Chapter 13

“Are you sure you want to go home?” Brian asked. He had volunteered to take her back to the house, as she was in no condition to drive.

“Yes. Is that bad? Am I being a bitch?”

“I don’t think so. But then again, I’m also the one that’s been getting criticized.”

“But now I know. I didn’t know why before. Kevin made it sound like a spat. This… this is so much more. He lied. Not only did he lie, but everyone else did, too. AJ and Kevin covered for him. Even Howie. Hell, I suppose Aaron did too.” She sighed, sinking down into the seat. “I think, if I get away, I’ll get better. I’m just so… angry and sad at the same time.”

“I know.”

“Are you going to talk to him?”

“I don’t plan on it.”

It wasn’t long before Brian pulled the car into the driveway. As he turned off the engine, they sat, neither one moving. Reaching across the middle seat, Brian took her hand into his and squeezed it, offering her reassurance. She nodded then began to get out of the car.

“Will you come in with me?”

“Yeah.”

She led him to the front porch and slowly opened the door. She was relieved to see the living room empty.

“Looks like they’re out back.” She said, peering through the kitchen before going down the hallway to her room. Brian followed, stopping in the doorway and watching as she pulled her suitcase out of the closet and began tossing clothes into it.

“Don’t forget your laptop.” Brian said, nodding towards the window seat where her computer sat.

“Thanks.” She slid it into her messenger bag before adding several other small items that were set out along her dresser and nightstand.

Suddenly, a door closed. Riley froze, standing up and looking at Brian. Footsteps were heard, getting louder as they neared the room.

“Hey Rok,” A raspy voice greeted. It was AJ. Not Nick, but at the moment, she was mad at him, too.

He appeared next to Brian in the doorway as he peered into the room.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Packing.”

“Why?”

“I’m going home for a while.” She finished packing while she talked, hoping to not let on how near she was to crying again.

“Is everything okay?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?” He asked softly, mostly to Brian.

“You’re asking the wrong person,” Brian replied.

“Riley?”

“He lied to me. You lied to me.”

“Lied about what?”

“What the hell do you think I’m talking about?” She looked up at him, tears now swimming in her eyes.

“You told her?” AJ looked at Brian.

“Yes.”

“You had no right!” AJ yelled. “That’s none of your business to go around telling people that! This is something he should’ve told her himself.”

“When?” Brian asked, trying to remain calm. “When he starts bleeding to death again or when he’s on his death bed from it?”

“He was going to tell her but-“

“AJ, stop it.” Riley shut her suitcase as she faced him. “I’m so glad he told me. If he hadn’t, when would I have known? He didn’t tell you guys for FOUR years. And then he still didn’t bother to tell me. I’ve been living in this house with him and I had no idea. Do you have any idea how much that kills me inside? He kept something from me. We were supposed to be best friends. You don’t keep secrets from best friends. Especially not these types of secrets.”

“What’s going on?” A voice called from down the hallway. “AJ?”

“Fuck.” Hot tears now streamed down her cheeks, both of anger and sadness.

“Riley?” Nick walked into the room, but stopped suddenly when he saw Brian. He looked at him, then Riley, and then the closed suitcase on her bed. Without another word, he slipped silently out of the room, brushing past AJ as he did.

“So you’re going to be like Brian in this situation and just turn your back on him?” AJ asked.

“I’m not turning my back on him.”

“Apparently you’re leaving. That’s not turning your back?”

“I need time away from here. I need to go home and get away from you guys right now. I’m angry. And I don’t want to be angry with you guys. I’m going home for a while. I can take care of things at my business. I’ll come back. I’m not leaving him.”

AJ only shook his before turning to leave. “I think you at least owe him an explanation before you leave.”

“Ha,” She snorted. “I owe him an explanation? That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard today.”

She watched him leave, and then turned her attention back to packing. Zipping up her messenger bag, she was finished. She slung it over her shoulder then went for her suitcase, but Brian stopped her. “I’ve got it.”

“Thanks.”

Walking through the hallway, she stopped near the kitchen and looked out the patio doors. Leighanne and AJ sat on the deck with Baylee. Further down on the beach, she could see the back of a blonde head.

“I can’t leave without talking to him. I’ll be right back.”

Brian followed her onto the deck, but sat down beside Leighanne as Riley walked down the steps into the sand. She slid off her sandals and left them near the house as she began walking down the beach towards him. She sat beside him, leaving only inches between their bodies.

“I’m sorry.” He said, not taking his eyes away from the water. “I was going to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”

“Why’d you wait so long?”

“Because I was afraid this would happen.”

“This?”

He sighed before turning to her. “I was afraid I’d lose my friends like I am now. I didn’t want people to turn their backs on me and look at me differently.”

“I understand that. But for four years? You should’ve at least told your friends and family.”

“Yeah, that way they could abandon me even sooner.”

“I’m not abandoning you.”

“But you’re leaving.”

“I’m going home for a while. I need some time to myself.”

“You won’t come back.”

“Yes, Nick, I will come back. I’m not turning my back on you. You are my best friend and nothing will ever change that. We’ll get through this. Right now, I just need to go home. I’m going to take care of some business. I will be back though.”

“I just…. I just don’t want you to hate me.”

Tears swam in his eyes and he turned away quickly, facing the ocean again.

“Nick, I could never hate you. I love you way too much to hate you.” She leaned over and hugged him before kissing him on the forehead.

“I’ll see you later.” She stood, hesitating before she began walking back to the house. While it hurt to leave him behind, she knew it was for the best.

Nick sat on the beach for nearly an hour before deciding to go back to the house. He stood slowly, an ache in his abdomen from the way he had been sitting for so long. He took his time walking back, nearly breaking out in a sweat from the afternoon heat. The deck had been deserted; only a towel hanging over the rail was proof that someone had been there. He slid open the glass door and stepped inside the cool house. It was silent except for the low hum of the refrigerator. A pad of paper lay on the bar with writing scrawled across it. He moved closer to read it.

Went out for a while. Call my cell if you need me. – AJ

Nick tore off the top page, crumpling into a ball before tossing it into a nearby trashcan. Looking at the clock on the microwave, he was surprised to see it was already two in the afternoon. Though his stomach was sending messages of hunger, he knew he could not eat. He went down the hall to his bedroom. He lay down on the bed and curled into the fetal position, hoping it would cease the ache. The physical pain was bad enough, but now he had a pain deep down. It was the pain of guilt and loss. He tried to push the thoughts to the back of his mind, but it was near impossible. What if she really didn’t come back? She was never one to break her promises. Actually, she had never broken a promise to him. But that was before. He had hurt her so bad. It scared him to think that she may never want to see him again.

Tears began to sting his eyes. He didn’t want to lose another friend. He had already lost one best friend and he wasn’t sure he could handle losing another. Turning over, he took a vial of pills off his nightstand. Unscrewing the cap, he withdrew a single pill, and then replaced the cap. He took it dry, flinching as it caught in his throat before going down. Within several minutes, he found himself becoming drowsy. The pain in his abdomen disappeared. He closed his eyes, hoping the medicine would whisk him off to sleep before images of Riley would begin to appear in his head.

~~

When Nick woke again, the room had darkened and the only source of light was the glow of the street lamp outside. The numbers on his alarm clock glowed seven-thirty. Though he was still tired, he knew he would have to eat soon. He stretched before slowly climbing from the bed. He used the restroom first, and then rinsed his face with cool water. When he finished, he dried his hands and face with a hand towel before replacing it on the rack on the wall. He heard noises from the living room and prayed it was AJ. He was in no mood to deal with burglars. He’d rather sit back and let them take what they wanted than trying to mess with them. He laughed to himself before leaving the bedroom. As he stepped into the hallway, he saw the lights in the living room on. Walking further down the hallway, he began to smell a type of oriental food.

AJ was sitting on the floor of the living room, several open boxes of food spread out in front of him on the coffee table.

“Hey Nicky,” He greeted upon hearing Nick enter the room. “Hungry?”

“Yeah.”

“Come eat then. I even got beef and broccoli for you.” He slid an unopened box to the end of the table.

Nick sat down on the edge of the couch and opened the small box of food. AJ held up a fork and chopsticks, but Nick opted for the fork.

“They were out of egg rolls but I got extra crab rangoons.” Sliding to the floor, he settled down beside AJ. It was like old times. They used to eat Chinese food all the time on the road. They’d have a roadie grab some before they left and they’d eat as they headed out of town.

“So are you okay?” AJ asked, staring deeply into the box he held.

“Yeah.”

“I know this sucks, but just know, that I’ll be here whenever you need me. I’m not about to leave you because of one stupid mistake.”

“Thanks, J.”

“I don’t know what the hell is running through Rok and Riley’s head. But when I was in trouble and in rehab, you were always there for me when I needed you. I don’t want you to feel like you have no one to talk to, because you can alwayscome to me.”

“AJ, thanks, but I don’t think you need to get all mushy on me.” Nick started to laugh.

“Damn Nick, here I was trying to have an awesome man-to-man chat, and you go off and be mean.”

They were back to normal. Well, as normal as they could get.

~~

Nick lay wide-awake, staring into the darkness towards the ceiling. He turned his head slightly to glance at the clock again. To his disappointment, only five minutes had passed since the last time he looked at it. He had gone to bed at midnight, his body exhausted and ready for a good night’s sleep, but three hours had passed and he had yet to fall asleep.

From the open window, he could hear the tide coming in. As his room was in the front of house, he knew a storm must have been coming in because usually he couldn’t hear the tide. Thunder clapped in the distance, confirming his premonition. 

He crawled from the bed, closing the window just in time as the rain began to pour down from the sky. He almost wished he were outside standing in it, but knew it would probably cause illness or some other type of bad luck. Deciding against getting back into bed, he left the room quietly, hoping not to make any floorboards squeak beneath his footsteps.

Just when he thought he was doing well walking in the dark, he turned the corner too quick and stubbed his toe on the floorboard.

He bit his lip to keep from crying out as he limped into the kitchen. The light beneath one of the cabinets had been left on so he was able to navigate to the refrigerator without a problem. He opened it, nearly having to shield his eyes from the sudden brightness. Once his eyes adjusted, he searched through the shelves hoping something would catch his eye or stomach. He chose a carton of apple juice before closing the door. He poured it into a glass and then left the carton on the counter as he sat down at the kitchen table. Facing the window, he stared out the windows into the eerie pitch darkness of night. A lightning bolt would occasionally light up the room and allow him to see the harshness of the rain pouring down on the deck. If he looked close enough, he could see the ocean, the waves rough with the stormy winds.

He felt saddened. He wished Riley were right down the hallway sleeping in the bed she had occupied so many nights before. But instead, because of him, she was halfway across the world. He glanced at the clock on the microwave and tried to figure out what time it was there. If his mathematics were correct, it was a little after noon there. He imagined her sitting behind a huge desk in her office that was decorated with bright colors and elegant furniture. She was probably on the phone, giving demands, but being pleasant about it, as she always was.

He hadn’t realized until then how much he really missed her. Sure, he had missed her when she moved to Paris, but he had gotten use to her not being around and just the occasional phone calls to one another. But this… this was much different than before. He had been with Emily before. Life was simple then.

He knew he would miss her the second time she left, but this was much more than he expected. She had taken a piece of his heart with her, and it hurt.

~~

She was far from what Nick had imagined. Rather than her at office, giving demands, she was curled up in bed, the laptop open in front of her. She had given up on her attempt to work and now occupied her time searching for information on HIV. She had known the basics, but now wanted to know more.

Outside, the day began dreary and had remained so. Dark gray clouds hung low, leaving fog throughout the city. The idea of going to the market for groceries had been ruined when it began to rain several hours ago. Instead, she had crawled back into the warmth of her bed. She wanted to call Nick. She wanted just to hear his voice and tell him she had arrived safely, though he had probably figured that out already, as he hadn’t heard from her since she left three days earlier. She longed to pick up the phone but the time difference always seemed to stand in the way.

Closing the top to the computer, she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She was beginning to regret leaving. She felt selfish. But she was always one to act on a sudden whim. She had a habit of not thinking out a situation before acting on it. Brian definitely had not been a major help in this situation.

Despite feeling selfish, she still felt a bit of anger towards Nick and the other guys. She couldn’t quite comprehend why Nick had kept it from them so long. And then why no one had told her, even after she moved back in with him.

Sitting up, she realized she needed something to keep herself busy. She could clean, but there was nothing really to clean. Before she had left, she had never been home long enough to make a mess of anything. Maybe she should go to work. She could at least get some things done so she wouldn’t have to bother with it later. Pulling herself from the bed, she slowly made her way into the bathroom.

She emerged a half hour later feeling nearly refreshed. In her vanity mirror, she pulled her damp hair back into a ponytail and put a bit of makeup on. She then searched her closet for something to wear, settling on a jean skirt and a sleeveless shirt that she covered with a thick button-up sweater. She decided on Adidas for shoes since it was raining. Finding an umbrella in her closet, she swung her purse over her shoulder as she opened the front door. She opened the umbrella and let the rain begin to splatter upon it before stepping beneath it and closing the door.

She walked down the street, dodging people and puddles. She slowed down as she walked through the market. She always loved the market. There wasn’t much there today, as only a few vendors had tents covering their merchandise. She eyed a few areas, but continued walking. As a sudden breeze filled the air, she looked down to shield her eyes from the cold drizzle. She suddenly bumped into someone from her lack of attention.

“Oh jeez, I’m so sorry.” Looking up, a tall blonde man was with his back to her. Butterflies suddenly rose into her stomach. He turned slowly, only causing her pulse to speed up. What were the chances?

“It’s okay. My fault, sorry.” Her heart dropped as she saw the man’s brown eyes and rather unpleasant smile.

She offered a smile as she ducked beneath her umbrella. Walking a few more feet, she stopped and put the umbrella down. She felt as though she were on the verge of tears. Nick was not here. He was at home, suffering from pain and dying of HIV.

“Stop it,” She mumbled to herself. “He’s not dying.”

She ran the words through her head. She bit her lip to keep the tears from falling. Letting the rain splash against her skin, she looked up into the gray skies, wondering what he had done to deserve a friend like her. She suddenly felt homesick for Florida. For Nick. She had been away from both for so long. Why was it hurting so bad now?

***

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