Nickolas
Gene Carter was never the average Joe.
No, in his
world, everything seemed to orbit around the extraordinary. Whether it was in
his career as one fourth of the Backstreet Boys, or his life in general,
nothing was simple. He noticed that in all honesty, his life was never
uncomplicated. Even when he laid low and stayed out of trouble, something
always came up to keep things interesting. He tossed his jacket on the couch as
he walked into his condo. He headed into the kitchen, his stomach rumbling
mildly as it did. It was an observation caused by the run around he’d been
forced to give some stalker fans, on his way home. Rather than leave him be,
they followed his car to the point where he decided to speed up and make as
many random turns as he could till he lost them.
They were
in Los Angeles again, putting the final touches on yet another album. He was
anxious for it; he wanted to return to Tennessee. He’d have never thought it,
but the southern state did something for him. Not that he liked admitting Brian
had been right about that. It’d been the Kentuckian’s suggestion that Nick
avoided both the east and west coasts during their time off, and tried going south
somewhere. The vibe was nothing like the shallow ones he knew of in California,
and was even better than Florida, the home state he still loved but couldn’t
get any peace in. Too many knew how to find him there.
Still, what
bothered him wasn’t anything like that. Overall, Nick found himself okay with
everything. Happy was too strong a word. He was single once again, Lauren
having dumped him the year before over his inability to fully commit to
anything. She wanted to settle, and Nick despite everything, couldn’t do it. He
often wondered if he loved her the way he thought he did. If he had, why
couldn’t he marry her the way she wanted him to? He never believed in marriage,
but he had once figured that if a woman he was in love with wanted it, he’d do
it for her.
So when
Lauren asked, it should’ve been an easy yes, right? Instead it lead to an
intensely difficult no, and the demise of their relationship.
‘Why am I thinking about this anyway? Oh yeah, cause I was
dumb enough to move near her place cause I figured I could love the damn condo
and ignore the fact she’s so damn close’
He’d bought
his latest LA residence almost immediately after the split, even though he went
back to Tennessee for the next six months. But anytime he had to come to town,
thoughts of his ex soon followed. Nick
had just loved the airy layout of the condo too much to say no to it despite
the proximity and the way it got to him. He sighed as he rummaged through his
refrigerator, pausing and chuckling at his watch that was waiting inside,
beeping at the start of the hour, next to the milk.
“How
did…eh, must’ve fallen off last night when I got in.” He told himself, ignoring
the fact it likely didn’t. The most likely explanation, he knew, deep down, was
that he’d been drunk beyond reason the night before. He probably thought the
fridge was his countertop at that point. Nick grabbed the sports watch and
strapped it on his wrist, still lost in thought.
That had
been the other reason Lauren left, his drinking. Although he never binged the
way he had before, or let himself fall into the habits that had consumed his
twenties; at the age of thirty five, Nick found himself drinking more
recklessly once again. He knew everyone was concerned, but in all honesty, Nick
had a handle on things. It was just that, as he got older, he found more
reasons to escape the world.
Spotting
what he was looking for, he reached in and grabbed the apple from the back. If
nothing else, he still ate healthy, determined as ever to keep his shape trim.
His cell rang, and exerting a sudden rush of energy, he shut the fridge, thrust
himself over his countertop and lunged for the couch where the jacket still
lay.
“Hello?”
“Hi Nicky!”
he made a face. After all these years, still he couldn’t tolerate being called
“Nicky”, he’d never forgive Howie for making sure the world tried to call him
that during his teen years. The voice was female and vaguely familiar. Though
he couldn’t put a name to it. Playing “Name That Groupie!” in his head was
never a fun thing to try and do when on the phone with said one night stand. He
knew it had to be one, cause no one legitimately close to him called him Nicky.
They knew better. His mother called him Nicky, which said all it needed to
about their relationship.
“Um…hey
baby.”
“So I was
thinking…maybe later tonight…”
His mind
panicked. Never repeat groupies. That always led to attachment. AJ was the one
who taught him that lesson during earlier (though not innocent) days. Having
the same groupie twice would soon turn into an obsessive girlfriend you never
even dated. In fact having a friend with benefits deal was the better
alternative.
‘Why did I give her my number?’
“Listen, I
have a hangover and…” His phone buzzed in his hand. Checking the screen, he
could see Brian’s name flashing across it. Saved by the holy man. “…and now I
gotta work because Brian’s calling. Later baby.” Swiftly he ended the call. He
felt a twinge of guilt at using her like that, but it soon passed. People still
used him, and have been for almost twenty years now. It was only right if he
did the same thing to those who did it to him, right? He knew those girls never
loved him, they only wanted the image he put out. Once they had it, they never
wanted him. So why bother?
“Hello?”
“Frackolas!”
Nick felt himself grin. If there was one person in the world he knew would
never use him, or betray him, it’d be Brian. Their relationship had been
through a lot over the years, but as they got older, their bond got closer.
“Fricky
Frick!”
“What are
you doing…right now.”
Nick took a
loud bite of his apple and chomped down as annoyingly as he could next to the
cell. “Eashing.” He replied, mouth full as he took another bite.
“You sound
like a horse.”
“You’d know
country boy.”
Brian
laughed. “Says the guy who now lives in good ole’ Tennessee.”
“I miss it
actually. You’re never gonna let me live it down are ya man?”
“I can’t!”
“So whatcha
want?” Nick asked, eating the apple in a less annoying manner now. He laid back
on the couch, getting comfortable.
“I’m thinking
I stop by for a b-ball game, your complex has a court right?”
“I dunno,
I’m kinda wiped. We’re recording early tomorrow aren’t we?”
“Nick, I’m
worried about you. AJ relapsed hard cause he thought he could drink again, I
don’t want you-“
He sighed.
“I’m alright. I’m not acting crazy, the doc says my heart’s alright and I can
drink as long as I don’t go crazy with it. I’m okay Bri, really. You don’t need
to babysit me.” His tone had become agitated, knowing the real reason Brian was
calling now. He thought he’d pull a Kevin and check up on the youngest. They
all thought he was still that reckless fifteen year old, despite the fact they
were off by a good twenty years.
“I wasn’t
babysitting Nick, I really thought it was a cool idea. Plus Baylee’s been
wanting to stay over again.”
It was
funny, as jealous as Nick was when Baylee was first born; they had a special
relationship now. It had been childish, but he felt the kid was stealing his
best friend away with the help of Leighanne. As the years had gone by, “Uncle
Nick” had formed a bond with the kid. He was like Brian in miniature in so many
ways; it had been hard for Nick not to. It lead to sleepovers, Nick taking
Baylee out on trips, and being there for him when the kid felt he couldn’t go
to Brian during the past twelve years. Their bond was special to the both of
them, and now that Nick lived closer, they were able to hang out more than they
used to. Nick had often called Baylee his adopted child; since he was pretty
sure at his current rate he’d remain a lifelong bachelor, never to have any
kids of his own.
It wasn’t
what he’d predicted when he was younger; he always assumed that’d be AJ, who
ironically had three year old twin girls. The man was divorced, but at least
he’d have his kids. Jealousy stabbed Nick’s heart once more. He wouldn’t even
have that from the looks of it.
“Nick, you
there?”
“I’m here
Brian. Safe and sound. No worries.”
“Look,
you’d get upset if I wasn’t doing this. There’s times I can’t win. If I wasn’t,
you’d think I don’t give a damn. Like during our hiatus. And when I check up on
you, I’m a worrywart.”
“That’s not
true anymore. And like I said, I am fine. I’m gonna just crash tonight.”
“Nick,
you’re lying to me aren’t you?” And then there were times he wished Brian
couldn’t read him so well. Even over a phone, he always seemed to know.
“I’m not.
Look…” He faked a yawn, making sure it was loud enough for Brian to hear over
the phone as he tossed his apple core into the nearby trashcan. “I need to get
some rest. I was out hella late last night and I don’t wanna sleep in and be
all late tomorrow. Howie will kill me. Dude he’s gotten to be like Kevin.”
“Nick-“
“Goodnight
Brian.” He cut him off, hanging up the phone with a final flip. He jumped up
from the couch, heading into the bathroom. Nick stared at himself in the mirror
as he ran some gel to spike up his hair a bit, checking for grey. It had yet to
make an appearance, and he mentally thanked his dad’s genes for that small
fact, before thanking his mother’s for the fact he wasn’t balding yet either.
He rubbed his chin, feeling the slight stubble there. Aside from a few laugh
lines around his eyes, you could hardly tell his age still. If people didn’t
know who he was, they’d probably guess him to be in his mid twenties. At least
he had that going for him.
He grabbed
his cologne, dabbed himself a bit with it, and walked back out to grab his
jacket and keys. Nick stormed out of his condo, feeling so rebelliously angry
at Brian for his protectiveness. He’d show him he had a handle on things. He’d
go out to the clubs tonight, probably Mood as it tended to be his favorite
nightclub in Los Angeles. He’d drink and party, but not go crazy.
‘I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Brian just doesn’t get that I
can’t live his life and never will.’ He thought to himself as he made his
way down to his Lexus Hybrid. He was still as environmentally conscious as
ever, even though he was still unable to commit to a specific charity for it.
His
thoughts however as he got inside and started up the car, were mainly those
wishing he could live the life Brian wanted him to. He wanted it, but he was
unable to ever get a solid grasp upon it. Nick simply wished he’d give up the
idea, and resented the fact Brian couldn’t give it up either. Perhaps if his
best friend could, Nick could one day as well.
It was
those thoughts that made him crave a drink even more as he drove out of the
parking lot.
It was
thoughts like those that had driven him back to his old habits to begin with.
And those
were the things Nick kept praying he could forget.
***