Chapter
65
“I can’t? Why not!”
she cried, trying hard not to panic.
“It’s the drugs we’d have to give you to weaken your immune
system. The immune suppressants. They cause serious birth defects and can
even cause a miscarriage or a stillborn,” Dr. Sanford explained sadly.
Elyssa buried her face in her hands. She was silent for awhile, and finally she
looked up. The doctor was just looking
at her patiently.
“I don’t want to lose this baby,” she said firmly. “If I have to wait until after it’s born for
the transplant, I will.”
“You do understand that that will be another three to four
months, correct?” Dr. Sanford asked.
“Yes,” she said, annoyed at him reminding her.
“Okay. This may not
be the best decision for yourself, but it is the best for your baby,” Dr. Sanford
said. Elyssa said nothing, and he
gently rested a hand on her shoulder. “I
know this is an extremely hard decision to make, Elyssa, but to be honest, I
think you made the right choice. I can’t
say I wouldn’t have done the same.”
She nodded, feeling a little bit better by that. “And who knows, maybe the chemo will get rid
of the cancer in my bone marrow, and I won’t even need the transplant,” she
said hopefully.
“Maybe,” Dr. Sanford echoed, but the look in his eyes told
her there was really no way that would happen.
***
They wasted no time in getting Elyssa started on her chemo
treatments, and by the time Serena arrived to visit that afternoon, she had
just finished her first one.
Serena knocked lightly on Elyssa’s closed door. After a moment, she heard a weak, “Come
in.” Hesitantly, Serena opened the door
and peeked in. Elyssa was lying on her
side in bed. A washcloth was draped over
her forehead, and a basin rested on the night table next to the bed.
Serena cringed, realizing she had come at a bad time. She would have ducked out of the room, but
Elyssa pulled the washcloth off of her face and weakly lifted her head to see
who was there.
“Rena?” she asked hoarsely.
“Yeah, Lyss, it’s me,” Serena said, coming over to her
friend’s bedside. “How ya doing?”
“Not so good,” Elyssa mumbled. “How’s everything with you?”
Serena shrugged.
“It’s getting better,” she replied softly.
“God, Rena, I’m so sor-“
“Lyss, stop!” Serena cried.
“It’s not your fault, okay? I was
wrong; I was so wrong. You know, I didn’t really blame you. I just… I was just upset, you know, and I
couldn’t help it. But it isn’t your
fault at all, and deep down, I knew that.
I’m so sorry, Lyssa.”
Tears had filled Elyssa’s eyes. “It’s okay, Rena,” she whispered, her pale,
thin hand reaching out and giving Serena’s a gentle squeeze.
“No, it’s not. All
this is my fault. If only I hadn’t
gotten you so upset,” Serena moaned. She
had begun to cry too.
“Don’t say that, Serena.
We all need to stop blaming ourselves.
None of this is anyone’s fault.
My being sick is just like Andrea’s… well, like what happened to
Andrea. It’s just something that
happened. It’s no one’s fault, and
nothing we do or say will change it. Got
it?” Elyssa said firmly.
Serena nodded.
“You’re right, Lyss,” she said.
“Thank you.” She bent down and
gave Elyssa a gentle hug.
Elyssa leaned close to her friend, grateful and comforted
by the hug. Suddenly, she felt a wave
of nausea course through her body and felt bile rise in her throat. “Ohh,” she moaned, quickly pushing Serena
away and grabbing for her basin.
“Lyss?” Serena asked in a panicky voice. She watched helplessly as Elyssa grabbed the
basin and began to violently vomit into it.
***
