Chapter 9
"Pull over" she mumbled quietly, sitting in the seat next to
him barely loud enough for him to hear.
"What was that baby?" He asked keeping his eyes trained on
the road ahead of him.
"NICK PULL OVER!" Her voice sounded urgent now.
"Why do you want me to... SHIT!" Nick veered the car off the
side of New Circle Road as the cars flew past them. They hadn't even come to a
complete stop before she flung her door open the sounds of dry heaves filling
the air followed soon after by the splatter of vomit hitting the pavement.
Nick's eyes flew open as he gasped, the smell still strong in his nose.
It took him several long moments to realize he'd been dreaming. It had been so
very real. He had been back in that moment again, he could feel his heart
racing, the bile rising in his own throat, the panic he had felt that day at
seeing her so sick on the side of the road. He could do nothing but sit there
in the seat beside her and try his best to comfort her through it. He had
rubbed her back, told her it would be okay, told her he was there for her, but
yet in that moment he couldn't even convince himself that she was going to be
okay. At one point she was gasping for air, crying out for him to make it end,
asking why God had done this to her and he was so sure that he would never be
able to make it through this with her. But then, he'd breathed deeply, he
remembered all the times that he'd been terrified of going on stage, of
performing in front of thousands of people and he calmed himself by remembering
that each of those times when he thought he'd never make it... he had.
With those thoughts filling his head he'd sat there beside her
comforting her until the worst was over. He'd then reached into the back seat
to retrieve the emesis basin the hospital had given them and set it in her lap
reassuring her that she would be home in bed soon. He remembered stopping three
more times in the 45 minutes it took them to get home and each time he had
comforted her despite his own urge to lean out his side of the car and vomit
upon the road.
When they had finally made it home and she was safely tucked into bed
he had gone to the bathroom, curled into a ball on the floor of the shower and
cried as the hot water poured down upon him. It was the first time he'd ever
doubted his ability to make it through this...
And yet he had.
That had been the first of four chemotherapy treatments he'd seen her
through. Each one was worse than the one before in it's own way, but also
better. By the forth treatment he was much more used to the vomitting, though
he hated more than anything to see her suffer through it, he could at least
deal with it. With each treatment though, he watched the woman he loved, so
full of life and love and happiness, slowly slip away.
Over the past several weeks he had found himself laying in bed at night
with her and just watching her sleep. He found that this was the one and only
time that he could look at her and see the person he once knew. During the day
her eyes showed pain, agony and sorrow... at night, when they lay in bed
together she looked so serene, so innocent, so beautiful.
That is how he pictured her this night as he lay in bed drifting back
off to sleep.
"If I can go through that with her... I can go through
anything..." he thought.
And with that he returned to his dreams.
***
