Chapter 3
As I lay there in my hospital bed that night thinking back on the
moment I told Leighanne and Kristin that Nick and I were going to be married, I
remembered the relief that I had felt. It was as if a huge weight had been
lifted from my shoulders and from then on out I could just focus on the joy.
The guys returned to the room a while later to find the three of us
curled up on the bed chatting away, completely ignoring the movie that was
playing in the background. They suggested we all retire to our own rooms and by
that time I was more than ready for bed. I was tired and achy and I had a
horrible pain in my lower abdomen that just wouldn't go away, in fact, it had
been hanging around most of our trip but I'd managed to pretty well ignore it.
Even the pain couldn't ruin the happiness I was feeling at that moment. Nick
had convinced Kevin and Brian (who I swear no matter how long we dated would
always remain a little leary of my having one of their best friends as a
boyfriend) without too much prodding and a little help from their wives that he
should stay the night in my room, to make sure that I was okay. When everyone
had left I lay in curled up in bed waiting for Nick to finish brushing his
teeth. I couldn't help but smile when he stepped out of the bathroom and did a
little dance making his way over to the bed. He had brought me a glass of water
and some tylenol which he set on the nightstand before climbing overtop of me
and came to a rest dramatically on his side. He cuddled up to me and started
gently rubbing my back and shoulders.
"So you told them huh?" He said with a smirk as he leaned
down gently, kissing me on the ear.
I rolled over and looked at him amazed.
"Now how in the hell could you possibly know that!?"
"Because you dork, even with as bad as I can tell you feel you
cannot stop smiling like the cat that ate the canary!"
I took the pillow out from between my legs and swung at him with it
laughing, he ducked and winked at me.
"You missed, now fess up!"
"Alright you got me, I told!" I said and fell back against
the pillow in as dramatic a fashion as I could muster.
"Well... What'd they say???" He asked grinning almost as
goofily as I had been all night.
"They were thrilled. I am thrilled. I love you Nick and I am ready
to spend the rest of my life with you." I said looking into his eyes and
batting my eyes wildly in an exagerating manner.
He laughed and looked back at me and then leaned in and kissed me
gently and said in a very seriously, "Well baby, I Love you too... and I
can't wait to be your husband."
I fell asleep quickly that night wrapped in Nick's arms, the radio
playing a song I still can't remember. I felt truly peaceful knowing that
someone was happy for me... that I was truly happy. If only I had known that in
a matter of hours that happiness would be shattered into a million tiny pieces,
pieces that I alone would have to figure out how to put back together... then I
can't imagine sleep would have come so easily.
~~~~~~~
Sleep certainly wasn't coming easily to me this night. I had another secret
and this one wasn't a happy one. This one was going to break someone's heart,
someone I loved more than life itself and I didn't even begin to know how to
tell him. My night nurse came into my room to give me some more pain medication
and before she left she stopped for a moment at my side and took my hand. She
told me to let her know if I needed "anything, anything at all" and
she would get it for me. I know that she was trying to be kind, but I also know
she knew what I was going through. I mean it was in my chart. Every doctor and
nurse on the floor who came into my room that day... they all knew. I wasn't
angry at them for knowing, or sad, I just hated the way they looked at me, with
pity. Certainly more pity than they would have given a patient who had
"just" had surgery. Someone who wasn't about to lose their whole
world. I wanted someone to talk to, not people who were afraid that talk would
upset me. And when the nurse said that to me, I wanted to tell her that if she
could get me anything at all, could she please get me my life back?
***
