Chapter 15:
Miracles
Can Happen (Especially In Teenybopper Stories!)
Hours later, Brian stood surrounded by the many friends he had
made in Heaven – Angelique, Angela, Angel, Angelina, Angelee, Angelia, Angelo,
and Angelou – who all bid him tearful goodbyes.
As the clock struck midnight, he heard God’s voice whisper
stoically in his ear, “It is time.”
Brian closed his eyes, and as the clock chimed its twelve chimes,
a strange, light-headed sensation came over him. And then, he was fading away…
If only he knew what was to come…
***
Back on Earth, the Backstreet Boys and PANTS were in the middle of
a backyard barbecue/pool party at the Backstreet mansion. (Yes, I know it’s midnight in Heaven, but
it’s only noon in Florida – different time zones, ya know?)
As the nine of them sat around the patio, pigging out, Nick
suddenly looked up at the sky and said through a mouthful of potato salad,
which oozed out between his lips and dribbled down his chin as he did so, “I
wish Frick were here.”
“Yeah,” AJ remarked sadly.
“Rok always used to love our daily barbecues and pool parties. Not to mention our weekly trips to Disney
World.”
“Yeah,” Howie sniffed.
“H-he always liked the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride the best. He never was much of a roller coaster fan.”
“Like, the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride?” Nikki asked, wrinkling her
nose in disgust. “Dude, that’s, like,
really gay!”
“Yo, you, like, best, like, back up, bitch!” Taylor screamed,
leaping up from her chair. “Don’t you
be, like, dissing my Brian, like, ho!”
“You wanna, like, take this, like, outside?” Nikki screamed back,
leaping up from her own chair.
“We, like, are outside,” retorted Taylor.
“Like, oh,” said Nikki, looking around. And by then, she was so discombobulated that
she forgot all about fighting Taylor, and Taylor forgot all about why she was
mad at Nikki, so they just hugged each other and sat down.
“Can you, like, pass the cheese please?” Praline asked.
“F-Frick always like cheese,” Nick whispered, teary-eyed, as he
handed the jar of Cheez Whiz to Praline.
“H-he was my c-cousin,” Kevin stammered.
“We know, Kevin,” replied AJ.
“We know.”
They ate in silence, thinking about Brian… and what a mean batch
of coleslaw Howie could whip up. The
quietness was interrupted only by an extremely loud splash and the giant tidal
wave of chlorinated water that sprayed them, as if someone had just performed
the world’s biggest cannonball. But
there was no one there to do a cannonball – AJ, Howie, Kevin, Nick, Praline,
Ali, Nikki, Taylor, and Safyre were all sitting around the table, eating, and
the rottweilers that the Backstreet Boys had gotten shortly after Brian’s death
made sure that no one else could come on the property.
“What the fuck was that?” AJ cried, leaping up angrily from his
seat.
“Like, ohmygod, my hair!” screeched Ali, shaking water from her
long, brunette mane.
“Like, ohmygod!” gasped Taylor, jumping up from her seat. “It’s, like… it’s, like…”
“BRIAN!” they all cried in unison, as the familiar form of their
old friend surfaced in the pool and swam toward them.
“It’s a… g-g-g-ghost!” exclaimed Nick suddenly, and one of the
rottweilers leapt into his arms, adding, “R-r-r-rhost!” And then the two of them ran away from the
edge of the pool, stopping only to scarf about thirty hamburgers in one bite.
“It’s not a ghost,” said Howie reasonably, and he walked up to
Brian, grabbed his cheeks with both hands, and tugged. The others gasped as Brian’s face came off in
Howie’s hands. And then they realized…
it was a mask!
“It was, like, you!” cried Taylor, aghast, as she peered into the
face of the man she thought was her deceased boyfriend. But it wasn’t, it was Lionel Rodriquez,
reporter from Teen Beat Magazine, who had been harassing them ever since
Brian’s death.
“You meddling popstars!” cried Lionel, shaking his finger
threateningly at the group. “Give me an
interview… or else!”
“No way!” cried Kevin. “Get
out of here, or we’ll call the cops on your ass! First you trespass on our property, and then
you try to trick us into believing you were Brian!”
“And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t have been
for you meddling popstars!” retorted Lionel.
“You’ll pay for this!”
“Yeah, yeah, we get the point,” muttered AJ. “Sic ‘im, Scooby!”
Nick’s rottweiler began to growl and then broke into a run,
chasing after a screaming Lionel, whose angry cries of “You’ll pay for this!”
faded away as he ran off.
“What a weirdo!” exclaimed Nick, biting into another hamburger.
Then, all of a sudden, there was another giant splash, and they
were soaked once again by a tidal wave of chlorinated water.
“Not again!” screeched Ali, ringing out her sopping hair.
“Oh yeah, nice try,” AJ remarked sarcastically, as he looked into
the pool to see “Brian” swimming toward them once again. “Did you think we would fall for it again
thirty seconds later? Come on, we’re not
that stupid!” He looked over to
see Nikki tugging the sliding screen door the wrong way, trying to get it open,
and added, “Okay, well, some of us aren’t that stupid.”
“What are you talking about, AJ?” asked “Brian,” and it sounded
like the real Brian’s voice.
“Hm… you’re good. How are
you making your voice sound identical to Brian’s?” AJ asked suspiciously.
“Because I am Brian, you bonehead!” exclaimed Brian. (Haha,
bonehead – pun intended)
“Wait a minute… if you’re Brian… then what’s your favorite food?”
AJ quizzed skeptically.
“Macaroni and cheese!” Brian replied quickly. “And cheese pizza as a close second.”
“Oh my God!” cried AJ.
“That’s right! No one but the
real Brian could have known that! Well,
except for the millions of teenyboppers that read Bop. You must be the real Brian!”
“Told you I was!”
“Frick!” cried Nick, dropping his hamburger and running over to
the pool. He leaped into it and threw
his arms around Brian, and they shared a nice underwater hug (picture the scene
from “Romeo and Juliet”, only with two guys who are just friends, not lovers
because, come on, boppers don’t write slash).
“Like, ohmygod, Brian!” cried Taylor, jumping into the pool as
well and joining in on the underwater hug.
Everyone else dropped their food and dived in after them, even Nikki,
who had given up on that blasted screen door.
Soon they were immersed in an underwater group hug.
When they finally surfaced, they noticed that Brian was floating
face-down in the water, and when they flipped him over, they saw that his skin
was an odd shade of grayish-purplish-blue.
Realizing their underwater hug might have lasted just a wee bit too
long, they dragged Brian out of the water, and Kevin quickly resuscitated him
with CPR.
“Thanks, cuz!” gasped Brian, spitting out a mouthful of pool
water, which, ironically, hit Ali right in the face.
“Like, nooo!” she cried, clutching her hair.
“Brian!” cried Howie. “W-we
thought you were… dead!”
“I was!” Brian replied.
“And I went to Heaven, and I met all these hot angels. But then God said I could have my life back,
so… here I am!”
“It’s a miracle!” exclaimed Kevin.
“Welcome back, dude!” cried AJ.
“Hey, Frick, wanna go inside and play some Mario Kart?” offered
Nick.
“Sure!” replied Brian. “I’m
so gonna whoop your ass!”
“Oh, no you’re not!” Nick retorted, and the two best friends
skipped on into the house, their light banter fading away as they disappeared.
If only they knew what was to come…
***
