Chapter 147
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit restless
And I dream of something wild
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit helpless
And I’m lying like a child in your arms
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit angry
And I know I’ve got to get out and cry
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified
But then I see the look in your eyes
Turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
Turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart…
Claire had
felt better after talking to Nick, more confident and reassured. She was going to talk to Jamie, and they were
going to figure this out, once and for all.
But the
hours ticked by slowly, and Jamie didn’t come home. The house was empty when she crawled into bed
alone, all except for Bright, who prowled in the darkness, perhaps looking for
her master. Just as restless, Claire
tossed and turned, like she had every night that week. It was hard to find a comfortable position. She had always liked to sleep on her stomach,
but that was impossible now; it was getting too big, and she was afraid of
hurting the babies. She flip-flopped
from one side to the other, wishing her body could relax enough to let her mind
follow. Maybe if she slept, Jamie would
be back when she woke up.
Eventually,
she must have dozed off because when she opened her eyes again, the room was
lighter, and the bed was full. She
smiled in delight when she saw him there, sound asleep beside her. His face was slack and peaceful, his lips
pressed together in a pout. He was
adorable when he slept, so sweet and innocent-looking, like a little boy. Despite everything that had happened, she
couldn’t resist the temptation to roll closer and kiss him.
His lips
moved instinctively against hers as she kissed him gently, and his eyelids
fluttered. Within a few seconds, they
opened to reveal a pair of sleepy blue eyes.
The anger that had burned in their depths the last time she had seen him
had extinguished, leaving him with his look of boyish innocence for a little
longer.
She
smiled. “You’re here,” she whispered.
For the
first time in days, she watched him smile back.
“I’m here,” he repeated, his voice thick from sleep. Having not slept in the same bed as him for
so long, she’d almost forgotten how sexy he sounded when he had just woken up.
“I didn’t
expect…” she started to confess, and then shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. You’re here; that’s all that matters.”
“I know,”
he murmured, leaning forward to plant a kiss on her forehead. “Sorry if I surprised you. I know you weren’t expecting me to be here,
but… I couldn’t stay away any longer.”
“That’s
okay,” she whispered back, nuzzling closer to him. “You know I like surprises.”
“I
know. You always have.” Smiling at her from his pillow, he reached
out and put his hand on the side of her face, lightly caressing her cheek. “You wanna know something?”
“What?”
His smile
grew. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. All these years, and I’ve never stopped.”
She smiled
back, a warm feeling growing inside her.
“I already knew that, silly. I
love you too. Nothing you could do could
make me stop.”
“Then what
are we doing, Claire? Why have we been
staying apart, sleeping in different places, when we love each other? Love is supposed to conquer everything; love
should be the only thing that matters.”
The emotion
that had been building up within her began to release itself through the tears
that sprang to her eyes. She smiled
through them, so happy to have him there.
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“We’ve been living a lie, Nick.”
He took her
in his arms, so sweetly, so tenderly, and kissed her again. “We don’t have to anymore. I’m here now.
I told you I’d come if you needed me.”
“Oh, so you
thought I needed you, huh?” she asked, as she burrowed into his chest. She didn’t care what his answer was; now that
he was here, she did need him, and more importantly, she wanted
him.
“I know you
need me, as much as I need you. You just
haven’t realized it yet,” he whispered into her ear, running his fingers
through her hair. “I hope you will soon
though. I’ve missed you.”
“Mmm…” She snuggled closer, hugging him
tightly. “I missed you too…” She sighed against him, hearing his heart
beat in her ear, steady and strong. It
was a soothing sound; it made her feel safe and protected. He was her strength, the strength she so
desperately needed. With his life force
pulsing against her cheek and his warm arms wrapped around her, she felt like
nothing bad could touch her. Even then, she
knew it was all but a moment’s fantasy, but she enjoyed it nonetheless.
The fantasy
was interrupted by the muffled wail of an infant. “One of the babies,” she whispered, starting
instinctively to sit up, but Nick was already rolling over.
“I’ve got
it,” he said, motioning for her to stay put.
His leg was on in an instant, and he was walking out of the room, on his
way to the nursery.
It was only
after he’d gone to tend to the crying baby that she realized… What baby?? I don’t have a baby yet. I’m still pregnant…
And why is Nick here??
Oh no.
That means this is just a…
“Nick!” she
cried in her dream, even as her conscious mind tried to pull her out of it,
back into wakefulness. “Nick!! How many are there?? How many babies are there??”
But he
didn’t answer her. The last thing she
heard before her eyes popped open was the sound of the baby’s midnight screams
dwindling into soft hiccups…
A dream, she concluded, looking around her dim
bedroom, which was just beginning to brighten with the first light of
dawn. Though she knew now that it had
been a dream, she couldn’t help but reach across to other side of the bed,
where Nick had lain. It was empty and
cold, the sheets unmussed, except for where she had sprawled onto Jamie’s side. She was clutching his pillow, her arms
wrapped around it… in her dream, it had been Nick’s chest… broad, firm, yet
with just enough cushion to make it perfect to snuggle into…
What am I doing??
She suddenly tossed the pillow aside and jerked into a sitting position,
breathing fast. I’m a married
woman. I shouldn’t be dreaming I’m in
bed with another man… let alone still wishing I am when I wake up…
But she had
to admit, she preferred how she’d felt in the dream to how she felt now –
loved, comforted, and protected, rather than alone and afraid.
Her hand instinctively
moved to her stomach, feeling her baby bump.
There had been a baby in the dream… at least one, but maybe more. She wished she could have followed Nick and
seen the nursery for herself. Maybe it
would have given her some answers about what she should do…
She
sighed. She felt more unsettled than she
had when she’d gone to bed. She still
didn’t know what to do about the triplets or how to talk to Jamie, and now
there was this issue of dreaming of Nick…
It’s only because I talked to him last
night, she told
herself. He made me feel better, and
that’s why I dreamed he was here.
But the
part of her that liked to contradict herself added, Yeah, but why was he in
bed with you? Why were you kissing
him? And telling him you loved him?
Because I do love him… I-I love him the way a woman will always love
an ex-boyfriend… and I love him like a friend…
Friends don’t kiss like that and enjoy
it.
She sighed
again, annoyed at herself. Stop
thinking!! She was wide awake now,
and restless again. Besides, she had to
go to the bathroom, and her throat was dry – some water would be good. Or maybe a glass of milk.
She climbed
out of bed and padded into the bathroom.
I wonder if Jamie’s home? she thought as she did her business,
flushing and running her hands under the tap on the sink. She left the bathroom and crept up the
hallway, stopping to peer around the corner, into the living room.
The couch
was unoccupied, her book lying on the coffee table where she’d left it. Everything else looked equally untouched.
Jamie
hadn’t come home.
She sighed
a third time. Even though she was angry
at him, a little part of her was worried, and she knew she wouldn’t get back to
sleep until she knew he was at least safe.
She walked into the kitchen and poured a tall glass of milk, dropping a
couple of ice cubes in to keep it extra cold.
While she was putting the jug of milk back into the fridge, she grabbed
for the pickle jar on impulse, helping herself to a couple of dill spears. Pregnancy had started to give her weird food
cravings, but pickles at random times of day or night – that was something
she’d always liked.
She took her early-morning snack into the living room and sat down, picking up
the remote control. She turned on the TV
and start channel surfing. It was all
news and little kid shows, lots of Saturday morning cartoons. They made her smile, as she pictured herself
up at this hour with little ones who would be engrossed in such shows in a few
years.
As quickly
as it had come, the smile vanished. How
many little ones? Or would she be so
lucky to even be here with her children?
What if something horrible happened, and she never got the chance to
enjoy a lazy Saturday morning with her kids?
She quickly
flipped past the cartoons and came to Vh1, which was showing its early morning
lineup of music videos. She was
momentarily distracted by the video that was playing. Surely even Jamie, who didn’t think much of
her taste in music, would agree that this Justin Timberlake song had no
detectable melody? And just because the
latest James Bond was a blonde did not mean Justin would qualify, yet
there he was, dodging bombs and bullets and making out with scantily clad women
in alternating scenes like a regular 007.
She
wrinkled her nose at the TV screen, feeling a pang of nausea that was probably
not yet morning sickness. She flipped
the channel quickly. Too much Justin
Timberlake “music” surely could not be good for an unborn fetus. His albums should come with a disclaimer.
Giggling,
she made a mental note to repeat that to Nick sometime. And then the laughter died, and she felt
another pang, this time of longing. Nick…
She closed
her eyes briefly, imagining his arms around her, as they had been in her
dream. It wasn’t right, but the dream
seemed so much better than her real life did right now. At least in the dream, she’d had a man who
could show he cared about her… and their babies…
She smiled
sadly, remembering how he had gotten up to go to the baby, without protest,
like a good husband…
As the sun
rose upon Clive, Iowa, Claire Turner sat alone in her house, wondering where
the man she’d married could be and wishing, with a guilty conscience, that the
one she’d left was sitting by her side once again.
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you’ll only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don’t know what to do, and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Once upon a time, I was falling in love
Now I’m only falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time, there was light in my life
Now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
- “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by
Bonnie Tyler
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