Chapter 22
As me and my dad joined the funeral
procession, he notice the notebook i was holding, and asked what it was.
“Just a notebook.” I answered.
“I know what it is, it’s Elizabeth’s
diary, ain’t it?” he said nonchalantly.
I just nodded. Till the end of the
funeral we didn’t speak one word to each other again. Somehow, i was mad at
him.
After the funeral ended, I said
goodbye to Jessica and hopped in the passenger seat of my dad’s Prowler. As we
set off to Tampa, i opened the diary and started reading. The first page had
the date December 15th 1995, the day they had first met:
Dear Diary,
OMG!!! Tonite I met the most gorgeous guy i’ve ever seen in my
life!! His name’s Nick Carter. Ok ok, i’m gonna tell it from the beginning.
Two days ago, Jess told me that her boyfriend Brent was making a
surprise party for his best friend, a guy named Nick. I’ve heard this guy from
Brent before but i hadn’t really cared. Jessica wanted me to be there too,
y’know to be two couples. At first, I was like “C’mon, i don’t know him and he
doesn’t know me!” but Jess insisted and i had to accept.
Then tonite, I met him. OMG!!!! OMG!! He’s soooooooo cute. He has
ear-length blond hair and baby blue eyes. He told me that he was in a group
called Backstreet Boys. Whatever. And
you can’t believe this: HE ASKED ME OUT!!!! Woo-hoo!!! How cool is that? He’s
my first real boyfriend!! I can’t wait for tomorrow night. We’re probably gonna
go to Macs and then to a movie.
Laterz!!!
Her excitement made me smile. Such a teenager.
At the age of 14, first real boyfriend meaned a lot. As i turned over the
pages, I read more about their relationship, how she repeated over and over
again that they were meant to be and how other girls got jelous of her having
such a heartthrob as a boyfriend. Then i got to the page, where she had
scribbled down the night they made love:
Dear Diary,
It’s 2 a.m. right now, I just came home and my dad’s still yelling
angrily from downstairs. Though i’m so tired, I have to tell you what had just
happened:
Well, y’know me and Nick ‘ve been together for like five months or
so, and as I told you before, he was forcing me to have sex sometimes. Y’know,
he just wanted me to be his’ totally. At least, that’s what he told me. And
tonite, i couldn’t resist him anymore and it happened. We made love. Y’know, it
was my first time, but it was good. Then i fell asleep in his arms, that’s why
i was late. I’m sure my dad would kill me if he heard this. But i love Nick
very much. He loves me too.
Night!
That was it. My dad had forced her. I shot a
quick furious glance at him and then gave all my attention to the diary again.
Dear Diary,
GOD!! I’m mad at Nick, i can kill him right now! He hasn’t been
calling me for like, two weeks now and just minutes ago he called me to say
goodbye. He’s leaving for the tour. He couldn’t even come to say goodbye!!!!!
We haven’t been seeing each other since the nite we made love and now he’s
going to tour!!!! Mr.I’m-too-busy-to-care-to-see-my-girlfriend is now going to
Europe for a good four or five months, may be longer!!! I’m very angry!!!!!
And i came across with the page that reveals
that day...
Dear Diary,
Both my parents grounded me and they’re still yelling downstairs
furiously because,
I’m pregnant. Yeah, simple as that. I’m pregnant. I can’t believe
that I actually am. Nick’s still on the tour and i can’t get in contact with
him cuz i learned that he had changed his cell phone number. I have to wait for
his call...which happens just once in a week. But i still love him with all my
heart.
As i read more pages, I realized how hard she
had sturggled to get things right.
Dear Diary,
It’s been a month since Nick’s last phone call. I coudln’t tell
him on the phone that I’m pregnant. He just said that he was in Germany and
that he had to go and hung up. I guess, he doesn’t want to be with me anymore
and he doesn’t know how to get rid of me.
I was silly diary, I believed him with all my heart. I loved him
to death, I gave him the most important thing of me. To top of it all, I’m now
carrying his child.
Jessica’s always here for me, telling me everything’s gonna be
alright again. Nothing’s gonna be alright again. This guy got my life in his
hands and threw it away.
Dear Diary,
It’s the ninth month of my
pregnancy. I’ll give birth to Nick’s child in these days. Right now, mom came
in and asked the same question for the hundreth time: what will i do when it is
born?
I was pondering this for a while and I finally came to a halt. I’m
gonna leave it on Nick’s door. I heard that he had come back from the tour, so
he’d get his baby. I don’t want this baby, I wanna get rid of it promptly. He’d
ruined nine months of my life and i’ll ruin his’ all life with this baby.
I don’t wanna ever see Nick again, I don’t wanna talk with him
again. But I keep loving him. I still love him with all my heart, my soul....I
love him to death.
But no...My own life and pride come first.
I took a deep sigh as i glanced outside,
realizing we were about to come home. But, I kept on reading, i had just two
more pages left.
Sept 4th 1997
Dear Diary,
I gave birth to my little daughter, sorry, to HIS daughter. She
won’t have any connections with me after i leave her infront of his door
tomorrow morning.
Jess still can’t believe how i have the heart to do that. At
least, I’ma mother now. I don’t care. God, i’m just 16! 16! I have a long life
ahead me to live and i can’t darken it with a baby, who’s crying non-stop.
So that’s all from me. Thanx for sharing the most dreadful moments
of my life. But i’m off here!!1
Bye to Nick!! Bye to my daughter!!! Bye to sadness!!!
A tear fell from my eye. How could she be as
heartless as a stone? Despite what Jessica told me earlier today, I couldn’t
help but blame her again. SHE was the one who got things worse. Then i noticed
an envelope, at the end of the notebook, my name written on it. As i opened it
with my shaky fingers and started reading, I noticed that we had pulled up on
our driveway.
Sept. 2nd 2017
My precious baby Skylar,
If you’re reading this, that means you’ve read all my diary and
that you’re probably thinking how heartless i am.
F,rst of all, I wanna apologize for doing that silly thing with
all my heart. I was so young back then, as you can notice. And i didn’t have
the money to raise you, besides my parents didn’t want you. And to be honest i
didn’t either.
Oh, if you’re reading this, that means i’m dead. Please don’t cry
for me (if you do), because i don’t deserve your tears, I’m not worth.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!!! Hope you’re having a good time with you
loved-ones. I long to be there with you but i don’t have the courage to do that.
And how can i? How can i have the face to be there with ya, acting as if i
didn’t leave you on Nick’s door.
I’m very very happy that you have that incredibly gorgeous and
kind guy with ya. Y’know who i am talking about. Your fiancé, Chris. Oh, please
kiss Piper for me, I’m so proud of my baby, the same thing happened to you too,
but you could deal with it. You’re the most awesome girl in the world, believe
me.
I can’t find anything to say but tell you I’m awefully sorry over
and over again. I’m very very very sorry honey, hope you can understand and
forgive me, so i can sleep peacefully under the ground.
I love you and I’m proud of you my baby.
I’ll always be with you.
Your mother
Elizabeth
I burst into tears. My whole body was shaking
fiercely that my dad had to hug me tightly to stop shaking. When i looked at
him with blurred eyes, I saw that he was crying too. I hugged him tightly as i
cried more, still clutching her letter.
“Please don’t hate both of us honey, please
don’t...” he whispered in my ear as i sniffled.
“I love you dad...I love you.” I whispered
back.
***
