Chapter
48
Nick’s happiness was short lived. Tests ran on Sammy later that morning showed
that her heart and lungs were still too weak for surgery, and Dr. Kilbourne
warned Nick and Megan that she wouldn’t last much longer.
Depressed, Nick spent the day in Sammy’s room, refusing to
leave to eat or sleep. Sammy drifted in
and out of consciousness, and sometimes, when she was awake, she was so doped
up with morphine that she didn’t seem coherent anyway.
But around two that afternoon, Sammy woke up and looked
Nick right in the eye. She squeezed his
hand, then weakly lifted hers to her throat.
Nick knew she wanted that breathing tube out of her throat.
“Baby, I know,” he said.
“I know you want it out, but I don’t think Dr. Kilbourne will allow it.”
Sammy seemed desperate to communicate with him. Nick sighed, but then he brightened, thinking
of something. “Hey, Sammy, do you think
you could write?” he asked.
Sammy’s eyes lit up, and she managed a weak nod.
“Okay then. I’ll be
right back,” Nick said, jumping up. He
ran down to the nurses’ station and asked for a pad of paper and a pen. Then he brought the supplies back to Sammy’s
room. “Okay, honey, here you go,” he
said, placing them in her hands.
Using all the strength she could muster, Sammy struggled to
write a message, while lying down and tethered to IV’s.
When she was done, Nick took it from her. Her writing was lopsided and scribbly, but he
could make out the message.
Please, get
me off this thing!
He sighed unhappily.
“I’ll go ask your doctor,” he said finally, willing to do anything to
make her happy.
Her eyes brightened again, and she seemed to relax a
bit. Nick smiled, kissed her gently on
the cheek, and left the room to track down Dr. Kilbourne.
He had Dr. Kilbourne paged, and luckily, the doctor wasn’t
busy and came right to see him.
“Dr. Kilbourne, Sammy’s begging to be taken off the
respirator,” Nick said. “Is there any
way you could take her off it?”
Dr. Kilbourne sighed.
“Nick, her lungs and heart are weak, and I think she could breathe
without the respirator, but it will be hard and painful for her.”
“Please, do it, at least for awhile. It’s what she wants,” Nick pleaded.
“All right,” Dr. Kilbourne agreed. “But first I need to ask you something.”
“What?” Nick asked.
“Well, if she should go into respiratory failure, and we
would need to put her back on it, do you want us to?” he asked. “Because if you don’t, you’ll need to sign a
‘do not resuscitate order’.”
Nick felt sick to his stomach as he realized what the
doctor was saying. “Are you saying that
if we take her off the respirator, she’ll die?” he asked.
“No, no,” Dr. Kilbourne said quickly. “But it’s clear that Samantha doesn’t want to
be on the respirator. All I’m asking is,
if she would need to be put back on it to keep her alive, would she want that?”
“I can’t make this decision now,” Nick said. “Look, just take her off it, and I can ask
her to her face once she’s off it and can talk to me. She seems to be pretty with it right now, and
I know she’ll tell me what she wants.
If it was my choice, I’d do anything to keep her alive, but I don’t want
to go against her wishes.”
Dr. Kilbourne nodded.
“Okay, Mr. Carter,” he said. “I’ll
take her off it now, if you’d like.”
“Please,” Nick said, and they walked back to Sammy’s room.
“Dr. Kilbourne is here to take you off the respirator,
Sammy,” Nick said, once they were in her room.
Sammy’s eyes brightened happily.
“All right, Samantha, I’d like you to take a deep breath
for me and pretend like you’re blowing out birthday candles while I pull out
the tube,” Dr. Kilbourne instructed.
“Ready?” Sammy nodded weakly, but
eagerly. “Okay, now!”
Sammy took a painful breath, and Dr. Kilbourne pulled the
tube out of her throat as she blew out.
Once the tube was out, Sammy gasped painfully for air.
Nick watched in wide-eyed horror. “Don’t worry,” Dr. Kilbourne said. “Give her a minute.”
That minute seemed to last an eternity, but when it was
over, Sammy had relaxed a bit and was breathing a little easier.
“I need to go now.
Call if you need anything,” Dr. Kilbourne said. “I’ll be back to see you later, Samantha.”
“Thanks,” Sammy said, but her voice was weak and quite
hoarse.
“Are you okay?” Nick asked, concerned.
“Yeah,” Sammy said.
“Thanks, honey.”
“No problem, baby,” Nick said. “I’d do anything for you. I love you, Sammy.”
“I love you too, Nicky,” Sammy said, taking his hand in
hers. Nick was startled to see a film of
tears cover her eyes.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” Nick asked, alarmed.
“Nick, I don’t know if I’m going to make it through this,”
Sammy said, pausing to take in a wheezy breath.
“Don’t say that-“ Nick started, but Sammy interrupted him.
“Don’t worry, I’m not giving up. But I want to be prepared, just in case,”
Sammy said. “And I don’t want to die
leaving unfinished business behind.”
“Like what?” Nick asked.
“Like this,” Sammy said, and she held out her left hand,
showing him her sparkling engagement ring, the one he had given her in the
hospital when he had proposed, not long after his surgery. “Nick, I want to get married.”
“We will, baby,” Nick said.
“I can’t wait.”
“You don’t have to,” Sammy said. “I want to get married here, now.”
“Huh? Now? Here?
At the hospital?” Nick cried.
“Nicky, I know it’s not very romantic, but I want to marry
you before I die. It’s all I want.” Sammy was near tears.
“Baby, shhh, don’t cry,” Nick soothed. “If you want to get married now, then that’s what
I want to.”
Sammy brightened, then frowned. “But who will marry us?” she asked.
Nick thought quickly.
“Kevin’s brother Tim can!” he cried suddenly. “He’s a minister!”
Sammy’s eyes lit up.
“Can you get him up here soon?” she asked.
“Sure,” he said. “If
he’s not here right now, he’s probably back at the hotel. I’ll get a hold of him right now.”
Sammy nodded.
“Thanks,” she said. “And could
you bring Megan in too? I want to talk
to her.”
“Sure,” Nick said.
“I’ll be right back.” Then he raced
out of the room, hoping they could do this before time ran out.
***
An hour later, we were all gathered around in Sammy’s
cramped ICU room. Many of her monitors
had been removed for the time being, making the room a little more appropriate
for a wedding.
Sammy had requested that only Nick’s family and her close
friends be there. That meant along with
her, Nick, and Megan, stood Bob, Jane, BJ, Leslie, Angel, Aaron, Brian,
Leighanne (Hope was with Brian’s parents), AJ, Amanda, Howie, Kevin, Kristin, Josh,
and I. And of course, Tim was
there. He had even managed to get a hold
of a long, white robe to wear, making it look more official. He held a bible in his hands.
“Are you ready to do this?” Tim asked, glancing from Sammy
to Nick. Sammy looked weak and pale in
the bed, but her face was illuminated with happiness as she took Nick’s hand
and nodded. Nick, standing tall and
proud beside her, nodded as well. “Okay
then,” Tim said. He cleared his throat,
and began. “We are gathered here this
day to unite these two people in holy matrimony…”
As Tim continued through the service, tears dripped slowly
down my cheeks. I cried at weddings
anyway, but this one was different.
Usually weddings were happy events, and this one was too. But it was sad in a way too, for none of us
knew if Sammy would live to grow old as Nick’s wife.
Finally, the vows came.
“Nickolas,” Tim asked, “Do you take
Samantha in the holy state of matrimony, to love her, comfort her, honor, and
keep her, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you
both shall live?"
“I do,” Nick said, his solemn voice
nearly a whisper.
“And Samantha,” Tim continued, “Do you
take Nickolas in the holy state of matrimony, to love him, comfort him, honor,
and keep him, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you
both shall live?"
“I do,” Sammy whispered, her breath short. I watched as she took in a painful, raspy
breath, and I felt suddenly sick, wondering how much longer Sammy could hold
on.
“By the power invested in me, I pronounce you husband and
wife,” Tim said. “You may now kiss the
bride.”
Tears had come to Sammy’s eyes, as well as Nick’s. My tears streamed even faster, as I watched
Nick and Sammy share their first… and last… kiss as husband and wife.
By the time Nick pulled back, Samantha Carter was gone.
***
