Dramatic music began to play. The camera panned
around a small enclosed area, the walls nothing but red curtain. It passed over
Nick after hovering for only moments on him. Finally, it settled upon the
middle aged red headed woman holding the microphone with a professional smile.
Nick fidgeted as he observed her. It had only been an hour since the VMAs had
ended, and all he wanted right then was to go sleep. He felt drained.
“Hello this is MTV News…I’m Sue Tenney here with a
special bulletin.”
It felt so surreal, being there, about to be
interviewed. Finally, there was nothing left for him to hide. Despite the media
frenzy that was already there, the attention that was only going to get worse,
it felt so liberating to have it off his chest completely. He glanced around,
unable to keep himself still. It was something he’d never been able to do
during interviews. This time it was worse than usual. He caught sight of AJ and
Kevin waiting next to the cameraman filming them. Brian and Howie had gone off
to give statements to the press so that Nick would be hounded less.
“I have here with me…” He tuned back into reality,
hearing her voice. “Nick Carter, of the Backstreet Boys…” He watched her
approach where he was sitting, and sat herself down across from him.
“Hey Sue.”
“Hello Nick, thank you for being here.” She made
it sound as if he volunteered. Really, this had been the stipulation Jenn had
agreed to, so that Nick could make the statement at the VMAs. Nick had to give
MTV the first interview before anyone else. Nick only prayed he didn’t botch it
up. So far, he’d been doing so well. The night was feeling long enough as it
was without any mistakes adding to it.
“Now Nick, you made quite the stir tonight…can you
tell us once again, what you said at the end of the show?”
He licked his lips and leaned back. “I’ve been
diagnosed with the beginnings with Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease.” It was
weird, how it never got any easier to say it, no matter how many times he’d had
to. “Basically…um…my memory’s starting to go. One day, I’ll be to…um…to the
point where I won’t remember anything at all.” A pause. “Um…it’s what President
Regan had.”
Sue nodded, appearing interested it. He wondered
if she actually was. Somehow, he doubted it. “When did you learn you had this
terrible disease?”
“June…I forget the day…but, yeah, June 2015.”
“So over a year ago.”
“Yes.”
“What caused you to find out?”
Nick bit his lip. “When we, the Backstreet Boys, I
um, mean…did a performance for our previous album, Phoenix,
at the Early show, and I don’t know if anyone really caught it… but I forgot
the lyrics. I’d never done that before. Brian covered it up, but I knew then
something wasn’t right, and I got myself checked out soon after…and learned it
was, well ya know.”
“Why the secrecy once you learned about it?”
“There…there were things I wanted to do, to
finish.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I couldn’t do them if people
knew.” He looked directly at the camera then, his eyes focused, passionate, and
determined. “I love what I do. I love my fans, and I wanted to…to give them
everything I could. I wanted to give back to the world with my new non-profit,
living free. I wanted to really give my all, while I could still do it.”
“You still appear to have it pretty together
Nick-”
“Thank you.”
“Why tell us now then?”
Nick sighed, looking agitated as his fingers
tapped repeatedly against his legs. He didn’t answer. Instead, he simply gazed
away with a glazed look within his eyes. Silence settled between them awkwardly
till the interviewer touched his leg gently.
“Nick?”
“Huh?” He asked, startled from the reverie he had been
in. His brow creased. What am I doing? Nick
looked around almost panicked as he took in his surroundings. What
the hell is going on? He saw the camera, and tried to stay calm. Don’t
panic. He saw the woman across from him, and realized she looked pretty
annoyed.
“Sorry.” He felt the need to apologize, even if he
had no idea what he was apologizing for. Nick almost felt like crying, he hated
feeling so damn confused so much lately.
“Would you like me to repeat the question?”
Nick nodded, realizing he was being interviewed. Must
be about the VMAs. That he remembered. It was everything after the
announcement that was a gigantic blank. Nick glanced at his watch and saw the
time. He’d lost over an hour. Holding inside his raging frustration at having
to guess what was happening, he spotted AJ and Kevin. He could see the worry
written plainly upon their faces.
It would be for them that he would act like
nothing was wrong.
“I asked why tell us now, when you seem to still
be able to function?”
“Because it’s getting worse.” Nick replied, while
thinking, Is it ever. He
shifted in his seat, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. He only prayed
he wasn’t repeating whatever he had said earlier. “It’s more…visible, and I can
feel the effects. I wanted to be able to talk about it, with my fans, with the
world…while I still can. Hell, maybe I’ll bring more attention to it this way.
I’d never wish this disease on anyone…and um, if the attention brings on a
cure, then I’ll have done some good with all this.”
“How have people around you been handling this,
once you told them?”
Nick smiled. “Amazing. They’ve been so um…there
for me. It makes everything less…less frightening.” He looked directly at his
band mates, his brothers, and the smile grew. “I don’t know what I would’ve
done without them.”
****
The phone continuously rang the next morning,
forcing Nick to be awake far sooner than he wanted to be. He stretched and
yawned, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t want to get out of bed. He didn’t
want to try and even begin to deal with what he knew would be waiting for him
once he got out of bed. Even so, he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of
the bed. Nick saw himself in the mirror, and took in his image. Something
caught his eye and he ran for the mirror to get a closer look.
“Nooooo!” He whined, as he touched a single grey
hair within a nest of blonde. “Dammit you’re not supposed to exist till I hit
forty and don’t care anymore!”
Before he could curse out the world even more, the
phone rang yet again, demanding his attention. He walked down the hall with
only a pair of boxers on that hung low on his hips. He made it out into the
living room, and stood before the phone and answering machine that decided not
to leave him alone. The ringing then stopped. Nick stared at it for a moment.
Gently, his finger hit the play button.
“Nick, it’s Angel, just seeing if you’re okay
after last night. Hope you know everyone’s gonna call. They won’t leave me
alone. Talk to you later okay? Love ya!”
BEEP!
“NICKOLAS GENE CARTER! This is your mother!
How dare you tell the world before your own family!? How dare you not come to
us? I’m in Los Angeles to see Aaron-” Nick blinked. Aaron was back in town? It
hurt that he didn’t even have a clue. “-and I am going to stop by. We aregoing to talk
and-”’
At this point, Nick hit the delete button.
BEEP!
“Nick, it's Jana. You said you didn’t want to do a
ton of interviews.” A wry grin appeared when he heard her voice. She’d been the
PR agent for the group for years. “…Rolling Stone’s interested. It’ll be easier
than a TV interview. Though if you want…” He could almost hear the smirk in her
voice. “I bet I can get you Barbra Walters. Call me back Carter!”
BEEP!
“Hello Nick! It’s Leighanne sweetie. I’m gonna
stop by today okay? I know everything’s been rough. And if your family stops
by, the way Husband thinks they well, you’ll have some backup since Husband and
the Boys decided they’re going to deal with the press today…” They
are? He thought. “…to give you a break. So I’ll see you
soon!”
BEEP!
“Nick, it’s BJ, call me back you little shit.”
Nick laughed, it was pretty typical of his sister, and she did sound worried.
BEEP!
“Hey big brother, it’s Leslie…why, why didn’t you
say anything?”
BEEP!
“Nick, it’s Lauren. I watched last night – you
were amazing and I was so proud of you. I know you don’t want me coming by
because…because it’s too hard, but I want you to know…that…well…I still love
you.” His heart cracked at how broken she sounded. His eyes felt misty, but no
tears fell.
I never did deserve her.
“You have no more messages.”
Nick ambled into the kitchen. What hurt wasn’t the
messages, or who left them. Instead, it was the people who didn’t call. Even
his mother, who was the last person he wanted to see, cared enough to call. His
sisters had all called to check in on him. Unlike his dad. Or Aaron. They
hadn’t cared enough to try and get in contact with him. He knew they knew by
now, and the lack of any reaction at all hurt more than he wanted to admit. He
shook his head at himself. Nick fixed himself a bowl of cereal silently, and
went back into the living room. He flopped on the couch, holding the bowl in
one hand and used the other to grab the remote and turned on the TV.
“Nick Carter shocks the world-“
He changed the channel.
“Alzheimer’s, Carter could not be reached for
further comments-”
Nick rolled his eyes and changed it again. This
time, he saw himself on stage at the tail end of his performance. His fist in
the air, looking exhilarated and alive on the screen. A replay of the night
before. He smiled a little.
“At least I killed it last night.”
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Expecting it to be his brother, or more hoping so
than anything, he just glanced at the door.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
He knew he couldn’t ignore him. He didn’t even
want to ignore him really, but he also wasn’t in the mood for the drama that
was inevitable to follow.
“Door’s open!”
Leighanne walked inside, immediately spotting him on
the couch. Nick jumped, the bowl falling to the ground. “Shit! Sorry Leigh, I
thought it’d be Aaron.” She watched him, an eyebrow raised and her hands on her
hips. “Let…let me go change.”
She laughed. “Please. I’ll clean up while you do.”
“You don’t have to.”
“It’s okay, now go get dressed!”
“Errr…right.” Nick ran off to his room, mentally
kicking himself for forgetting Leighanne was dropping by. The relationship
between them was a strange one. When she first began to date Brian, Nick had
openly hated her. He’d done everything he could to try and split them up. He
threw a random shirt on. He’d also tried to convince Brian she was nothing but
a gold-digger. Nick had even gone as far as to go on and start that rumor that
she’d originally been interested in AJ.
He rummaged around through his completely
disorganized closet for a clean pair of pants. Once she’d married Brian who had
ignored him and his warnings, their friendship had become distanced. Looking
back, Nick realized this was his own fault. It had been because of his bad
lifestyle choices that Brian couldn’t and wouldn’t abide by. Back then, Nick
had blamed Leighanne. So much so that he would openly call her Yoko, even right
in front of her. There had been a lot of tension between the two. It wasn’t
until 2009, after Nick had gotten his act together, and after Nick began to
repair his relationship with Brian, that the two of them were finally able to
get on friendly terms.
Now, seven years later, she almost felt like
another one of Nick’s sisters. It felt strange, yet right at the same time,
anytime he really thought about it. Finally, he cheered when he discovered a
pair of black pants in the back of the closet. He got them on, ran a hand
though his hair without looking in the mirror, and headed back out. Nick didn’t
wanna look and be reminded of the grey demon that had possessed one of his
hairs.
He saw her on the floor, drying up the bit of
carpet where the cereal had spilled. Nick reached a hand out to her and helped
her up. She gave him a smile and the two headed into the kitchen with the towel
and dishes. Neither said anything for a moment while Nick set them in the sink.
“How are you holding up?”
Nick shrugged. “Best as I can. You were right
about coming by. Mom’s due to come by today.”
She nodded. “Angel called Husband, thought you
might need the support.”
I owe Angel so much.
“How are you really Nick? You know you’re lying
and so do I.”
Nick looked away. “I can’t go a day without
forgetting something now. I’m losing time, and it’s scaring the heck out of me.
Last night during the interview, I lost myself; I don’t even remember the first
half. It felt like I was asleep and woke up mid-interview. But I wasn’t.”
She placed a hand on his shoulder. “I wish I knew
a way to make all of this better.”
“Get in line for that one.”
She watched him carefully, eyeing his movements,
the hitches in his body language. His wasn’t looking at her directly, he kept
avoiding her gaze. Her eyes narrowed. “What are you not telling me?”
“Something I haven’t even told the fellas yet.”
“So, tell me.”
Lines formed in her face as her brows furrowed.
She turned him towards her. It was weird, how many things could change over the
years. Time was, he’d never tell her anything. Now, he wanted to, needed to.
“I didn’t tell them everything about the doctor’s
visit. They um…” he paused, trying to find the words he was looking for. That
was something else that was becoming harder. Nick always had his own way of
saying things, even the fans joked about him having his own language. But now,
it was becoming more difficult than it used to be.
“What?”
“They said to make sure I have my affairs in
order. And I do. But, they, they’re worried about how far it’s going. They
think it’s like…de-de-oh fuck it, they think it’s getting worse faster than
they thought it would. That ya know, I don’t even have five years.” He looked
down at her now, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “I’m fucking scared.”
For once, she didn’t’ chastise him about his
language, the way she normally would. She simply hugged him. His face went into
her shoulder, neither said anything. He was just thankful to have her, to have
everyone he had in his life. She pulled away, giving him a weak smile.
“Husband and I, we’re praying for you. You know that
right?”
He nodded. Before he could say anything, the two
were interrupted by another set of knocks on the door. These were faster,
angrier, than the ones from when Leighanne had been at the door. His jaw set.
He had a burning suspicion about who would be on the other side. Nick simply
hoped he’d be wrong as he had been earlier. The two walked over to the front
door, and Nick could hear someone yelling on the other side. He groaned. This
time he was right. He hesitated for a moment before opening the door.
“Hi mom.”
***