Chapter 1

Four Years Later

Staring into the full-length mirror, Nick adjusted the collar of his dark blue dress shirt. With one last glance, he left the vanity area and returned to the bedroom. He picked up several items off of the nightstand. Checking his cell phone, he then dropped it into his pocket, along with his wallet. He then clasped his watch around his left wrist. He sat down on the edge of the bed to put on and tie his shoes. Standing, he brushed off his pants, attempting to rid of any wrinkles it might have received from the suitcase. He glanced around the room once more before switching off the light above the bed. He slipped his room key into his pocket before closing the door behind himself.

“Hot date, tonight?” Someone asked from behind him. He turned to see Brian standing outside of his doorway with Baylee holding on tightly to his pinky finger.

“Emily came up and wanted to have dinner tonight. What’s a man to do?” Nick laughed as he walked away in the opposite direction.

“Have fun,” Brian called before the door to his room shut.

Upon pressing the elevator button, he only waited several seconds before the door opened. Stepping in, he pressed the lobby button as the doors closed. The ride was short as it went down two floors to the main lobby. The doors opened and a breeze of cool air flowed into the small area. He stepped out and walked towards the doors. A doorman greeted him as he walked outside.

“Do you need a cab, sir?” The elderly man asked.

“Yes, please.”

The man nodded as he stepped off the curb and waved his hand. A yellow taxi pulled up in front of the hotel and the man opened the backdoor for him.

“Thank you.” Nick said as the door closed. “Fifty-seven west fifty-eighth street, please.”

“Yes sir.” The driver pulled away from the curb as Nick sank back into his seat. He stared up at the buildings as they soared by, slowing darkening from the downing sun.

“Fifty-seven west. Is this it?” Nick glanced out the window at the restaurant they were parked in front of.

“Yes. Thank you.” Nick slipped him a wad of bills before opening the door and stepping out. He entered the lit building, immediately hit with the aroma of seafood and desserts.

“Welcome to the Manhattan Ocean Club. Do you have a reservation?” A woman asked from behind a podium.

“Yes. She might be here already. It’s under Williams.”

Nick watched the woman’s pedicured finger slide down a line of names. “Emily?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Right this way, sir.” The woman led him through a maze of tables to the corner of the restaurant where Emily sat, content with exploring the menu.

“Thank you very much,” Nick said as the woman nodded and walked away. He leaned over to kiss Emily on the lips, but she moved so he got her cheek.

“Sorry I’m late,” He said, sitting down across from her. “I wasn’t sure how far it was from the hotel.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t expect you to be early.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, a concerned look upon his face.

“Just fine.”

She was cut short by the appearance of a waiter arriving at their table.

“Hello. Can I offer you a fine selection of wines for tonight?”

“No thanks, I’ll have tea please, no lemon,” Nick said, and then motioned to Emily.

“Just water, please.”

“Very well.”

“So how long are you staying?” He asked, glancing over the menu.

“I’m not sure. My sister wants me to stay the rest of the week, so I might.”

“Are you coming tomorrow night?”

“I don’t think so. It’s not like I’ve never been one of your concerts, anyways.” She replied stiffly.

“I know. I was just asking. Are you sure you’re okay? There’s nothing wrong?”

“I’m just tired. Long day, you know?”

“Excuse me, ma’am, but here is your water. And sir, your tea. Are you ready to order?”

“I think so,” Nick nodded towards Emily.

“Yes. I’ll have the grilled Dover Sole with sauce vierge.”

“And I’ll have the Steamed Black Sea Bass with chickpea sauce and a side of Basmati rice.” Nick said, folding the menu and handing it back to the waiter

“Okay. I’ll have it to you soon.”

“Nick, I’ll be right back.” Emily stood and walked away, an uneasy step in her pace. Nick peered out the window, watching people pass. The street was lit up with restaurant lights and headlights. The rustle of a dress disturbed him as Emily sat back down.

“We need to talk,” She said suddenly, as if a child trying to keep a secret.

“Okay.” He leaned in closer towards the table to hear her soft voice better.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you, or let alone, just talk to you… and this seemed to be the best way.”

An uneasy bubble appeared in his stomach, slowly rising towards this throat.

“Nick… I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” She said bluntly.

“What?” He sat back, trying to comprehend what he had been told. “Why?”

“It’s not working.”

“For who?”

“Me. Nick, I need to move further in our relationship, but you’re stuck and won’t move on.”

“I thought we agreed to wait?”

“And we did wait. Nick, it’s been two fucking years.” She hissed. “I’m done waiting. I bring it up, and you ignore it and change the subject. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Em, there’s a specific reason as to why I wanted to wait so long.”

”Nick, I don’t care anymore. It’s over.”

He bit his lip as to not talk anymore. Pulling his wallet from his pocket, he dropped a fifty-dollar bill onto the table before abruptly leaving the table.

“Nick-“

He turned the corner, unable to hear her voice anymore. Once outside, he sucked in fresh air. His eyes burned with tears as he began walking down the sidewalk towards the hotel. It was a long walk, though he could use it to blow off anger and sadness.

By the time he arrived back at the hotel, his calf muscles ached in overuse and the tears on his face had dried, though his eyes remained red-rimmed and puffy. He looked down, avoiding looks from strangers, as he pressed the elevator button. It opened upon command and he stepped in, quickly pressing the button to cause the doors to close. It took him up several floors before stopping on his own.

He stumbled out of the elevator and walked several feet down the hallway to his door. Inserting the key card, the door unlocked and he opened it. Leaving the room dark, he laid down on the bed. So many thoughts swam through his head. They had been together for over year. For once in his life, he had been in a relationship for over a year, and remained faithful to one another. They were in love, or so he thought. They had agreed to wait to have sex. She had said it would make their relationship stronger. For him, it was a safety precaution. But it didn’t matter anymore.

He lay for nearly an hour, and finally, when no more tears could fall, he fell into a deep slumber.

He woke early the next morning. He lay in bed for several moments before remembering the night’s events. Outside the hotel, he could see the sun beginning to rise. He climbed from the bed and went out onto the balcony. A chilly breeze ruffled his hair, causing him to shiver. Behind the New York City skyline, the sky was orange and pink as the sun rose slowly. It shined through the fog that covered the river, leaving Nick’s body with a warm feeling.

He looked down. His clothes were wrinkled, his shirt partly untucked, and his shoes untied. He sighed, longing to call her and discuss it all, but he knew he couldn’t give in. Hesitantly, he returned into the room. He searched through his suitcase, which was sprawled across the loveseat. Upon finding a clean set of clothes, he went into the bathroom and set them on the toilet seat. He stripped out of the corrugated clothes and stepped into the shower. He turned the showerhead on, giving it several seconds before stepping into the stream of scalding water. It pelted against his chest, burning his skin and arms, but it felt so good. He kept the shower quick, washing his hair first, and then his body. He shut off the water and wrapped a towel around himself as he stepped out of the shower. Opening his shaving kit, he glanced into the mirror. Too engrossed in the feeling of hurt and guilt he had inside, he let the razor sit in the case. But rather, he picked up an orange pill bottle. Emptying the contents into his hand, he chose a single pill before replacing the rest. He tossed it into the back of his mouth, before running the faucet into his hands and sipping from a handful of water. Wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand, he dug through the bag for his toothbrush. He laced the top of the bristles with green toothpaste, before placing it into his mouth and brushing. Several minutes later, he rid his mouth of the foam before rinsing out the bristles and replacing the toothbrush in the bag. Dropping the towel on the floor near his feet, he dressed in the clean clothes. He ran his hand through his tangled, wet hair before returning to the bedroom.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he reached for his shoes. He tugged the white sneakers onto his feet, one by one, and then tied them in a single bow.

Remembering that his key and cell phone were still in his pants from the night before, he went into the bathroom and took them out, replacing them into his jeans.

As he stepped into the hallway, he realized the morning was still too young for anyone to be awake. He wasn’t due to be in the lobby until eight. On a usual morning, they would be awake by 7:45 to be downstairs by eight. But this was not a usual morning.

He returned to the familiar elevator and rode it down to the lobby. Once it stopped and he entered the first floor, he looked around, deciding between a coffee shop and the hotel restaurant. Much too tired to walk far, he chose the restaurant.

He walked down a short corridor to the front of the restaurant only to be met with a strong aroma of coffee and pastries.

“Hello sir, can I help you?” A woman dressed in an apron asked from behind a counter full of pastries, bagels, and donuts. Though he hadn’t eaten since the afternoon before, he wasn’t sure he could eat now.

“Cappuccino and a strawberry bagel, please.”

“Would you like cream cheese with the bagel?”

“Yes, please.”

She disappeared behind the counter for a few short seconds, before reappearing with a bagel in her hand. Setting it on a plate, she placed a small container of cream cheese beside it. She then turned around and filled a cup to the brim with hot cappuccino.

“Five seventeen.” She said, putting a lid on the cup. Digging into his pocket, he came up with crumpled bills. He sorted out a few and handed them to her. She returned his change as he took the plate and cup towards a table in the corner.

At the table, he cut the bagel in half, and then generously lathered cream cheese across the top of it. He took the lid off the cup and blew the steam away before slowly sipping it. Taking a bite from the bagel, he set it back down, his stomach not agreeing with his choice.

“You’re up early,” He heard from behind him. Looking up, Brian was walking towards him, a cup of coffee in one hand and Baylee’s tiny hand in the other.

“Couldn’t sleep,” He said, giving a sheepish grin. “Care to join me?”

“Sure,” He set the cup down before helping Baylee up into the booth seat. He then sat down across from Nick. “I thought maybe you’d be happy to know that Baylee kept saying “Nick” last night. Nice and clear, too.”

Nick chuckled. He had been working with Baylee whenever they were near each other, trying to get him to say Nick.

“So how was dinner last night?” Brian asked, sipping his beverage.

“It was uh… well, it sucked.” Nick said bluntly. “She broke up with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Because our relationship wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Jeez, Nick, I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I’m kind of getting used to it.”

“I’ll leave out the ‘someday you’ll find the perfect woman’ pep talk.” Brian winked.

They soon found themselves being joined by Kevin and Kristin. Time passed quickly and it was almost eight before they realized it.

“We’d better get going,” Kevin said. “I need to run upstairs and grab a few things. I’ll meet you guys outside in a few.”

“I need to go up and get Leigh.” Brian said, standing. “Baylee, ready?”

“No.” He said bluntly.

“It’s his new favorite word.” Brian rolled his eyes.

“I’ll take the little guy and you go upstairs.” Nick said, offering his hand to Baylee. He was quick to take it and began leading him out of the restaurant. While Brian and Kevin got into the elevator, Nick and Baylee went outside. Two black vans waited at the curb. Two bodyguards stood outside of each one, as if ready to take on hordes of fans that weren’t even there.

Within a few minutes, everyone had gotten downstairs and was loading into the vans.

“Ahh…” AJ sighed from his seat in front of Nick. “Our last day of rehearsals. Isn’t it grand?”

“Yeah, but today’s the day where if you don’t know a dance move, Fatima will ride your ass like no other.” Kevin said.

“The choreography isn’t as hard as it used to be since some of us are getting old,” AJ snickered, emphasizing the word. He ducked just in time to miss Kevin’s sweatshirt.

Nick remained quiet in the back, resting his now-aching head against the back of the seat. He closed his eyes and tried to tune out the constant chatter from the front of van. Soon, he felt the vehicle stop.

“We’re here,” AJ sang loudly as the doors opened. Nick slowly opened his eyes, shielding them from the sudden bright sunlight streaming in. He climbed out last and followed the others inside the back door to the arena. They were led down a long corridor until they arrived at the dressing room. Nick waited outside while everyone dropped off their bags and extra clothes.

“Fatima is running a little late.” Joe, the tour manager said, jogging through the hallway. “Go ahead and get onstage so you can mic up.”

“You okay, Nick?” Howie asked, falling into pace beside him as they walked towards the stage.

“Yeah. Just kind of tired.” Howie patted him on the back before walking ahead. On stage, technicians immediately set to work, connecting microphones to the backs of their pants and weaving it through their shirts to their head. They adjusted the mics to their own heads, as it rested atop their ears, and the actual microphone fit perfectly in front of their mouths.

“Okay, let’s test them. Brian.”

“Check.”

”Howie.”

“Check.”

Nick sat on the edge of the stage, his legs feeling weak from his lack of breakfast. He waited until they called his name, then ‘checked’.

Fatima suddenly ran out onto the stage, dropping her duffel bag off the side.

“Sorry guys. Are you ready?”

Nick mumbled incoherently as he stood up, taking his place beside Kevin.

For the next hour, they sang and danced. They repeated several songs to redo choreography or fix the sound systems.

“Okay, let’s do #5, and then we’ll take a break.”

The music started, and they followed her in the dance. It was easier than the past years, as they had grown older, and more accustomed to standing still and singing, than dancing around.

Nick looked down as he moved, the edge of the stage near since they were spread out. They went back to the left, then quickly to the right.

His balance was quickly lost and his foot caught in the pyrotechnic grates.  He suddenly saw the ceiling as he fell backwards, landing hard on his back on the concrete floor of the arena.

He heard snickers and laughter from up above, as they often did when someone fell off. He tried to sit up, but couldn’t, as he felt pressure in his abdomen. Looking down, he saw a metal pole surrounded by a dark red stain on his white shirt. He gasped, suddenly becoming dizzy.

“Nick, come on. We’re almost done.” He heard from above. He lay his head down, woozy from the sight. Brian’s head suddenly appeared from above on the stage.

“Holy shit.” His eyes widened and he went pale. Nick shut his eyes tightly, hoping to make it all go away. Pain seared throughout his abdomen, making it difficult to breathe.

“Bri, what is –“ Kevin stopped suddenly, peering down at Nick. “Fuck. Someone call 9-1-1.” Kevin jumped carelessly off the side of the stage. He neared Nick, ripping his jacket off.

“No.” Nick said, his voice raspy. “Don’t.”

***

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