Chapter 7:
The Seven Stages
I stayed in my bed for hours. Not really eager to start my day. I had been home
for almost two days of which I spent moping around the house driving my poor
wife crazy. I could tell she didn't really know what to do or say to make me
feel better so she decided to just stay out of my way.
"Sweetie! Kevin just called and he said that the guys are coming
over." She stood at the doorway peering in to my still form on the bed. I
looked over at her and just nodded.
"Well, aren't you going to get up? I don't plan on entertaining them
myself."
"Yeah, I'll be down in a minute." I said stretching and getting out
of bed. I looked at myself in the mirror and pulled a comb through my hair. The
smell of freshly baked muffins danced in my nostrils as I descended the stairs.
The coffee was brewing and Leigh was being a Betty Crocker. Since we have been
together, that is how she has always tried to fix things, with food. Every
little fight or disagreement or anytime something bad would happen, she would
proceed to the kitchen and bake her little heart out. it was her coping
mechanism. I wish I knew what mine was. I walked behind her and kissed her
neck.
"everything smells great baby, what time are they coming?" I asked as
I popped a muffin into my mouth.
"How should I know, you know how rude they are. They just invited
themselves over and I guess it HAS to be okay with me." She emptied a
fresh batch of apple muffins from their tins and continued to stir a batch of
chocolate chip batter.
"Hey easy Leigh, they all have Nick on the brain. Give them a break!"
My wife had never been fond of my fellow bandmates. She thought that they took
their fame and wealth for granted as well as taking me for granted too. she
tolerated them best as she could for me, but if for some reason the band were to
ever dissolve, she wouldn't be shedding any tears. She enjoyed Sarah's and
Kristin's company but the guys not so much. We had countless arguments about
this over the years and I didn't feel like getting into one now.
"I hope he's all right" I said as I took a seat and drank my cup of
coffee.
"Brian, for all you know this could just be another one of his childish
pranks! I wouldn't put it past him. He would do anything for attention!"
"Leigh back off! He didn't do this for attention, this is for real."
She wiped her flour covered hands off on her apron and walked over to me
hugging me tightly.
"I'm sorry honey. I know it's real. I guess I just don't understand why
you are taking it so hard that's all. you guys have barely spoken since
December," she caressed my hair as she cradled her head against my neck.
"How can you not understand Leigh? We were inseparable he is my little
brother. Who cares what happened in the past! it all seems irrelevant
now!" I pulled away from her. The argument was coming and I couldn't stop.
"You're probably happy it happened, after all you hate Nick you always
have! What did you have a huge party or something when I called you with the
news?"
"Brian, that's enough! How dare you say something so horrible!"
"Why is it horrible? Is it any more horrible than you not I understanding
why I would be so upset? I don't get you sometimes Leighanne! Sometimes you
really don't understand me at all!"
I stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I was hoping a nice hot shower
would cool me off. She knocked on the door and let herself in. I tried to
ignore her as I continued to look for my favorite soap.
"Where the hell did you put the Irish Spring? You know there are two
people who use this bathroom. Why the hell is it that when I leave town for a
few days, my stuff always disappears!"
"Brian" She said grabbing my hand. "Please calm down and listen
to me," i stopped fiddling around with the knobs on the tub and looked up
at her. She looked concerned. she pulled me down next to her and together we
sat on the rim of the tub.
"Honey, this is a process you are going through. You are grieving it's
natural" I jumped at the word she used.
"I am NOT grieving. Nick is alive and he will be found. He is not dead
Leigh!"
"I know baby, but you are still grieving. You lost your best friend. you
have been grieving him since BEFORE this whole ordeal even happened. It's just
that now, well now you aren't sure if you'll ever see him again." She
kissed my check and hugged me. I stood up and anxiously paced the room.
"There are so many things that I want to say to him. Yell at him, hug him,
play basketball with him. Why did we wait so long to make things right?"
she stood up and messaged my arms.
"You have to heal Brian, before you can do anything else you have to heal.
I know you miss him baby. I know you loved him," she held me in her arms
and let me cry on her shoulder.
"I'm worried about him too you know, Yes we never really got along but he
meant so much to you that I can't pretend I don't love him for that."
"I'm sorry Leigh I didn't mean to take this out on you."
"That's all right that's what I'm hear for, now better get yourself in the
shower. She gave me one last kiss and then vanished out of the room.
**************************************
When I was out and fully dressed
company was already here. they were sitting around my kitchen table eating and
drinking.
"Hey Brian, we've missed you. Haven't heard from you in a while. We were
worried." Howie said as he sipped his coffee.
"Sorry. I needed time to think."
"That's okay I think we all did," I smiled at him.
"So what's the plan?" I asked no one in particular.
"I was thinking that we should maybe go down and clean out his hotel
room." Kevin said and I could tell that he had hit the seventh stage of
grief. Acceptance.
"What for Kev, he will just be mad that we went through his stuff."
AJ responded.
"Or grateful. There might be something there we can use to help. If the
police aren't going to do anything then we should." Howie said grabbing
his jacket and heading for the door.
"Let's do this now, before we lose our nerve," we ventured out and
crowded into Kevin's car. There was a whole caravan of security following
behind us.
This is what I need to deal with things I thought as we sped away to Nick's
hotel room...
***
