Chapter 18:
Do You Want Fries With That?
Author’s Note #1: For those of you
that basically ignored the last chapter (I know, I know, it was next to
impossible to read and understand – stupid teenybopper guest author), here’s a
quick summary of what happened in it (yes, between all the change in POV’s and
grammar errors, something actually did happen).
Safyre goes to the doctor and finds out that her cancer has
relapsed. She needs a bone marrow
transplant, so all the members of Bsb and PANTS are tested to see if they are
matches (oh, and may I remind you that no, this is not realistic or medically
accurate because I’m making fun of bopper fics, which are rarely realistic or
medically accurate). So yeah, it turns
out that Praline is the only match.
Praline is afraid at first, but finally decides to save her friend by
going through the procedure.
Unfortunately, there are complications, and she ends up in a coma. AJ goes to visit her but is shocked and
horrified by her deathly appearance.
Unable to stand being in the hospital room with her, he runs out…
Author’s Note #2: This chapter is
rated NC-17 for adult content. This chapter is mocking a certain genre of
fanfic, but in order to do so, it has to be graphic. So younger readers, read with caution. If you’re not comfortable with this sort of
thing, just don’t read this chapter – trust me, you’re not missing out on
anything. In fact, you’re probably
better off not reading it…
Author’s Note #3: If you are going to
read the chapter, you might not want to be eating at the time… especially
anything from McDonald’s… this tidbit of advice from my awesome friend Susan,
who read and critiqued this chapter before I decided whether or not to post
it. (It almost could have become “Not
Another Teenybopper Fanfic: The Lost Chapter,” but Susan told me I had to put
it up. Thanks, Susan!)
AJ got into his car
and drove blindly. Well, okay, he wasn’t
really blind
cause, you know, then he would have gotten into a really bad car accident, and
with all the other drama in this story already, that’s really the last thing we
need. Unless… No, never mind.
So yeah, he was
driving along all distraught-like, when he spotted a pair of familiar-looking
golden arches in the distant. And no,
they weren’t Heaven’s gates, but…
You guessed it…
MCDONALD’S!
AJ immediately
pointed his car in that direction, driving frenziedly toward the fast-food
restaurant that served as his haven, his sanctuary. As a side note, it had also served over 99
billion people, according to the towering golden arches, but that was another
matter.
AJ whipped his car
haphazardly into a parking space, almost mowing down an old lady in the
process, and climbed out, dashing across the Drive Thru lane to get to the
door. He gripped the metal handle,
yanking with all his might to get through the one thing that stood between him
and the saturated fat binge that he hoped would temporarily take his mind off
his worries and guilt. Then he realized
the door said “Push” not “Pull” and, his face growing red, he calmly nudged it
open and walked through.
The heavenly aroma
of grease permeated the air, and AJ inhaled deeply, the scent immediately
calming his nerves. He meandered up to
the counter, his gaze fixed on the large menu overhead.
“Welcome to
McDonald’s; can I take your order?” a voice asked robotically from behind the
counter.
AJ glanced down… and
gasped. There, standing behind the cash
register, was the most divine creature he had ever set eyes upon. She was of model height, probably 5’10” or
5’11” – taller than him at any rate. Her
expansive body was packed into a skin-tight McDonald’s polo shirt that accented
her many curves and the striking lines of her voluptuous bosom. Her hair, acid blonde with graying roots,
hung long, straight, and shiny beneath her faded McDonald’s visor. Large, thick-framed glasses magnified her
muddy brown eyes, making them look even larger than they might have
without. She smiled, stretching back
purple-lipsticked lips and revealing a set of buttercup yellow, randomly-placed
teeth.
“H-hi…” AJ squeaked
breathlessly, his eyes never leaving hers.
“M-my name’s AJ…” Swallowing back
his nervousness, he added in his sexiest rasp, “And what’s yours, baby?”
The cashier smiled
again and pointed at her nametag.
“Wanda,” she answered huskily.
“Wanda,” he repeated
in a whisper, the name as sweet as honey on his tongue.
“So, AJ,” said
Wanda, raising a dark, overgrown eyebrow.
“May I… take your order?” She
repeated her first question again, but this time her voice was seductive and
sensual. He had never heard that
familiar phrase sound so good.
“You may,” he
answered with a wink. “I’d like a
nine-piece Chicken McNuggets… please.”
“Nine-piece
McNuggets,” Wanda repeated. “And… do you
want fries with that?”
“Ohh yeah, baby,” AJ
said hungrily… but a hot, greasy French fry was not exactly what he was just
itching to sink his teeth into.
“I love French fries,” said Wanda. “They’re so long… and so tasty… nice and hard on the outside… but it’s what’s inside that counts.”
“Ohh, baby,” moaned
AJ, feeling his own “French fry” growing nice and hard within his pants.
“And do you want
sauce for your McNuggets?”
“Barbeque, baby… I
like things spicy, you know what I’m sayin’?”
“Ohh, me too,” Wanda
sighed. “But, you know… I prefer
hamburgers to chicken… they’re so thick… so juicy…”
“Tell me more,
Wanda,” AJ gasped, his “French fry” crisp and erect.
“No,” she
breathed. “Call me… Big ‘N’ Tasty.”
“Big ‘N’ Tasty,” he
repeated, his “French Fry” ready to erupt from his pants. “Well you know, Big ‘N’ Tasty, I’m with
you – I’d much rather eat a hamburger than chicken. I’m the… Hamburglar, baby… and I’m gonna eat you all up.”
“Ohh, AJ!” she
gasped in pleasure, reaching over the counter and grabbing his arms. She pulled him to her with amazing strength,
sending him flying off his feet and sliding across the counter toward her. He leaped off the other end, grabbing her as
soon as his feet hit the floor, and frantically peppering her flaccid face with
passionate kisses, the short whiskers on her upper lip tickling his as he
pressed his lips to hers.
“Wanda,” he moaned, sinking to the ground, dragging her down with
him. “I want you.”
“Have it your way,” she panted in between wet kisses, her body
slipping and sliding on the grease-slicked, tiled floor.
“Isn’t that Burger King’s slogan?” AJ asked breathlessly, his
fingers digging into her fleshy back as he kissed her roughly. “Yours is… ‘we love to see you smile.’”
“Do I make you smile?” Wanda asked, her hot, onion-scented breath
invading his nostrils.
“You do more than that, baby!” cried AJ and tugged at her shirt
with barbaric passion, bringing it up and over her head, knocking her
McDonald’s visor off in the process. She
helped him, struggling to jiggle herself out of her tight khakis. When she had finished disrobing, he started
at her rapturously for a moment, taking in the sight of her, dressed in nothing
but a white-turned-gray bra and hot pink, high-waisted Fruit of the Loom
panties, the milky white skin of her stomach hanging in soft, supple rolls.
Bending over, he inserted his tongue in between two of them,
flicking it back and forth like dental floss wedged tightly between two teeth,
lapping the sweat that glistened within the dank crevasse of her succulent
skin. Pulling back, he started on a
rapid climb upward, dragging his tongue longingly up her rolling belly,
stopping only when he was met by the invasive fabric of her bra. His fingers crawled blindly across her back,
finding the clasps. He played with them,
trying to pull them apart, but her words stopped him.
“I don’t think so, Bad Boy,” she said breathily. “You’re still dressed. I don’t think that’s too fair.”
“No,” agreed AJ, immediately yanking his t-shirt off and tossing
it carelessly aside. “Neither do
I.” While her hands explored his
muscular chest, his pulled at his pants, unfastening so that he could kick them
away.
“Now the boxers,” Wanda urged, and he hurriedly obeyed, pulling
them off to expose his full erection.
“Ohh, AJ, you’re a big boy!” she exclaimed in sheer delight, her eyes
widening at the sight of his “French fry.”
“No, not just big – you’re supersized!
I think I’ll call you Big Mac… Big MacLean.”
“Whatever you say, Big ‘N’ Tasty,” AJ exhaled, finally unclasping
her bra and pulled it swiftly off. Her
long, wilting breasts fell free from their captor, nearly slapping him in the
face in the process. “Ohh, Wanda,” he
moaned, immediately putting his lips to one, his tongue traveling down its
length, stopping at the nipple, which hardened as soon as his tongue had grazed
over it. He put his mouth around it,
biting down softly and causing Wanda to moan with pleasure. While he continued to fondle her “McShakers,”
her hands caressed his “French Fry.”
“Ohh, baby!” he cried out, his tongue rapidly descending back down
her vast body. If she were a Happy Meal…
then by God, he had just found the prize.
He stuck his tongue inside her, playfully exploring her like a kid in
the Playplace, tasting the “special sauce” that ran down her cottage-cheese
thighs.
Then it was her turn.
She put her mouth around his “French Fry,” sucking mercilessly,
ravenous for the grease that she knew would be coming anytime now. He moaned, and she pulled back, planting a
row of kisses up his body until her lips found his.
His arms encircling her corpulent frame as best he could, he took
the opportunity to plunge his “French Fry” into her “little white cup of
ketchup” and began to pump away. They
reached orgasm at the same time, Wanda bellowing like a mad cow, AJ screaming
hoarsely. He pulled the “French Fry” out
and collapsed onto the grimy floor, panting.
He glanced over at Wanda, who was bathed in a thick sheen of sweat. Her chest rose and fell heavily, her
“McShakers” jiggling as she gasped for air.
“I know Mickey D’s is fast food,” AJ said breathlessly. “But, baby, that was a five star meal right
there. How about… dessert?”
“Oh,” she gasped, “not right now… give me a chance to catch my
breath, Big Mac! If you ate a
Super-sized Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese meal twice a day, every day,
you’d be out of breath, too. I should
probably go get one of those angiolplasty things again soon…”
“It’s okay, babe, I love you, blocked arteries and all,” sighed
AJ. “Maybe we’ll save dessert for later,
huh?”
“Definitely,” growled Wanda, her voice low and sultry. As they slowly got dressed, she gave him
directions to her trailer park.
“I’ll be there, babe,” he promised.
“All right, Big Mac,” she replied.
“Then we can… McFlurry… some more.”
Smiling devilishly, he planted a suave kiss on her lips and
started to walk out of the dilapidated restaurant.
“AJ, wait!” she called out, just when he had reached the door.
He turned around, his eyes sparkling wickedly. “What?
Did you change your mind?” he asked, hoping they could “McFlurry” again
now after all.
“No,” she laughed and held out a grease-stained paper bag. “You forgot your McNuggets!”
If only they knew what was to come…
***
