Chapter 12

In the lonely light of morning

In the wound that would not heal

It’s the bitter taste of losing everything

I hold dear

Brian sat at his kitchen table and tried to eat a bowl of cereal that felt like dried sludge. His worry had increased because it had been a month since the kidnapping. There were barely any leads, except for those men that Regan’s team had left to find. She had culled her list and ended up with three names that she wanted to check out. All three men had ended up being people from Brian’s past because the team of agents had decided that the kidnapper had a grudge against Brian more than anything. So, Regan had sent her team to Boston, Chicago, and Seattle to find those men she believed had the means and motive to be able to kidnap Sienna and the babies.

Deciding that no matter how many evil glares AJ may give him if he didn’t finish the bowl, Brian stood from the table and dumped it into the sink. He couldn’t eat anymore because worry destroyed his appetite. A week and a half ago, after his walk in the park, he had been ravenous for two days, and then it had disappeared.

He couldn’t sleep well, either. He kept having dreams about finding his children dead in a swamp somewhere. Each time he’d woken from those nightmares, Brian had chided himself for having watched too many gruesome movies that were haunting his imagination, now. His children were fine and so was Sienna. They would be home soon if he and Regan had anything to say about it.

And yet, Brian thought as he stared out at the overcast sky, he couldn’t shake the feeling that nothing was going to be okay. He was deathly afraid that, if his family was found, they would be badly damaged in some way. He didn’t know how he’d handle that, but he knew that he couldn’t go much longer without them.

Turning away from the window, he thought of finding Nick or AJ and having them boost his spirits in some way. He remembered that AJ had gone to pick his mother up from the airport. Denise McLean had decided to come up to Lexington and spend time with Brian’s parents and help them out in any way that she could. She had initially offered to stay with Brian and help in the daily running of the house, but AJ had told her she was better off helping the Littrells because Brian would prefer not to have more people in his home.

Thinking that he’d find Nick instead, Brian headed to the den where Nick could usually be found, but, when he opened the door, he found Nick still asleep. Knowing that Nick had stayed up with him the night before after one of Brian’s nightmares, Brian decided to let him sleep when another thought occurred to him.

He hadn’t seen Kelly up and around the house in quite some time. At least two weeks, Brian realized. She occasionally ate a meal or two with everyone, but, for the most part, she was holed up in the guestroom under the covers. Deciding that today would be the day he would drag her out and help him take his mind off of everything, Brian headed to the second floor.

When he knocked on the door, there was no response, so Brian pushed the door open. Kelly was still asleep, but Brian noticed that she was mumbling in her sleep. Suddenly she began to thrash wildly and screamed. Brian rushed over to the bed and tried to soothe her, but she awoke right away.

“Brian!” Kelly’s arms went around him and he could feel her trembling.

He ran his hands soothingly up and down her back. “Shh, it’s okay. It was just a nightmare, Kelly.”

“I know,” she whispered, drawing back and rubbing her eyes. “It was just a bad one like all the other ones I’ve been having.”

“You’ve been having nightmares, too? About what?” Brian asked, surprised that she shared the current nightmare mode his subconscious had taken.

Sighing, Kelly knew she’d have to tell him the truth, or part of it anyway. “It has to do with something that happened at the end of November.” She paused and looked up at him. When he simply watched her expectantly, she continued, “I told you about how I met Trace at the end of September, and we hit it off really, really well. I thought I was in love with him, and a part of me thinks that he was in love with me, too. Or thought he was.” She shrugged. “At the time, either one worked. But, at the end of November, I woke up in the middle of the night in the worst pain I’ve ever been in. I thought I was dying,” she told him.

Brian squeezed her hand. “What happened?”

Kelly blew out a breath. “I miscarried our baby. I had been pregnant about four weeks, but I miscarried it,” she told him.

Brian was flooded with sympathy. He and Sienna had lost their first baby when neither had known it had even existed. “Oh, Kelly, I’m so sorry. I know it hurts a lot. Is that what you’ve had nightmares about?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been dreaming about the pain. Brian, I knew I was pregnant. I had found out earlier that same week, and Trace and I had been discussing what to do. Don’t get me wrong,” she said quickly, seeing Brian’s look, “I wanted the baby, but he didn’t. He said we weren’t ready for it. That he wasn’t ready for it. Well, obviously, that didn’t matter in the end. After the miscarriage, I broke it off with him,” she added. “He just couldn’t understand why I had wanted a child so badly.”

Brian smiled sympathetically. “Is that why you haven’t left this room that often? You’ve been remembering it?”

She nodded and smiled weakly. “Yeah. I really, really wanted that baby, Brian. So badly. It broke my heart when I lost it, and just thinking about it makes me so depressed. I went back to work as soon as I could so I could drown myself in the work and forget about it. Then I came here, and it came back to me when I watched you and how much you miss your kids.”

Brian enveloped her in a hug. “Kelly, it’s okay. I wish you‘d told me earlier, so I could have comforted you, too. We could have been a two-man commiseration party,” he told her, trying to smile.

She smiled back. “Thanks, Brian. I’m sorry I haven’t been the best of friends, lately. I just mooch off of you and do nothing to help.”

Brian waved it off. “Nah, it’s no problem. AJ and Nick did enough stupid stuff that sort of helped me worry less. Anyway, I really wish you had told me this before, Kelly. You shouldn’t have suffered through all that alone. Oh man,” he began, something occurring to him, “you lost your baby right before Luke was born, didn’t you?” At her nod, he sighed, “It’s understandable if you were jealous, then, Kelly. Is that why you didn’t call?”

She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t that. It was a whole bunch of stuff going wrong, with losing the baby and Trace being the biggest on the list. I wasn’t jealous, really. I was so happy for the two of you, but I just didn’t have the strength to call you and ruin your good cheer because you would’ve found out.”

“Why didn’t the press ever discover your miscarriage?” Brian wondered. “You’re a big enough celebrity that this sort of stuff makes juicy news.”

“We kept it very, very under wraps, and most of the credit for that goes to Steve Burton. He plays my character’s love interest on GH, and he’s a really good friend,” she explained. “He just had the doctors and hospital keep everything quiet. No one even knew that I was at the hospital besides him and the rest of the GH members.”

“Well, I’m glad it wasn’t splashed across the tabloids where you’d read about it all the time,” Brian said.

Before Kelly could say anything, the gate buzzer rang, and Brian stood. “I should go get that. It’s probably AJ. He was supposed to pick his mom up and drop her off at my parents’ house. She came to spend time with them,” he explained.

However, when Brian opened the door, he found himself enveloped in the arms of a woman he considered another mother to him.

“Oh, Brian, sweetie, how are you?” Denise let him go and stepped into the house.

“Mom,” AJ spoke up as he followed her in. “Let him breathe a little, okay?”

Brian shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I’m fine, Denise. Thanks for coming to be with my parents. I think they’re taking all this really hard, too. It’ll be good for someone to be there to distract them.”

Denise nodded. “Absolutely. I’m sure the FBI will find your family soon, Brian. They’ve been working round the clock for weeks now, haven’t they?” At Brian’s nod, she continued, “I know I said I wouldn’t come over here, but I just wanted to see how you were.”

Brian smiled. “Thank you for caring, Denise. For loving me and my family.”

Denise waved it off. “Oh, honey, you don’t have to thank me. You’re like one of my own sons, so of course I’d be there for you.” She noticed Kelly come down the stairs. “And who is this?”

Kelly smiled and stepped forward. “Kelly Monaco,” she introduced herself. “And you must be AJ’s mother. It’s really great to meet you.”

Denise smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, too. I take it you’re a friend of Brian’s?” When Kelly nodded, Denise frowned a little. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before, dear. But I can’t quite pinpoint where.”

“She’s on General Hospital, Mom,” AJ told her.

“That’s right!” Denise grinned. “I used to watch, but, then, the Boys got going again, so I stopped watching because I was just so busy. Honey, you are an amazing actress!”

Kelly blushed a little. “Thanks! I love it and try to be, but, anyway, I’m just here for Brian, right now.”

“Guys? What’s going on?” Regan entered the foyer and found Brian, Kelly, AJ, and an older woman standing around.

AJ took her hand and led her over to his mother. “Regan, this is my mother, Denise. Mom,” he turned to his mother, “this is Agent Regan Daniels. She’s the head of the FBI team assigned to finding Brian’s family.”

Denise shook Regan’s hand. “It’s nice to meet part of the crew working hard to find such precious people,” she told Regan. Wondering at the familiarity she noted between her son and the FBI agent, she smiled at the lovely woman in front of her. “I’m sure you’ve heard this a million times, but thank you for doing everything possible to help.”

Regan shrugged and tried not to panic at the thought that AJ’s mother was currently standing in front of her. “I feel as though I could be doing more, but there’s not much to work with at this point. Whoever kidnapped Sienna and the children was very clever and left no evidence. But, we’re trying,” she added, desperate to get back to the study.

“You’ve done more than could be expected under the circumstances,” Brian spoke up, and Regan gave him a grateful look.

“Well,” Denise smiled, noting the way Regan’s eyes kept darting back down the hall where Denise assumed her work was set up. “I guess I should let you get back to the important work. But, it was nice meeting you, Agent Daniels.”

Regan smiled a little. “It was nice meeting you, too, Mrs. McLean. You can call me Regan, if you’d like,” she added as she turned to head back to her work, her sanctuary.

“Wonderful,” Denise said. “Call me Denise, then.”

Regan smiled and headed back to the study, nearly bumping into a sleepy-eyed Nick on the way. He mumbled confusedly as he headed towards the foyer, but, just as she was to head into the study, she heard his excited, “Denise!”

Settling down at the desk again, Regan rested her head in her hands. She couldn’t believe she’d actually met AJ’s mother. She’d been imagining getting her hands on him again, since he’d backed off after that first night, but how could she do it now? It was so awkward having his mother there, especially since every mother she’d ever been introduced to by a man had ended up disliking her. If she even wanted to contemplate a relationship with AJ, she’d have to deal with his mother now, on top of all of her other insecurities, too. And, from the sound of it, Denise McLean was planning on being around for a while. It was obvious from the way they were with each other, AJ and his mother were very close, and Regan was sure Denise would never approve of him with a government official because he’d only ever been with fellow celebrities.

At the knock on the door, Regan pushed those thoughts aside and sat up, calling out, “Come in!”

AJ entered the room and, pulling a chair over to hers, sat down and gave her an expectant look.

After staring back at him for a few moments, Regan sighed. “What do you want, AJ? Shouldn’t you be with your mother, right now?”

AJ shook his head. “Nope. Nick and Brian are the center of her attention, right now. Which is why I am here. What’s wrong?” he asked her.

Regan frowned and turned away from him to stare at the computer screen. “Nothing’s wrong. What made you think something was wrong?”

AJ rolled his eyes. “Don’t bullshit me, Regan. Something bothered you when you met my mother. What is it?”

Regan was silent for a bit, wondering how to tell AJ what she really thought. Finally, she spoke. “Look, I think it’s weird to meet the mother of a man you’re not sure you want to develop a relationship with, okay? That’s all.”

AJ frowned. “Why is it so strange? She’s my mom, and we’re not in a relationship. Yet.”

Regan let out a frustrated sigh. “Look,” she began, turning to face him, “I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want you because you know I do. It’s just a little strange to meet your mother, when I just spent last night thinking that maybe it wasn’t so bad to want to be with you. Now, it’s a whole different boat. If we get involved, your mother’ll be right here, and she’ll want to know everything about me. Things that you don’t even know,” she told him.

AJ just sat and watched her calmly. “Why don’t you tell me about you, then? Just in case,” he added with a small smile.

“AJ,” she began, then gave up. “Fine, I’ll tell you about me, and then you’ll see I’m not worth all the fuss.” She gathered her thoughts. “I grew up in Rockville, Maryland, right outside of D.C. I have a younger sister, Callie, who’s twenty-five. My parents got divorced when I was eight, and I ended up staying with my mother while my dad took my younger sister and moved to Bethesda, which isn’t too far from Rockville. When I was in high school, I decided I wanted to be in the FBI like my dad was, so I kept pestering him to talk to the superiors for me. Finally, during my senior year of college at George Washington University, the Bureau called me in, interviewed me, and put me through dozens of tests. I passed and was hired, and, since then, I’ve been an agent trained in kidnapping cases,” she finished.

AJ nodded. “Pretty normal, everyday life, besides the whole FBI deal,” he told her. “How about relationship wise? No boyfriends, ex-husbands, or anything?”

Regan squashed a wayward pang and shook her head. “Nothing important,” she lied. “So, that’s the wonderful life of Regan Daniels. Like I said, not too fancy.”

“I think it’s perfect the way it is,” AJ said. “Just like you’re perfect the way you are.”

Regan shook her head. “AJ, don’t turn me into some fantasy because I’m not. You’ll be disappointed in the end.”

AJ leaned forward and cupped her face in his hands. “I don’t think I’m going to be disappointed, Regan. You’ve got all these fascinating things going on in your gorgeous head, and I want to know what they are,” he murmured.

Knowing that he was going to kiss her, Regan tried to evade it. “AJ,” she managed to say, but the kiss cut her off.

When he pressed his lips to hers, AJ felt his thoughts turn off and knew nothing but Regan. He had meant to keep the kiss light and simple enough to convince her that he really did want her despite what she considered her flaws. However, Regan’s arms wound around him after a moment, and, when she kissed him back, AJ felt his control slip. The kiss went from simple to heated instantly. His hands slid from her face to her waist and under the sweater she wore to caress her skin.

Regan couldn’t think. Everything behind her eyes was a hot burst of color—something she’d never experienced when she’d kissed any other man. His kiss was intoxicating and, though she knew it might be dangerous, she liked the way her head felt as though it was floating somewhere else. When his hands met her skin, she wanted to rip into him.

“AJ,” she managed to say between kisses. “I want to say no to you, but I don’t think I can.”

Ending the kiss, he pressed his lips to her forehead and leaned back, her fingers still twined with his. “Regan, I want something more than just a few kisses here and there. And I don’t mean sex,” he added. “Though I don’t think that would be out of the question, either.”

She sighed. “Like a relationship, right? I know there has to be some rule against it somewhere in the rule book for agents, but I don’t care about it, AJ,” she told him. “You said you’d let me take my time and not rush me.” She paused. “I think I’m ready,” she murmured.

“Yeah?” AJ tried not to sound too eager. “Are you sure?”

Her eyes met his. “Really sure. I’ve tried not to think about you, not to touch you, and I don’t think I can. Maybe this won’t lead anywhere, but I don’t want to regret not doing this, AJ. I really, really like you.”

“So we’ll see where this goes, then?” AJ asked her.

She nodded and, leaning forward, kissed him again. “Yeah, but let’s just keep this between the two of us, right now, okay?”

AJ nodded, understanding her hesitancy over his mother. “Yeah,” he murmured, smiling, and pulled her back for another kiss.

***

“I’m taking your son.”

Sienna looked up sharply at the flat statement. Seeing that he was serious, she scooted herself until she blocked Luke from his sight.

“You’re not touching my kids,” she told him defiantly.

One brow arched. “Oh, really? I’ve been nothing but generous to your brats, and I can damn well do whatever I want with them. I said I’m taking your son, and I will damn well do what I want. So, put his little coat on and whatever, and I’m going to take him where he belongs because he’s useless to me,” he added with a malicious smile and left the room.

Sienna’s heart bounded into her throat. She’d done everything he’d wanted her to do, and now she was to give her son up, too? Anger filled her, bubbling and boiling, and she knew she’d have to stop him somehow. She looked down at her sleeping son, who came to look more and more like Brian each day, and knew she’d rather kill herself before letting any harm come to him or his sisters, who were playing quietly in the corner.

Sienna wondered when he would return, and how long she had to think of a way to prevent him from taking her baby. After a while, she realized that he’d said Luke was to go back “where he belonged” because he had become “useless”. What if, Sienna thought, sitting up, what if it meant that he was going to leave Luke somewhere, like in front of a church or something where other people could find him because he didn’t want the burden that came from dragging a baby around? Sienna hoped that there was some sort of decency left in him, some shred of what she’d first seen in him, and hoped that he was letting Luke out of this misery.

Not wasting time, Sienna snatched up a scrap piece of paper and dug out an old crayon from the box Kara and Serena’s toys were in and scratched out a message. When she heard footsteps coming down the hall, she slipped the paper under Luke’s clothing and tucked it into the top of his diaper. No one would find it there, she knew, until they undressed her son to make sure he was okay. At least, she hoped that’s what would happen.

When the door opened, she scowled up at him and flung an arm over Luke protectively.

“Hand him over, Si,” he told her calmly. “Believe me, if you put up a fight, it’s not going to be good for your kid.”

“How can it be good for him if you take him anyway?” Sienna spat out, defiantly.

He shook his head. “Why do you always think I’m evil, Sienna? I’ve been nothing but generous, but you still think I’m a monster. Trust me a little, will you?”

“Trust?!” Sienna laughed humorlessly. “I trust Satan more than you, though you may be his spawn. I wouldn’t trust you with my kids if you were the last person on earth!”

He continued to shake his head. “Hand over your kid, Si, and get the other two brats ready. We’re going on a little trip.”

“We?” Sienna wondered, feeling hopeful relief flood through her.

“That’s right,” he told her, smiling malevolently again. “Let’s go, before I change my very beneficent mind.”

Lyrics from “Fallen” Sarah McLachlan

***

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