Season 1, Episode 7: Here
Ye Be Pirates
Part 3 of 8
“Giant
squid!” Nick shouted, sounding a bit surprised.
“Keep
it down, will you?” Emerald rolled her
eyes and smacked Nick in the shoulder.
But
it was true. A giant squid hovered
directly in their path… or at least, something that looked like a squid. Its eyes gleamed in the sunset; in fact, they
were almost blinding.
Nick
shielded his eyes. “What do we do now?”
Jay
switched off the motor on the boat. The
three sat in silence for a few moments. “We
obviously have to get on the ship.”
Nick
cracked his knuckles. “Great. Another five minutes on this boat, and we can
get away from the blinding mirrors.”
“Five
minutes won’t do it.” Jay shook his
head. “We’ll need twenty minutes at
least.”
“This
boat has a motor; just speed over there and get it on with.” Nick shook his head. “This is ridiculous.”
“This
is your mission, 00Carter.” Emerald
rolled her eyes. “Don’t you think it
would be incredibly moronic to just waltz on over there in a speed boat?”
Nick
crossed his arms. “No.”
“Fuck
this.” Emerald shook her head.
“So,
are we going to swim?” Nick proceeded,
“You know, I’m a first class swimmer, and I could probably get there in—”
“We
know,” Jay stopped him. “And fortunately
for the rest of us, we have a dinghy.”
“Your
smoker’s lungs can’t handle the swim, Jay?” Nick smirked.
“More
like my aging body can’t handle it.” He
laughed.
“Your
twenty-eight year-old body can’t handle a swim…” Nick’s face blanked for a moment.
Agent
Jay removed the dinghy from a storage compartment on the side of the boat. It lay in a crumpled heap of red and black
plastic.
“So
who’s going to blow it up?” Jay paused
with a smirk.
“Why
can’t you blow it up?” Nick rolled his
eyes.
“Smoker’s
lungs.” Jay coughed. “Have at it, 00Carter.”
“You’ve
gotta be kidding me,” Nick mumbled. “Emerald,
you’re pretty good at blowing things, right?”
Emerald
crossed her arms. “What was K thinking,
sending me along? This is the perfect
job for Diamond.”
Nick
rolled his eyes one more time. Damn
Emerald for catching on to his jab so quickly and sending one right back.
Jay
shook his head. “And you were getting
along so well recently.” He fumbled
through the pile of plastic and pulled a cord.
The
inflatable boat instantly sprang to life.
“It’s
like a parachute…” Nick muttered.
“Did
you really think
“This
isn’t summer vacation, Jay.” Emerald
shook her head as she hoisted herself over the edge of the speed boat and into
the dinghy.
Nick
stared over the side.
“After
you, Carter,” Jay prodded.
“Your
smoker’s lungs probably require a bit more air and time to get over the side
than you think.” Nick laughed.
“Get
in the damn boat.”
Nick
stiffened a little. It seemed like easygoing
Jay’s patience was wearing thin. He
hopped over the side and landed in the boat with a squeak from the plastic.
“If
you pop this boat, so help me God, I will fucking kill you, Carter.”
“We
probably have like ten of them in here, Avril.”
“Twenty,
actually,” Jay mused as he fiddled with the controls on the speedboat.
“Jay,
hurry up; it’s fucking dark.” Emerald
crossed her arms as she settled into the dinghy.
Jay
pushed one last button before grabbing a small sack and tossing it over the
edge into the dinghy. He then turned
back to the control panel one last time.
“Did
we forget something?” Nick asked.
“Nope,
five seconds left.” Jay answered as he
hopped into the boat.
“Five
seconds left for what?” Emerald asked cautiously as she eyed the dinghy,
looking for any water leaks.
It
was at that moment that the ship turned one hundred eighty degrees and headed
back the way they had come.
“Auto-pilot.
Great invention, isn’t it?” Jay smirked.
Nick
folded his arms and placed them behind his head as he leaned back and relaxed a
little. “Nothing to do with the next
twenty minutes but sleep, I guess…”
“You
sleep?” Jay gave him a small grin. “I had no idea you did that, what with all the
world-saving, since you are HimTak’s top agent.”
Emerald
burst into laughter. “And when he could
be sleeping, he seduces Diamond.”
Jay
laughed with her.
“But
I guess he’s sleeping now, since the new 009 is currently seducing 00Carter’s
higher-ranking better half.” Emerald
snickered a little as Nick shot up instantly.
“Avril!”
he started with a shout.
“Was
that too far?” Emerald mused.
“A
little.” Jay smirked.
Nick
folded his arms. Fucking Leo Di-Crapio;
he even came up on the mission he wasn’t even on! Why was everyone so fucking obsessed with him?
Shitballs!
Emerald
stared at Jay nonchalantly. “You know,
Nick was right… you do sort of look like a Johnny Depp wannabe.”
“Trust
me, I looked like this first. Johnny
Depp wants to be me,” Jay mused.
Nick
sat cross-legged and put his hands in his lap. “We could spend the next twenty minutes coming
up with pirate names.”
“Sure.”
Jay shrugged as he started rowing toward
the Kraken. “May as well start now.”
“I
wanna be Jack Sparrow!” Nick exclaimed.
“Jay’s
the one that looks like Johnny Depp.” Emerald
crossed her arms.
“Once
again, Johnny Depp looks like me.” He
turned to Nick. “I think you’d make a
great Smee…”
“Who?”
“You
know, from Peter Pan?”
“You
mean Emerald?”
“I
mean you.”
“Fuck
that, I’ve had enough Disney to last me a lifetime!”
“I’d
had enough Disney long before that.” Emerald
nodded in agreement. “But a bumbling
Smee sounds good for you.”
“I
wanna be captain!” Nick whined.
“Well,
since I’m 003, I think that automatically makes me captain.” Jay paused. “Captain Jack Sparrow… No, Captain Jack
Daniels.”
“But
Jay, that’s an alcohol…” Nick started.
“Hey,
I don’t drink it anymore. At least let
it be my name!” Jay pleaded teasingly.
“I
guess that makes me Absinthe the Wench then,” Emerald laughed.
“Why
Absinthe?” Nick cocked his head.
“Emerald
Ecstasy… The green fairy…” Emerald shook
her head. “Plus, Jay’s name is an
alcohol anyway, so it’s only fitting.”
“I
wanna be Blackbeard!”
“You
don’t have a black beard…” Jay laughed.
“Fine!
Blondebeard!”
“You
don’t even have a blonde beard,” Emerald laughed with Jay.
“What
is this, ‘Make Fun of Nick’s Pirate Names’ Day?”
“Dude,
you don’t have a beard,” Jay
emphasized.
“Well,
unlike some agents, I don’t wanna look like a grizzly.”
“I’m
a real man. I don’t shave, and definitely not my chest hair… like one certain
agent in this boat.”
Emerald
began cracking up at Jay’s obvious cracks at Nick. He deserved it every now and again.
“I don’t shave my chest hair!”
“That’s
because you don’t have chest hair to
shave.” Emerald couldn’t help but get
another crack in at Nick’s expense.
Nick
scooted into the corner and fumed as he pouted.
“Well,
this is going to be a long trip.” Jay
chuckled a little before tossing the sack he’d grabbed in Emerald and Nick’s
direction. “May as well put on your
costumes now.
Emerald
dug through the sack and produced a green dress. “How’d you know?” She rolled her eyes.
“Emerald
Ecstasy… green… It’s only fitting,” Jay answered with a chuckle.
“So what
do we know about the sub?” Nick asked, ignoring the sack with outfits.
“It
looks like a Kraken?” Jay shrugged as he
continued rowing.
Nick
fumbled in his pocket for his heat-sensing Ray Bans. He found them surprisingly quickly and slid
them on his face.
“It’s
a little dark for sunglasses, don’t you think?” Jay let out a chuckle.
“Oh,
you’re one to talk,” Nick replied as he rolled his eyes and pushed the button
on the rim of the glasses.
Several
human forms appeared from within the sub. Nick examined what little of the sub he could
see beneath the water as well, before turning off the heat sensor and sliding
the glasses up into his hair. They
rested carefully on his head.
“Well,
from what I can tell, the body serves as the main hub, since there’s a lot of
people inside it.”
“Makes
sense.” Jay nodded.
“And
since the eyes were so blinding, they’re obviously tinted-mirror windows… That would help create the illusion of a
giant squid, especially at night.”
“And
what are the tentacles for?” Emerald asked.
“I
don’t know…” Nick paused. “Movement… maybe missiles? Can’t really tell for sure until the thing
leaves one place…”
“Well,
then...” Jay started. “Arg, mateys, this
vessel be ready for boardin’.”
Emerald
stared up at Jay. “You have got to be
fucking kidding me.”
“Well,
yeah.” Jay laughed. “Get your costume on, 008!”
“Oh,
you’re one to talk.” Nick rolled his
eyes.
“Would
you speak to your captain that way in a normal setting?”
“Agents
K and Jay? Do it all the time.”
“You
can’t win with him.” Emerald laughed.
“I
know that.” Jay shook his head and
tossed Nick’s costume at him. “Let’s
board this ship and get this over with so we can go back to HimTak.”
Nick
smirked. “Sounds good to me.”
± ± ±