Chapter 16

AN: Okay, you’ve all been asking, “What’s wrong with Olivia?” You’re now going to finally find out…

That night, Olivia lay awake for hours, alone in her hospital room. Nick had gone home much earlier, and Olivia had insisted that her parents not be called yet. She knew how much they worried about her, living by herself in Tampa, and she didn’t want to upset them. Not yet anyway. But if this was what she thought it was, she knew they would need to be called soon.

And what she thought it was was something that terrified her. It scared her so much, she could not get to sleep. And when she finally did, she dreamed about it, about the day that had changed her life forever…

Olivia stared deeply into the doctor’s serious brown eyes, listening intently as he spoke to her and her parents.

“After running many tests on Olivia, I believe we’ve found the problem.”

Olivia’s heart hammered, and her palms sweat. She unknowingly held her breath, as the doctor went on in a grave tone.

“Olivia has a brain tumor.”

Those five words had completely shattered her life. No longer was she just a normal eighteen year old girl, getting ready to head off to college. She was now a girl who had a malignant tumor growing in her head.

Her tumor was a brain stem glioma, a cancerous tumor that grew quickly. For months after her diagnosis, which had been almost a year earlier, in August of 2000, she had undergone radiation treatments in hopes of shrinking the tumor, which was inoperable because of its size and location.

She was supposed to have gone to Florida State just weeks after she was diagnosed, but she did not. Although she could have gone and scheduled her radiation sessions in between classes, Olivia chose not to. The diagnosis was still too fresh, too shocking. The thought of moving away from home and living in Florida, with a bunch of people she didn’t even know wasn’t so appealing anymore. She wanted to stay at home, where her family and doctors were, and not have to think about studying and attending classes in between getting her radiation treatments, which exhausted her.

By that winter, Olivia’s tumor had gone dormant, putting her into remission. It had not shrunken completely or even significantly, but her doctor had explained that it could stay dormant for years.

Olivia remained living at home for the rest of the winter and part of spring, but as May passed by, she grew restless. She did not want to stay in Iowa forever. She had wanted to move to Florida, somewhere by the ocean, and live on her own. And her parents understood this. And, being their only daughter, who they had come so close to losing, they bought her the beautiful beach-side house she was living at now.

And up until lately, everything had been perfect. The house was beautiful, the ocean was breathtaking, Nick was wonderful, and she had been feeling perfect. But when the headaches had started up again, followed by the dizziness and the nausea and the fainting spells, Olivia knew something was wrong. The tumor was back. It hadn’t been confirmed by any doctor yet, but Olivia already knew deep down that that’s what it was. The symptoms she was suffering were the same as before her first diagnosis, the year before.

She had tried to pretend that nothing was wrong, as if maybe that would make it all go away. That was why she had not gone to the doctor. But it had caught up with her, and there was no more pretending.

And soon, the worst part would come – having to tell Nick. She liked Nick, and she was pretty sure he liked her back. But what would happen when he found out about her tumor? Olivia didn’t even want to know.

She thought back to the reactions of her friends and classmates back home when they had first heard. Some had felt sorry for her. Others had avoided her. Some showered her with sympathy, while others talked about her behind her back. Olivia hated both. She didn’t want sympathy, and she didn’t want to be the latest gossip. All she wanted was to be normal and to be treated the same as before her brain tumor.

It was the same way with Nick. He liked her now, but what would he do when he heard the news? Which type would he be? Olivia imagined the sympathetic type. But even worse, she could also picture him avoiding her, not coming over or calling anymore, basically just ignoring her. After all, Nick was a celebrity. He could have just about any girl he wanted. Why would he want to be with one that had a terminal illness?

***

By the next evening, Olivia had gone through a whole battery of tests – brain scans, MRI’s, blood tests, the works. And now a doctor was standing beside her bed, the expression on his face identical to that of the doctor who had diagnosed her, back in Iowa.

“I’m out of remission, aren’t I?” Olivia asked, before he could say the words.

The doctor nodded gravely. “I’m afraid it looks like your tumor has started growing again.”

Olivia nodded listlessly. She had known it all along, but somehow, hearing the doctor actually say the words made it even worse.

“So how will you treat it this time?” she asked. “More radiation? My oncologist in Iowa said chemo won’t work on this kind of tumor.”

“Well, I’m not an oncologist, so you’ll be assigned to another doctor. He’ll decide the best way to treat it,” the doctor explained.

“Okay,” Olivia replied.

“We’ll be moving you to the Oncology floor later this evening, and then you’ll meet your new doctor.”

Olivia nodded.

“I’m very sorry about this news,” the doctor said apologetically.

Olivia shrugged. “It’s okay,” she replied softly. “I’ll get through this.” She tried to sound hopeful. She tried to have faith. But it was all just an act. Really, she was scared to death.

***

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