Chapter 10

We all begin with good intent

Love was raw and young

We believe that we could change ourselves

The past could be undone

But we carry on our backs the burden

Time always reveals

Kelly closed the door quietly behind her, making sure not to wake Brian. After half an hour of silence, he had fallen asleep, and she thought it was good for him to sleep. He hadn’t slept much, or eaten much for that matter, since the kidnapping, and she knew everyone was worried that his health might deteriorate again. Though she hadn’t known him then, she knew of Brian’s past heart problems and knew that, if it happened again, it would simply be the cherry on top of the horrible sundae of crisis they were currently in.

As she made her way down the stairs to the kitchen where she could hear the voices of Brian’s family and friends, Jackie appeared at the bottom of the steps. Kelly frowned a little, wondering why Jackie had such a disdainful expression on her face, but she shrugged it off, thinking it was her own paranoia.

“Kelly, could I please speak with you, dear?” Jackie asked quietly. “In private.”

Kelly shrugged. “Sure.” And she followed Jackie into the den, where the older woman shut the door behind them.

Jackie turned to Kelly with a tight smile on her face. “Kelly, I’m not going to tell you I’m not grateful that you’re here to help my son in the most difficult time of his life.” She paused. “What I will tell you is that I don’t believe Brian really needs you here. After all, he got along perfectly well without you for the majority of his life.”

Kelly stopped her then, trying not to get angry. “Brian is a friend of mine, and I would be there for any friend of mine if they needed it. And Brian does need everyone who cares for him here, right now.”

“But he doesn’t need you,” Jackie reiterated. “I’m not sure you understand fully the fact that Brian has perfectly respectable friends and family that are here for him to help him through this time of crisis.”

Kelly nearly sputtered. “Respectable! Begging your pardon, but what the hell does respectable mean?! And what does it have anything to do with my caring for and helping your son?”

Jackie sighed. “I’d hoped you would understand this without my explaining it, but, obviously, you cannot grasp the idea.” She paused. “Your professional choices have been rather, well, unseemly.”

“Unseemly? Are you talking about my short stint in Playboy, Mrs. Littrell? Because that lasted a month, and it happened ten years ago,” Kelly said, trying to be patient. “I think people can change in ten years, don’t you?” Before Jackie could say anything, she continued. “My career choices have led me to where I am today. If you don’t think acting is a respectable career, then, quite frankly, I don’t understand why you were so accepting of Brian’s first fiancée, or have you forgotten that little fact? And, at this time, I don’t think my career choices have anything to do with my friendship with Brian. And that is what’s most important, right now. Not what I may have done in the past.” She took a deep breath, holding onto her temper. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have better things to do than unnecessarily defend myself.” And, opening the door, she walked out.

Jackie sank into an armchair. Well, that had gone well, she decided. She’d managed to alienate a woman who obviously cared deeply about her son. It wasn’t that she detested Kelly, it was that she detested the fact that women felt they needed to resort to using their bodies to succeed in life. And that, she believed, was what Kelly had done. Jackie sighed. She just wanted what was best for her son, and, knowing that she didn’t have the right to decide who her son could befriend, she decided to give up on persuading the young woman to leave. Who knows, Jackie thought trying to change her own mind, perhaps Kelly’s presence would be beneficial for Brian. After all, hadn’t her son seemed more positive when she had spoken to him the day before?

Shrugging it off, Jackie knew she’d have to apologize to Kelly if she were proven wrong. Hopefully, Jackie thought, there would be quite a while until that happened.

***

Kevin paced in his den, rocking his son back and forth, hoping Sean would soon fall asleep. Pressing his lips to his son’s downy, dark hair, he wondered what it must be like for his cousin, not knowing where his family was. Involuntarily, his grip on Sean tightened. If he ever lost his family, Kevin knew he’d go crazy, and he was afraid that Brian was slowly beginning to crack.

The day before, he’d watched Brian fall apart on camera and seen it thousands of times on every news channel since then. Not knowing what to do to possibly relieve some of Brian’s pain, Kevin had stood back and let Kelly help him back into the house. Though he wished he could do something, Kevin couldn’t think of a way to distract Brian or give him some sort of hope.

“Kevin?”

Kevin turned to where Kristin stood in the doorway. “Hey, baby,” he whispered, trying not to wake Sean. “What’s up?”

Kristin stepped into the room. “I was just thinking,” she began. “I want to help Brian somehow, you know? But I couldn’t think of a single thing to do. Until it occurred to me to take Bridget and Sean over there. Bri loves them to death, and I thought they might take his mind off of everything for a little while.”

Kevin pondered this for a few moments. “What if it makes him feel worse, seeing how we still have our kids and his aren’t here?”

Kristin sighed. “If it does, then we’ll deal with it. But it’s worth a try, Kev,” she told him.

He sighed. “Okay, yeah. Why not? Maybe these two’ll take his mind off of things. Lord knows, Bridget’ll talk his ears off,” he grinned thinking of their three year old daughter. She was a chatterbox and would tell everyone anything and everything just to keep their attention. Often, she would chatter away at her baby brother, who would simply stare up at her and blink a lot.

Kristin smiled, too. “If Bridget can’t distract him, I don’t know what would. I’ll go get her ready, okay?”

Kevin nodded. “It’s okay that Sean’s asleep, right now. He’ll probably wake up in a couple hours anyway.”

Kristin shrugged. “With Bridget there, she’ll manage to lighten the mood in the entire house without her brother’s help.” Leaning over to her husband, she dropped a kiss on both her men and hurried out of the room, calling for their little girl.

***

Brian paced from the study to the kitchen and back. Why hadn’t there been any sightings of his family yet? In an area with millions of people, they had to have been spotted by somebody somewhere, but there was still no lead on them. Regan had been in constant contact with the Charleston area police, and he was afraid that there still wasn’t much she could do. With no clue as to who the kidnapper was, the FBI’s investigation was at a standstill.

AJ and Nick watched him silently from where they were slouched against the wall in the hallway between the study and kitchen. Neither stopped Brian’s pacing because they figured it would help him push out some of his frustration. Unfortunately, they didn’t know how else to help him either, unless there was any news from anywhere about someone spotting Sienna or the kids.

Nick sighed and finally spoke up as Brian paced towards them again. “Yo, Bri. Maybe you should just get drunk. That way, you could escape all this worrying. I’ve thought about it, and it might be the only way you could get some real sleep, too. You know, if you pass out and all.”

Before Brian could respond, AJ smacked Nick. “What the fuck are you doing, Nick?! Getting drunk is not the answer! How the hell would it make you feel if you got drunk, forgot that your family had been kidnapped, woke with a killer hangover, and remembered, ‘oh, hey, my family’s still being held hostage by a crazy son of a bitch!’ I wouldn’t be too fucking thrilled with that,” AJ tried not to shout.

Nick winced. “Look, I was just trying to help, okay? I don’t know what to do, either. I’ve never been in this sort of situation before.”

AJ sighed. “Nick, none of us has been in this situation, so none of us know what to do. No matter what, though, getting drunk would not help Brian at all. So forget it. You want to get drunk, be our guest. Just don’t come back here.”

Brian rolled his eyes at their exchange and dropped down next to them. “Guys, it’s okay. Really,” he assured them. “I’m glad you’re here, but I just don’t think there’s anything that’s gonna help me not worry. Unless someone calls and says they know who the kidnapper is, or something,” he added.

AJ rubbed his hands over his face. “I just wish there were something we could do rather than be deadweight in helping out, Brian.”

Brian shook his head. “You being here, wanting to help is more help than you could possibly know. I told Kelly that, too. Everyone else is so damn suffocating with their concern, but you guys don’t cry when you tell me that everything’s going to be okay. Because, let’s be honest, nothing’s going to be the same even after my family comes home, and we all know that.”

Nick sighed. “I’m sorry about the whole getting drunk thing, Frick. I didn’t really mean it.”

Brian reached over and ruffled Nick’s hair playfully. “I didn’t take you seriously, Frack. Relax. Like I said, I’m glad you’re here. You, AJ, Kelly, and Regan,” he added.

When the gate buzzer rang, Brian frowned. “Were we expecting anyone?” When AJ and Nick looked at each other and shook their heads, Brian stood and walked over to the speaker. “Hello?”

“Brian, hey, it’s Kevin,” his cousin’s voice came over the speaker.

Brian sighed, wondering why Kevin had suddenly decided to drop by but glad he had. “Hey, Kev. Hold on, the gate’s opening,” he said, pressing the button.

Five minutes later, he watched Kevin and Kristin walk up the steps to his porch with Bridget running ahead of them, laughing. Brian wondered if, one day, he’d see his own daughters running up the steps, giggling like Bridget. He squashed the pang of jealousy he felt and opened the door.

“Unkie Brian!” Bridget squealed and launched herself at him.

Brian caught her and tossed her up, making her laugh harder. “Hey there, pumpkin face,” he smiled down at her. “Whatcha doing here?”

Her green eyes laughed up at him. “Mama and Daddy said we were gonna come see you! Do you have a boo boo, Unkie Brian?”

Brian’s eyes met Kevin and Kristin’s as he understood exactly why they had brought their children. Acknowledging it, he turned and entered the house, carrying the little girl.

“Actually, sweet pea,” he said, setting her down. “I don’t have a boo boo, but do you remember my little girls and little boy?”

She jumped up and down, remembering. “Reena and Kara and Luke! Where are they? Are they here? Can I play with them?”

Brian crouched down so he was eye level with her. “Honey, they went away somewhere, and we’re trying to find them,” he told her. “Right now, you can play with Uncle Nick and Uncle AJ, though.”

She shook her head, golden locks flying. “No! I wanna play with you, Unkie Brian!”

AJ grinned at the adamant little girl. “Well, Nick, looks like we’ve been told.” He knelt so he was next to Bridget. “Hey pixie, won’t you give Unkie AJ and Unkie Nick a hug?”

She smiled at them and hugged them both. As soon as she had, she turned back to Brian. “Let’s play a game, Unkie Brian!”

Giving up, Brian scooped her up to carry her into the den. As he carried her off, Kevin heard him ask, “Well, pumpkin face, what do you want to play?”

AJ turned to Kevin and Kristin, glancing down at the sleeping baby in their carrier. “Nice thinking, guys. He’ll have to give up the worrying with Bridget around because she’s really good at picking up moods.”

Kevin shrugged. “We wanted to do something, and Kris thought this might be a good way to help out.”

Nick looked back down the hallway that Brian had disappeared down. “Let’s hope it does work, guys. I’ve got nothing but bad ideas at this point, but we’ve gotta come up with something to keep his spirits up.”

Kristin nodded. “For the time being, I think just being here for him is all we really can do.”

***

Brian carried Bridget into the kitchen and set her on the counter. “Pumpkin face, do you want a cookie? Or did you already have lunch?”

She grinned impishly at him. “Lunch was long, long time ago, Unkie Brian! I want a cookie! Chocolate chip?” she asked, giving him a sly look.

Shaking his head, he pulled a cookie out of the jar on the counter and handed it to her. “Your daddy’s going to have to watch you when you get older. You may just con the entire world and have them in the palm of your hand.” He grinned and ruffled her golden locks as she gave him a giant smile while eating the cookie.

When she was done, Bridget clapped her hands again. “Game time, Unkie Brian! Let’s play a game!”

“Okay, what game, Bridget?”

She scrunched up her face as she thought, and Brian laughed. She looked so much like Kristin, but that thinking look was all Kevin. He wondered if the twins or Luke might have some of his or Sienna’s characteristics when they got older. If they ever come home, he couldn’t help but think. If they were found, he hoped and prayed that they wouldn’t be traumatized and be able to grow up to be as well-adjusted as Bridget was.

“I got it!” Bridget squealed, forcing Brian to turn back to her and give her a smile.

“Well, what’s the game?” he asked, hoping it wasn’t Hide and Seek because, in his house, she could easily hide anywhere and it would take him forever to find her.

“Let’s play patty cake, Unkie Brian!”

Brian lifted a brow. “Patty cake? I don’t think I know that one, sweet pea.”

She shook her head. “Wanna play patty cake!”

Brian sighed. “Okay, kiddo. Patty cake it is. But you’re going to have teach your old Unkie Brian how to play, okay?”

Bridget nodded and set about to teach Brian the finer points of clapping your hands together and then patting hands with your partner. He laughed when she grew indignant and angry that he wasn’t doing it right, so Brian tried to follow her half mumbled instructions and tried not to wonder whether his own daughters would ever play the game.

***

Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it

Kara and Serena played with toy cars and a couple of used Fisher Price toys. Kara banged away on the toy chimes, while Serena zoomed the cars into each other. No longer suffering from fevers, they were back to being their bright, cheerful selves. They were being fed well with Gerber products. Although, being twenty months old, they didn’t quite understand the constant change of scenery they encountered each day, both girls adjusted to each move well.

As they played on a rug, Luke slept peacefully in a carrier nearby. There was no other sound that they could hear, except for the occasional angry shout or low keening sounds of pain that came from somewhere far away. Sometimes, the banging of a door or the thud of something hitting the floor or wall punctuated the sounds.

After a while, Kara grew sleepy and curled herself into a ball on the floor, watching Serena continue to play with her cars. When Serena noticed her twin falling asleep, she toddled over and, laying down next to Kara, she put an arm on her sister’s and closed her eyes. Both girls slept soundly, and, when their mother stumbled into the room and gathered them to her, they snuggled into her, not knowing the pain that throbbed through Sienna.

Sienna closed her eyes and tried to pretend they were home, safe in their own beds with Brian nearby. She could nearly see the curtains in their room, with the moonlight drifting through them. Pretending didn’t take away the pain, but, after a long while, she managed to fall asleep.

Lyrics from “Fallen” Sarah McLachlan and “Save Me” Remy Zero

***

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