Chapter 1

By Chaos

phantasm (phan-tazm)

1. An image formed by the mind, and supposed to be real or material; a shadowy or airy appearance; sometimes, an optical illusion; a phantom; a dream.
2. In Platonic philosophy, objective reality as perceived and distorted by the five senses.

1993

It was the strongest that he'd ever felt it.

The pull.

Something was coming. The same something that he'd felt lurking on the edge of reality every night of his life. His mother had humored him despite the fact she obviously didn't believe him that it was real. His dad? He hadn't been quite as inclined to humor and had just repeated that there was nothing out there. Nothing was lurking under the bed and nothing was hiding in the closet. And his dad had seemed to get more annoyed each time he brought up his fear until finally he'd stopped mentioning it. His little sister, the one time he'd told her about it, had laughed and called *him* a baby for being afraid of the dark.

He learned then not to speak of it, but to lie awake in silence each night, terrified that this would be the night that whatever it was that was out there would break through and take him. And it was *him* that they were coming for, that he knew. He felt as though he was a magnet, drawing it to him with enough strength to bring it near, but not enough to pull it through to his world.

But tonight was different. The pull was stronger. Tonight was the night it would break through and take him. That he knew, beyond a doubt.

He peeked from beneath the covers, glancing at each of his roommates for the night. They all had it, too. The pull. He'd never felt it in another person before--not his mom, not his dad, his sisters or even his brother. But he felt it in each of these four guys. Though it was auditions, luck, and being in the right place at the right time, he couldn't help but feel like they were meant to find each other. He'd felt it the first time he'd met each of them. It was like he'd been drawn to them as the...thing was drawn to him. He wondered if the other guys felt it too, or if they just felt the bond because of the music they were creating together.

It was the first night that they were all together, sharing a room on the tour. Management had said that it was so that they could get used to each other and spending a lot of time together in small quarters. The other guys had complained a little but he hadn't. Though he'd never admit it to these guys, he was scared of sleeping alone. But he knew if he told them that it would just be one more thing they'd tease him about. As if being the youngest by almost a full two years wasn't bad enough?

Unexpectedly, though, he was even more scared now that they were all there together. Alone, they each had the pull. But together...it was going to be enough to pull the thing to this side of reality. He could feel it getting closer. The rest of them had all managed to fall asleep. Did they not feel it?

He pulled the blanket up as far as he could to feel safe and yet still be able to peek out at the room.

Sleep was not going to come to him that night.

***

2003

They used to have a nightly ritual.

It had been years since they'd all been together in one room to sleep, so Kevin couldn't recall exactly how it went, but as he looked over at his sleeping bandmates, he remembered it fondly. It was only fitting that here they were, 10 years later, all sharing the same hotel room again. Just like their first tour. And he was still the odd one out who got stuck on the floor. Well this time it was on the lush couch. Things had definitely changed.

The ritual started on their very first mini-tour as a group. He remembered that much. They'd all shared a room back then. Though management had given valid sounding reasons, Kevin knew it was likely because they didn't want to spring for an extra room or two since the boys hadn't yet started making profit for them. AJ and Nick were allowed to stay with their moms if they wanted to, but of course they'd opted to stay in the room with the older guys.

They'd stayed up late, watching movies and goofing off. Kevin had pulled the plug on the poker game when AJ had suggested that they raise the stakes from cookies to cash. And then Nick and Brian had accidentally broken a lamp while roughhousing. Kevin had been furious at the time, but now, years later, he remembered the incident affectionately.

Finally around 2am Kevin had made them all turn out the lights and go to bed. They had a show to do and people to meet in the morning. This could be the one that got them noticed. Not that he expected it to be, really. They were just getting started. But, you just never knew who was watching, so every performance had to be their best.

Howie and AJ had immediately claimed one of the hotel beds, and Brian and Nick quickly snagged the other, leaving Kevin to bunk on the floor. They gave him a blanket and an extra pillow to make up for it, but really, he didn't mind. At least he didn't when it came time for making sleeping arrangements. Mornings were a different story, when waking up with a stiff neck and sore back he'd mumble and curse (out of hearing range of AJ and Nick of course) until he got his coffee to settle him. But at night, the floor was fine with him. He was the oldest, and thus he would make a few sacrifices, looking out for the younger boys.

The rest of the boys had fallen asleep rather quickly that night. At least he'd thought they had. He himself was struggling with finding a comfortable position. Around 3am he'd decided that maybe he should get up and take a walk, see if he could make himself more tired. As he'd gotten up, he'd spotted Nick. The thirteen-year-old had the covers pulled up so far that just his eyes and shock of blond hair were visible. It would have been an amusing sight except that Kevin could see the fear glistening in the kid's wide-open eyes.

"Nicky?" he'd whispered as he moved to Nick's side of the bed. "You're still awake?" Nick had looked up at him, his look of fear quickly turning to a mixture of guilt and embarrassment. Kevin had smiled to let the kid know it was okay. "Can't sleep?" Nick had shook his head, looking even more embarrassed. "Yeah. Big day tomorrow huh? I'm having trouble sleeping too."

"Yeah," Nick had agreed, smiling at last and looking relieved. Too relieved, Kevin had noted. Obviously there was something else bothering the kid, though Kevin never found out what it was. He'd invited the kid to go for a walk with him, intending to find out what Nick was keeping from him. Nick had agreed, but Kevin couldn't remember what they'd talked about. Actually, he really didn't remember anything after that point at all. Though he couldn't recall it, he figured that they'd gone for a walk and by the time they'd gotten back, they'd dropped from exhaustion. The next day he'd been so tired that he'd pretty much sleepwalked through the whole day. He'd noticed the others doing the same. He didn't even remember their performance, but apparently it had been remarkably good because they'd gotten lots of gigs from people who'd seen them that day. But he knew that they really couldn't do any more days on such little sleep.

So that night was the first night they'd done the ritual. He couldn't remember who'd thought of it. It was as though they'd all just known to do it. He'd thought that if they did it, maybe it would help Nick get to sleep easier. Amazingly all of the guys had gone along with it without teasing Nick at all. And they'd done it every time they were all together at night whether it be in a hotel room or on the tour bus. They'd done it without question and without a single jibe at the youngest boy. It was just something they always did.

But tonight they hadn't done it. He hadn't even realized it until after the others had gone to bed.

He was sad as he realized that they'd all forgotten. Something that they'd done countless times together and they hadn't even thought about it. He hadn't either until he'd lain awake for a while.

He looked over at AJ and Howie, feeling momentarily sad. It was just a silly little ritual, he knew, but suddenly to him, it kind of represented what had happened to them as a group. They'd outgrown the ritual. And Kevin couldn't help but wonder if they had outgrown each other as well.

It was bound to happen, he supposed. They were all so young when they started out. Especially Nick and AJ. It was natural that they'd get older, get married, start families. And it was wonderful. He couldn't imagine life without Kristin, and wouldn't trade in his marriage for the world, but...it was still sad that he and the guys had barely even talked after their performance tonight. He missed them. They'd all just gone to the hotel room and crashed. And they hadn't even thought about doing the routine they'd done so automatically for years.

He smiled sadly at the thought as he switched his gaze to his cousin and Nick.

To his surprise, a pair of blue eyes was gazing back at him, peeking out from under the sheet much as they had a decade earlier. He couldn't help but grin at the sense of déjà vu as he moved over to Nick's side of the bed. Surely at 23, the young man couldn't still be afraid of the dark. "Nicky?" he asked. "Can't sleep?" Nick nodded, looking highly embarrassed. Good lord, he *was* still afraid. He'd never outgrown it!

Kevin sat on the edge of the bed and reached forward, tousling Nick's hair affectionately.

"We didn't do it," Nick whispered.

Kevin looked at him questioningly, though he suspected Nick was talking about the ritual. He smiled at the nervousness Nick was exhibiting. Nick had once said something about being young and crazy forever, and Kevin didn't doubt for a moment that the kid was right. And God bless him for it.

"The thing. We didn't do the thing..." Nick explained as he caught Kevin's look.

Kevin chuckled softly. "I was just thinking about that. I thought you all had forgotten."

Nick nodded, sitting up and letting the sheet fall. "They did. They all did. How could they forget?" he asked, looking around nervously. When his gaze returned to Kevin, the older man was startled to see the intense fear in the younger one's eyes.

"Whoa! Nicky, it's okay."

Nick shook his head insistently, his attention snapping to the other side of the room as if he'd seen something move. He relaxed slightly when he saw nothing but was still obviously still on high alert. Borderline panicking. "They're coming back, Kev," he whispered.

Kevin frowned. "Nick...nothing's coming. It's okay," he soothed, much as he had when the boy was younger. Boy. 23 was hardly considered a boy, but Kevin would probably always see him as one. Especially when he got freaked out like that.

Nick's eyes narrowed, then his look turned from one of fear to one of sorrow. "You forgot, too...didn't you?" he asked sadly.

Kevin smiled at him. "I didn't remember until they'd all fallen asleep," he admitted.

Nick shook his head insistently. "No...you still don't remember."

***

1993

"Yeah, big day tomorrow huh? I'm having trouble sleeping too," Kevin admitted.

"Yeah," Nick agreed, smiling in relief. The older boy didn't feel it. So maybe it wasn't real. It couldn't be real. His dad was right. After all, he felt the pull coming from Kevin as well, but Kevin didn't feel it. So it was just all in his head. All in his head. Nothing was coming.

"I'm going to take a walk. Get rid of some of this energy. Want to come? We'll just go around the block a few times or something and by then we'll be ready to come back and drop. How's that sound?"

Nick glanced over at Brian, who was still sleeping soundly. Looking over at the other bed, he saw that both occupants were sleeping peacefully as well. Without a care in the world; nothing more to worry about than the next day's performance.

It was all in his head, he reminded himself. He took a deep breath and looked back at the oldest of the group. He carefully extracted himself from the bed, trying not to wake Brian. Absently, he reached for the older man's hand as he headed for the door.

Kevin smiled down at the little blond boy. "Want to grab some pants, little man?" he asked, grinning at the fact that the boy seemed ready to go take their walk wearing only a t-shirt and briefs.

Nick turned a bright shade of red as he realized his state of dress. He pulled away from Kevin and headed for the closet to grab his jeans from his suitcase. He ignored Kevin's light chuckle as he pulled the closet door open.

He didn't have a chance to scream before something that he couldn't see slammed against him, knocking him to the floor, simultaneously pinning all of his limbs to the floor and filling his mouth with an invisible snakelike tentacle. He tried to scream as he felt it clogging his throat, but he couldn't breathe let alone cry out.

"Nicky?" he heard Kevin call out. He saw Kevin moving closer, staring at him as though he were on fire. He stared up at Kevin, wishing he could warn the older boy that the things were there. It wasn't in his head. They were real. And they were in his world. Kevin was on his knees at Nick's side. "Nick, breathe, kid!"

At that moment AJ began flailing wildly in his sleep. "No..." he moaned. A moment later, Howie's whimpers joined AJ's.

Kevin turned to stare at them. His first instinct was that this was some kind of joke, but...as soon as he had that thought he knew it was wrong. This was real. "Wake up!" he called loudly, starting to panic. What was going on? "Guys!" He whirled as a loud gasp came from Brian's bed. He turned to see his cousin bolt upright, his mouth and eyes wide open. Brian's hands went to his throat and began to claw as if something grasped him there. Kevin just stared, unable to make sense out of what he was seeing.

Nick felt tears rolling down his cheeks as he tried desperately to free himself from the thing that had him, but it was no use. It was much too strong and he was feeling faint. He tried once again to call out and managed to make a few gurgling sounds to get Kevin's attention.

Kevin stared wide-eyed down at his suffocating little brother. "Nick! Come on, breathe! You're...you're having some sort of seizure. Just relax and breathe..." Kevin seemed to be talking to himself. "911. Someone has to call 911," he continued to babble for a moment before he realized that he'd have to be the one to do it.

As he got to his feet, however, he felt something grabbing him and lifting him into the air. Before he could recover from the shock, he was slammed into the wall. He felt something pressing against him, crushing him. But there was nothing there! He could feel it, but he couldn't see anything! Nothing but the sight of his littlest brother's lips turning blue and his baby cousin's frantic clawing.

Then suddenly Howie was on his feet and rushing toward him. Straight at him. He was shocked as he saw the smaller man smash into something that seemed to be right in front of him, his arms encircling something invisible. As the small man fell backward to the ground he felt whatever had been crushing him go with Howie. He watched as Howie continued to struggle with something that he couldn't see.

He stared in horror as he turned his attention back to his littlest brother. That couldn't be real. He gaped as he saw his little brother's body sprawled as if in sleep. There was sweat on his forehead and it was obvious that he was in the throes of a nightmare. "Kevin!" the boy on the ground called out in his sleep. "Brian?" Kevin wanted to help him, but he was frozen by what else he was seeing. A ghostly image of his littlest brother struggling against an unseen enemy. It was apparent that whatever had him was trying to drag him into the closet. "Please! Someone!" Or what used to be a closet. Now it appeared to just be a gaping hole, dropping endlessly into darkness. "Please...someone help me."

"Nicky!" he screamed out, leaping forward and trying to grab at the ghostly figure, only to crash to the floor on the other side, having gone right through it.

Nick was in hell. It was dark. So very dark. And he was alone. He screamed and whirled around. One moment he'd been struggling to breathe and then he'd suddenly found himself here. Was he dead? He could feel his heart pounding though, so he couldn't be. "Kevin!" he cried out. "Brian?" he tried when he still got no answer. He began to run, hoping to find an end to the darkness, but there seemingly was none. His heart felt like it was going to explode at any moment. "Please! Someone!" he screamed again, tears starting to fall uncontrollably. He screamed as he felt something brush against his ankle, but as he turned to see what it was, he saw nothing. This was what he'd always feared most. Being alone. In the endless dark. Pitifully alone and vulnerable to attack. "Please...someone help me," he whimpered as he sank first to his knees and then completely to the ground where he curled up into a little ball, hoping to just hide from whatever was coming for him. And it was coming. He could hear it approaching.

It took Kevin a few moments to recover from his fall. As he stood up he saw that both AJ and Brian's bodies were deep in slumber as apparitions with their likenesses were being pulled away, like Nick's. He stared at AJ, who was mumbling something in his sleep. Kevin wasn't sure, but he could have sworn he heard something about clowns eating him.

"Stop them!" Kevin heard Howie yelling out, breaking him out of his daze. Kevin looked down at the smaller man who was still grappling with the invisible beast. "You have to stop them!"

Kevin sprang into action, this time leaping for whatever it was that seemed to be dragging Nick's...ghost to the closet. He felt himself strike a body that at once was solid but slimy. He couldn't see it, but he could sink his hands into it. He clawed at it desperately. "Let him go!" he growled, trying to get it to relinquish its hold on Nick.

No sooner had the thing let go, but Nick's ghost snapped back into his body and Nick leapt to his feet, whirling around, flailing his arms as though to ward off an attack.

"Nick!" Howie called out. "Help Brian!"

Nick stopped his flailing long enough to look around. He saw Brian's apparition being hauled along the ceiling. As if he innately knew what to do, he swung into action, grabbing the lamp that he'd accidentally broken earlier in the night and swung it at the creature that he couldn't see. A moment later Brian's ghost snapped back to his body and Brian fell from the bed with a soft cry.

Meanwhile Howie managed to get out from the creature he was battling and grabbed the creature that had AJ's ghost captive. Kevin joined him and kept pounding at the thing until AJ, too was released.

Nick grabbed Brian's arm and pulled him toward the other three. Within moments they stood in a circle, their backs to each other, warding off the creatures. "Link arms!" Nick cried out, as if he knew exactly what to do. "They can't take us all if we're together."

None of the others questioned him. He didn't know how he knew that it would work any more than he'd known they were going to come. But it was working. The beasts kept trying to take them, but they couldn't break the circle.

They stayed like that until dawn started breaking and then, all at once, the beasts disappeared. Like they had never been there.

Exhausted, each of them had crawled back into their beds and fallen into slumber. When they were wakened an hour later to prepare for their first show of the day, all remnants of the battle were gone, as though it had never happened. The closet was still a closet. The room was all in order. The lamp was even back on the table where it belonged, though nobody had noticed it but Nick.

And they never talked about what had happened that night. Nick had tried, but AJ had laughed and told him he must have one heck of a wild imagination. Like it had never happened.

Could he really not remember? And what of the others? They didn't seem to remember it either.

***

2003

They'd all forgotten. But he couldn't. He never would. He knew some part of them had to remember it, or they never would have done the ritual so religiously each night without ever questioning why.

Until tonight.

Kevin reached forward and ruffled Nick's hair again. "Tell you what, I can't sleep either. We could maybe play a game or two on that box of yours..." he suggested as he turned on the television, immediately turning the volume off. "For old times sake I can whip your heinie."

Nick smirked. "Heinie? Who actually *says* that?" he teased. "And since when have you *ever*--" he froze mid-sentence as he felt it intensify. The pull.

It was coming.

***

Next

Back to index