Chapter 9
Am I a ghost? AJ wondered, confused and stunned by the realization that he was
no longer a living, breathing person.
And yet, he was still here on Earth.
Where was the afterlife?
No, AJ told
himself. I can’t be a ghost. I can’t be dead. There’s gotta be some kind of mistake. After all, ghosts did not exist. If he was dead, he would be in Heaven, not
riding in a limo with his friends and girlfriend. Maybe it was all some kind of elaborate trick
that Brian and Nick had cooked up together.
After all, Frick and Frack were notorious for pranks. Maybe this was just another one of them. Maybe the radio broadcast was not a radio
broadcast at all, but a tape that they had made and put into the limo’s cassette
deck. Maybe…
No, AJ thought
again, contradicting himself. There’s
no way they could pull something like that off.
There’s no way everyone could keep this up for so long. It can’t be a joke.
But that meant only one thing – that
it was real.
I really am dead, AJ realized slowly, a sick feeling settling in the pit of his
stomach. I don’t exist anymore. But I do. I’m still here. But what am I?
The questions puzzled him throughout
the whole ride in the limo. He was
thinking so hard that he did not bother to notice where they were headed. But when the car stopped, AJ looked out and
realized with a jolt that they were at a cemetery. Not just any cemetery, but the cemetery in
West Palm Beach that his grandparents had been buried in.
And I’m going to be buried here too, AJ realized, looking around at the group, noticing again their
dark clothing and somber expressions. Today was his funeral.
The limo driver came around and opened
the doors, helping Bianca and Krystle out.
Howie and Nick climbed out after them.
Howie offered Krystle one of his arms and Bianca the other, and the
three of them walked side by side, huddled close together. Nick lagged along behind, looking lost.
Out of the other car climbed Leighanne,
Kristin, Brian, and Kevin. They met up
with the other four and walked in a large group through the wrought-iron gates
of the cemetery, surrounded by their bodyguards. AJ followed along behind, knowing it didn’t
matter if he stayed near security. No
one could grab him or stampede him ever again.
No one could see him, and he figured that if anyone tried to touch him,
their hand would pass right through his body, just as his hand had gone through
the elevator panel.
AJ followed the group through the
cemetery, to an area where many chairs were set up and people were already
gathering. AJ recognized many of them as
old friends from school and dance and acting classes and people he had worked
with in the earlier days of the Backstreet Boys. He saw some of his relatives
there, aunts and uncles and cousins.
And then he saw something truly
terrible. Up in the front stood his
mother and his father, together, arm in arm, his mother shaking with sobs.
“Mama,” AJ whispered, his heart
breaking at the sight. He had never seen
his parents together like that, never seen them touch each other, comfort each
other. And he had never seen his mother
cry like that. It was horrible.
AJ walked quickly up to them. It grew more and more painful to watch with
every step. “Mom,” AJ said, reaching out
to her. His hand slipped right through
her shoulder. “Mama, don’t cry. I’m here, Mama. I’m okay.
Please don’t cry.” He longed to
touch her, to hold her, to comfort her, but he could not. It was his fault she was so upset, and he
could do nothing to ease her pain.
His father was not crying, but he had
a sad, solemn expression on his face. He
stared straight ahead, but looked as if he was not really focusing on
anything.
He did care about me, AJ thought, staring at his father, the father he barely knew. Growing up as a child, AJ had felt like his
father simply did not exist. Up until a
few years ago, he had never seen or heard from him as a child, except once when
he was about ten. Then, after the
Backstreet Boys had become popular, AJ had tracked him down and appeared on his
doorstep. Robert McLean had seemed happy
to see him and become reacquainted, but deep down, AJ had always felt that he
was only trying to be a father now that his son was famous. But the pained expression on Robert’s face
now told AJ otherwise. His father had
made some mistakes in the past. He had
not been there for AJ during his life.
But he did care; he did love him.
The realization provided AJ with a sense of closure.
Something else caught AJ’s eye, and he
moved slowly forward, past his parents. There, behind the altar that had been
set up in front of the rows of chairs, was his casket. It was surrounded by flowers, and the lid was
open. Feeling slightly numb, AJ
approached it hesitantly. Standing up
next to it, he swallowed hard and peered down into it. There, he saw himself, lying stiff and
motionless on a bed of dark red satin, dressed in a black suit. He was glad to see that his hair had been
left dyed red and spiked. It was the
only part of him that still looked real.
His skin looked waxy and fake, and he looked too proper wearing a suit
like that. AJ had always hated wearing
suits.
AJ jumped the sound of approaching
people and turned around to see the four remaining Backstreet Boys, Krystle,
Leighanne, Kristin, and Bianca approaching.
“Go ahead,” Bianca said, hanging
back. “I’ll go last.”
Kristin and Kevin slowly walked up to
the casket first. AJ saw that Kevin’s
face looked deathly white, and Kristin had dark smudges of mascara under her
eyes from crying.
“I love you, man,” Kevin whispered
hoarsely, looking down solemnly at AJ’s body.
Over here, AJ thought. I’m over
here, Train. But Kevin and Kristin
moved on without a glance at him.
Howie and Krystle came next. Krystle looked very uncomfortable and rather
shaky. She clutched onto Howie’s arm as
he led her up to the casket. AJ saw that
Howie had tears in his deep brown eyes.
He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Instead, he bent his head, made the mark of a
cross with his hand, and walked on, trying hard to keep his composure.
Nick came up by himself. He stood next to the casket for a brief
moment, barely even looking inside. Then
he put his hand up to shield his face and hurried away without a word.
Then came Leighanne and Brian. Leighanne’s nose was red, and Brian’s eyes
looked swollen. They both stopped at the
casket, and, clutching onto each other’s hands, they bowed their heads, and
Brian mumbled a quick prayer.
“Goodbye, J,” he whispered, his voice
thick. “I love you. Until we meet again…” With that, he and Leighanne slowly started
to walk away.
AJ watched them bitterly as they
passed by him, expecting to be ignored as he was with the others. He had come to accept the fact that no one
could see him and that he was going to be overlooked and ignored for the rest
of his… well, whatever this was.
But then something strange
happened. Rather than pass on by him
without a second glance, Brian suddenly glanced up and stopped. He looked directly at AJ.
“Rok?” AJ asked in disbelief, turning
around to make sure that Brian was not looking at something behind him. But there was nothing. When he turned back, Brian was still staring
at him, a perplexed look crossing his face.
“Brian, it’s me!” AJ said, stepping forward. “You can see me! You can actually see me!”
“What is it?” Leighanne asked
Brian. He pulled his attention away from
AJ to look at her.
“Nothing,” he said. He glanced quickly back towards AJ, then
shook his head, blinking. “Nothing at
all.”
As he led Leighanne away, AJ felt a
sinking sensation. Maybe Brian hadn’t
seen him after all. But he had to have
seen something. Something had to
have attracted his attention. But what?
AJ’s attention was drawn back to the
casket when Bianca walked up to it. He
saw that her eyes were dry, her head held up high. “I love you,” she whispered, her voice
sounding strained. He could tell she was
trying very had to be brave and calm, but her courage was faltering. She blinked rapidly, shook her head, and
hurried away. As she went past AJ, he
stepped towards her, full of hope. Would
she notice him, the way Brian had seemed to?
But Bianca didn’t give him a second
glance. She walked quickly past the
altar and joined the others, who were standing near AJ’s parents. AJ sighed
heavily. Everyone was upset and crying
because he was dead. But he wasn’t truly
gone. He was still there, standing right
in front of them, caught somewhere between life and the afterlife. If only they knew…
***
