Chapter 1

 

By Julie

 

A soft voice filled the room with song.  When I saw you the first time… I knew I had to make you mine… Everything just seemed so right… I guess it was love at first-“

 

The singing was interrupted by another voice, which exclaimed rudely, “Brian, that’s so damn cheesy!”

 

Brian Littrell abruptly shut his mouth and glared across the room at Nick Carter, who was slouching on a large couch with AJ McLean.  All three of them, along with Kevin Richardson and Howie Dorough, were members of the music group the Backstreet Boys.  They had been on hiatus for over a year now and were currently attempting to write songs together for their new album, which they planned on releasing in the summer.  Summer had seemed so far away at first, but now it was already March, and from the way things had been going so far, it seemed impossible that they could have twelve songs written and recorded by then.  They had only been working two days, but in those two days, there had been so many conflicts between the five of them that they had accomplished next to nothing.

 

“Nick, everything we come up with is ‘so damn cheesy’ to you,” Kevin said, frowning in Nick’s direction.

 

“That’s because it’s all sappy love crap!” Nick retorted.  “Can’t we sing about anything else?”

 

“Nick, our fans like ‘sappy love crap’,” Howie pointed out.  “’I’ll Never Break Your Heart’, ‘All I Have to Give’, ‘As Long As You Love Me’… any of those titles ring a bell?”  His tone was calm and non-confrontational, but Nick exploded at him all the same.

 

“Yeah, and we sang those songs, what, like five years ago?  We need something new!”

 

“Like what?  I wanna ride a Harley, oh on the highway…’?”  Brian mimicked, singing a line from “I Stand for You”, a song off Nick’s solo album, Now or Never, which had been released the previous October.

 

Nick saw red.  “Shut up!” he spat at Brian.  “Look, I know you were pissed about my album, but I worked my ass off writing that song, and I don’t appreciate you dissing it!  Now why don’t you pull that fucking monkey out of your ass and let it go?!  Oh, and by the way, it’s ‘I’m gonna ride a Harley…’, not ‘I wanna ride a Harley…’”

Brian’s nostrils flared with anger, and he looked as though he wanted to say something extremely rude to Nick, but he kept his mouth clamped shut and refused to rise to the occasion.

 

“Nick, sit down,” Kevin said, his voice low and calm.

 

Nick turned on Kevin.  “Don’t treat me like a child, Kevin!  I’m twenty-three, for God’s sake, I don’t need you telling me what to do!”

 

“You sure don’t sound twenty-three, Nick,” Brian said quietly, looking coolly up at Nick.

 

“Oh, and you’re Mr. Maturity, huh?” Nick retorted.  “You’re the one who was dissing my album behind my back!  That was real mature, Brian!”

 

“What?  I never dissed your album,” Brian replied.  “All I said was that I was disappointed you went behind our backs and recorded a solo album.  I never dissed the album itself.  I think it’s good.”

 

“Oh yeah, and that’s why you were making fun of my lyrics a minute ago!”

 

“Nick-“

 

“Why can’t you just let me do my own thing and be happy for me?!” Nick interrupted, his voice rising.  “We were on hiatus when I did the album, so why did it matter?!  It’s not like I just up and quit on you guys!  It was just a side project!  You guys do your own thing when we’re not touring or recording, and it doesn’t bother me!  So what right do you have to get upset when I decide to do my own thing too?!”

 

Brian, Kevin, AJ, and Howie were silent.  In fact, the whole room was filled with uncomfortable silence, with the exception of Nick’s heavy, enraged breathing.

 

Finally, Howie spoke.  “I think we could use a break now, guys,” he said gently.  “What do you say?”

 

“Yeah,” said Nick, through clenched teeth.  “I agree.”

 

AJ jumped up immediately and went into the kitchen. The Boys were staying in a large house they had rented on Brookville Lake, which was located right outside the small town of Brookville, Indiana.  After much debate, they had decided it would be best for them to go to somewhere private and secluded to work on songs for the album, somewhere where they would not be bothered, somewhere where they could be together and reconnect as a group, for they had not been together for a long period of time since the end of their last tour.  So far, this reconnecting plan had not seemed to be working, as they had spent much of their time arguing.

 

The main reason they were not on the best terms with each other was Nick’s solo album.  Most of the other four guys felt somewhat betrayed and hurt that Nick had decided to stay with their former management, The Firm, and put out a solo album.  Nick, understandably, was just as hurt by their reactions.  When the album came out, his four bandmates had shown some support, but it just wasn’t what Nick had hoped for.  He wanted them to be truly happy for him, and he could tell that they were not.  They thought he was being selfish.  He thought they were being controlling.  When he was on his own, he could do whatever he wanted.  He could sing the kind of songs he wanted to sing, write the kind of lyrics he wanted to write, and didn’t have to go along with what everyone else wanted to do.  He liked being a solo act.  On the other hand, he liked being a Backstreet Boy too and had always been sure he would go back to being in the group with no problem.  But there were problems, problems Nick had not expected.  And right now, being a Backstreet Boy wasn’t very enjoyable at all.

 

“There’s no good food around this place!” AJ called from the kitchen.  The others slowly dragged themselves off the couches in the living room and went into the kitchen as well.  AJ had his head in the refrigerator.  He pulled it out when they came in and said, “Somebody should go get some food.”

 

“There’s an IGA in Brookville,” said Kevin.  “Who wants to go?”

 

“I’ll go,” Nick immediately volunteered, jumping at the chance to escape the tension in the house.  “Anybody want to come with me?”

 

He was hoping AJ or Howie would want to, since they had been the two who hadn’t argued with him earlier.  But AJ slumped down in a kitchen chair, and Howie just shrugged in a non-committable way.

 

“Okay, fine,” Nick said, rolling his eyes.  “I’ll go myself.”

 

“I’ll go with you.”

 

Nick glanced at Brian, who had spoken.  He considered saying he would rather not go with a person who dissed his music, but decided to be mature instead and just nodded.  “Okay.”

 

“Great,” said AJ.  “Get some Slim Jims, would you?”

 

“Get chips and salsa too,” Howie chimed in.

 

Brian chuckled.  “Kevin?” he asked, looking at his cousin.  “Any requests?”

 

“Be-“  Kevin started to say “beer”, then glanced at AJ, and said, “Soda.  Get some soda.”

 

“Mountain Dew.  Or something equally caffeinated,” AJ added.

 

“Sounds good,” Nick said, thinking maybe they would all have more fun after tipping back a few Dews.  “Let’s go.”

 

“Hey, you might wanna wear a coat, Nicky,” said Howie, as Nick grabbed his set of car keys and started out the back door into the garage.  “It’s supposed to snow tonight.”

 

Nick groaned.  A native Floridian, he was not used to snow and despised cold weather.  But he obediently retrieved his coat from the front hall closet, forgetting to tell Howie not to call him Nicky and not to tell him what to do. 

 

Brian got his coat as well, and the two went out into the cold garage.  They climbed into their black, rented SUV, backed out of the long driveway, and were on their way.

 

***

 

The first flakes of snow began to fall as Ella Brisson climbed into her car.  Shivering, she quickly turned on the ignition and cranked the heat.  She waited for a moment until the car began to warm up, then backed out of her parking space, hoping the snow wouldn’t get heavy until she was safely home.

 

She turned on the radio and was greeted with a weather report.

 

“Yes, it’s snowing in Wayne County, folks, and we’re expected to get at least a foot overnight.  If you have to drive somewhere tonight, be careful – those roads will be slick.  Now here’s a classic from the Fab Four…”

 

The Beatles’ “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” began to play, and Ella sang along softly as she pulled out of the parking lot of Saint Michael Medical Center, the largest hospital in Richmond, Indiana.  She had been working there since September, since the start of her third year of medical school, and she loved it.  She had wanted to become a doctor ever since she was a child, and now she was living out a dream.  The life of a med student was stressful – she worked long, hard hours and always had to be on her toes.  But it was worth it, and most of the time, she didn’t mind.  Especially now.  Working so much helped to take her mind off her personal problems.

 

Ella had broken up with her boyfriend of a year just over a week earlier.  Actually, “broken up with” wasn’t really the correct term.  “Gotten dumped by” was more fitting.  Frowning, she replayed the conversation for the umpteenth time in her head.

 

“El, I think we should see other people.”

 

“See other people?  But… but why?  I love you!”

 

“I-I love you too.  At least I think I do.  But… but the thing is, I’m not exactly sure, you know, and I just… want to make sure before we take our relationship any further.”

 

“So, what, you want to date other women and see if you find one you love more than you love me?”

 

“Well… I don’t know… I didn’t really want to put it that way, but I guess that’s basically it.  Ella, I just… I just want to… explore my other options, I guess.  Just to see what’s out there, you know.  And I think you should do the same.  And if it turns out neither one of us finds someone that makes us happier than each other did… then we’ll know we really do love each other.”

 

Once he had explained it, Ella had calmed down.  She had been disappointed, but she thought she understood.  She thought he meant what it was saying, and that after awhile, he would come back to her, and they could be together again.  But the problem was, he didn’t mean a word of it.  He had only been trying to let her down easy, to get out of the relationship without breaking her heart.  She had seen him kissing another woman in a restaurant just the next day and realized automatically that this was not their first date.  He had obviously been seeing her for awhile, behind Ella’s back.  He had been cheating on her.

 

She was very angry for a few days after that.  And then, the anger faded, and she was left devastated and heartbroken.  Deep down, she had always thought he was the one, the one she would someday marry.  She hadn’t had many steady relationships in her lifetime.  She had never been very comfortable talking to guys – guys she liked, at least. 

 

Ella was never considered one of the “beautiful people”.  A former size thirteen, she had been self-conscious of her weight ever since her freshman year of high school.  She knew she wasn’t fat, but she wasn’t skinny either, and in high school, it seemed the popular, good-looking guys only wanted the thin girls, the beautiful girls, the athletic girls.  She had been none of those things.  She was plain-looking – not ugly, not pretty, just plain.  Her dark brown hair was long and straight and uninteresting, and her eyes were your basic brown as well.  Her skin was on the pale side and splotched with the usual case of teenage acne, not tan and flawless like the “beautiful people”. 

 

Now, at twenty-four, she had brought down her pants size to a nine – still not thin, but better than before – she wore her hair in a layered, more flattering style, and her acne had vanished, but she still did not feel pretty.  Having a steady boyfriend for a year definitely helped – he made her feel good about herself, made her feel worth loving.  But now that she knew he didn’t love her anymore – maybe never loved her at all – she had regressed back into her self-consciousness.  It didn’t help that she had gotten on the scale as she was getting ready for work that morning and discovered she had gained three pounds that week.  Emotional eating was definitely not a good thing.

 

Thinking of eating made Ella’s stomach growl, and she realized she had not eaten a thing since breakfast that morning.  It had been hectic at the hospital that day, and she had not found time for lunch or dinner.  Most of the hospital staff just grabbed food from the vending machines on their breaks, but Ella had tried her best to avoid those, especially after finding out she was already three pounds heavier than she had been before the break-up.  Now it was going on nine at night, and she was starving.

 

There’s nothing good to eat at home either, she thought with a groan, mentally going through the refrigerator in the kitchen of her apartment.  She decided to stop and get a few groceries once she reached Brookville, the small town outside Richmond where she had lived since her first year of med school.

 

As she turned onto the two-lane road leading to Brookville, the snowflakes continued to fall.

 

***

 

 

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