Knock. Knock. Knock.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Nick rolled his eyes as he sat on the
other side of the door, leaning against it on the off chance Brian or Kevin
were able to find a key or pick the lock. They’d been trying all morning, in
fact it was their fault he woke up, hearing them trying to get the door open.
The night before had been enough drama to last a lifetime. Or, at least till he
forgot about his. He’d hid out in the open after Brian overheard him yelling at
Kevin, amongst the Littrells he knew they’d want to keep oblivious to it for
now. So although he knew Brian wanted to try and talk, although he knew it was
selfish, he ran away the best way he could. Once he was able to slip away, he
did, keeping the door locked to the guest room he had been hiding out in ever
since.
It was growing harder cause he could
smell the breakfast Brian’s mom was cooking at this point, but still, he could
manage. He laughed at himself. So this was how he was going to spend Christmas
day. Locked away in a bedroom trying to hide from the world as he fought to
keep himself from crying.
Almost feels like a Carter Christmas after all.
“Nick come on!”
“Brian, forget it, he’s not coming
out.” He heard fading footsteps and waited. Kevin was known for the fake out
tactics over the years. What, did they think he was twelve? Completely gullible
and able to fall for tricks that were over a decade old? If they wanted him to
come out that badly, Nick knew they’d have to try harder.
“He really left Nick.”
Nick breathed deeply, attempting to
calm himself. He was completely unsuccessful of course.
“Daddy Kev’s gone…so you gonna come
out now? Talk to me? I know you’re awake. I heard you trip over your suitcase
when you did.”
Nick didn’t answer, instead he
wondered how everything could go so badly in seven months time. Was it really
only that long ago where he thought he had so much time to get his act
together? He asked himself silently for what had to be the billionth time what
did he do to deserve this? And he knew it was only going to get harder. This
was exactly why he didn’t want anyone knowing. All it did was upset them, and
make things even harder for him to try and cope. His head rested against the
cool wooden door, shutting his eyes. All he wanted was to block it all out, to
make it go away. He wished for simple oblivion, a bliss he was no longer
welcome to have.
“Okay, if you don’t come out. I’m just
gonna sing to you all day. I know you’re awake Frackolas…”
A smirk appeared despite himself.
Brian had to go up a level in his ploy to get Nick to open the door. He thought
about how complicated everything was. How he didn’t care if Brian wanted to
talk about it, he didn’t. He didn’t
want to see the look of shock and despair on his best friend’s face again, the
way he did last night. Opening his eyes, he smiled sadly at the pile of gifts
he unpacked last night. This was supposed to have been an escape from the
drama.
“Alright
you Chipmunks, Ready to sing your song?...” he could hear Brian asking in a
deeper voice.
“No…” Nick
muttered, trying his damnedest not to laugh. “You are not…”
“I'd say
we are!” He continued, mimicking the Chipmunks. “Yeah, Lets sing it now!”
He’s insane…and it won’t work. Keep trying Frick.
“Okay,
Simon? OK. Okay, Theodore? OK. Okay Alvin?...Alvin?...ALVIN!!! OKAY!!”
Nick fought
the laughter that spilled out despite everything. He needed to keep himself
quiet or he knew Brian would never
leave him alone. He waited, and then suddenly he heard guitar strumming. Nick
blinked, Brian was going to play the
song too?
“Christmas,
Christmas time is near,
Time for toys and time for cheer.
We've been good, but we can't last,
Hurry Christmas, Hurry fast.
Want a plane that loops the loop,
Me, I want
a Huuuuuuuuula-Hoooop….”
Brian
continued to croon in his almost flawless imitation of the Chipmunks, finally
Nick cracked up. He couldn’t help himself as he rolled over on the floor,
simply laughing. It felt good. Sighing, he stood, opening the door to see Brian
smiling from where he was sitting on the ground with his guitar in hand. He
felt himself match the grin Brian had easily. Fighting with him was always so
hard. Slipping back into the patterns of their friendship was so incredibly
simple, and like a weight had lifted. Nick held out a hand for him to take, and
pulled him up. He turned, heading back to the bed after locking the door behind
him.
“Where’s
Bay?”
“Asleep,
not as eager to wake up as he was a couple years ago when he thought Santa
still existed. Leighanne’s helping mom cook breakfast so I could have some time
to try and talk-” He caught the stricken look on Nick’s face. “-hey, it’s okay,
I haven’t told her yet…she just thinks we fought.”
“You may as
well sit down so we can talk then.”
Brian
nodded, setting the guitar aside as he idly ran a hand through his thinning
golden curls. His eyes were simply concerned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Nick
shrugged and looked away to grab the nearby pillow. He picked at it, doing his
best to avoid Brian’s gaze as he talked. “I knew how you’d react. How everyone
will. I didn’t want it.”
A hand
rested on his shoulder the light coming through the nearby window glinted off
of Brian’s large wedding ring. Nick almost wanted to snicker, the pimp ring was
what their fans called it. He always agreed with them about it being a bit too
big. “You didn’t need to try and deal with it alone.”
“I didn’t,
I told Kevin.”
“Anyone else?”
“Does my zombie loving therapist that
the doctors forced on me count?”
“…No, points for the love of zombies
though.” Brian joked.
“Haha. I was…trying.”
“By hiding it?”
“Look, I can’t even deal with it. How
can I tell you guys and expect you to? You guys will all look at me with those
sympathetic eyes, treat me like I’m some fragile as fuck piece of china. I
don’t want that. I just…” Nick hugged the pillow close, staring down at his
bare feet. “I wanted everything to stay normal for as long as I could.” He
uttered softly, as if by saying them almost inaudibly made it less real.
“Nick, with you, nothing’s normal.”
“You know what I mean.”
Brian nodded. “I do…but you gotta let
us be there for you. While we still can, you know? You’re my brother where it
counts, I’m always here for you. Always will be.” He paused. “Even when you
can’t remember why I drive you crazy.”
“Thanks. Look I was doing it for you
guys…I just don’t want you remembering me for what I’m gonna end up as.”
“You think that’s how I’ll remember
you? Come on, I’ll remember you for being my partner in crime. Like the poop
sock in the drum. Or AJ’s cat butt hair that he had to claim was his idea.”
Nick cracked up, giggling
uncontrollably. “Yes! We were doing that Jingle Ball thing…and he woke up and
freaked out cause he looked like a cat’s ass. That was hard to do, getting the
dye right…”
“And you’re Baylee’s favorite Uncle.”
“Of course I am, I mean who else would
be able to teach him the finer points of video games, racing boats, and scuba diving?”
Brian smirked. “And pulling pranks on
his poor father.”
Nick snickered. “That too.”
Brian paused, looking at Nick
seriously for a moment. “You have to tell Howie and AJ.”
“Do I?”
“Yes, you do.”
“Why? Why burden them with that? I
didn’t even want to burden you.”
“It’s unfair to them, and you know
they’ll know I know, and they’ll wanna know why I know what Kevin knew and
didn’t want me to know. So then they’ll bug you to tell me why I get to know
what Kevin knows even though you didn’t want me to know, and that they should
know whatever it is I know and Kevin knows and you know so that way we all
know.” Brian replied in one very long breath, giving a cheesy smile.
“Did you even understand what you
said?” He asked between giggles. Brian always had a knack for being able to
make light of a situation no matter how it affected him.
“Of course! I know what I know, and
you know...”
“I don’t want to tell them. I didn’t
want to tell you. It’s easier and better, to leave everyone in the dark till I
can’t hide it anymore.”
“It’s not easy, but they deserve you
to tell them.”
“I’ll tell them when we go overseas.”
“Fair enough.” He wrapped his arm
around Nick, hugging him close from the side. “Sometimes, God performs miracles
you know. There’s been cases of people becoming cured, science can’t explain it
and all, it happens. I’ll pray for you…maybe He’ll save you. If not…” Brian
swallowed hard, and Nick was now seeing the emotions Brian was trying so
fiercely to hide for the first time that morning. “…we’re still Frick and
Frack. Nothing changes that.”
Nick laid his head on Brian’s
shoulder, a habit he developed when they first became friends. There was
something that was mentioned to him in his last session. A guardian. Someone
who would be responsible for the care of Nick, where he ended up, the
legalities and all of that, when his mind finally went. His first thought had
been Brian. He opened his mouth to ask.
“Bri…”
“Yeah?”
Nick beamed, shoving the thought aside.
He wasn’t sure if he could handle anymore discussion of this. Wasn’t this why
he decided not to tell to begin with? “Can we get some food and talk more
later? I am starving all to hell. Bet I can beat ya there!” And he bolted out
of the room, with Brian laughing as he chased him down the hall.
***