By Rose and Julie
AN: We wrote this
BSB/zombie spoof of “The Night Before Christmas” on a whim late at night, the
night before the night before Christmas. Very random.
It’s just for fun… enjoy!
'Twas the
night before Christmas, and throughout the bus,
Not a sound could be heard, 'cept for the driver, Gus.
The stockings were hung on the bunks,
thanks to Nick,
'Cause it kept him too busy to pull any
tricks.
The five Boys were nestled all snug in
their bunks,
While visions of hot groupies tingled
their junk,
AJ zonked out in his leopard print
hat,
While Nick slept in the nude - yeah,
you know you love that!
When on top of the bus, there arose
such a crash,
That Nick tumbled out and landed on
his ass.
Throwing boxers on, he ran out the
door,
Only to see horrors he'd never seen
before.
The moonlight shone upon the rotting
flesh,
Of hundreds of the undead, who knew
not of rest.
Zombies! The horde's hungry moans
reached Nick's ear,
And he knew in a moment he had much to
fear.
The undead slowly turned, eyeing him
as their prey,
And Nick knew right then, he would die
on that day.
Steady, unrelenting, the zombies, they
came,
They surrounded the bus, like a pack
hunting game.
There was nowhere to run, no escape in
sight,
But Nick wasn't going down without a
fight!
He pushed down one zombie, then a
second, a third;
Then over the moans, he suddenly
heard...
A miraculous new sound, the jingling
of bells!
Maybe it wasn't Nick's day to be
thrown into Hell!
He looked up and saw in the starry
night sky
Santa's reindeer and sleigh, flying on
by.
"Hey, wait!" Nick cried,
quickly waving his arms,
"Santa, don't leave me in this
zombie swarm!"
Then the sleigh pulled a U-turn, right
in midair
And came flying back toward the tour
bus parked there.
"No way!" Nick shouted, as
he gazed overhead
At Santa with his shotgun aimed right
at the dead.
Shots rang out, echoing in the night.
Corpses fell over, giving Nick quite the
fright!
Reindeer pulled the sleigh, as Santa
shouted out,
"Run while you can, Nick, or
they'll eat you, no doubt!"
As Santa flew by, killing what he
could,
Nick ran off, like any
eighteen-year-old would.
But, gangly and awkward, he tripped
over his feet,
Or maybe it was the large root of a
tree.
In any case, he fell to the ground,
And before he could rise, something
new came around.
With a moan and a smell so rotten and
rank,
Rotting flesh peeling 'way, the eyes
looking so blank,
He knew in a moment, a zombie it must
be,
Come to eat him alive, chew his brains
with its teeth.
It was dressed all in rags, from head
to rotting foot,
And its clothes were all covered in
blood, brains, and dirt.
A tangle of intestines trailed out of
its torso;
It looked like raw sausage and stunk
even more so.
Its eyes, how they bulged, so clouded
and scary;
Its cheeks were all shriveled, like
the pit of a cherry.
Its rotting-toothed mouth was a
gaping, wide hole,
And its flesh was pale gray, like
dirty, gross snow.
It let out a moan, with much gnashing
of teeth,
As it lumbered toward Nick and came
within reach.
It was bony and gaunt, practically all
skeleton,
Yet Nick screamed when it grabbed him;
he knew it had won.
The snapping of jaws and the tilt of
its head
Soon let him know he had so much to
dread.
He gagged on the smell of its breath
as it came
Ever closer and closer to eating his
brain.
Then, suddenly, the creature slumped
down on the pavement.
Santa came from behind; Nick looked up
in amazement.
He spoke not a word, just went on with
the work,
Shooting zombies left and right,
without even one jerk.
He winked just like Howie, giving Nick
a sly smile.
Slowly, Nick stood, swallowing back
all the bile.
Santa then laid a finger aside of his
nose,
And when he gave a nod, the still
corpses rose!
Away the bodies flew, to a dumpster
nearby.
Nick glanced back at Santa, wondering
why...
"Why did this happen? How could it be?"
"Oh, Nick," Santa said,
"Can't you see, can't you see?"
"Sometimes things happen, for no
reason at all."
Then he sprang to his sleigh, leaving
Nick feeling small.
They hovered in the air, while Santa
looked 'round,
But no zombies were roaming; none
could be found.
So away, they all flew, like the down
of a thistle,
And then Nick heard, faintly, the
sound of a whistle,
And he heard Kevin yell, as he watched
Santa go,
"NICK! Get your ass in here! It's starting to snow!"
Nick did as he was told, went back to
the bus,
Without even a word of trouble or
fuss.
He couldn't explain; they'd never
believe
About the zombie attack on that
Christmas Eve.
Nick’s Zombie Nightmare Before Christmas Ó 2010 by Rose and Julie
