Chapter 13

Brian spent the night wishing them both to hell and alternately wishing that he had just gone home instead of stopping by Sienna’s. He had ended up talking to Liv for three hours, until she had nudged him out the door, reminding him that he should probably get home and see if AJ was there yet. On the way home, he had thought that, perhaps, Sienna had stopped by his house to meet AJ, so he decided to stop by her place to find out.

What had they been thinking?! Brian ran through all the reasons AJ and Sienna could have had for jumping into bed together. Then, he wondered if there was something wrong with him that made the intimate act of sex something more than just casual for him. Maybe he shouldn’t have freaked out so much over the two of them being together. After all, it wasn’t as though he was dating Sienna, and she had cheated on him. But it still hurt because she had admitted that she was attracted to him. Then again, Brian reminded himself, he found plenty of women attractive and never minded that they were with others.

He buried his head in his hands when he realized that nothing he was thinking made any sense at all, and maybe sleep was the best thing for him to do at the moment. He stripped, crawled into bed, and made space for Missy when she meowed and curled up against him. Petting her, he thought of how best to face Sienna and AJ and fell asleep.

The hallway stretched out before him and, when he looked back, behind him for as far as he could see. There were doors on either side of him, and Brian hesitated to open any of them. So, he began to walk down the corridor, glancing at each door as he passed it. Some doors had nothing written on them, but others had names, places, and dates. July 20, February 20, September 11, May 18, November 21, Lou, Donna, Boston, Johnny, Arizona, Jackie, Harold, Jerald, New York, Nick, and Leighanne were etched on some doors. Other doors were nameless, but Brian could hear screams and shouting, not unlike those he had heard at Backstreet Boys concerts, echoing from behind the doors. Flashes of light peeped out from under other doors.

At last, at last, he reached the end of the hallway and found himself facing a door that simply read Future. He frowned and examined it closely, wondering whether or not he should open it.

“Choose wisely,” a voice boomed around him.

Brian whirled around, but there was no one in sight.

“Choose wisely,” the voice repeated. “If you choose the door to your future, you may not be satisfied. Likewise, any of these doors that you choose may not satisfy, or they may satisfy you beyond your wildest dreams. Choose wisely for it is only you who can choose your destiny.”

As the voice faded, Brian looked up at the door to the future then down at the rest of the hallway. He meandered his way down again and noticed a door he had overlooked.

“Forgiveness, huh?” Brian said aloud to himself. “I need plenty of that at this point in my life.” He looked at the other doors again then back at the door to Forgiveness. “Oh, what the heck, let’s do it.”

He placed his hand on the doorknob and turned it. A brilliant white light engulfed him, and Brian stepped into it.

The doorbell was ringing incessantly, and Brian tried to tune it out. He desperately wanted to know what was behind the door marked “Forgiveness”. When he realized he could no longer hang onto the remnants of his dream, he got out of bed and looked at the clock. It read 11:30, and Brian stared at it. Had he really been asleep for twelve hours?

“Man, I must have really needed my beauty sleep,” he murmured to himself.

Then, hearing the doorbell ring again, he yanked on a pair of pants and ran his fingers through disheveled blond hair.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he called, making his way down the stairs.

AJ stood on the porch and, when Brian opened the door, pushed his sunglasses off and grinned.

“Hey, Brian. Sorry if I woke you, man,” he began, trying to sound contrite.

Brian stared. “What do you want, AJ?”

“Oh, hell, Rok. We gotta talk,” AJ answered. “Seriously, I need to explain everything. Please.”

Brian was silent for a few moments, then he nodded and held the door open. AJ followed him back towards a cozy kitchen area where Brian began to brew coffee.

“Want some?” he asked AJ.

“Sure. Thanks,” AJ replied.

They sat in silence while the coffeemaker began to whistle and brewed coffee dripped out. Finally, Brian looked over at AJ.

“Well, what did you want to explain, Alex?” he asked.

AJ hesitated then said, “Look, what happened between Sienna and me was a fluke. It wasn’t supposed to happen, and it won’t happen again. I kissed her first and then, well, I guess we both went a little crazy…” he trailed off.

Brian blinked. “A little crazy?! Is that what you call having sex within hours of knowing each other? But then, I guess that’s how you operate, Bone.”

AJ cringed. “I deserved that, I suppose. But, Bri, no matter what anyone might think, that was the first time I did anything like that. I didn’t know it would make you so angry, and Si’s out of her mind with worry. She thinks you’ll never want to see her again. Dude, she cares about you. A lot.”

Brian shrugged. “I’ll worry about her later. Besides, this obviously wasn’t the first time you’ve done something like this. You slept with someone behind Sarah’s back, too. Or did you already forget why your fiancée left you?”

“Fine. Yeah, I did, and it’s not something I’m proud of. I loved Sarah, and I still don’t know why I did something so stupid. Don’t throw back my previous mistakes at me, Brian. I can’t handle it, not from you. Look, obviously, you’re not going to forgive me, so I’d better get going. Find a place to stay.” AJ stood up. “It was good seeing you again, despite the circumstances. Maybe, one day, you’ll be able to face me without thinking of me as slime.” AJ turned and walked out towards the front door.

Brian sat for a moment, and then he jumped up and ran for the door.

“AJ! Wait,” he said when AJ turned back to look at him. “I’m sorry, please. I forgive you, really. I don’t know why it made me so angry. And I think you caught me at a cranky time. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Really.”

AJ nodded then walked back up to where Brian stood and enveloped him in a hug.

“God, I’ve missed you,” Brian murmured, swallowing the tears that rose in his throat.

AJ stepped back and smiled. “I’ve missed you, too, Brian. And I really am sorry about what happened.”

Brian slung an arm over AJ’s shoulder. “Why don’t you tell me exactly how you came to be in Sienna’s house, and then I’ll let it go completely. Besides, we’ve got a lot of catch up to do.”

AJ grinned. “Oh yeah. Especially the part where you tell me why you have an amazing woman and haven’t snatched her up or charmed her yet?”

“All in good time, pal. All in good time.”

Late that night, after AJ had fallen asleep, Brian sat on his porch with a glass of wine and toasted the moon. He’d gotten all of his brothers back, and life seemed smooth for the near future. Except for one glitch. Sienna. He wondered if he would have to see her first, or if she was going to come see him.

AJ had said that she was terrified of him and what he thought of her. Sienna had told AJ that she thought she disgusted Brian. Brian shook his head and thought of how far she was from the truth. He supposed he would be the one who would go to her. Prove that he still cared about her and that whatever she thought he felt had been momentary.

He could never be disgusted by her. Perhaps, he thought, he was halfway in love with her already. It was a heady feeling, but he didn’t see how she would even feel the same way towards him if she wouldn’t even date him.

Brian pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and tried to think of how, now that he had made amends, he could bring the Backstreet Boys together. After a few minutes, he noticed someone walking up his driveway towards the porch. Panic spread quickly until he realized who it was.

Sienna tried to slow the nervous pounding of her heart as she faced Brian. She held out the single daisy she held in her hand.

“Here,” she managed to push the sound out. “It’s for you. A kind of apology offering.” She paused, then found the courage to look up into azure eyes shaded by the darkness. “Brian, I don’t know what I could possibly say that would make you forgive me. I never meant to sleep with AJ, and he didn’t plan on it either. It just happened. I can’t go back and make it different, but I can promise you that it won’t happen again. I like AJ, but more of as a friend. We talked for a while yesterday before we, well, you know. He’s incredible, resilient, and is constantly learning from past mistakes. I guess it’s time for me to try that, too. So, I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do to convince you that I’m really and truly sorry, please tell me,” she finished.

Brian was silent for a moment while he twirled the flower she had given him. When he handed it back to her, Sienna thought her heart might break from the rejection. Suddenly, she found herself engulfed in a hug and blinked to make sure it was real. Brian’s arms were around her, and she hugged him back, relieved.

“Baby,” he murmured as he pulled back enough to see her face. “You don’t have to apologize. I was irrationally angry. I think it was the shock of seeing the two of you together, especially since I hadn’t seen AJ in over a year. I don’t hate you. I never could,” he added, stroking a finger down her cheek.

Sienna blew out a shaky breath. “Thank God. I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Lose me?” Brian raised a brow. “Over something like that? Never.”

Sienna left Brian and AJ alone over the next few days, which they spent sorting out the past three years and where things had gone wrong. They both agreed that the break had been inevitable, since everyone had been suppressing their feelings for too long. Exhaustion and frustration with the others had caused them all to argue, and none of them were to blame. AJ told Brian that he had been happy to take the break, that it had been too difficult to recover, rehabilitate when the world’s attention and pressure had been focused on him. However, he knew that he couldn’t blame anyone but himself for the relapse.

“It’s a good thing Sarah got out when she could,” AJ said, while they were having lunch at a café in town. “I dragged her through enough of my shit, and, honestly, I’m surprised she put up with me for as long as she did.”

“I don’t think you should beat yourself up over it anymore,” Brian replied. “The two of you are moving on with better lives, now. Focus on the present, you know. What’s past is…what was that Shakespeare line again?”

“ ‘What’s past is prologue,’” AJ supplied.

“Right. It’s what comes next that we should worry about. Like, do we want the Backstreet Boys back, or do we want to wait?” Brian wondered, finally voicing his thoughts to one of the other Boys.

AJ frowned. “Do you think we’ve given each other enough time yet? I mean Kev’s doing Broadway, and Howie’s bought a nice chunk of Florida—if not more. I think everyone likes their lives as they are now. Maybe we should give it time.”

Brian sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Mom and I are thinking of a Hearts’ Club Fundraiser, and she wants me to help out with the next St. Joseph’s fundraiser she’s planning. Besides, I haven’t given the Hearts’ Club the attention it deserves. Now, I’m going in at least three times a week to play with the kids, exercise, and see the others who are waiting for surgery. Plus, taking care of paperwork makes me happy. It makes me feel like I’m helping out.”

“Especially since you know what it’s like to go through everything. How did you manage to squash your fear of hospitals enough to start working in one, anyway?” AJ wondered.

Brian shrugged. “My fear wasn’t helping anyone else get any better. So, I push it to the back of my mind and keep going.”

AJ nodded. “Good strategy.”

His cell phone rang, and AJ answered it.

“Hey D. We’re just having lunch. Everything’s great! So, how’s it going on the West Coast? Really? He did? For when? That’s in what? Two weeks? Hmm…yeah, I’ll ask Brian. You should be here, D. It would be nice. All right, go on. Go buy all of California, too. Take care, man. Talk to you soon!” AJ hung up and turned to Brian. “We’re going to go see Chicago on Broadway in two weeks. Kevin sent Howie ten tickets to a Saturday night show. He wants us to see it. However, Nick won’t be able to make it because he’s doing something in Milan. So, that leaves you, Howie, and me with ten tickets to use. What do you say? Let’s go see big brother sing and dance on Broadway.”

Brian smiled. “I can work that out. It sounds great! I was wondering when I’d be able to go up there and see it.”

“Howie says that show is Kevin’s last show,” AJ told him.

Brian frowned. “Wow, done so soon? What the hell. Let’s go give him a send off he won’t forget!”

Brian found himself easily convincing Liv to come with him but knew it would be much more difficult persuading her best friend to come along. Especially since they would be arriving in New York on Thursday afternoon. He planned on spending two days around the city and finishing it with the show on Saturday night. Unfortunately, Sienna refused to hear anything of it.

“Nope. No way am I leaving my shop for three days. Brian, are you crazy?!” Sienna exclaimed.

“No, but I really think you should come with me. You can meet Howie and see Kevin and AJ again. Besides, Liv’s already agreed to come with me,” Brian explained.

“Wait, you already asked Livvy?” Sienna raised a brow. “Before me?”

Brian grinned sheepishly. “I knew you’d never come unless I gave you a reason to go. Your best friend is going. Do you really want to leave her in the Big Apple with the likes of the other guys and me? She’d be the only woman there, unless Kristin decides to join us. Come on, Sienna. You know you want to see the show. It would mean a lot to Kevin, too,” he added.

Sienna was silent for several moments. “Would we have separate rooms in the hotel? Because I do not want to share a bathroom with you.”

Brian shook his head. “I managed to get us a suite. That way, I’ll have one room and bathroom, and you and Liv can share the other room and bathroom. We’ll also have a nice living area and balcony, too. Doesn’t it sound exciting?”

Sienna rolled her eyes. Then she threw up her hands. “All right, okay! You win! I’ll go. But only to see the other guys and keep Livvy company,” she added.

“I know,” Brian said with a knowing smile.

***

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