, you
know. And if it will make you any better we could talk about the ghosts stuff,
about Leila, your very first mission and every mission after that.”
“Do you believe in me now?”
Brian took a deep breath and sighed
heavily “I might once we’re done talking about it.”
I nodded, and weighed the advantages
and disadvantages of telling Brian everything. But before I could make any
decision, my mind started to bring back all the memories. I could clearly see
in my head where it all started, it was the 29th of January in
2005....
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