Chapter 25

Jackie opened the door when the doorbell rang and stared, surprised, at Sienna, who stood on her porch.

“I’m sorry,” Jackie said politely. “I’m a bit busy right now, so if you’d…”

“I need to know the truth, Jackie,” Sienna said firmly. “I’ve had enough of beating around the bush and people avoiding me like I’m the plague. I need to know why Brian thinks I cheated on him.”

Jackie was taken aback. “Well,” she said. “I suppose we’ll have to sit down if you want to know why my son left you. Although I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out, yourself.”

She led Sienna into the kitchen and sat at the table. Sienna pulled the sweatshirt she wore a little more to hide the bulge of her belly and sat. Her feet had begun to swell, and staying on them for longer than twenty minutes was becoming impossible. Her belly was too big to be a five month old fetus, and she had a feeling that her baby was actually two babies. She had kept that suspicion to herself, and, now, she smiled at her children’s grandmother.

“So, please tell me what happened to make Brian think that I betrayed him,” she asked Jackie.

As Jackie related the story her son had told her of coming home a day early and walking in on Sienna sleeping with a dark-haired man on her sofa, realization dawned on Sienna.

“Shane,” she whispered.

Jackie’s brows shot up. “Excuse me?”

“Shane,” Sienna repeated. “My cousin, Shane, who’s living with me currently was spending that night at my house. Ever since we were babies, our mothers put us into the same cribs, and we learned to curl up against each other for comfort. It’s a habit that’s continued on always, and that’s what Brian must have walked in on.”

“Your cousin lives with you?” Jackie wondered.

Sienna nodded. “He’s a freelance photographer, and he’s currently dating my employee, Marlena.”

Jackie remembered. “Of course, I’ve seen him several times. That’s the man Brian thought you were with? Oh, Sienna, I’m so sorry. For both you and my son.”

Sienna shook her head. “It’s okay, I’m just glad to know the truth. I need to find him, soon, though. I don’t have his number, and I don’t think I can get a ticket to one of their concerts.”

“I have a ticket for their Never Gone Soundcheck in New York on June fourteenth,” Jackie offered her. “Brian sent it down a few weeks ago. You take it, honey, and go see him. I can’t say anything to him. It’ll have to come from you.”

Sienna nodded and took a deep breath. “There’s one other thing, Jackie.”

Jackie turned back to her. “Oh?”

“I’m five months pregnant,” Sienna told her and watched Jackie’s expression go from surprise to shock to delight. She hugged Sienna carefully, and then they both sat down to weep.

Kelly Monaco turned to look at Brian as he sat backstage after a show in Los Angeles at the beginning of May. He sipped from a bottle of water with his eyes closed. She wondered what he was thinking about, and then she sat on the couch opposite from him.

Brian opened his eyes and smiled at her. “I’m glad you came tonight,” he told her. “What’d you think?”

Kelly grinned. “I always thought boy bands had no talent, but I have to say the five of you surprised me. It was amazing, really. Especially “I Still…”” she added.

“Yeah,” Brian gave her a small smile. “It’s my favorite song off the new album.”

Kelly sighed and knew she’d have to ask him sooner or later. “Brian? Will you tell me what happened between you and Sienna? I mean, you love her still, but you refuse to go back to her. Why? What happened?”

Brian squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them, they were clouded. “I found her with someone else,” he murmured. “I still can’t believe it, but there they were, on the couch.”

“Oh, Brian,” Kelly murmured. “I’m so sorry. Are you sure it was really what you think? I mean, I heard AJ tell Kevin that she really loves you, so there’s no way she could have done that. Is that possible?”

Brian sighed. “Kelly, I really don’t want to think about her or anything right now. It’s going to ruin this good mood I have.”

She nodded. “All right, then. We won’t talk about it, but I don’t like that everyone thinks we’re dating. We’re not,” she said firmly.

Brian agreed. “I know we’re not and so do you. So what if they interpret friendship for something else?” He smiled at her. “I’m really glad we met, Kelly. You’ve been one of the few things that’s kept me sane in the last couple months.”

“No problem, Brian. I like you. Why wouldn’t I be friends with you and help you out?” She squeezed his hand and smiled at him.

They had met at an after party for the Billboard Music Awards when he had bumped into her, causing her to spill the martini she had all over him. She had apologized profusely while trying to help him clean up, but he had laughed it off, saying that at least he had gotten to meet a pretty woman.

“You don’t know who I am?” she asked him, surprised.

He had shaken his head. “I’m sorry, I’m Brian Littrell—the Backstreet Boys,” he added.

She nodded. “I know, I know who you are. I’m Kelly Monaco,” she held out a hand. “I act on General Hospital.”

“Oh, okay,” Brian grinned. “Sorry, I’ve been out of the whole celebrity loop for a while. It’s nice to meet you, Kelly.”

“Likewise,” she said with a smile.

From then on, he had called her once a week. She knew that he had been in love with Sienna and would have proposed to her over Christmas. However, when she had spoken to him after New Year’s, she had been shocked to find out that they were no longer together. He had begun to rely on her more than anyone else because she hadn’t met Sienna and didn’t know what was really going on. She sympathized with him but always added a grain of salt, which Brian appreciated.

She knew he was still in love with Sienna and was still trying to deny it to himself. She understood the need to do so, but, after talking to AJ, she knew that there had to be more to the incident than Brian knew.

“I think it’s time you talked to Sienna, though,” she told him, now.

He sat up and looked at her, surprised. “Why? Obviously, she didn’t need me if she was with another man. Why should I give her the time of day?”

Kelly sighed. “Because you still love her. If you want to be able to move on, you have to face that, have your questions answered, and then let it go. The only way to do all that is to see Sienna.”

Brian shook his head. “I don’t think I’m ready yet,” he told her.

Kelly lifted a brow. “Bri, it’s May. You’ve been stewing since the end of December. I think it’s past time you went and saw her.”

“Maybe,” Brian murmured. “But there’s no time, right now. We’ve got a full line up of shows, appearances, and other things to do before Never Gone comes out. There’s only a month until then, you know.”

Kelly sighed. “Okay, Brian. But you’ll have to do it sometime.”

Sienna stood on the sidewalk and waited anxiously for the doors to the Soundcheck party to open. The June heat in New York was making her swollen limbs ache, and the babies were kicking happily. She adjusted her sunglasses and tried to ignore the frowns and noises of recognition the fans around her made when they realized who she was. Before any of them could approach her, the doors opened, and everyone rushed inside.

Inside, Sienna discovered that there were no chairs or places to sit. Everyone would be standing, except for the five chairs she saw on stage. One of the technical crew asked her if she needed a chair and produced one for her to sit on in the back. Sienna thanked them profusely then waited for the show to start.

When the guys walked on to the stage, Sienna felt a fist squeeze her heart at the sight of Brian. He had lost weight but looked happy. If nothing else, Sienna figured that she should probably thank Kelly Monaco for keeping him happy. As they played each song from their album, each man answered questions and talked about their feelings on each song.

After “Never Gone” had played, Kevin had explained that the song meant something to each of them because AJ had lost his grandmother, Howie his sister, and so on. He didn’t mention Brian, and Sienna saw her opening.

Kevin glanced around at the audience of fans and saw a hand up in the back of the room.

“In the back,” he called. “What’s your name and question, please?”

Sienna took a deep breath and spoke into the microphone that was handed to her. “Hi, my name is Sienna, and I’d like to say first that your album is amazing and very versatile. Congratulations guys.”

All five men had realized who was speaking, and Nick was the first to recover from the shock. He grinned at her, even as the rest of the audience turned to get a better look at the woman they realized was Brian’s ex. “Thanks, Si,” Nick said, smiling. “So, what’s your question?”

“My question is for Brian,” she began, causing Brian to look at her.

He didn’t know if it was the distance or that she had simply become more beautiful in the last six months, but he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her hair had been chopped off to her shoulders, and she seemed to glow. Brian hated himself for realizing that he truly hadn’t stopped loving her, and he hated her for not being less incredible and intriguing than she had once been.

“What’s your question?” he asked, controlling his voice.

“Well, we all heard that “Never Gone,” the song, is important for the other four guys because they each have lost someone they loved very much. What’s your connection to it, Brian?” she asked, keeping her eyes steady on his.

“Well, I lost someone I love, too,” he said. “I was very much in love with a very special woman, but things didn’t work out. Every time I sing “Never Gone” and “I Still…” it reminds me of her. Though we’re no longer together, I know I’ll never forget her,” he finished, looking straight at her.

Sienna controlled her breathing. “Thank you,” she said and handed the microphone to a techie.

Kevin looked over at Brian then out at the audience. “I think we can take one last question,” he began and smiled at the hands that shot up.

When all was said and done, the Backstreet Boys thanked the fans that had come to the Soundcheck and left the stage. Sienna waited until everyone else had left and returned the chair to the crew that were beginning to clean up. As she turned to leave, a hand grabbed her elbow.

AJ smiled at her. “Way to go, champ,” he said. “I think you really shocked him. I hope you’re not leaving yet,” he added. “You have to finish what you started.”

Sienna shook her head. “I don’t think so, AJ. I don’t think I can handle anymore, right now.”

He glanced down at her belly and squeezed her hand. “How are you feeling? You look ready to pop that kid out,” he observed.

“Actually, I think it’s two babies,” Sienna told him and watched his jaw drop. “I’m too big at seven months to be carrying just one baby. Plus, I definitely feel two heads and four feet.”

“Wow,” AJ said, in awe. “Let’s get you backstage and into a chair, shall we?”

Before Sienna could protest, he had propelled her through a door and into a room where Kevin stood talking to Johnny and Kenneth in one corner, Nick and Howie were on their separate laptops, and Brian was on the phone. When he saw them come in, the expression in his eyes flickered. Sienna didn’t know if it was disgust or indifference, but she knew she’d have to face him now.

“Si!” Nick called excitedly and hurried over to see her. “Jesus,” he whispered awed. “I guess AJ really wasn’t kidding when he said you were expecting.”

“I guess not,” Sienna smiled and reached out to hug him. “Congratulations on the album, pal.”

Howie came over and grinned at her. “Liv didn’t tell me you were coming up. It was quite a surprise to hear your voice, you know.”

“I’ll bet,” Sienna said faintly then winced a little at the next kick.

“Are you okay?” Howie asked concerned.

“Yeah, no, it’s just being pregnant,” she told him, but he brought over a chair and helped her into it. “Thanks,” she told him, grateful.

“Can I touch it?” Nick asked, still in awe.

AJ let out a disgusted sound. “It’s not like a science experiment, Nicky. She’s pregnant, not diseased.”

Sienna gave him a mild look then brought Nick’s hand to rest on her belly. “This is the kicker baby,” she told him. “I call him, or her, the Punter.”

When the baby kicked again, Nick grinned. “It’s so awesome! I think this one’s going to be a football player.”

“Or a soccer player,” Sienna suggested. “The other one’s quiet and only kicks once in a while. It’s safe to say the Punter’s a Type A personality, overshadowing its sibling.”

“I can’t believe that’s twins in there,” AJ told her. “It’s crazy.”

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” a voice behind Sienna interrupted them. “Is it possible that I could talk to Sienna for a bit? Privately.”

Nick shrugged. “Sure, bro. Congratulations on the babies,” he added.

Brian pulled over another chair and sat down across from Sienna. “That was quite the shock you gave us all out there,” he told her.

Sienna smiled. “Well, I appreciate the element of surprise as much as the next person,” she replied.

They watched each other for a few moments, knowing that they were searching for any changes in the other.

Brian sat back. “What are you doing here, Sienna?”

“I should think that would be painfully obvious,” she told him. “Let me tell you about something new that’s been going on in my life. My cousin Shane has moved in with me. Shane lived in Ireland for the last ten years. When he turned eighteen, he decided against college and, with his beloved camera, he went off to Ireland, our ancestral stomping grounds, to become famous for landscapes. His parents, Uncle Rafe and Aunt Mackenzie, weren’t too thrilled, but they love their children, so they let him go. Of course, he had to start off small. He photographed his share of nude women and maybe shared them, too.” She shrugged. “That’s Shane’s deal, though. Fortunately, after ten years, he managed to make a name for himself in the celebrity photographer world. Shane Roberts,” she said and smiled when the light of recognition flickered in his eyes. “That’s right, you do know Shane, don’t you? I’m surprised you didn’t recognize the photographer for the entire Never Gone layout as the same man you saw me sleeping with on my couch on December twenty third. Silly Brian to not recognize the man who changed the course of our relationship. I had to call Shane and keep him from strangling you with his bare hands for hurting me,” she explained. “You didn’t trust me as you should have. Of course, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s in the past.”

“I didn’t know,” Brian said after a few moments. “I’m sorry, Sienna. God knows, I’m more sorry than you can imagine. You’re right, I didn’t trust you enough because I was still applying the old mindset to you. I’m sorry,” he repeated.

Sienna shrugged. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter anymore. I do have to thank you for one thing, though. Or rather, two things,” she corrected herself, placing her hands over her belly. “See, from August to December, I kept praying that I would end up pregnant again. I so badly wanted our baby, you know. After you left without a word, I stopped eating and, sometime at the end of January, I started getting sick. I thought maybe, maybe God was being merciful and was going to take me out of this world,” she paused when she heard him curse under his breath. “Cursing’s not going to change anything, Brian. Anyway,” she continued. “Livvy took me to the doctor, who told me that I was not dying, I was pregnant. I didn’t want the baby,” she said suddenly.

Brian looked at her, surprised. “Why? Why wouldn’t you want the baby?”

Sienna smiled, ironically. “What would be the point of raising a child without the father by my side? I didn’t want to do it on my own, and I didn’t want you missing out on our child. Of course, I changed my mind. I decided to keep our baby, and I’m pretty sure it’s twins. After all, my grandmother on my mother’s side was a twin,” she explained. “It runs in the family.”

Brian stared at her, awed. “I don’t know what to say,” he whispered. “You’re more than I deserve, Sienna. So much more.”

“You’re probably right, but, for some reason, I still love you,” she told him. “I don’t need you say it back. I mean, you couldn’t have truly loved me if you couldn’t trust me. And, without trust, there is no basis for love,” she added.

“Sienna,” he began, but she cut him off.

“Would you like to feel the babies?” she asked him. When he simply nodded, she took his hand and placed it on their children. The kicking began again, making Sienna smile. “Yes, darlings, your daddy is right here. He’s with us, now. Although, I’m not quite sure how long he’ll stay. This one’s the kicker,” she explained to Brian. “And this one is the quieter one. I’ll feel a kick sometimes, but I think he or she likes to sleep more than anything else.”

“You haven’t found out the gender?” Brian asked her.

“I haven’t let the doctor tell me if it’s really twins or that I’m just hallucinating and thinking it’s twins,” she told him. “So, no, I haven’t wanted to know what they’ll be. Like I said, I like the element of surprise.”

His hand tightened on hers and she looked up at him. He was no longer paying attention to the babies. “I am sorry, Sienna. If I could go back and change it, I would. Of course, I can’t. You don’t know how grateful I am that you’ve found it in your heart to forgive me. And you’re wrong. I did love you and trust you, but seeing you like that shocked me. I couldn’t separate you from Leighanne at that moment, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t let the past stay in the past. I hope we can move past that,” he murmured.

“Like friends?” Sienna suggested.

Brian thought being friends with her was sure to kill him. He couldn’t go back to such a placid relationship with her. But he nodded. “If that’s what you’re willing to do, then that’s fine.”

“All right, then, Brian, friends it is,” she agreed and held out a hand. He shook it, cursing himself inwardly.

“Will you let me know when the twins are born?” he asked her. “I’d like to be a part of their lives if you’ll let me.”

Sienna was shocked to realize that he didn’t believe she wanted to raise their children together, but she nodded. “Of course. You are their father, and I could never deny them that.”

“All right, guys,” Johnny called out to the room. “The van’s waiting out back. We have half an hour to get to the taping of TRL, so let’s move.”

Brian rose, reluctant to go. “Sienna,” he began.

“You’d better go,” she told him, trying not to cry again. She had made it, she had seen him and was now letting him go.

“I—take care of yourself,” he told her. “I’ll call soon.”

Sienna nodded and watched him walk out of the room. Somehow, she made it out of the building and wandered the streets of New York aimlessly. Passersby on the sidewalk stared at her, the pregnant woman with tears running down her cheeks. Sienna paid no attention to anyone, so she didn’t notice the photographer that stayed a discreet distance ahead of her and snapped pictures.

***

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