When Brian awoke that morning, he jerked back
completely started. Nick’s face was inches away from his own, staring at him in
amusement. His hair was going every which way, and looked to have only been
awake no more than twenty minutes before Brian. He laughed, shoving him away.
The two only had a one more day in New York City, the choice had been made to
spread out the promotion, rather than jam all of it into one or two days. This
way, the idea was that Nick could possibly handle it easier.
Or so Nick hoped.
“Morning Brian!”
The sky was still dark; no hints of the coming
dawn had begun to show through the window just yet. The two had an early start
that morning. Nick stayed on the bed, hopping on it excitedly. Despite
everything, he loved what he did, and was trying his best to live for the
moment. That meant rather than letting himself dwell on everything, he had to
try and get everything together.
Also, there was something happening after the
promotional bits, that he didn’t want to think about. If it meant going back to
his old standby of acting hyperactive and a bit crazy, so be it. At least then,
he could try and get through the day with some bit of sanity.
“Huh?”
Nick jumped up to his feet on the bed, almost falling
off the in the process. Suddenly, he felt like a kid again, when he’d come into
Brian and Kevin’s room daily to do this. So much so, that Kevin got sick of it
and decided Brian and Nick would be sharing hotel rooms from then on, back in
their beginning days in Europe. Oddly, it felt like everything in his life was
coming full circle. Nick wasn’t sure if that was just fate, or his own memories
mixing in with the present as a result of his disease. He jumped again, this
time, Brian rolled off. He landed on the floor along with the blankets and one
of the pillows.
“Mmm better…” Brian mumbled. It was funny how he
immune he was to Nick’s antics. He beamed at his friend as he leaned over
close, his hair falling into Brian’s face. Nick held back the sigh that wanted
to come, he wondered then how much Brian would miss them. Nick jumped again,
letting him fall back onto the bed.
He wondered if somewhere inside, would he miss
Brian?
“Wake uuuuuuuuup.”
An eye peeked back open. “You know I love ya man,
but…”
“But dude, I gotta tell you about this dream I
had.”
Chuckling, Brian climbed off the floor, shuffling
towards the bathroom. Nick followed behind him. Part of him was curious if
Brian even wondered how Nick broke into his hotel room. The two made their way
in and as Brian brushed his teeth, Nick attempted to flatten down his hair a
bit. It looked a bit more disheveled than usual.
“Dreumm uh?” He replied.
“Yeah, dude it was crazy. There was this girl…”
“Yah, ‘ere’s abays a birl…”
“Man, and she was this really hot alien chick. I
ended up chasing her all around the freaking universe. Like in these Star Wars
bad ass ships, speeding around trying to get some alien ass.”
Brian drank some water, gargled, and spit it out
into the sink. “You put your spacesuit on…so you could jump into your rocket!”
He sang with a big grin. It was a song Nick had on his second solo album,
released five years ago.
He laughed. “Mock it all you want, that song was
fucking bad ass.”
“If anyone’s the alien, it’s you.”
“Well I am out of this world.”
Brian rolled his eyes, but smiled. Yet, that
morning, Nick noticed the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. The realization
hit him; both of them were playing their part. Neither of them wanted to admit
it, but both of them knew it. It just took till that moment for both of them to
see it. Nick glanced around for a clock, just to break the silence.
“When are we supposed to go?”
“We’ve got about two hourrrrrs.” Brian answered,
yawning.
“Is Johnny meeting us here?”
A frown and a crease of the brow immediately
appear. “Johnny?”
Immediately he noticed his mistake. Johnny Wright
hadn’t been their manager in years, about a decade, actually, when Nick thought
about it. Still, he reminded himself, he didn’t mix up the year, and he knew
where he was.
“Sorry I meant…” What had he meant? Jenn hadn’t
come; she was handling other aspects of things. He just shook his head.
“Nick?”
“Never mind, let’s just get ready okay?”
****
The two stood out on the balcony of Nick’s hotel
room as twilight settled down upon them for the coming night. He didn’t
acknowledge the other just yet, just looked beyond him, lost in thought. It had
been a good day after the tiny lapse that morning. For the first time in days,
nothing had slipped beyond him or gotten muddled, as far as he knew anyway.
Brian had confirmed this earlier when he asked him however. They only had the
last day in New York tomorrow before returning to Los Angeles to finish off his
mini promotional tour with a few late night talk shows that were the staple of
any promotion.
Leighanne and Baylee would be meeting them there
as well as the rest of the fellas, so that they could begin getting the final
album together. They knew this was the last time, and so they wanted to do it
together. Wives, kids, and the original five themselves, one large family all
together in the city.
But all of that would be in the near future,
rather than the present moment where Nick was staring out into the beautifully
lit up one of a kind city. He bit his lip when the morbid thought of never
seeing New York City filtered across his mind. His gaze shifted back other to
the man standing almost beside him on the balcony, and tried to gather himself
together.
“I was watching you on the Today Show this
morning.”
“You woke up that early?”
A scoff. “Hell no, I just haven’t slept yet
dumbass.”
“Aaron…” Nick started, but was at a loss
for words for his baby brother. Once, he had been his younger and smaller mirror
image, only with brown eyes instead of blue. Over the years that had changed.
Aaron claimed it was because he looked more like their father. Nick knew
otherwise. Years of bad choices had left their mark on him. Drugs, alcohol, and
only God knew what else; the constant abuse had aged him terribly.
He ironically almost looked older than Nick these
days, despite being eight years his junior. The lines along his eyes were
deeper, his face marked with the tale tell signs of heroin abuse, and a
receding hairline that was mocked by Nick’s own still full head of hair. Aaron
just smirked sardonically. He had become incredibly bitter when he had never
been able to revive the budding music career he had enjoyed when he had been
nothing but a child. All it did was strain the once close relationship between
the two brothers even more, keeping them to be practically strangers despite
all of Nick’s attempts as to otherwise.
“What? Be glad I saw you big gro. Fuck, everyone still loves
you, don’t they?”
“People love you too you know.” Amazingly enough,
it wasn’t a lie; there were still active fan sites for Aaron. Nick would know,
Baylee would mention it on his random Google-fests.
Aaron pulled out the cigarette that rested behind
his ear. After lighting it, he took a long drag, shutting his eyes as if were a
form of pure undiluted bliss. Nick winced. He quit the habit ages ago, and the
last thing he wanted was for another Carter to suffer from a deadly tortuous
disease because of bad choices.
“Nothing like you.” His voice dripped with acid.
“I’m never enough. And do you know why? Because I’m never fucking Nickolas Gene
Carter.” He scratched his arm nervously as the cigarette rested between his
lips.
Nick could see the needle marks lined up along his
arm when the sleeve rose up. Once again, he winced instinctively. This was far
from how he wanted this to go. He had called Aaron, arranging him to meet him
up in NYC, he had wanted to try and talk to him. In fact, Nick wanted to tell
him everything, and repair what he could while he still had the time. So far,
Angel was the only Carter who knew what was to come besides himself. She had
sworn not to say anything, understanding why he hadn’t told the rest of their
family yet. Nick had thought tonight would be a chance to tell Aaron, a chance
to heal.
Instead he could feel his anger bubbling just
beneath the surface.
Instead, he was half tempted to just punch his
brother in the face, the way he knew he deserved to be.
“You know that’s bullshit.”
“You know it’s fucking not. I’m always fucking
compared to you so no matter what the hell I tried it was never enough. You
complain about what I do? Well you’re the one who got me here!”
He knew his brother was baiting him. He knew Aaron
well enough that he should ignore it. Yet his temper had been intensified more
and more with each passing day, ever since his mind began to break down. It was
because of this, that he suddenly found himself purely furious.
“Oh so you mean mom, who always ignores me, yet
worships you…loves me sooooo much more?! Or do you mean the media? The media’s
bipolar, always has been! You need to earn that shit. Instead you just fuck
your life away down the damn toilet. God Aaron, stop blaming everyone else and
get your fucking act together!”
“You can’t talk to me like that Nick! I’m not a
fucking kid anymore!”
“You’re right, you’re not! So grow the hell up!”
He screamed, his face starting to turn red from rage and frustration. The two
brothers stared at each other. For a moment, it looked like it would actually
come to blows. Instead, Aaron turned and went back inside. Nick could hear a
loud crash that soon followed.
The door slammed.
And once again, Nick was alone.
***