The waves crashed gently on the shore, the dawn was
just beginning to break over the horizon. It cast a rosy hue upon the sky,
making the ocean look darker. It was beautiful, and it was peaceful. He sat
upon the sand, not caring much if it got all over. Part of him wanted to surf
then. But he was afraid to, what if something happened? What if he was on his
board and suddenly forgot how he got there? It would cause him to fall,
possibly hit his head with the board. He could drown.
Few people were on the beach so early in the
morning. Just the hard core surfers. And even then, he figured most people would
assume he was in Malibu, rather than Huntington Beach. He didn’t feel like
dealing with fans, just wasn’t up to acting like everything was fine. He didn’t
want to make jokes, he didn’t want to pretend. That was why he was keeping away
from the fellas that morning, despite how he hated being alone. If he was
around them, he knew, he’d have to pretend that everything was alright.
He’d called Angel after Jen left; she said she’d
meet him there that morning. She loved the ocean almost as much as he did. She
didn’t see anything odd about meeting at the beach so early in the morning. If
nothing else, he knew he never had to worry about her. She was the sole member
of the Carters who seemed to have gotten her life in a good place. No
bitterness, no regrets.
Nick knew he’d have to call Brian later, meet him
at the airport when he flew in that night. That was another call from last
night, agreeing that he would need the help his best friend would give tagging
along on his little promotional travels. He wondered when Jen would break the
news to Universal. When would they call him, trying to get him to sign the
rights over to them for control of all the unreleased material?
Not that it mattered.
He’d call Howie, and have him go to the lawyers
with him, and settle everything. The living will, the rights to all his
creative property, what’ll happen to him when he can’t take care of himself
anymore. One day soon, he’d have to tell the rest of his family. And then deal
with them the moment the living will was read, because his first request would
be that it was read while he was still within a sound frame of mind. They
wouldn’t like what he had to say, but it had to be done. And like it or not,
his so called family, would just have to deal with it. And Angel, Nick just
felt bad for leaving her to deal with them alone. He felt as if he was
abandoning her.
He felt as if he was abandoning everyone he cared
about, and it killed him.
“Nick!” His younger sister called out, causing him
to jerk a bit. He turned with a smile, and stood. Brushing the sand off
himself, he walked slowly over. If anything, Nick wanted to delay this moment
as long as he could. Spend the day bonding with her; enjoy himself, before
unloading the burden on her.
“Hey you! I haven’t seen you since New Year’s.”
She eyed him playfully as a mild breeze blew her dark strands around her face.
Angel hugged him tightly, causing him to genuinely smile, rather than the fake
one he’d worn more often that he’d have liked to lately.
He shrugged. “Been touring, and after that
disaster…”
The two began their stroll down the beach, both of
them were barefoot. “I’m sorry they acted that way.”
“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault.”
“Feels like it. I don’t know why they do this to
you.”
Nick sighed, pausing to stare out at the water.
“Because mom and dad did it. So now, they think its okay. Not consciously but
ya know, subconsciously. That’s what my therapist says anyway. Makes sense I
guess.”
She frowned. “You’re seeing a therapist again?”
Shit. He didn’t
mean to say that. “Um, yeah, Kevin thought it might help.”
Angel smiled. “I think it is, you don’t sound as
angry as you normally do about them.”
He didn’t answer. How would he without telling her
everything? That the real reason he wasn’t so angry anymore wasn’t because he
understood them, but because he was forced to simply give up on them? Nick
threw his arm around her shoulder and they started to walk again.
“I don’t?” He smirked. “Eh, it’ll come back once
we’re around them again.
“Oh now there’s a positive attitude.”
“Hell I call it realistic.”
“Good point.”
“Have you heard from Aaron?” Nick asked, hoping
for a good answer. The last he’d heard from him was New Year’s Eve, when he
hadn’t even bothered to show up for their attempt at family bonding. After
that, even with Nick being mad at him, he tried to call. It was simply that
Aaron refused to answer, which was new, and it hurt.
“I do, but no one else does. It’s not just you, if
that helps.” The tone of her voice almost broke his heart. “It’s just; he’s not
the same anymore. Between the drugs and the alcohol, all the partying, and he’s
still determined to stay in music….which would be okay if he did something. But
he doesn’t so he just calls me to complain and blame everyone else? And lately,
I’ve just, had a bad feeling…”
Long ago, Nick had stopped making fun of Angel’s
“twin sense”. The two had always known when the other was in danger. Once,
Angel had broken her arm while Aaron had just started touring with the
Backstreet Boys, and he complained about his arm aching all day. He sighed;
maybe it was just because the signs were so obvious. He wanted to believe that
anyway. Because if it was Angel’s “twin sense”, he knew that whatever it was,
it was worse than he thought.
“We need to do an intervention.”
“You know…as well as I do, that it won’t work
unless everyone’s in on it and-”
“-And there’s not a chance in hell in getting
everyone to agree. Right. I know.”
“I’m just concerned about him.”
“I know, he’s doing the exact shit I did, and
now…” Now I can’t save him, because I can’t even save
myself. He finished silently.
Angel stopped, turning towards him. He paused,
eyeing her carefully. Her dark eyes were determined, while clouds of worry
swirled within. “So are you ever going to tell me the real reason you wanted to
hang out today?”
Nick stared at her. “Wait, what?”
Seagulls could be seen above them, as the sun
continued to rise slowly into the sky. More people were coming on to the beach.
And Nick tried to focus on everything else except for his sister right then.
Angel, who looked at him pleadingly, determinedly, wanting to know even though
he could see she sensed she wouldn’t like what he had to say.
“I know you, and you wanted to hang out so you
could tell me something. But in typical you fashion,
you don’t wanna ruin the day, so you figure you’ll tell me at the end. Don’t
you know I know ya well enough to figure it out?” She stuck her tongue out at him
playfully. “You’re so used to the rest of the family not knowing you at all,
you forget I actually do.”
Nick nodded, and slowly, he let the story of the
past year unfold. He simply talked and talked, telling her stuff that wasn’t
necessary. He just continued talking, about the stress, and the pain. The fear
and the doubt. Everything.
And as tragic as everything was, it felt so
relieving to finally put it all out there. Tears were streaming down his
sister’s face. He moved to hug her, and she simply let him. Her face buried
itself into his shoulder, sobbing endlessly, as she took on the knowledge that
someday in the not so distant future, she’d be losing her brother forever.
***
Nick yawned as he waited in the airport. Brian
had said seven o’ clock pm, right?
He glanced around and waited by the baggage claim.
He really hoped he was at the right airport. Nick even made sure to write it
down. The last thing he needed was to forget everything and end up at the wrong
place. He hated feeling so paranoid of forgetting, but he couldn’t help
himself.
He ran a hand through his hair anxiously. Nick
didn’t go incognito as he normally did. He was banking on the fact the fans
knew he lived in Tennessee now, and hoped they assumed he was there. It was
amazing how much he hadn’t missed being mobbed all the time during their
“underground phase”. He loved that the group finally earned respect before he
had to quit, finally won that Grammy with their “Freedom” album. However, the
mobs of fanatic girls were something he could still do without if given the
choice.
“Come on Bri…” He walked over to the monitor and
looked up Brian’s flight. “Delayed, that figures…”
“Hello? I’m sorry, I know I’m totally bugging
you…but…you’re Nick Carter aren’t you?”
Nick turned, immediately flashing his trademark
smile. The girl was young, maybe twenty-five at most. So she was old enough to
be a fan since the beginning, though she probably would’ve only been about
seven years old back then. Her green eyes sparkled with excitement from behind
her glasses, and she smiled a bit anxiously. He figured she was likely afraid
she was bothering him. He always loved when fans tried to respect that he was
still a person, it made him want to interact with them that much more.
“You’re not bugging me. I’m just waiting on Brian,
but his flight’s delayed.” He replied, deciding instantly she wouldn’t be the
type to yell and scream and text the world about them being there.
Her eyes widened. “Are you guys working on the new
album?”
He nodded. “And Brian’s helping me out with my
solo stuff, you’ve heard-”
“About the charity you’re creating for it? Oh my
God, yes and I think its sooooo sweet you’re doing that? You’re…” Her cheeks
tinged pink. “You’re my fave, because of how much of an environmentalist you
are…and your voice… Your guys’ music has done so much for me growing up, and
well, I just can’t believe I’m finally meeting you…”
Nick grinned. This was why it was worth it all.
The way they seemed to touch their fans lives. “How long have you been a fan?”
“Since Millennium. Show
Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely really helped me through a rough time. I was only nine
years old and…” It always touched him when he learned one of their songs helped
a fan like that. No matter how many times he heard it.
“So what’s your name? Do you have a camera?”
That was when she suddenly squealed so loud
several people turned to look around to see if something was happening. Nick
laughed. “Shhh. Or they’ll hunt me down.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just I can’t believe this is actually
happening.” She rummaged through her purse, pulling out a digital camera. “My
name’s Annie.”
Nick threw his arm around her, holding up the
camera to try and get a good shot of the two of them. His tongue ran across his
lips, thinking, when Brian came up and took it from him. Brian grinned. “Hey,
you guys want me to take a picture?”
“Oh my God…you’re Brian…” Nick was positive if one
more Backstreet Boy came up; they’d give the poor girl a heart attack.
Brian laughed. “That’s what everyone tells me.”
“You’re my favorite after Nick, I just…wow…”
“Awww, after Nick? I’m the better one, really.”
Brian stopped the next person walking past them. “Excuse me; can you take this
picture for us? Thank you.” After a few poses with the girl, they handed the
camera back to her. Her eyes were shining, and Nick’s heart swelled. He would
miss this. That much was evident.
“Thank you guys so much, I will never forget this.
And Nick, I can’t wait to hear your album. All your talk about helping the
world, well, you’re the one who inspired me to go get a Masters in
Environmental Science, so I could try and help save the planet.”
His eyes widened. Nick never realized all the
environmentalist talk actually got to some of his fans. Too many experiences led
him to think most of them listened just because they thought he looked pretty.
“Hey Annie, write down your address for me. Maybe I can send you a copy.”
Another loud squeal, a hastily jotted note, and
several hugs later, the two boys watched her go. She was practically skipping
away. Nick and Brian started making their way out of the terminal. The two
walked into the parking garage, and Nick couldn’t stop smiling. It felt good to
be reminded the effect he’s had on people. To be reminded that he would be
remembered. That was still his biggest wish, to have had the impact, to not be
forgotten.
It was what he needed to help him get through what
was to come.
***