Chapter 5:
Brotherhood
"A
friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." ~
Proverbs 17:17
AJ's back
with us! It's amazing what a break can do to change our state of mind. Just a
month ago, we were all in a it real deep because we didn't know what was gonna
happen with AJ... We were just praying that he'd be well enough to come back.
This whole
thing definitely provided us some time to sit back and really get some
perspective about our lives and what was important to us. I mean, the press was
all over us about tour dates and performing, in a way we just had to take a
stand and say, "You know what? That's not what we're thinking about right
now. AJ's health is most important and everything else is secondary." I
think it took the public by surprise a little bit. But it's what needed to be
said.
When we first got AJ back, it was real scary.
I mean, it was great seeing him and all, but we knew he really shouldn't be
back in his old environment and I for one could tell it scared him to death,
too.
Kev's been
watching him like a hawk; well all of us have really, but Kev's the most
obvious about it. I can understand that. I mean, and I know AJ's been through a
lot, but I think also that we need to trust him. He was man enough to come to
us and say he needed to get help. Now he's back and we can all see he's
changed. Personally, I think we gotta respect him and his decision. It's a thin
line to walk but I think we oughta try.
Our first
concert date back on the road, I noticed something different about AJ when we
were praying before we went onstage. He seemed, I don't know, real peaceful,
though I don't know if that's the right word or not. He just seemed together.
"Hey, Rok?"
Well,
imagine that. AJ's outside right now.
I shut my notebook and walked over to poke my head out the door,
and see what he wanted.
"Yeah?" I asked. He looked a bit nervous and I invited
him in, flopping down on one of the beds and motioning to the other
expectantly.
He sat, and watched to make sure the door was all the way closed
before he started to speak. "Hey Brian, I uh. Can I talk to you?
Serious?"
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Sure. What's up?"
He took his shades off and rubbed a hand over his face before
answering. "I don't know, I just...I need someone to talk to."
Looking away he continued quickly., "I just...had a question..." he
let the sentence hang, and eyed me briefly as if waiting for permission.
"You know I'm an open book, bro."
"Okay...Well this is gonna sound weird as all shit, but
what's that song you were always singin' a while back? I'd always walk by your
room and hear you singin' it...even when I was just going out at 1:00, 2:00 in
the morning...sounded kinda like a church song or something?"
Silently, I racked my brain, trying to think of what specific song
he could've heard me sing. His "church song" reference only narrowed
the list slightly, since I know a number of those.
"It was about, like, all the stuff that you were giving to
God--passion, strength, pride--you know the one I mean, Rok!"
And then it hit me. The song I had been singing was a song that I
had only heard once before myself. I had heard it in church fairly recently,
and I didn't even know it's real title, or who wrote it. Nodding slowly, I
started singing, just kinda waiting for him to acknowledge if it sounded
familiar or not.
“I give You my pride, I give You my strength
I give You my foolish desires.
I give You my passion, I give You all of my heart
Knowing that they can't compare to You...”
I opened my eyes and saw AJ nodding slightly. So I launched into
the chorus.
“I
wanna be wrecked before You, Lord
Holy and broken; learning to stand on bended knee!
I wanna be wrecked before You, Lord
Holy and broken; on my face before Your holy throne!”
"Yeah, yeah! That's it! So how's the rest go?"
"That's all I remember," I told him, kinda sorry that I
didn't know more. He never seemed overly excited about any "church
song" I sang before, so this was a little odd for me.
I stretched and glanced at the clock between us. It said 2:19 a.m.
I sighed and glanced over at Aje, who looked wide awake. I guess some things
die hard--I figured his embrace of the night life was one of those things.
"So, ya doin' all right?" I couldn't resist asking,
especially when it was apparent he wasn't going anywhere.
He looked down and fidgeted with his shirt before answering.
"I don't know. It's some scary shit comin' back out here after all that
time in that little bubble, ya know? I wish the world was like that out
here."
"Seemed like a nice place," I offered. I couldn't think
of much else to say. I mean, what do you say to that?
"Brian, um, I guess the real reason I wanted to come in here,
is.... Well, you know I'm different now, right?" AJ tucked an arm behind
his head and waited.
"Of course you're different, you're healthy now. And we're
all proud of you for it." I said, feeling a little uneasy that he needed
this much reassurance.
"No, Rok, that's not how I mean. I mean, like, with God and
stuff..." his voice trailed off. "I figure with you being so
religious and all, it'd be the most obvious to you," he looked
disappointed.
It took a minute for stuff he was saying to really register, and
when it did I about busted with being so happy for him. "Alex, that's
awesome, man! When you were gone?"
"Yeah," he admitted. "I guess I just wanted to let
you know, because I think you get it more than the other guys. I wanted to tell
you so that you could know that this
is how serious I am...about getting myself better, and about staying
better."
I walked over to him and slung an arm around his shoulder.
"Ya know, I know it's not the greatest situation that you're even in right
now--back on the road until tour's finished and all--but if you need to talk,
pray, whatever, I'm here."
"Thanks, bro."
I glanced at him, and in that split second, something passed from
him to me, and I understood.
Now, Alex truly was my brother.
The End
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