Chapter 56

 

That afternoon, Serena, Jenna, and Ashalyn all came to visit Elyssa.  AJ had headed home for awhile, so the four girls had some time to themselves.   Ever since Elyssa had called them all Sunday morning to tell them her bad news, they had been wanting to see her.  Now here they were.

 

“Hey, Lyss,” Serena said, entering the room.  She was holding Andrea in one arm and carrying a diaper bag in the other.

 

“Hey, Rena,” Elyssa greeted.  “Baby duty?”

 

“Yup.  Howie had to run some errands,” Serena replied.

 

“That’s cool.  Hello, Andrea,” she cooed to the baby as Serena brought her closer.   The two month old infant smiled, her big brown eyes shining.

 

“You’ll make a great mother,” Serena said with a knowing smile.   Elyssa just grinned, her hand automatically traveling to her stomach.  Being only two months along, it was nearly impossible to tell that she was pregnant from the outside.  But soon, she knew, she’d be gaining weight.  Great, she thought.  I’ll be bald and fat.   But somehow, that no longer mattered to her.

 

“How’s it going, Lyssa?” Jenna asked, sitting in a chair beside Elyssa’s bed.

 

“It’s going,” Elyssa replied with a shrug.

 

“Hang in there,” Ashalyn said, sitting on the opposite side of the bed.  “You’ve been through this once before.  It’ll be a piece of cake this time.”   Her words were confident, but her voice wavered as she said them.

 

“Sure,” Elyssa replied, with a casual wave of her hand.  “Piece of cake.”

 

***

 

Unfortunately, the chemo was not a piece of cake.  It was just as bad as it had been the first time, and what was worse this time was that Elyssa knew exactly the horrors that would come.   She knew how nauseous she’d feel, how violently sick she would become.  She knew what all the side effects were.   And she could do nothing about any of it.  She just had to go with the flow.

 

And that she did.   The chemo was horrible, but she desperately tried to keep the faith.  It was the thought that in just a few months, she would have a baby that kept her going.   In seven months, her relapse would hopefully be a thing of the past, and she would be on her way to getting cured.   And in seven months, she would be a mother. 

 

It was funny the order in which the four girls were getting pregnant.   Before Serena had gotten pregnant, if any of them had been asked which member of the group would be most likely to have a baby first, Elyssa was sure everyone would vote for Ashalyn.   She was the one who had always wanted a family the most, a good husband, and a few children.   Before Mike’s death, they had all thought that someday, Ashalyn and Mike would be married.  But of course, that was no longer possible.  Still, there was Brian, and the girls all had high hopes for Ashalyn and Brian.  Their relationship had been going wonderfully, and they made the perfect couple.   However, they were far from marriage, and the girls all knew that neither Brian, nor Ashalyn, would have sex before marriage.  

 

On the other hand, Serena had once been the least likely to get pregnant.  Before Howie, she had never been in love or had a relationship that actually lasted.   And when they were younger, the girls could all remember Serena saying that she never wanted to have a baby.  And yet, there she was, the first one to get pregnant out of their group.   Of course, what she had said about becoming a mother back then was not true now.  They all knew that she loved Andrea very much and was glad that she had not given her up for adoption, or worse, had an abortion. 

 

Elyssa sometimes still could not believe she was actually going to have a baby.   Here she was, just twenty, and she was pregnant.   Years ago, she had seen herself in college at age twenty.  She had never even considered that she would be starting a family that early.   But then the record deal had come, and with it, a wonderful boyfriend, who would hopefully become her husband someday.   Elyssa and AJ hadn’t really talked about marriage, but Elyssa was hoping that he would propose someday, and soon, for she wanted her baby to grow up in a regular family, with a married mother and father, like Serena’s baby was.   But Elyssa wasn’t sure if AJ was ready for that, and she knew she just would have to give him time and wait and see. 

 

***

 

“Hey, Elyss-“  Jenna stopped in mid-sentence, freezing in the doorway of Elyssa’s hospital room as she caught sight of her friend.   Elyssa was sitting up in bed, her head in her hands, sobbing.   “Lyssa, what’s wrong?” she asked, hurrying to the bed and sitting beside Elyssa on it, quickly putting her hand on Elyssa’s shaking back to calm her.

 

Elyssa rubbed her eyes furiously and sniffled.  “Nothing,” she mumbled.  “It’s stupid.”

 

“I’m sure it isn’t,” Jenna assured her. “What is it?”

 

Elyssa shook her head ruefully.  “It’s my hair.  It’s… it’s falling out again, and I just got upset thinking about it and everything else.   I’m just stupid and selfish.”

 

“No, you’re not!” Jenna protested.  “If it were me, I’d be crying too.”  She grimaced at what she had just said and added, “No offense, of course.  You still look great.”

 

Elyssa rolled her teary eyes.  “I do not, and you know it.”

 

“That doesn’t matter, Lyss,” Jenna said.  “You’re not going to look like this forever.  Just like last time, your hair will grow back, and you’ll be back to your old self again.”

 

“And it’ll be all for nothing, and I’ll just relapse again.”

 

“Elyssa, don’t say that!” Jenna cried.  “That’s not going to happen.  This is the last time.  When you go into remission again, you’ll stay that way, and everything will be fine.   Before you know it, you’ll have a son or daughter, and your hair will be long again.”

 

Elyssa nodded, wiping her eyes again.  “I hope so,” she said.  “I just hate this so much.”

 

“I know you do.  I hate seeing you go through it,” Jenna replied.  “But, Lyss, you have to be one of the bravest people I know.  You’ve been through this twice now, and this time, it didn’t even have to be like this.”

 

“Don’t remind me,” Elyssa muttered through clenched teeth.

 

“But just remember why you’re doing this.   For your baby.”

 

“I know,” Elyssa said.  “And that’s what keeps me going.”

 

***

 

 

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