Chapter 23

 

“Heidi,” Sonny said weakly.

 

Heidi gripped his hand tightly.  “Hey, baby,” she said, smiling tenderly down at him.  He had been taken off of the respirator, but he was still attached to the rest of the machinery.  Still, he was awake now, so the various beeps didn’t bother Heidi as much.  “I love you,” she said softly.

 

“Love you too,” Sonny replied, managing a small smile up at him. 

 

“Are you in pain, sweetheart?” she asked.

 

Sonny shook his head slightly, trying to act tough, but Heidi could see his pain reflecting in his green eyes.

 

“Have you been given any pain medication?” she asked, concerned.

 

“I… I don’t know,” Sonny said.

 

“Well, I’ll call a nurse and see if someone can give you something,” Heidi said, punching the call button. 

 

Moments later, a nurse appeared in the room. 

 

“My husband needs some kind of pain medication,” Heidi said, motioning to Sonny.  “Can you get him some?”

 

The nurse studied Sonny’s chart a moment.   “I’ll have to ask his doctor first,” she said.  “I’ll be right back, ok?”

 

“Sure,” Heidi replied, watching as she left the room.  Then she turned her attention back on Sonny.

 

***

 

A few hours passed, and I sat restlessly in the waiting room.  Brian sat beside me, staring off into space.  Nick, Sammy, AJ, and Leighanne had gone back to Brian and Leighanne’s house several hours ago to get some sleep and freshen up.  I had refused to go, as had Heidi, and Brian didn’t want the two of us to stay alone, so he had volunteered to stay with us.   Brian looked ragged and exhausted, and all the life had gone out of his blue eyes.  Heidi was in with Sonny again, as she had been most of the day.  None of us had slept since Thursday night, before Heidi and I were even in Atlanta.  It was Saturday afternoon now.  I was exhausted, but my worry kept me awake, as well as my frequent trips to the coffee and soda machines.   Caffeine always helped.

 

Suddenly, I heard soft voices outside in the hall, and then a face peeked into the doorway.  “Krissi!” I said, a tired smile spreading across my face.

 

“Hi, Julie,” she said, smiling sadly as she came over to me.  “Jeez, Julie, when was the last time you slept?” she asked incredulously, her big blue eyes widening as she studied me.

 

I shrugged listlessly.  Then I turned to Brian.  “Bri, meet Josh’s sister, Kristine,” I introduced.

 

“Kris,” Kris said.

 

“Hi, Kris,” Brian said, smiling at her.

 

“Hi,” she said, returning his smile.

 

“Where are your parents?” I asked Kris.

 

“They’re here,” Kris replied.

 

Just then, Rich Benton, Josh’s father, stepped into the room.  He smiled wearily when he saw me.

 

“Hi, Julie,” he said, sitting down.  “How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay,” I replied, although really, I was a wreck. 

 

Josh’s mother, Terri, came up beside me and rested her hand on my shoulder.  “Has there been any change, honey?” she asked, her brown eyes filled with worry.

 

I shook my head.  “No,” I said softly.  “He’s still on a respirator and is unconscious.”

 

Terri nodded, sinking down into the chair next to Rich.   I quickly introduced them to Brian, and they all exchanged polite hellos.  Then I sat back and sighed unhappily, wishing for some good news to come soon.  We sure needed it.

 

***

 

AJ, Nick, Sammy, and Leighanne returned awhile later, looking a little better than they had before.  Once again, I introduced everyone, and we all sat down again.  Heidi had returned from Sonny’s room and was sitting with us. 

 

I rubbed my hand over my stomach, which was a little upset.  I wasn’t sure if it was because of nerves or the baby, but suddenly, it reminded me that I hadn’t yet told any of them that I was pregnant.  I decided to go ahead and tell them, since we were all there.  Maybe it would lift everyone’s spirits a bit.

 

“Hey, everyone,” I said, clearing my throat.  “I have an announcement to make.”  They all watched me curiously, waiting for me to continue.  I decided to just come out and say it.  “I’m pregnant.”

 

They all gasped, and tears filled Terri’s eyes.  “Oh, Julie,” she said, smiling happily. 

 

“How far along are you?” Sammy asked, smiling at me as well.

 

“Three months,” I replied.  “Josh and I found out awhile ago, and we were going to wait to tell you all, but then… well, you know…”  I trailed off, my sudden happiness diminishing. 

 

As I looked around the room, they all looked happy for me, Brian, Leighanne, AJ, Nick, Sammy, Rich, Terri, Kris, and…  I glanced at Heidi, who sat in the corner, her chin resting on her hands.   She looked miserable.   She looked up then, and I caught her eye.  Then, without warning, she jumped up and hurried out of the room. 

 

Everyone looked at each other, mystified by her behavior.  I was too… until I realized what was wrong. 

 

I looked at the others and solemnly began, “Guys, I know Heidi hasn’t mentioned this to any of you, but I guess I might as well tell you.  Because of the medications she takes for her epilepsy, she’ll probably never be able to have children.”

 

Looks of anguish filled their faces, and I suddenly felt horribly guilty.  I should have thought before I had told them the big news.  I should have known Heidi would be upset. 

 

“I’m going to go talk to her,” I said, standing up.  “She’s probably in with Sonny.”

 

They nodded, and I walked down the hall to Sonny’s room.  The door was partially closed.  I peeked through and saw Heidi sitting next to him, her head resting on the edge of his bed.  I silently opened the door and tip-toed in.  She was crying, I realized, for I could hear her soft sniffling and see her shoulders shaking slightly.  Sonny was sound asleep. 

 

“Heidi?” I whispered.

 

She whirled around, and I saw her face was already stained with tears.

 

“Heidi, I’m sorry,” I said softly, coming to her and hugging her.  “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she sniffed.  “It’s not your fault.  I… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I just got too emotional.”

 

I said nothing, just held her while she cried silently.  “Don’t you worry,” I soothed.  “Once Sonny’s back on his feet, maybe you could look into adoption.  I know it’s not exactly the same, but still, you could adopt a baby and love it just like you would your very own.”

 

She nodded.  “I guess that’s what we’ll have to do,” she said.  “We’ve been trying so long, and still nothing.  I’ve given up on it by now.”

 

I nodded, my heart breaking inside for her.  But I knew there was nothing I could do for her or for Sonny.

 

***

 

“Hey, Julie, how about you come with me back to the house?” Brian suggested half an hour later.  “You need some sleep.”

 

I sighed.  I had just been in to see Josh after I had finished comforting Heidi, and still, there had been no change in his condition.  I was exhausted and depressed as well.  Maybe some sleep would help.

 

“Okay,” I said reluctantly.  “Let’s go home.” 

 

He nodded, relived.  “Hey, AJ, you’ll call if anything changes, right?” Brian asked, as we gathered up our things.

 

“Sure, Rok,” AJ replied.

 

“Thanks, Aje,” I said sincerely.

 

“No problem, Jules,” he replied.   “Now get some sleep, girl.”

 

I smiled.  “See you guys later,” I said, as I followed Brian out of the room and down to the parking deck to find his van.

 

***

 

A few more hours passed, and while I lay asleep at Brian’s house, the rest of our group sat restlessly at the hospital.

 

Sammy sat beside Nick, deep in thought.  They hadn’t been talking much since their argument before, but Sammy had realized how exhausted they had both been then.  They had both overreacted, and she knew it.  She didn’t want to be fighting with him.

 

Suddenly, she heard the theme song from “Sesame Street” playing on the TV.  AJ was flipping channels again, and he had flipped by a rerun of the old children’s show.  Hearing that song suddenly brought back a whirlwind of memories of Megan, for “Sesame Street” had been one of her favorite shows before she had been kidnapped.  Without warning, tears sprung to Sammy’s eyes.

 

Nick noticed this.  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

 

“Nothing,” Sammy said, wiping her eyes furiously.


Nick sighed.  “Sammy, don’t do that.  Something must be wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t be crying.  Now what is it?”

 

“It’s just, I keep thinking of Megan,” Sammy said softly.

 

“Look, Sammy, that was ten freakin’ years ago.  Don’t you think it’s time to let it go now?” Nick asked, none too kindly.

 

Sammy’s mouth dropped open.  “What do you mean?” she cried, hurt and angered by his comment.

 

“I mean let it go.  She’s gone, Sammy, and she’s not coming back.  Right now you need to be worrying about others, like Hope, or Josh, or Sonny.  Why do you always have to be such a drama queen?”  Nick demanded harshly.

 

“Nick!” Sammy cried, shocked that he would say such hurtful things to her. 

 

“What?!” Nick cried.  “I’m telling the truth here.   You’re an actress, I know, but you don’t have to pretend like your life is a living soap opera.  Give it up on all the melodrama of your past and move on.”

 

Sammy’s tears spilled over her eyes.  It was true, she was an actress.  She had been into acting ever since she was a child.  She was not famous, but she had held supporting roles in several independent films and acted in some music videos as well.  In fact, she had met Leighanne at one of these video shoots, and they had become friends.  Leighanne had been the one who had introduced Sammy to Nick. 

 

“Nick, stop saying that!” Sammy cried. 

 

“Oh, come on!  It’s true, Sammy!  You want your own life to be some kind of tragic drama, like in movies.  That’s why you can’t let go of the tragedy that happened all those years ago.  But face it, it’s time to move on and stop feeling sorry for yourself.  Get a life!” Nick yelled.  “You don’t even care about anyone else’s feelings in this room!   All you’re worried about is your dead daughter!”

 

Sammy’s eyes flashed with rage and hurt.  She was so upset she couldn’t even spit out a retort to him.  Instead, she jumped up and fled from the room, bursting into sobs.

 

“Oh, God,” Nick said, suddenly snapping out of his anger and realizing what he had just done.  He jumped up as well.  “Sammy, wait!” he yelled, but she had already disappeared into an elevator at the end of the hall.

 

***

 

Sammy raced through the parking deck, looking for her car.  She was glad they had thought to bring their own cars to the hospital when they had come back earlier, in case some of them wanted to leave again later.  She fished her key to Leighanne’s car, which she had driven to the hospital in earlier, out of her purse and unlocked the door of it.  Then she climbed in and sped off.

 

***

 

“Damn!” Nick cursed as he saw Sammy speeding away.  He dug through his pockets to find his keys.

 

He pulled the keys out of his pocket and ran to where he had parked his car.  He quickly unlocked the door and turned on the ignition.  Then he squealed out of his parking spot and sped out of the parking deck, hoping he could catch up to his girlfriend.

 

***

 

 

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